Name: 你為何在親密關係中掙扎（不是你想的那樣） (Why You Struggle With Intimacy (It’s Not What You Think))
Uploaded: 2025-10-07T18:29:46.000Z
Duration: 6 min 37 s

基礎被動語態

Our videos that focus on taboo subjects like sex are meant to highlight issues that people might struggle to speak about with friends or a therapist.

我們的影片探討 sex 等禁忌話題，目的是凸顯大家可能難以和朋友或治療師談論的議題。

While we always recommend that people discuss the things that are weighing on them with a professional, we also understand that sometimes before seeing a therapist, you need to realize that your feelings and concerns are valid.

雖然我們總是建議大家和專業人士討論讓自己煩惱的事，但我們也明白，有時候在看治療師之前，你需要先確認自己的感受和擔憂是真實存在的。

Our videos are meant to help people realize that they aren't alone in their struggles.

我們的影片旨在幫助大家意識到，在他們的掙扎中，你並不孤單。

With that in mind, today's video is a little more serious.

考量到這一點，今天的影片會比較嚴肅一點。

The goal of this video is to hopefully provide some answers as to why you or your partner may behave a certain way with regards to sex.

這支影片的目標是希望能提供一些解答，說明你或你的伴侶為何會在 sex 方面有特定的行為。

We will be discussing different types of sexual trauma, so consider this a content warning.

我們將討論不同類型的性創傷，所以這算是一個內容警示。

Your value does not change People who have been sexually abused by their partners or family members may have been taught through their abuse that their value is tied to their sexuality.

你的價值不會改變。被伴侶或家人性虐待的人，可能在受虐過程中被灌輸了「你的價值與你的性有關」的觀念。

Often, abusive partners will be emotionally manipulative to make you feel obliged to offer sex even when it makes you uncomfortable.

施虐的伴侶常常會情緒操控，讓你即使在感到不舒服時，也覺得有義務提供 sex。

This can happen when there is a power imbalance in the relationship where the victim is dependent on the abuser or the victim is a teen and the abuser is an adult.

這可能發生在關係中存在權力失衡的情況，例如受虐者依賴施虐者，或是受虐者是青少年而施虐者是成年人。

It's important to know that despite what anyone tells you, your value towards society, the people in your life, and

重要的是要知道，不管別人怎麼說，你對社會、你生命中的人們，

most importantly yourself is not tied to your sexuality.

最重要的是對你自己，你的價值都不是跟你的性有關。

Whether you have lots of sex or none at all, that is up to you.

無論你 sex 很多還是完全沒有，那都是你自己的決定。

This is an important idea for abuse survivors to internalize because researchers have found that abuse victims, especially those abused in childhood, tend to be abused again later in life.

這對創傷倖存者來說是很重要的觀念，因為研究發現，受虐者，特別是童年時期遭受性虐待的人，長大後往往會再次受虐。

Sexual abuse can cause victims to have lower self esteem and poorer sexual adjustment, which leads them to more high risk sexual scenarios when control becomes craving.

性虐待會讓受虐者自尊心較低、性適應較差，進而讓他們更容易陷入高風險性行為情境，當控制變成渴望。

Hypersexuality if a person went through childhood sexual abuse, otherwise known as csa, the traumatic feelings that can linger into adulthood are those of helplessness and a lack of control.

性成癮，如果一個人經歷過童年性虐待，也就是 csa，那些可能延續到成年的創傷感受就是無助感和失控感。

To gain some of that control back, some survivors of childhood sexual abuse try to reclaim their sexuality by becoming overly focused on sexual Childhood consists of many phases, so the age of a person at the time of their abuse plays a big role in how they develop into adulthood and how they handle their trauma.

為了找回一些控制感，一些童年性虐待的倖存者試圖透過過度專注於性來重新奪回自己的性。童年包含許多階段，所以一個人受虐時的年齡，會很大程度影響他們如何發展到成年以及如何處理創傷。

We mentioned that abuse victims often engage in high risk sexual behavior which can include casual sex and hookups with strangers.

我們提到受虐者常會從事高風險性行為，這可能包含與陌生人隨意性行為和約砲。

A 2021 study confirms the link between nymphomania or sex addiction.

2021年的一項研究證實了性慾亢進或性成癮之間的關聯。

Other factors that can influence victims are their gender and their relationship to the perpetrator.

其他可能影響受虐者的因素，還有他們的性別以及他們與施虐者的關係。

Depending on your experience and the way you process trauma, the opposite can happen when sex feels unsafe.

根據你的經驗和處理創傷的方式，當性感覺不安全時，情況可能會相反。

Sexual Aversion For CSA victims who were abused by blood relatives, particularly the biological father.

性厭惡 對於被血親，特別是親生父親性虐待的 csa 受虐者。

性，可以理解地，會失去吸引力。

But sexual aversion doesn't just occur in CSA victims.

但性厭惡不只發生在 csa 受虐者身上。

It's an under observed phenomenon that sexual abuse can be perpetrated by lovers or partners, or rather than just strangers or vague acquaintances.

