Name: 我們為何逃避愛情 (Why We Run From Love)
Uploaded: 2025-06-18T11:04:20.000Z
Duration: 3 min 33 s

One of the most perplexing of all our behaviors is our tendency in relationships to flee from the warmth and affection it's so natural for us to want.

在我們所有的行為中，最令人困惑的就是我們在人際關係中總是傾向於逃避溫暖和親情，而這對我們來說是再自然不過的事情了。

關係子句

In the face of someone who seems to like us very much, who smiles tenderly at us whenever we walk in the room and is interested in the details of our lives.

面對一個似乎非常喜歡我們的人，每當我們走進房間，他都會對我們溫柔地微笑，並對我們的生活細節感興趣。

Some of us may respond in an extremely counterintuitive way by feeling nauseous and in time, probably running away.

我們中的一些人可能會以一種極其反直覺的方式做出反應，感到噁心，久而久之，可能就會逃跑。

To understand this kind of emotional avoidance, we might draw an analogy with food.

為了理解這種情感迴避，我們不妨用食物來做個類比。

Let's imagine someone who grew up in an impoverished setting with a severely restricted diet, they had no option but to get used to only the smallest meals, the only way to survive was to need nearly nothing.

讓我們想象一下，一個人在貧困的環境中長大，飲食受到嚴格限制，他們別無選擇，只能習慣於吃最少的飯菜，唯一的生存之道就是幾乎什麼都不需要。

We might assume that when finally presented with abundance, this person would eagerly try to make up for lost time.

我們可能會認為，當他最終獲得豐裕的生活時，他會急切地想要彌補失去的時間。

But of course, the very opposite occurs, their digestive system having adapted to scarcity cannot process the richness before them.

當然，情況恰恰相反，他們的消化系統已經適應了匱乏，無法處理眼前的豐富。

The very sight of a full plate may generate anxiety, they may fall ill in the face of the plenty they had so long desired.

看到滿滿的盤子就會產生焦慮，面對渴望已久的富足，他們可能會病倒。

So too in love, those among us who grew up in households where affection was severely rationed, may principally have learned to want very little from other people.

在愛情方面也是如此，我們中間那些在感情被嚴格限制的家庭中長大的人，可能主要學會了對他人的要求很低。

When a partner expresses immense interest in our day, we may feel suffocated rather than cared for.

當伴侶對我們的一天表示出極大的興趣時，我們可能會感到窒息，而不是被關心。

When someone wants to spend every evening together, we can feel trapped rather than wanted.

當有人想每天晚上都在一起時，我們會感到被困，而不是被需要。

When our lover expresses admiration, we can experience inadequacy rather than satisfaction.

當我們的夫妻表達欽佩之情時，我們會體驗到不足，而不是滿足。

If someone speaks to us of marriage, our first temptation may be to go off and flirt with an ex.

如果有人對我們說起婚姻，我們的第一個誘惑可能就是去和前任調情。

Our discomfort is a central legacy and indicator of our deprivation.

我們的不適感是我們被剝奪的主要遺產和指標。

If we can accept that our condition isn't a sign of evil, but simply the result of a certain sort of melancholy upbringing.

如果我們能夠接受我們的狀況並不是邪惡的象徵，而只是某種憂鬱的成長環境造成的結果。

We may develop the courage one day to explain the situation to a partner and first of course to ourselves.

也許有一天，我們會鼓起勇氣，向夥伴，當然首先也是向自己解釋這種情況。

We can without shame teach our beloved that the kindest thing they might be able to do for us is not to be too kind to us or at least not too soon.

我們可以毫無羞愧地教導我們的夫妻，他們能為我們做的最仁慈的事情就是不要對我們太仁慈，至少不要太快。

The most generous thing would be not to be too abundant, we want their love for sure, but we require it in very small doses and not all at once.

最慷慨的做法是不要太豐富，我們當然希望得到他們的愛，但我們需要的是非常小劑量的愛，而不是一下子就得到。

We're going to need time on our own, there shouldn't be too many hugs, compliments should be spaced apart.

我們需要獨處的時間，不應該有太多的擁抱，讚美的話語應該間隔開來。

We appreciate the loveliness, we just need to take it in with a teaspoon.

我們欣賞這些可愛之處，但我們只需要用茶匙把它舀起來。

Understanding why love has to be titrated like this helps to move our partner away from feeling insulted and then getting angry and perhaps resorting to pejorative descriptions of our avoidant condition, like commitment phobia or fear of intimacy.

理解為什麼愛要這樣 "滴答滴答"，有助於讓我們的伴侶不再感到被侮辱，進而變得憤怒，也許還會用貶義詞來描述我們的迴避狀況，比如承諾恐懼症或親密關係恐懼症。

We can both know that our way of approaching love was out the outset a very logical and intelligent adaptation to conditions of emotional scarcity that we didn't choose and that has nothing to do with meanness or pathology.

我們都可以知道，我們對待愛情的方式從一開始就是對情感匱乏條件的一種非常合乎邏輯和明智的適應，而這種情感匱乏條件並不是我們選擇的，也與卑鄙或病態無關。

At the same time, the more we can understand the genesis of our sense of being overwhelmed, the more we stand eventually to perceive that our caution has outlived its uses.

與此同時，我們越能理解自己不知所措的原因，就越能最終意識到我們的謹慎已經失去了作用。

We may be able to bear the ecstasy and plenitude of mutual love.

我們也許能夠承受彼此愛的狂喜和充實。

We may no longer need to protect ourselves so assiduously against what nourishes and heals us.

我們可能不再需要竭力保護自己，抵禦滋養和治癒我們的東西。