Name: 我花了 30 多年的時間才學會我在 10 分鐘內教你的東西 (It took me 30+ years to learn what I’ll teach you in 10 minutes)
Uploaded: 2025-06-17T14:42:15.000Z
Duration: 12 min 49 s

基礎被動語態

Alright, this video is going to be harder than normal, I want to go through all the research on perfectionism, what causes it, how it develops, how it affects your brain and body, and what you can do about it, because it's taken me a really long time to realize how much of a negative impact perfectionism has had on my life, despite struggling, like I always thought it was a positive thing, in fact, I was raised believing it was a badge of honor to be a perfectionist.

好吧，這個視頻會比平時更難，我想通過所有關於完美主義的研究，它的成因，它是如何發展的，它如何影響你的大腦和身體，以及你能做些什麼來應對它，因為我花了很長一段時間才意識到完美主義對我的生活產生了多大的負面影響，儘管我一直在掙扎，就像我一直認為它是一件積極的事情，事實上，我從小就認為成為一個完美主義者是一種榮譽。

轉承詞

But not only has more and more research come out challenging this belief and showing some extremely serious consequences for perfectionists, but because it's taken me decades of my life to really face this uncomfortable truth, I thought learning more about it would not only help me, but hopefully other people out there too.

但是，不僅有越來越多的研究對這一信念提出了質疑，並顯示了完美主義者的一些極其嚴重的後果，而且因為我花了幾十年的時間才真正面對這一令人不舒服的事實，我認為了解更多有關它的資訊不僅會對我有所幫助，也希望對其他人有所幫助。

情態副詞

So we'll start by clearing up something quickly.

是以，我們首先要快速澄清一些事情。

Perfectionism is not just wanting to do a good job or having high standards and goals.

完美主義不僅僅是想把工作做好，也不僅僅是有高標準和高目標。

Psychologists actually define it as a personality style characterized by the desire to achieve way beyond what is reasonably expected and often linked with super high self-criticism, mental ruminating, and a major fear of failure.

心理學家實際上將其定義為一種人格風格，其特點是渴望取得遠遠超出合理預期的成就，而且往往與超高的自我批評、精神反芻和對失敗的嚴重恐懼聯繫在一起。

And research shows that levels of perfectionism have skyrocketed over the last few decades, especially in young people, which we'll look at as well.

研究表明，在過去的幾十年裡，完美主義的程度急劇上升，尤其是在年輕人身上，我們也將對此進行研究。

But first, let's see if you relate to these traits used to measure perfectionism, first defined by Frost et al.

但首先，讓我們來看看您是否與弗羅斯特等人首先定義的這些用於衡量完美主義的特徵有關。

Excessive concern over making mistakes 2.

Perception of high parental expectations 5.

Preference for organization and orderliness Ding ding ding ding ding ding we have a winner.

If you're anything like me, that list probably just called you out pretty hard.

如果你和我一樣，這份清單可能會讓你大吃一驚。

Further research by Hewitt and Flett identified three dimensions that perfectionists seem to fall into.

休伊特和弗萊特的進一步研究發現，完美主義者似乎可以分為三個層面。

Number one is self-oriented perfectionism, or when you have your own super high internal expectations on yourself.

第一種是自我導向的完美主義，或者說你對自己有超高的內在期望。

Two is other-oriented perfectionism, which is when you put your high expectations onto other people expecting them to be perfect.

二是以他人為導向的完美主義，即你把自己的高期望值寄託在他人身上，希望他們完美無缺。

And number three is social prescribed perfectionism, which is the perception or reality that other people impose unrealistic expectations on you, like your parents or society.

第三種是 "社會規定完美主義"，即認為或現實中其他人（如父母或社會）對你施加了不切實際的期望。

These three dimensions aren't mutually exclusive, so you could have a bit of all of them, or you might identify more with one of them.

這三個維度並不相互排斥，所以你可能對所有維度都有一些瞭解，也可能更認同其中的一個維度。

For me, it's mostly self-prescribed perfectionism, but there's definitely a bunch of like social prescribed perfectionism going on in here too.

對我來說，這主要是自我規定的完美主義，但這裡肯定也有很多社會規定的完美主義。

And I'm sure my partner Greg would say there's also some other-oriented perfectionism that happens in our household.

