Name: 透過學習情感恆定，我療癒了我的被拋棄感！ (I healed my abandonment issues by learning emotional permanence)
Uploaded: 2025-11-24T16:53:42.000Z
Duration: 5 min 46 s

情態副詞

I finally healed my abandonment wound by learning emotional permanence.

我透過學習情感恆定性，終於治癒了我的情感創傷。

Guys, let's talk not about my fabulous top, but about abandonment issues.

各位，我們今天不聊我這件超讚的上衣，而是來談談情感創傷。

Because for the past year, I have made so much progress, and it's thanks to this one concept.

因為在過去這一年，我進步了很多，這都要歸功於一個觀念。

So to understand emotional permanence, you need to understand object permanence.

所以要理解情感恆定性，你們需要先了解物體恆定性。

So imagine you're a silly little baby angel, right, when someone does peekaboo on you, it works.

想像一下，你是一個可愛的小天使寶寶，對吧，當有人跟你玩躲貓貓時，這招對你有效。

Because you don't understand object perfect permanence.

As we gain object permanence, we understand that even if we can't see something, it still exists.

當我們學會物體恆定性後，我們就會明白，即使我們看不到某樣東西，它仍然存在。

And I just found out that there's an emotional equivalent.

然後我才發現，原來情感上也有類似的東西。

So emotional permanence means even if you don't have any evidence that someone's emotion is there, you trust it exists.

所以情感恆定性，意思就是即使你沒有任何證據證明某人的情感還在，你還是相信它存在。

But if you dealt with an inconsistent emotional parent, you unfortunately don't develop this skill.

但如果你遇到的是情緒不穩定的父母，很可惜，你就學不會這項技能。

And as a child, that's terrifying, right?

而身為小孩，這真的很可怕，對吧？

Like, you need your parent to love you in order to survive.

就像，你需要父母的愛才能生存。

Your nervous system is highly attuned to the fact that, like, without this giant, I will die.

你的神經系統會高度警覺，意識到如果沒有這個大靠山，我會死掉。

So as an adult, what does it look like when you do not develop this skill?

所以長大後，如果你沒有學會這項技能，會是什麼樣子呢？

Well, it looks like distance, time apart, arguments, delays in communication, or the absence of communication.

嗯，看起來就是會出現距離、分離、爭吵、溝通延遲，或是根本沒有溝通。

Even a change in someone's tone can trigger that nervous system response.

就連對方語氣的改變，都可能觸發神經系統的反應。

Even if your relationship is built on a solid foundation.

即使你們的關係是建立在穩固的基礎上。

And look, everyone can have a variety of emotions or behaviors or responses that comes from this, but

而且你看，每個人都可能因為這樣而產生各種情緒、行為或反應，但是

usually it means you have a lot of anxiety about whether a person cares about you or not.

通常這代表你對對方是否在乎你這件事，有很大的焦慮。

And this can then lead to, like, rumination, constant reassurance seeking, or even, like, ending relationships abruptly to avoid the potential of abandonment.

這就可能導致反芻思考、不斷尋求保證，甚至像是為了避免情感創傷的可能，而突然結束一段關係。

So people who have low emotional permanence, very often they'll struggle in relationships because they're constantly questioning the relationship.

所以情感恆定性較低的人，在關係中常常會掙扎，因為他們不斷質疑這段關係。

So now we know what emotional permanence is, why you likely have it.

所以現在我們知道什麼是情感恆定性了，以及你為什麼可能會有它。

It always goes back to mom and dad and what emotional permanence looks like.

這一切都回到爸媽，以及什麼是情感恆定性。

Don't despair though, because there are things you can do.

但別灰心，因為你可以做些事情。

Now, strategies to deal with this often include a lot of self regulation and also CO regulation.

現在，處理這些情況的策略通常包含很多自我調節和共同調節。

Co regulation is like talking to your friends, your family, your therapist, and

共同調節就像是跟你的朋友、家人、治療師哈拉，

Because as you're working on cultivating emotional permanence, you're.

因為當你努力培養情感恆定性時，你。

Yeah, you're still gonna probably need someone who needs a lot of reassurance and validation.

是的，你可能還是需要一個需要很多保證和確認的人。

And I have a lot of friendships where we're both working on it and we'll actively communicate like, no, dude, of course I'm not mad at you.

我有很多友誼是我們都在努力，我們會主動溝通說，不，老兄，我當然沒有生你的氣。

I mean, your texts were a little short, so I just wanted to make sure I was responding when I was on the go.

我是說，你的訊息有點簡短，所以我只是想確保我在外面時有回覆。

Cause I didn't wanna leave like this long period of non response.

因為我不想留下這麼長一段時間沒有回應。

Now, self regulation strategies are gonna be all about how to calm your nervous system.

現在，自我調節策略將會是如何安撫你的神經系統。

And you can do this with things like breath, work, journaling, meditating, going for a walk in moments of stress.

