Name: 愛的字典！ (A Dictionary of Love)
Uploaded: 2026-03-18T16:34:55.000Z
Duration: 3 min 46 s

情態副詞

In our worst moments in couples, we tend to assume that our problems are unfixable, that we simply don't get on, that we're the wrong sort of people to be together.

在情侶關係最糟的時候，我們總會覺得問題無解，合不來，或者我們根本就不適合在一起。

反身代名詞

What we tend not to do is imagine that we have a problem of dictionaries, that our fundamental problem is that our partner and ourselves are beneath the surface, following dictionary definitions that don't align.

但我們比較不會去想，問題可能出在「字典」上，也就是說，我們和伴侶之間，表面上用著相同的字詞，但內心卻遵循著不一致的「字典定義」。

轉承詞

We're squabbling because we don't understand what the same things mean for each one of us, because we're using the same words and terms without realizing that each of us has an entirely different understanding of their natures.

我們之所以爭吵，是因為我們不明白同樣的詞對彼此來說代表什麼意思，我們用了相同的字詞，卻沒意識到我們對它們的本質有著截然不同的理解。

We imagine, as we try to live with someone else, that there isn't a gap in the way that we both define concepts like, for example, delays in answering a message or leaving the bathroom messy or spending time with friends.

當我們試著和別人一起生活時，我們會覺得在定義「訊息已讀不回」或「浴室沒整理乾淨」或「跟朋友出去玩」這些「概念」時，我們之間並沒有什麼落差。

It simply doesn't occur to us who've been wielding certain phrases and concepts one way since early adolescence, that we might have encountered someone who sees them very differently.

我們從「青春期」開始就習慣用某種方式詮釋某些詞句和「概念」，根本沒想到可能會遇到對它們有截然不同看法的人。

It appears self evident to us that a messy bathroom means a bathroom whose owner has shown us no respect, who's vicious, unkind, uncaring and out to harm us.

對我們來說，浴室髒亂顯然代表著主人對我們沒有尊重，是個惡毒、不友善、不在乎、想傷害我們的人。

It's totally natural, as natural as our understanding of the word chair or glass, that spending time with friends means a chance to rejuvenate, to take the pressure off a couple and achieve some necessary distance before returning to cosiness once more.

就像我們理解「椅子」或「玻璃」一樣自然，跟朋友出去玩，對我們來說就是一個能重新充電、讓感情稍微喘口氣，然後再重新享受親密時光的機會。

What we're forgetting in all this is the noble and arcane discipline of etymology that is the history and genealogy of language.

在這一切中，我們都忘了「詞源學」這門高貴又神祕的學問，也就是語言的歷史和「語言的譜系」。

It's the people we call etymologists who will carefully trace where a given word comes from.

我們稱之為「詞源學家」的人，會仔細追溯一個詞的來源。

They will tell us, for example, that window comes from the old Norse word vindauga, meaning windeye.

他們會告訴我們，例如「window」這個詞，源自古諾爾斯語的「vindauga」，意思是「風之眼」。

Or that klew comes from the Greek klothos, meaning ball of thread, after that thread that Ariadne gave Theseus to escape the labyrinth.

或者這個詞來自希臘語的klothos，意思是線球，就像阿里阿德涅給忒修斯逃離迷宮的線一樣。

what we need as much, if not more of is a form of emotional etymology that is an effort to trace back words and terms to their sources.

但我們同樣需要，甚至更需要的是一種情感詞源學，也就是追溯詞語和術語來源的努力。

In the lives of lovers, couples need to see that they're fighting very often simply because they are using the same terms in different ways.

在戀人的生活中，伴侶需要明白他們經常爭吵，僅僅是因為他們用同樣的詞語表達不同的意思。

A habit of leaving a bathroom in a mess may not, in fact, in one's own dictionary, stem from any kind of desire to harm.

浴室髒亂的習慣，在自己的字典裡，可能根本不是源於任何想要傷害的意圖。

Maybe it just emerged from a wish to escape a punishing parental figure who, while emotionally very cold placed, undue and unwelcome emphasis on etiquette and order, just as in a neighbouring dictionary, the very same phrase might stand for shallowness and selfishness, for imitating the behaviour of a despised step parent.

也許這只是源於想要逃離一個懲罰性的父母形象，而這個父母雖然情感冷漠，卻不當地、不受歡迎地強調禮儀和秩序，就像在鄰近的字典裡，同樣的詞組可能代表著膚淺和自私，模仿一個被鄙視的繼父母的行為。

It might be an emblem of disdain and cruelty.

這可能是一種蔑視和殘酷的象徵。

All this points to what we should do in our arguments before we imagine what our partner means.

這一切都指向了我們在爭吵時應該做的事情，而不是去想像伴侶的意思。

Before we settle on an explanation that involves insult and a desire to harm, we should always take care to remember dictionaries.

在我們確定一個涉及侮辱和傷害意圖的解釋之前，我們應該始終記得字典。

We should pause our fights to wonder if our partner isn't simply mad or evil.

我們應該暫停爭吵，想想我們的伴侶是不是隻是瘋了或邪惡。

They may just have a different dictionary definition in mind.

他們心裡可能只是有不同的字典定義。

We need to do one another the favour of some dictionary work.

我們應該互相幫忙做點字典功課。

We should ask one another what a term means and then analyze how it came to have this meaning for them.

我們應該問對方一個詞是什麼意思，然後分析它為什麼對他們來說有這個意思。

We may not be beyond comprehension at all.

我們可能根本沒有那麼難以理解。

We just need to understand what is in our respective dictionaries and.

我們只需要瞭解各自的字典裡有什麼，然後。