我相信我的搭檔格雷格也會說，我們家也有一些以他人為導向的完美主義。

So let's quickly talk about where perfectionism comes from and how it develops.

是以，讓我們快速談談完美主義的來源和發展過程。

Not surprisingly, research shows it's partly your genetics and natural tendencies, but also your environment and external factors and how they interplay.

研究表明，這一方面與你的遺傳和自然傾向有關，另一方面也與你所處的環境和外部因素以及它們之間的相互作用有關。

But there's one factor in particular that research has really honed in on when it comes to perfectionism, and that is parenting.

但是，在研究完美主義的過程中，有一個因素尤其值得關注，那就是父母的教育。

Study after study after study has linked parenting style and especially parental criticism and high expectations to not only the development, but maintenance of perfectionism.

一項又一項研究表明，父母的教育方式，尤其是父母的責備和過高期望，不僅與完美主義的形成有關，而且還與完美主義的維持有關。

This can range from the more obvious version, like vocal criticism and pressure to achieve, but it can also manifest from more subtle cues and family dynamics.

這其中既有比較明顯的表現，如聲討和成績壓力，也有比較微妙的暗示和家庭動態。

Maybe you weren't highly criticized, but it was obvious that your family celebrated excellence and anything less was overlooked.

也許你並沒有受到嚴厲的責備，但很明顯，你的家庭崇尚優秀，任何不優秀的東西都會被忽視。

Or maybe your family wanted to maintain an image of happiness and perfection to others, forcing a facade onto you.

又或者，你的家人想在別人面前維持一個幸福完美的形象，強行給你裝點門面。

Research even shows that having perfectionist parents is a high predictor for you to be a perfectionist as well.

研究甚至表明，如果父母是完美主義者，那麼你也很有可能成為一個完美主義者。

But it really boils down to parents invalidating early childhood experiences.

但這其實歸根結底是父母在抹殺孩子的童年經歷。

People with more secure attachment styles were typically given a safe environment to self-explore and make mistakes, allowing them to find out who they are without fear of rejection or punishment.

安全型依戀風格的人通常有一個安全的環境來進行自我探索和犯錯誤，使他們能夠發現自己是誰，而不用擔心被拒絕或受到懲罰。

But for a lot of perfectionists, their parents may have invalidated these experiences by emphasizing mistakes or having unrealistic expectations, which can lead to a lower sense of self-worth, shame, and anger.

但是，對於很多完美主義者來說，他們的父母可能會因為強調錯誤或抱有不切實際的期望而使這些經歷變得無效，從而導致自我價值感降低、羞愧和憤怒。

Kieran and Hill suggest that the need to be perfect or appear perfect is a strategy that is adopted to compensate for, repair, and protect a damaged sense of self-worth through obtaining the approval of others.

基蘭和希爾認為，需要完美或看起來完美是一種策略，通過獲得他人的認可來補償、修復和保護受損的自我價值感。

And this type of attachment can lead to other psychological disorders too.

這種依戀也會導致其他心理疾病。

In fact, this study on eating disorders found that perfectionism, perceived criticism, and parental expectations were significantly correlated with the presence of bulimic symptoms.

事實上，這項關於飲食失調症的研究發現，完美主義、感知到的責備和父母的期望與暴食症狀的出現有明顯的相關性。

Now, of course, our culture and societal pressure play a massive role in this too.

當然，我們的文化和社會壓力也在其中扮演了重要角色。

There's been a 32% increase in perfectionism among students between 1989 to 2016, but social prescribed perfectionism has increased at basically double the rate of self-oriented and other-oriented.

從1989年到2016年，學生中的完美主義增加了32%，但社會規定完美主義的增加速度基本上是自我導向和他人導向的兩倍。

Which is super important to recognize, like give yourselves and your parents a bit of a break because the world itself is way more competitive than it ever was.

認識到這一點非常重要，比如讓你們自己和父母休息一下，因為這個世界本身的競爭比以往任何時候都激烈。

There's a lot of external pressure to be high-achieving, along with the influence that even social media has on us, constantly seeing people doing amazing things, perfecting their routines and bodies, and celebrating all their successes.

