Even before I became a psychiatrist,

我就已經着迷於人際關係的奧妙。

I have always been fascinated by human connection.

是什麼使我們彼此聯繫， 又是什麼使我們彼此分離？

What makes us connect with others, and what makes us disconnect?

假設某時某刻，我们大家 都在一架飛机上，

All of us, at some point, have been on a plane,

就在我們剛想靜下來看看小說，

when we have just settled into our novel,

聽聽音樂， 或者正準備完成工作，

we are listening to music, or getting our work done,

突然之間，一聲嬰兒的啼哭 劃破了安靜的空氣。

when suddenly, the air is pierced by the sound of a shrieking baby.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

到目前為止，我已經見過了 對這種情形的各種各樣的反應：

Now, I have watched all kinds of reactions to this

有向嬰兒父母投以萬分同情眼神的，

from the very sympathetic look toward the parents

有看上去略微惱怒、 甚至有點兒氣憤的，

to people who look mildly annoyed or even frustrated,

也有的

to others

簡直是你追我趕地去搶 機艙前部的唯一一個空座位

literally racing each other to the one empty seat at the front of the plane

就為了遠離這個噪聲。

to get away from this noise.

但最近，在飛往西海岸的航程中， 我見到了最令人驚嘆的回應。

But on a recent trip to the West Coast, I saw the most amazing reaction of all.

一個三歲的小男孩兒 一扭一扭地離開他的座位，

A little three-year-old little boy wiggled out of his seat,

蹣跚地走向那個啼哭的小嬰兒， 然後向他遞出了自己的奶嘴。

toddled over to that screaming baby, and offered him his own pacifier.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

“棒呆了！”，我想，

"Wow!", I thought,

“那個小男孩真的聽到並感受到了 小嬰兒的難受。”

that little boy really heard and felt the baby's distress."

而那不正是我們大家都想要的嗎？

And isn't that what all of us want?

不正是想要被關注，被傾聽， 希望自己的需求能得到回應嗎？

To be seen, and heard, and to have our needs responded to?

那就是情感共鳴的精髓。

That's the essence of empathy.

大約十年前，我的一個學生打電話給我， 提出一個非常棒的想法。

So, about ten years ago, a student of mine called me up with a fascinating idea.

他希望找出，

He wanted to find out,

在人與人之間存在情感共鳴時，

when there was empathy between people,

他們的心跳頻率和其它生理指標

weather their heart rates and other physiological tracers

是否能達到和諧一致。

actually matched up in concordance.

他希望能夠招募一些醫患組合，

And he wanted to recruit many doctor-patient pairs,

他們必須願意被錄下診療過程，

who were willing to have their sessions videotaped

也能夠接受在診療過程中被監測。

and to be hocked up to monitoring during those sessions.

我糾結了很久才同意進行這項研究，

It took a bit of arm twisting for me to agree to do this,

但最終，這個做法在我的職業生涯中 是具有決定性意義的。

but it turned out to be a career-defining decision.

我有一個同意參與這項研究的病人，

One of my patients who agreed to participate

她是個年輕的女大學生， 原本是為了減肥來向我諮詢的。

was a young college woman who had come for help with weight loss.

她在其他方面都非常不錯， 唯獨在減肥問題上止步不前。

She made progress in many areas, but not this one.

因此，我們進行了皮膚電導檢測，

So, we were hooked up to this skin conductance monitoring,

這項檢測，實際上能夠顯示 兩個人之間是否協調同步。

which, it turns out, actually can show weather two people are in sync,

正如你們在這張幻燈片上所看到的，

as you see on this slide,

其中一人的生理機能（指標） 實際與另一個人的（指標）極其相似，

where the physiology actually mirrors one another

就是醫生與患者彼此的反映。

between the doctor and the patient

要嗎他們一點也不同步， 要嗎他們的關係不和諧。

or if they are out of sync, or if there is discordance.

那天傍晚，我的學生打來電話， 並對我說：

So, later that afternoon, my student called up, and he said,

“您得過來看看這個！”

"You have got to come over and see this!"

然後我就過去了。看著我和病人的數據圖， 我驚呆了。

So I went down, I looked at our tracings, and I was blown away.

這個看上去十分沉著自信、

This calm, very self-confident appearing woman,

口齒清晰的小姑娘，

very articulate,

居然有著這麼大的精神壓力。

turned out to have massive anxiety.

我們兩個的數據曲線 還是挺同步的，

So, our tracings were actually quite in sync,

除了她的是這樣（劇烈起伏）的， 而我的是這樣（比較平穩）的。

except that hers was going like this, while mine was going like this.

而且我根本沒有意識到 她內心的變化起伏

And I had not realized what was going on inside of her.

當我把這些數據圖 拿給她看的時候，她說：

When I showed the tracing to her, she said,

“我一點都不驚訝，

"I am not surprised by this at all.