這是一個觀察不足的現象，性虐待可能由戀人或伴侶實施，而不是僅限於陌生人或泛泛之交。

拒絕就是拒絕，這適用於所有人。

Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee sex whenever or wherever.

處於一段關係中，並不代表可以隨時隨地發生性行為。

Sometimes a relationship can leave you feeling really weird and uncomfortable about sex.

有時候一段關係可能會讓你對性感到非常奇怪和不舒服。

Perhaps your boundaries weren't respected or your feelings on the matter weren't always considered.

也許你的界線沒有被尊重，或者你對此事的感受沒有被總是考慮進去。

Maybe when you said no, your partner made you feel guilty or as though you owed it to them and so you went along because it's easier than the alternative, which could be them leaving or worse, violence.

也許當你說不的時候，你的伴侶會讓你感到內疚，或者覺得你虧欠他們，所以你就順從了，因為這比其他選擇更容易，而其他選擇可能是他們離開，甚至更糟，是暴力。

It's understandable that moving forward you feel a lot more reserved and a lot less enthusiastic about sex.

往後你對 sex 感到更加保留、熱情也降低，這都是可以理解的。

Aside from aversion, sexual abuse, whether in childhood or adulthood, can lead to other conditions that can negatively affect your sexual satisfaction, like vaginismus and sexual non communication.

除了厭惡，無論是童年或成年時期的性虐待，都可能導致其他影響你性適應的狀況，像是陰道痙攣和性溝通不良。

Sexual trauma is a difficult thing to deal with.

It doesn't change the fact that you still need love, you still need to be looked after, and

這不代表你不需要愛，不需要被關心，

So when you enter new relationships, it may be difficult to communicate all of these complicated feelings around sex.

所以當你進入一段新關係時，要溝通這些複雜的 sex 感受，可能會很困難。

這對任何人來說都是很沉重的負擔。

When your partner reaches out for you and you nervously turn away, they may worry that you aren't interested in them.

當你的伴侶主動靠近，而你緊張地退開時，他們可能會擔心你對他們沒興趣。

They may not understand all of the nuanced ways your previous relationships or your childhood have affected you.

他們可能無法理解，你過去的關係或童年對你產生了多少細微的影響。

Unfortunately, victims of sexual abuse are likely to end up with people who share characteristics of their abusers like aggression or alcoholism.

不幸的是，性虐待的受虐者很可能會遇到與施虐者有相似特徵的人，像是好鬥或酗酒。

In general, long term intimate relationships can be difficult for victims.

總的來說，長期的親密關係對受虐者來說可能會很困難。

To help with trauma, improve your self esteem and gain a better understanding of your sexual self, seeing a mental health professional could be vital.

為了幫助創傷復原，提升你的自尊，並更瞭解自己的性，尋求心理健康專業人士的協助可能非常重要。

This can be challenging not just because therapy can be expensive, but

這可能很有挑戰性，不只是因為治療費用可能很貴，

talking about this kind of trauma can feel impossibly difficult.

談論這類創傷的感覺也可能無比困難。

Social sexologist Willie Van Burlow and psychologist Bernadine Ensink suggest one more thing that could a loving and understanding partner in a world full of so much hurt.

性學家 Willie Van Burlow 和心理學家 Bernadine Ensink 提出，在這個充滿傷害的世界裡，一位充滿愛和理解的伴侶還能帶來更多。

It may feel like a far fetched solution, but everyone is worthy of love, including you.

這聽起來或許遙不可及，但每個人都值得被愛，包括你。

And there are still wonderful people out there.

We hope this video is the start towards an understanding that it's okay to want better for yourself and it's okay to expect better from the people you love.

我們希望這支影片能讓你開始明白，追求更好的自己是沒問題的，對你愛的人抱有更好的期待也是沒問題的。

Just like we use our words to express love and tenderness, we can do the same with sex, but

就像我們用言語表達愛和溫柔一樣，我們也可以用 sex 來表達，但是

sadly, sex can also be used to express selfishness and hate, the effects of which can hurt for a long time, but

可惜的是，sex 也可以用來表達自私和仇恨，其影響會持續很久，但是

Thank you so much for engaging with our videos and for your bravery to show up in sharing your thoughts and feelings with us in the comments.

非常感謝你觀看我們的影片，也謝謝你勇敢地在留言區分享你的想法和感受。

It's because of you that we're able to approach these more sensitive topics, and

正因為有你，我們才能探討這些比較敏感的議題，

if you have any wisdom to share with the rest of the community, please join the conversation in the comments.

如果你有任何可以和社群分享的寶貴經驗，請在留言區加入討論。

If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to leave a like and subscribe for more videos like this.

如果你喜歡這支影片，別忘了按讚並訂閱，以獲得更多類似的影片。

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你為何在親密關係中掙扎（不是你想的那樣） (Why You Struggle With Intimacy (It’s Not What You Think))

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engage

intimacy

trauma