Name: 你總是在吵架的 3 種關係衝突！ (3 Types of Relationship Fights You Keep Having)
Uploaded: 2026-02-05T17:07:19.000Z
Duration: 4 min 14 s

We all know that when you're fighting about the dishes.

我們都知道，當你們在為了洗碗這件事吵架。

You're not really fighting about any of that stuff.

Couples therapy researcher Howard Markman found that there were three main hidden dimensions at play under most relationship fights.

伴侶諮商研究員 Howard Markman 發現，大多數關係爭執底下，有三個主要的隱藏面向在作用。

你這樣做是在削弱我在孩子們心中的地位。

I don't make as much money as you, so I feel like I have to check in about every little purchase.

我賺的錢沒有你多，所以我覺得每次買東西都要跟你匯報。

We only have sex when you want to care and closeness.

我們只有在你想要關懷與親近的時候才有性行為。

Why can't you support me when I'm anxious?

你為什麼在我焦慮的時候不肯支持我？

You don't initiate any conversations or dates.

你從來不主動發起對話或約會。

You go out with your friends and you don't even invite me.

你跟朋友出去，卻連我都沒邀請。

You never acknowledge my career accomplishments.

I don't think you realize how much I do around the house.

我覺得你根本沒意識到我做了多少家務。

When is the last time you've even cleaned?

Markman says that though a single fight can encompass all three of these dimensions or more, having this framework to identify the root cause of our conflict helps us have the language to resolve it, because the roots of these fights are based in our needs, vulnerabilities, biases, and

Markman 說，雖然一次爭執可能包含這三個面向或更多，但有這個架構來辨識我們衝突的根本原因，能幫助我們有語言來解決它，因為這些爭執的根源是基於我們的需求、脆弱點、偏見，以及

In Healing Trauma, Dr. Marion Solomon and Dr. Daniel J.

在《療癒創傷》這本書裡，Marion Solomon 醫師和 Daniel J.

Siegel wrote that the more intimacy you have with another person, the more likely that emotions, even archaic ones, will emerge along with primitive defenses.

Siegel 醫師寫道，你跟另一個人越親近，就越有可能會出現情緒，甚至是原始的情緒， साथ ही आदिम बचाव機制。

A therapeutic approach helps partners acknowledge their sense of vulnerability, discover its roots, tolerate the waves of emotion, and

治療性的方法能幫助伴侶承認他們的脆弱感，找出其根源，忍受情緒的浪潮，並

find ways to address the underlying pain.

Babe, the dishes in the sink are piled so high.

親愛的，水槽裡的碗盤堆得好高了。

I realize now that the dishes in the sink feed into a pattern of the gut that communicates.

我現在才意識到，水槽裡的碗盤堆積，其實是牽涉到一種內在的溝通模式。

I will definitely, from now on, link the dishes to my expression of love.

我以後一定會把碗盤跟我的愛連結起來。

Persephone, you do so much of the domestic labor around the house, and

Persephone，家裡大部分的家務都是你做的，

So when I fail to fulfill that, you feel disrespected, even though I appreciate everything you do.

所以當我沒做到這點時，你會覺得不被尊重，即使我很感謝你做的一切。

So I'm gonna make sure that our duties are balanced, starting with the trash.

所以我會確保我們的責任是平衡的，就從倒垃圾開始。

I know it drives you crazy to see my clothes off my naked body and all over the place.

我知道看到我脫下來的衣服到處都是，讓你很抓狂。

Yet you're the only one who initiates intimacy.

但你卻是唯一會主動親近我的人。

I know that every piece of clothing you seen strewed about our home just reminds you of my naked body which has seemed elusive to you.

我知道家裡隨處可見的衣服，都會讓你想到我那對你來說似乎遙不可及的赤裸身體。

I vow to bring in more eroticism into our marriage, starting now.

我發誓要為我們的婚姻帶來更多情趣，從現在開始。

Getting out of the loop of fights requires creating new patterns, micro movement by micro movement.

要跳脫關係爭執的循環，需要一點一滴地創造新的模式。

It's a process of becoming self aware, working together to dismantle entrenched dynamics and shifting our relational trajectory.

這是一個自我覺察的過程，一起努力拆解根深蒂固的動力，並轉變我們的關係軌跡。

one that can feel stilted and helter skelter until we learn how to get into a new rhythm.

感覺有點生澀、手忙腳亂，直到我們學會如何進入新的節奏。

So if you find yourself getting into one or all of these recurring relationship fights, despair, not children, for you have the power to change it.

所以，如果你發現自己又陷入了這些一再出現的關係爭執，別灰心，孩子們，因為你有能力改變它。

And thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and as always, to Better Help for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝贊助今天影片的 Patreon 贊助者，也感謝 Better Help 一如往常地贊助今天的節目。

Look, even if we aren't necessarily a mess, sometimes we just need help navigating life's struggles, pinpointing what exactly is interfering with our happiness.

聽著，即使我們不一定是一團糟，有時候我們就是需要幫助來度過人生的難關，找出到底是什麼在幹擾我們的快樂。

Or we just want assistance creating patterns that help certain our lives.

或者我們只是希望有人協助我們建立能讓生活更穩定的模式。

More BetterHelp can assess your needs and match you with your own licensed therapist.

BetterHelp 可以評估你的需求，並為你配對一位專屬的心理治療師。

Plus they have more than 15,000 counselors in their network that otherwise may not be locally available in many areas.

而且他們在網路上有超過 15,000 名諮商師，這表示在許多地區，你可能在當地找不到這麼多選擇。

You can send a message to your counselor anytime, plus schedule a weekly video or phone session.

你可以隨時傳訊息給你的諮商師，還能安排每週的視訊或電話諮商。

BetterHelp offers more affordable access than traditional online counseling and they have financial aid.

BetterHelp 提供比傳統線上諮商更實惠的選擇，而且他們還有經濟援助方案。

You can go to betterhelp.comacana that's better H E L P and join over 1 million people who are taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

你可以到 betterhelp.comacana，也就是 better H E L P，加入超過一百萬正在透過專業人士協助來掌握自己心理健康的人。

Go to betterhelp.comakana to sign up today and get 10% off your first month therapy.

到 betterhelp.comakana 註冊，今天就能享有首次諮商費用九折優惠。