我每天都得忍受（這些痛苦），

I live with this every day,

但是從來沒有一個人 注意到我的痛苦。”

but no one has ever seen my pain."

我不僅是她的醫生， 也是她的人類同胞，

Not only as her doctor but as a fellow human being,

這使我開始思考問題的核心。

this moved me to the core.

所以我回去重看那份錄像， ──這回，我的身份是情緒偵探──

So I went back, watched that video - this time, as an emotion detective -

努力要找出之前發生了什麼，因為顯而易見， 我之前一定遺漏了一些東西。

and tried to see what was happening, because clearly, I had missed something.

我注意到我病人的數據峰值，

I noticed that the highest peaks of her tracings

恰好與一些細微的動作同步出現，

coincided with these subtle motor movements

比如撫弄她的頭髮， 或者一直盯著地上某一點看，

such as just flicking her hair, or looking down in a way,

或者她的音調中出現了一些細微的變化。

or subtle changes in her tone of voice.

我們的研究在繼續，

Our work continued

當我注意到這些跡象 並作出回應時，

and as I paid attention to these signs and responded to them,

我們的研究工作進入了一個更高的層次。

our work went to a much deeper level.

她徹底卸下情緒重擔，

She unburdened herself emotionally

並且她人生第一次開始鍛鍊身體。

and started to exercise for the first time in her life.

這個姑娘，

And this woman,

從前的體重只有增加 沒有下降過，

who had only gained weight and never lost weight before,

在第二年中， 減了至少50磅。

went on to lose almost 50 pounds in the next year.

這對她而言是突破性的進展。

This was groundbreaking for her.

對我來說也是如此，

It was also groundbreaking for me

因為我意識到， 有了細緻的關注，

because I realized that with this careful attention,

我已經更能夠掌握“感同身受”

I had learned to be more emphatic.

那時候，每個人都認為，

Now, back then, everyone thought

情感共鳴是我們生來就有 或者沒有的東西，

that empathy was something that we were born with or without,

而且我們都有點拘泥於 我們是不是天生有這種情感共鳴的能力。

and that we were kind of stuck with whether we were or we were not.

想像一下，這究竟意味着什么，

Imagine what implications there were

如果醫生、護士、老師、員工，

if doctors, nurses, teachers, employers,

父母以及男女朋友們，

parents, boyfriends, and girlfriends

能更加體諒彼此的情緒。

could learn to be more emphatic with each other.

我學會了所有關於情感共鳴的神經科學。

So I learned everything I could about the neuroscience of empathy.

當時，這還是一塊新興的領域。

And this was a very growing field at the time.

憑藉我所學得的知識， 我發明了情感共鳴訓練法。

And through what I learned, I developed empathy training.

這項訓練是基於神經生物學中的情感與共鳴，

And this training was grounded in the neurobiology of emotions and empathy,

並且這項訓練仍在馬薩諸賽州綜合醫院

And the training went on to be tested in a randomized control trial

持續進行隨機對照測試。

at Massachusetts General Hospital,

測試中醫生被病人打分，

where doctors that were rated by their patients,

如果他們受過共鳴標準要素訓練，

were rated much more higher

就會獲得相較那些未被訓練的醫生 高得多的分數。

if they were trained on,

“我的醫生真的有在傾聽我的想法， 真的給了我很多關注和同情，

"My doctor really listened to me, really showed care and compassion,

像對待一個正常人一樣對待我， 並且能夠理解我的擔憂。”

treated me like a whole person, and understood my concerns" -

那麼，我們得出了一條非常重要的信息，

some of the components of the empathy scales -

因為我訓練的一部份僅僅是打開 你們的視野，

than the untrained doctors.

將接受與感知共鳴

So, this seemed like a very important message to get out,

變為共鳴的回應。

because some of my training is just about opening your eyes

為了簡單說明，我自創了 首字母縮略詞 E.M.P.A.T.H.Y.

to the receptive and perceptive aspects

它實際上能幫助我們記憶

of empathy into the empathic responses.

該如何與他人溝通的關鍵要素。

To make it easier, I created the acronym E.M.P.A.T.H.Y.

那麼，“E”代表了眼神交流。

which actually lends itself

儘管文化有差異，但眼神交流通常是

to remembering the key pieces of how we connect to people.

我們被他人關注的第一個跡象。

So, the 'E' stands for eye contact.

目光凝視同樣可以追溯回母嬰關係。

Eye contact is usually the first indication

研究表明嬰兒眼睛最清晰的焦點是12釐米，

that we've been noticed by someone, even though cultural norms can vary.

正好就是當小寶寶被這麼抱的時候，

Also, eye gaze goes back as early as maternal infant bonding.