我們承受著巨大的外部壓力，甚至社交媒體也會對我們產生影響，不斷看到人們做出令人驚歎的事情，完善自己的生活習慣和身材，慶祝自己的成功。

And all these factors lead perfectionists to a style of thinking called perseverative cognitive style, where it's really difficult to disengage from negative thoughts.

所有這些因素導致完美主義者形成了一種被稱為 "鍥而不捨認知風格 "的思維方式，在這種風格下，他們真的很難從消極的想法中解脫出來。

Constantly worrying about the future or replaying past mistakes becomes habitual, making you feel inadequate and anxious about making more mistakes.

不斷擔心未來或回想過去的錯誤會成為習慣，讓你覺得自己不夠好，焦慮不安，害怕犯更多的錯誤。

Your brain starts to see criticism and judgment even when it might not exist.

你的大腦開始看到責備和評判，即使這些責備和評判可能並不存在。

And for many social-oriented perfectionists, they feel that their desire to achieve is never satiated, almost like it's an endless chase to a finish line that just keeps moving further and further away.

而對於許多社交型完美主義者來說，他們覺得自己的成就欲永遠得不到滿足，幾乎就像在無休止地追逐終點線，而終點線卻越走越遠。

And all these constant negative thoughts are then linked to emotional distress and health problems, which brings us to the consequences and impact of perfectionism on your mental health and body.

而所有這些持續不斷的負面想法又與情緒困擾和健康問題聯繫在一起，這就給我們帶來了完美主義對心理健康和身體的後果和影響。

So this is where I really want to emphasize that being a perfectionist isn't just like a cute and quirky trait.

所以，在這裡我想強調的是，完美主義者並不只是一種可愛和古怪的特質。

It's literally linked to a ton of physical and psychological disorders.

它確實與大量生理和心理疾病有關。

There's research showing it's linked with pathways of physical stress, including ulcers, migraines, gastrointestinal issues, chronic fatigue, and even hypertension.

研究表明，它與身體壓力的途徑有關，包括潰瘍、偏頭痛、腸胃問題、慢性疲勞，甚至高血壓。

One study even found a 51% increase in the risk of death for those who are high in self-expression.

一項研究甚至發現，自我表達能力強的人死亡風險會增加 51%。

People who have other-oriented perfectionism struggle more with relationships, whether that be explicitly adversarial or just simply having lower satisfaction in general in relationships.

有他人導向完美主義的人在人際關係中會更加掙扎，不管是明確的敵對關係，還是隻是在人際關係中總體滿意度較低。

This also includes more interpersonal conflicts and issues at work.

這也包括工作中更多的人際衝突和問題。

And though the link is not quite as strong in the research, many studies have correlated disordered eating with perfectionism as well.

雖然這種聯繫在研究中並不那麼強烈，但許多研究都將飲食失調與完美主義聯繫在一起。

This can also be expressed as physical appearance perfectionism, where one focuses so obsessively on looks or a perfect eating regime that it negatively impacts other areas of their life.

這也可以表現為外貌完美主義，即一個人過分關注外貌或完美的飲食習慣，以至於對生活的其他方面產生了負面影響。

But perhaps the biggest standout is the many studies linking perfectionism to anxiety and depression.

但最突出的也許是許多研究將完美主義與焦慮和抑鬱聯繫起來。

Interestingly, the research suggests it's not just correlation, but actually causation.

有趣的是，研究表明這不僅是相關性，實際上還是因果關係。

That is, the higher you fall on the perfectionist scale, the more likely you are to be anxious and depressed.

也就是說，你的完美主義程度越高，就越容易焦慮和抑鬱。

Fears of performing to real or imagined standards, again, result in shame, low self-esteem, and diminished ability to cope with negative emotions, which ultimately makes one vulnerable to depression.

擔心自己的表現達不到真實或想象中的標準，同樣會導致羞愧、自卑和應對負面情緒的能力下降，最終使人容易患上抑鬱症。

Even middle school students with high scores in socially prescribed perfectionism have higher rates of depression.

即使是在社會規定的完美主義方面得分較高的中學生，其抑鬱率也較高。

Now, for many perfectionists, the increased anxiety is then linked to something else called anxiety sensitivity.

