Name: 如何識別身邊的自戀狂？ ► 看看這 6 個跡象，中了幾個 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula（中英字幕） (如何識別身邊的自戀狂？ ► 看看這 6個跡象，中了幾個 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula（中英字幕）)
Uploaded: 2025-05-21T09:57:00.000Z
Duration: 3 min 58 s

這就是我們所說的橡皮筋理論。

A narcissist, it's a person who lacks empathy, who's really entitled, meaning that they expect special treatment to be given to them, but nobody else.

自戀者是一個缺乏同情心的人，是一個真正有權有勢的人，也就是說，他們希望別人給他們特殊待遇，而不是給其他人。

They're very grandiose, they harbor huge fantasies, they only wanna affiliate with people they think are as cool or as interesting as they are.

他們非常好大喜功，懷有巨大的幻想，只想和他們認為和自己一樣酷、一樣有趣的人交往。

They're very superficial, they're very concerned about their appearance, the appearance of people around them.

他們非常膚淺，非常在意自己和周圍人的外表。

I always think of them as beautiful facades with not a lot behind them.

我一直認為它們只是美麗的外表，背後並沒有什麼。

They don't regulate their emotions very well.

他們不能很好地調節自己的情緒。

They're very prone to throwing tantrums, getting angry very quickly, especially if they don't get their way.

他們很容易發脾氣，很快就會發火，尤其是在不順心的時候。

And they can be really hypersensitive to criticism.

而且，他們對責備可能真的過於敏感。

They're willing to dole it out, but they absolutely can't take it.

他們願意施捨，但絕對不能接受。

So those are some of the key elements we see in a person who's narcissistic.

這些就是我們在自戀者身上看到的一些關鍵因素。

自戀者是天生的，而不是後天的。

Narcissism is really a byproduct of simultaneously overindulging and underindulging a child, which is sort of like, how do you do both?

自戀其實是同時對孩子過度溺愛和溺愛不足的副產品，這就有點像，你如何同時做到這兩點？

You constantly give them credit for just achievements.

You make sure that you have the most fabulous sort of family life.

你要確保擁有最美妙的家庭生活。

Whatever you can afford, you make it that.

只要你能負擔得起，你就能做到。

You focus on their appearance, you focus on their achievements, you focus on, we're gonna have the best vacation, you're gonna be the best player on the soccer team.

你關注他們的外表，你關注他們的成就，你關注 "我們會有一個最棒的假期，你會成為足球隊裡最棒的球員"。

Wait, you're saying they should do these things?

等等，你是說他們應該做這些事？

But at the same time, they underindulge that child's emotional world.

但與此同時，他們卻對孩子的情感世界溺愛不足。

It's almost as though it seems at those moments, they don't care.

就好像在那些時刻，他們根本不在乎。

That kid's like, hey mom, let's play a board game.

那孩子就會說，嘿，媽媽，我們來玩棋盤遊戲吧。

But then when that kid's on the soccer field, that mom's out there number one, cheering when it's their kid with a trophy, it's snap, snap, snap, Instagram, Instagram, Instagram.

但是，當孩子在足球場上，當媽媽在場外為孩子贏得獎盃歡呼雀躍時，就變成了 "啪"、"啪"、"啪"、"Instagram"、"Instagram"、"Instagram"。

And so this kid feels valued only really for those exterior kinds of qualities and they don't learn to cultivate their inner world.

是以，孩子們覺得自己真正受重視的只是這些外在的品質，他們沒有學會培養自己的內心世界。

In essence, they don't have a good mirror.

實質上，他們沒有一面好鏡子。

And on top of that, children learn narcissism by watching it.

除此之外，孩子們還會通過觀察學會自戀。

So if the parent is throwing a fit at a flight attendant or screaming at their teacher or screaming at the coach or storming into the restaurant saying, we don't expect to wait for a table or why should we have to wait in this line?

是以，如果家長對空乘人員大發脾氣，或對老師大喊大叫，或對教練大喊大叫，或衝進餐廳說，我們不希望等位，為什麼我們要在這裡排隊？

If the child sees enough of that kind of entitled behavior, they're gonna learn to model it.

如果孩子看到了足夠多的這種自以為是的行為，他們就會學會以身作則。

一旦你成為一個自戀狂，那就完了。

是啊，你就像在一個俱樂部裡。

And the difficulty is, is that it's what we call a rubber band theory, okay?

困難在於，這就是我們所說的橡皮筋理論，好嗎？

So if you can stretch a rubber band and it can become quite long, start at this big and get it this big.

是以，如果你能把橡皮筋拉長，而且能拉得很長，那麼就從這麼長的橡皮筋開始，拉到這麼長。

But if I let go, that thing's popping back.

但如果我放手，那東西又會蹦回來。

So the heartbreak of narcissism is that you can actually train this person to be a little bit more empathic, to not be so jerky and not be so entitled and actually listen to other people.

是以，自戀的心碎之處在於，你其實可以訓練這個人變得更有同理心，不再那麼生硬，不再那麼自以為是，而是真正傾聽他人的心聲。

As soon as there's some stress in the system, the workday doesn't go the way they want.

只要系統中存在一些壓力，工作日就不會如他們所願。

They didn't get the raise they hoped for.

Their friend buys a bigger house than them.

他們的朋友買了比他們更大的房子。

Like life isn't going the way they want, they blow again, the rubber band is right back.

就像生活不如意，他們再吹一次，橡皮筋又回來了。

And so many people will say, I'm with a narcissist.

很多人會說，我和一個自戀狂在一起。

我能做些什麼來修理他（她）？

We put 90% of our energy into our dysfunctional relationships and only give 10% to those good, loving people who have our backs.

我們把 90% 的精力投入到不正常的人際關係中，只把 10% 的精力投入到那些支持我們的好人、有愛的人身上。

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如何識別身邊的自戀狂？ ► 看看這 6 個跡象，中了幾個 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula（中英字幕） (如何識別身邊的自戀狂？ ► 看看這 6個跡象，中了幾個 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula（中英字幕）)

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absolutely

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