媽媽和寶寶眼睛的距離。

It turns out that the infant's sharpest focal point is 12 centimeters,

當我們對他人說“你好”或者打招呼的時候，

which is the exact distance between a baby's eyes and a mother's eyes,

眼神凝視也是非常重要的。

when the baby is held like this.

在我國，我們打招呼通常就是說 “Hi”或者“Hello”。

Eye gaze is also important

而在祖魯部落，他們表示“你好”的詞

when we say hello or greet one another.

是“sawubona”， 實際是“我看見你了”的意思。

In our country, our greeting is usually "Hi" or "Hello."

每個人類都有被關注、被理解、被欣賞的渴望，

In the Zulu tribe, the word for 'hello'

眼神凝視正是（滿足這種渴望的）第一步。

is "sawubona" which means "I see you."

"M"代表了面部表情肌。

Every human being has a longing to be seen, understood, and appreciated,

人臉是我們身體幾乎從不完全遮掩的一部份。

and eye gaze is the first step toward this.

我們的臉就像是人類情感的路線圖，

The 'M' stands for muscles of facial expression.

正因如此，

The human face is the one part of us that we almost never fully cover up.

我們的面部表情不盡可以救我們的命，

Our faces are actually a road-map of human emotion,

實際上還能保護我們人類的種族。

and because of this,

想像某人剛剛吃了腐爛食物的

our facial expressions can not only save our lives

噁心表情，

but can actually preserve our species.

這個表情可以想整個部落發出信號，

Imagine the disgusted look on someone's face

遠離（這個食物）從而免於生病或者死亡。

who's just eating rotten food

或者想像下就在棒球即將砸到你頭上時，

and can signal to a whole tribe

你朋友的一臉震驚，

to stay away and save them from getting sick or dying.

這樣你就可能及時挪動，以免被砸中。

Or the look of startle in your friend's face

你回送的秋波也可能是

just before a baseball is about to hit you in the head,

你找到一直在尋覓的真愛的 最初跡象。

and you might move just in time not to get hit.

“P”代表了姿態。

Also, the flirtatious glance that's returned may be the first sign

姿態是另一種強有力的溝通載體。

that you have just found the love you are looking for.

我們的開放式或者封閉式的姿態能向他人

The 'P' stands for posture.

發出“靠近”或者“逃避”的信號。

Posture is another powerful conveyor of connection.

在一項研究中，

Our open or close postures signal

被告知要坐下來查房的醫生們，

powerful approach and avoidance signals to others.

被認為更暖心、更有能力，

In one study,

並且他們陪伴病人的時間是

doctors, who were told to sit down on rounds,

那些說了同樣的話卻只是站著的醫生們 的三到五倍長。

were rated as much warmer, more carrying, and estimated

“A”代表了心情。

to have spent three to five times longer with their patients,

我們被訓練標記病人的情緒反應，

than doctors how stood up but used the exact same words.

作為我們定位病人情感體驗的方法。

The 'A' stands for affect.

情緒反應是情感表達的科學術語。

We are trained to label our patients' affect

當你和某個人待一塊兒時， 試試標記（情感），你就知道，

as a way of orienting ourselves to the emotional experience of the person.

“Jacob 悲傷嗎？”， “Jane 激動嗎？”

Affect is the scientific term for expressed emotions.

“Sally 沮喪嗎？”，

When you're with someone, try just sort of labeling, you know,

這會改變你傾聽他們說話的方式。

"Is Jacob sad?", "Is Jane excited?",

“T”代表了語調。

"Is Sally upset?",

我們都聽過

and it will change how you hear what they are saying.

某人快要大哭時的沙啞嗓音。

The 'T' stands for tone of voice.

我們也都聽過

We have all heard

某人快要暴怒時的尖銳聲調。

the crack in someone's voice who is about to cry.

我們腦幹中的這片區域，

We have also heard the edge in someone's voice,

負責產生或戰或逃的應激反應，

who is about to get angry.

同樣也是

The area in our brainstem

聲調和面部表情的核心。

that is responsible for the fight-and-flight response

這意味著當我們的情緒被觸動時，

is the same area

我們無需費力， 就能改變語調或者面部表情。

where the nuclei for tone of voice and facial expression reside.

那麼，這就說明

This means that when we are emotionally activated,

我們的情緒不斷外露給所有人看。

our tone of voice and facial expressions change without our even trying.

有些人的情緒比起他人更含蓄一些，

So, this means

但是仔細觀察，我們就能聽到看到 這些情緒是什麼。

that our emotions are constantly kind of leaking out for all to see.

“H”表示傾聽完整個體，

Some people's emotions are a little more concealed than others,

絕非僅聽人們的言語。

but with careful looking, we can hear and see what these emotions are.

傾聽完整個體意味著

The 'H' stands for hearing the whole person

要了解他人生活的環境。

far more than the words that people say.