現在，對於許多完美主義者來說，焦慮的增加與另一種叫做焦慮敏感的東西有關。

That is, becoming afraid of the symptoms of anxiety themselves, sometimes dubbed the fear of fear, which can be a predictor for more serious anxiety disorders.

也就是說，變得害怕焦慮症狀本身，有時也被稱為害怕恐懼，這可能是更嚴重焦慮症的預兆。

Because your perfectionism can trigger such intense emotions and anxiety, you then become afraid of triggering that.

因為你的完美主義會引發如此強烈的情緒和焦慮，所以你會變得害怕引發這種情緒和焦慮。

In more mild cases, this might result in an avoidance strategy, which means you stop doing things that you would otherwise want to do simply to avoid these feelings.

在更輕微的情況下，這可能會導致一種迴避策略，即你停止做你本來想做的事情，只是為了避免這些感覺。

You know, maybe you've always wanted to be a musician, but your ambition just doesn't yet match your skill and you're afraid to look dumb or not good enough, and as a result you put off taking the next steps and instead obsess over researching and organizing and thinking about the perfect ways to do it instead of actually just doing the thing you want to do.

你知道，也許你一直想成為一名音樂家，但你的雄心壯志與你的技能還不匹配，你害怕看起來很笨或不夠好，結果你延後了下一步，而是沉迷於研究、組織和思考完美的方法，而不是真正去做你想做的事情。

This may or may not be a biographical account.

In more extreme cases, this has been seen to develop into things like OCD, panic disorders, and phobias.

在更極端的情況下，這種情況會發展成強迫症、恐慌症和恐懼症。

Again, social prescribed perfectionism is most strongly linked to both anxiety and depression.

同樣，社會規定的完美主義與焦慮和抑鬱的關係最為密切。

At its most extreme end, studies have found a link between perfectionism and suicide.

在最極端的情況下，研究發現完美主義與自殺之間存在聯繫。

Of course, suicide is extremely complex and not just caused by one issue, but the negative thought patterns and inner critic can play a significant role in thoughts and behaviors.

當然，自殺的原因極其複雜，並不只是一個問題造成的，但消極的思維模式和內心的批判會在思想和行為中起到重要作用。

Studies on university students found that those who presented with both perfectionism and suicidal ideation had two dimensions in common.

對大學生的研究發現，那些同時表現出完美主義和自殺意念的人有兩個共同點。

One, reports of a history of parental criticism, and two, doubts about actions.

一是關於父母責備歷史的報告，二是對行動的懷疑。

Many men in particular commit suicide without any previous mental health diagnosis.

尤其是許多男性，他們在自殺前並沒有任何心理健康診斷。

The truth is, if you have a carefully constructed image of being perfect, being in control, and being extremely competent, then facing public setbacks can be really difficult to cope with.

事實上，如果你精心塑造了一個完美、掌控一切、能力超強的形象，那麼面對公眾挫折時，你可能真的很難應對。

This is often dubbed the cracking facade because perfectionists are quite good at hiding their problems until it's very far gone, and it can all break apart really fast.

這通常被稱為 "破裂的門面"，因為完美主義者很善於隱藏自己的問題，直到問題非常嚴重，才會迅速崩潰。

Studies find this is most true for self-oriented and societal dimensions of perfectionism, whereas other-oriented perfectionism is more associated with grandiose personality disorders like narcissism.

研究發現，以自我為導向的完美主義和以社會為導向的完美主義最能說明問題，而以他人為導向的完美主義則更多地與自戀等自大型人格障礙有關。

Because perfectionism is so multifaceted, as in it's a problem in and of itself, but it also makes other problems harder to deal with, most of the research suggests that it be dealt with as not only a primary problem, but in conjunction with other diagnoses.

因為完美主義是多方面的，它本身是一個問題，但它也會使其他問題更難處理，所以大多數研究建議，完美主義不僅要作為一個主要問題來處理，還要與其他診斷結合起來。

And one of the main forms of treatment is, not so surprisingly, therapy.

治療的主要方式之一就是治療，這並不奇怪。

Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most prominent and researched form for perfectionism, and has shown success in lowering an individual's perfectionist score, as well as lessening unwanted emotions and negative thoughts.

