Name: 如何 "成長"--成長的真相 (How to 'Grow' - The Hard Truth About Growth)
Uploaded: 2025-07-18T18:19:55.000Z
Duration: 4 min 15 s

程度副詞

Our societies are attached to a phrase which can be a bit too easy to assume we understand.

我們的社會對一個短語情有獨鍾，而這個短語可能太容易被我們理解了。

The talk is of people growing and of having grown, which alludes to some kind of important psychological evolution and development.

人們在談論成長和已經成長，這暗指某種重要的心理演變和發展。

But what does growing in this sense really involve?

但是，這種意義上的成長到底包括什麼呢？

What is it that we are developing a capacity to do when we so-called grow, and what are we leaving behind?

當我們所謂的成長時，我們正在發展的能力是什麼？

And crucially, how might we train ourselves to grow a little more, and a little more quickly?

更重要的是，我們該如何訓練自己，讓自己成長得更快、更多一點？

What we may essentially be pointing to with the idea of growth is the ability to stop responding to situations in the present through lenses unconsciously distorted by our psychological histories, and especially the quirks and biases bequeathed to us by our invariably somewhat complicated childhoods.

我們所說的 "成長"，從根本上說，可能是指我們不再通過被我們的心理歷史，特別是我們無一例外都有些複雜的童年所遺留給我們的怪癖和偏見所無意識扭曲的視角來應對當下的情境。

A person who grows is likely to be able to look more fairly at other people and situations, and to recognise the extent to which they might be aggravating conflict or heaping unwarranted suspicion or ruining their chances, because they bear within them presumptions shaped by hard-to-recall experiences of loneliness, fear, betrayal and humiliation.

一個人在成長的過程中，很可能會更公正地看待他人和環境，並認識到他們可能會在多大程度上加劇衝突、無端猜疑或破壞自己的機會，因為他們的內心深處有著難以回憶的孤獨、恐懼、背叛和屈辱經歷所形成的假定。

A person who has grown will more readily be able to check their first unhelpful responses to things and reach for a more complicated, objective set of explanations.

一個成長了的人，會更容易檢查自己最初對事物的無益反應，並尋求一套更復雜、更客觀的解釋。

It may not always have to be their companion's fault.

Perhaps a mistake was in this instance innocent.

也許在這件事上，錯誤是無辜的。

It might be their role to say a small sorry.

他們的職責可能是說一句小小的對不起。

Maybe they have misunderstood what was really being meant.

To grow is to acquire the courage for new sorts of questions.

成長就是獲得提出新問題的勇氣。

What if I were repeatedly defending myself against closeness and hope?

如果我一再為自己辯護，反對親近和希望呢？

Or what if I was using busyness to block encounters with my own mind?

或者，如果我是在用忙碌來阻擋與自己心靈的相遇呢？

Or what if I secretly manoeuvred to end a relationship prematurely because I felt safe with feelings of isolation and rejection?

或者，如果我暗中操縱，過早地結束一段關係，因為我對孤獨和被拒絕的感覺感到安全，那又會怎樣呢？

Or what if I was running away from opportunities to show myself authentically to other people?

或者，如果我在逃避向他人真實展示自己的機會呢？

These questions can, in personal life, be what we might in science describe as Copernican, questions that involve a fundamental rethinking of one's place in the order of things.

在個人生活中，這些問題可能是我們在科學中可以描述為哥白尼式的問題，涉及到從根本上重新思考自己在事物秩序中的位置。

The more one grows, the more one might have to give up a certain sort of confidence and certainty, not in the name of meekness or self-hatred, but for the sake of a newfound scepticism, a patient modesty and a humorous readiness to wryly acknowledge error and admit to fragility.

一個人成長得越多，可能就越需要放棄某種自信和肯定，這並不是以溫順或自我憎恨的名義，而是為了一種新發現的懷疑精神、一種耐心的謙虛，以及一種幽默地承認錯誤和承認脆弱的準備。

A person who has grown might operate with a vivid sense of how much they misunderstand.

一個人在成長過程中，可能會對自己的誤解歷歷在目。

They might appreciate their fear of intimacy and joy.

他們可能會感激自己對親密關係和快樂的恐懼。

They might more often say, I don't know, or let me perhaps think more about that.

他們可能更常說的是：我不知道，或者讓我再想想。

Even sometimes, on really special occasions, they might say, I think you may have a point.

甚至有時候，在非常特殊的場合，他們可能會說，我覺得你可能有道理。

And they may be more receptive to friendships built around a recognition of vulnerability and anxiety.

他們可能更容易接受以承認脆弱和焦慮為基礎建立起來的友誼。

What spurs growth is, unfortunately, almost always pain.

不幸的是，刺激成長的幾乎總是痛苦。

We grow because we were inspired, and then, already shattered, we are finally able to look at what colleagues around us might have found difficult about us for many years.

我們因為受到啟發而成長，然後，在已經受到打擊的情況下，我們終於能夠正視周圍同事多年來可能對我們感到棘手的問題。

We grow because we lost a major love, and at last, as we weep in a corner of the airport lounge, we see that we might have been far too guarded or demanding or frightened.

我們成長，因為我們失去了一段重要的愛情，最後，當我們在機場休息室的一角哭泣時，我們發現自己可能太過於防備、苛求或害怕了。

We grow because, in an hour of need, we can't bear to be alone anymore and realise, as if for the first time, what friendship could really be for.

我們成長，是因為在需要的時候，我們再也無法忍受孤獨，彷彿第一次意識到友誼的真正意義。

The greatest sign of growth might be a readiness to calmly take on board the scale of one's silliness, how many basic things one's still learning, what a child one still is.

成長的最大標誌可能就是能夠冷靜地認識到自己的愚蠢程度，認識到自己還在學習多少基本的東西，認識到自己還是個孩子。

A person who has grown won't see anything offensive at all, indeed will stoically accept the idea, that they have been, very often indeed, over some quite major things, if we can put this politely, a bit of an idiot, and they will be intensely committed to trying to be rather less of one in the precious time that remains.

一個已經成長起來的人根本不會覺得有什麼不妥，事實上，他們會委曲求全地接受這樣的觀點，即他們在很多時候，在一些相當重要的事情上，如果我們可以不客氣地說，有點像個白痴，而且他們會在剩下的寶貴時間裡，努力不那麼像個白痴。