這也意味著要一直發揮你的想像力，

Hearing the whole person means

並且直到真的了解這個人的 生活環境以後，你才能進行判斷。

understanding the context in which other people live.

“Y”代表了你的回應。

It also means keeping your curiosity open

我們一直在對他人的感受做回應。

and not judging till you really understand where that person is coming from.

我們可能認為我們只體驗自身的情緒，

The 'Y' stands for your response.

但是我們一直在吸收體驗他人的情緒。

We respond to other people's feelings all the time.

結果證明，大多數感情實際上是相互的。

We might think that we only experience our own emotions,

想想如果你在機場

but we are constantly absorbing the feelings of others.

看到一個母親擁抱著剛剛退役的兒子， 你有什麼感受。

It turns out that a helpful guide is that most feelings are actually mutual.

想想如果你看到了一張剛因 約會暴力而失去女兒的父親的臉，

Think about how you feel when you're at the airport,

你會作何感受。

and you see a mother embracing her son, who has just returned from active duty.

想想當你看到因颶風海嘯 而家破人亡的人們的表情時，

Think about how you feel when you see the face of a father,

你會作何感受。

who has just lost his daughter to dating violence.

想想還有剛剛因校園槍擊案

Think about how you feel when you see the looks on people's faces

失去孩子的家長的表情。

who have lost their homes to hurricanes and tsunamis.

我們內心的體驗和感受 正是他人的鏡像。

And the look on parents faces

我們人類的大腦實際上 天生就有情感共鳴，

who have just lost their children to school shootings.

因為我們要依靠它來生存。

Our inner experience and feelings mirror those of others.

我們會反映他人的感受，

Our human brain is actually hardwired for empathy

因為那對我們的生存而言是必要的。

because our survival depends on it.

與其說我們是因適者生存而活，

We reflect the feelings of others

不如說我們是因為互助合作而活。

because that's what is required for our survival.

如果我們僅僅是因適者生存而存活於世，

We all are here more because of mutual aid and cooperation

那麼我們天生就要支配他人， 只注意自己，

than because of survival of the fittest.

但我們並非生來如此。

If we were only wired for survival of the fittest,

就像達賴喇嘛曾說，

we'd be wired to dominate others and to only look out for ourselves,

“愛與同情，不是奢侈，乃是必須。

but that's not how we're made.

失去它們，人類無法生存。”

As the Dalai Lama said,

那麼，這是如何起作用的呢？

"Love and compassion are necessities not luxuries.

我們都聽過這句話， “我感受到你的痛苦了。”

Without them, humanity will not survive."

現在，就一會兒， 想像你在停車場裡，

So, how does this all work?

你看到某人的手撞到了車門上。

We've all heard the expression "I feel your pain."

現在，我看到在場有人的手縮了一下，

Now, for a moment, imagine you are in a parking lot,

即使（你們）沒有碰到任何東西。

and you've just seen someone's hand get slammed in a car door.

大多數人僅僅通過想像會感覺到 好像真實存在的東西。

Now, I've seen people flinched,

神經科學家已經完成了令人稱奇的研究，

even though nothing's actually touched them.

試圖找出情感共鳴的根源。

And most people will actually feel like something physical just by imagining it.

一項研究招募了16組情侶，

Neuroscientists have done some amazing studies

女士們被植入了頭部掃描儀，

trying to map the substrate of empathy.

同時她們手上會受到令人痛苦的電擊。

In one study,

正如你所見的， 這塊綠色的區域表明，

16 couples were recruited, and the women were put in head scanners

當她們受到電擊時， 整個疼痛矩陣都亮了起來。

while they received painful electric shocks to their hands.

之後，她們被告知，

As you can see here, the area in green represents

剛才她們的同伴們手上也受到了 相同的電擊。

that the entire pain matrix lit up when they received the shocks.

你看這塊紅色的區域表明了 幾乎整個疼痛矩陣。

Later, they were told

只是了解到其他人也處於痛苦中。

that their partners had just received the same similar shocks to their hands

我們的大腦通過共享神經迴路、

and you see the area in red represents almost the entire pain matrix;

共享神經元和鏡像神經元工作，

just knowing that someone else is in pain.

因此我們實際上 擁有他人情感的自身內心體驗。

Our brains are working with shared neural circuits,

所以，當我們聽到 “我感受到你的痛苦了”，

shared neurons, and some mirror neurons

這不僅僅是一句修辭；

so that we actually have an internal experience

我們就是為了這句話所生， 這句話也不僅僅只對著我們所愛的人說。

of what happens to others.

我們正處於科技的危險懸崖。

So, when we hear the expression "I feel your pain,"

要是外星人來觀察我們的社會， 可能會猜測

it is not just a figure of speech;

我們和智慧手機有著更親密的關係，

we're made for this, and it happens not just with our loved ones.

而非和我們重要的人。