認知行為療法是治療完美主義最有效的方法，在降低完美主義評分、減少不必要的情緒和負面想法方面取得了成功。

These studies have even found self-help and web-based versions of CBT to be effective.

這些研究甚至發現自助和網絡版的 CBT 是有效的。

More recent research has shown success using mindfulness-based approaches too, like acceptance and commitment therapy.

最近的研究表明，使用正念療法（如接受和承諾療法）也取得了成功。

They found that mindfulness lessens the cognitive and emotional load, especially for those who feel self-presentation is necessary to maintain for others, and these therapies can lower depression and anxiety levels.

他們發現，正念可以減輕認知和情緒負擔，特別是對於那些認為自我表現是為他人所必需的人來說，這些療法可以降低抑鬱和焦慮水準。

Interestingly, the research consistently brings up the idea of self-compassion.

有趣的是，這項研究一直在強調 "自我同情 "這一概念。

So self-critical perfectionists who don't really have the skill of self-compassion struggle most intensely and most often with anxiety and depression.

是以，自我苛求的完美主義者並不真正具備自我同情的技能，他們在焦慮和抑鬱中掙扎得最激烈、最頻繁。

And other research has confirmed that self-compassion is protective against depression.

其他研究也證實，自我同情對抑鬱症有保護作用。

Early and specific treatments seem to be best at nipping it in the bud, but it's never too late to reach out for help.

早期和特定的治療方法似乎最能將其扼殺在萌芽狀態，但任何時候尋求幫助都為時不晚。

Like I said, this is something I only really faced in my fourth decade of life.

就像我說的，這是我在人生的第四個十年才真正面對的問題。

So even though it wasn't easy, it took a really intense inner crisis for me, and obviously a lot of therapy, I feel I've come a long way and I really want to reiterate that it's never too late to start changing your relationship to perfectionism.

是以，儘管這並不容易，我經歷了一場非常激烈的內心危機，顯然也接受了很多治療，但我覺得自己已經走過了漫長的道路，我真的想重申，開始改變你與完美主義的關係永遠都不會太晚。

A lot of research suggests schools, both primary and secondary, consider implementing programs to help their students manage these increasing expectations and increasing rates of perfectionism to help build coping strategies and self-compassion.

許多研究建議，中小學應考慮實施一些計劃，幫助學生管理這些不斷提高的期望值和不斷增加的完美主義比率，以幫助他們建立應對策略和自我同情。

From my personal experience, something I've genuinely come to believe about myself and other people is that often your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness and vice versa.

從我的個人經歷來看，我真正相信自己和其他人的一點是，你最大的優勢往往也是你最大的弱點，反之亦然。

Like my perfectionism has definitely pushed me in ways that have helped me and made me accomplish things that I'm super proud of, but it's also caused me like a ton of strife.

我的完美主義確實給了我很多幫助，讓我完成了很多我引以為傲的事情，但也給我帶來了很多煩惱。

And so right now, I feel like it's not about getting rid of it.

所以現在，我覺得不是要擺脫它。

It's about really learning to face it, to see it, to acknowledge it, to know when it comes up, and then to know which parts of that are actually useful for you, which parts are causing you strain, anxiety, depression, and which parts are like motivating you to do things that make you feel good.

這就是要真正學會面對它、看到它、承認它，知道它什麼時候會出現，然後知道它的哪些部分對你真正有用，哪些部分會給你帶來壓力、焦慮、抑鬱，哪些部分會激勵你去做讓你感覺良好的事情。

It's not so black and white, which is obviously a perfectionist way of thinking.

這顯然是一種完美主義的思維方式，而不是非黑即白。

I'm like, I either have to have it or I have to get rid of it.

我想，我要麼擁有它，要麼把它扔掉。

Find a way to know it's not always good, and then we'll go from there.

找到一種方法，知道它不總是好的，然後我們再從那裡開始。

In all the research, something that really stood out to me was that while perfectionism is often defined as the fear of not doing things right, just as many papers define it as the fear of not being good enough.

在所有的研究中，有一點讓我印象深刻，那就是雖然完美主義通常被定義為害怕做不好事情，但同樣有很多論文將其定義為害怕做得不夠好。

That hit me really hard and is a really powerful way to think about it.

這句話對我的觸動很大，是一種非常有力的思考方式。