你可以透過像是呼吸練習、寫日記、冥想、在壓力時刻去散步等方式來做到。

And look, I know you're thinking, but Anna, what if my fears are real?

聽著，我知道你在想，但 Anna，如果我的恐懼是真的呢？

What if I'm being hyper vigilant and I'm sensing that my partner is pulling away?

如果我過度警惕，感覺到我的伴侶正在疏遠我呢？

What if it's not me overreacting to my abandonment wound and I'm really being abandoned?

如果這不是我對情感創傷的過度反應，而是我真的被拋棄了呢？

But a part of life is just accepting, yeah, we can be abandoned, but that will be okay.

但生活的一部分就是接受，對，我們可能會被拋棄，但那也沒關係。

And the difference between someone with a healthy abandonment response versus someone with like an intense fear of it is that both of these people could experience the same rejection.

健康的應對拋棄反應和有強烈恐懼的人之間，差別在於這兩個人都可能經歷相同的拒絕。

And one person understands, oh, I'm gonna feel bad for a bit, while the other person spirals into a deep pit of sadness.

一個人會明白，喔，我會難過一陣子，而另一個人則會陷入深深的悲傷。

And to become the person who responds with an appropriate amount of wallowing, we have to build a positive relationship with ourselves that emphasizes resilience, trusting that I can never be abandoned because I always have my own back.

要成為那個能適度沉溺並做出適當反應的人，我們必須建立一個積極的自我關係，強調韌性，相信我永遠不會被拋棄，因為我永遠有自己的後盾。

Look, this is a practice and it's not fun and it takes a lot of time, but

聽著，這是一種練習，一點也不好玩，而且需要很多時間，但是

it is a skill that you can develop and one you should work on if you had an inconsistent parent.

這是一項你可以培養的技能，如果你有情緒不穩定的父母，這項技能是你應該努力的。

Because people with this are gonna act out in ways that aren't healthy.

因為有這種情況的人，他們的行為會很不健康。

Like, I was so afraid of being abandoned that I would cause it to happen.

就像，我當時超怕被拋棄，結果反而害自己真的被拋棄。

But cultivating emotional permanence has made me realize my value does not depend on the opinions of others.

但培養情感恆定性讓我明白，我的價值不取決於別人的看法。

I can remember that feelings of stress and anxiety will pass and then calm my nervous system in order to get past that.

我可以記住壓力跟焦慮的感覺都會過去，然後安撫我的神經系統，藉此度過難關。

And I can communicate with the people in my life honestly and openly instead of letting fear rule my actions through a lot of self sabotage.

而且我可以跟生命中的人們誠實開放地溝通，而不是讓恐懼透過很多自我破壞來主導我的行為。

Thank you to the Patreons who supported today's episode.

感謝支持今天節目的 Patreon 贊助者。

And thank you to the one person who will never abandon us.

也感謝那位永遠不會拋棄我們的一個人。

Daddy Squarespace for sponsoring today's video.

感謝 Squarespace 贊助今天的影片。

If you guys don't know my dad yet, what are you doing?

如果你們還不認識我爸爸，那你們在幹嘛？

He builds gorgeous websites, he sells your products and he engages with your audience.

它能幫你打造超讚的網站，販售你的產品，還能與你的觀眾互動。

If you're like me and you do not understand anything about how to code Squarespace Perfecto.

如果你跟我一樣，對程式碼一竅不通，Squarespace 超讚的。

Now, they have beautiful and professional website templates that you use as a starting point and then you just customize it to your specific brand and aesthetic.

現在，它們有漂亮又專業的網站範本，你可以從這些範本開始，然後再根據你的品牌和美學來客製化。

Like, when I'm a viewer of a Squarespace website, I'm like, wow, it looks so sophisticated.

就像，當我看到一個 Squarespace 網站時，我會覺得，哇，看起來好精緻。

But because I've also made them, I know that on the back end, it's drag, drop and easy and intuitive to build and just as easy to keep it updated.

但因為我也做過，所以我知道後臺操作起來就是拖曳、放置，簡單又直覺，而且更新也很容易。

You can also create an online store and sell merch.

你也可以建立線上商店販售周邊商品。

So for me, that's my online guidebook about how I do my work.

所以對我來說，這就是我如何經營事業的線上指南。

But for you, that may look like physical products, services or classes.

但對你來說，這可能就是實體商品、服務或課程。

Whatever it is, we're all here to have a livelihood doing what we're passionate about.

不管是什麼，我們在這裡都是為了做我們熱愛的事情來維持生計。

Go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com anna and use code Anna for 10% off your purchase of a website or domain.

前往 squarespace.com 試用，準備好上線時，請前往 squarespace.com anna，並輸入代碼 Anna，即可享有網站或網域購買 10% 的折扣。