Name: 當親屬之愛讓我們精疲力竭，如何從親友連結中獲得救贖？（The Love of Kith and the Love of Kin）
Uploaded: 2026-03-11T15:13:39.000Z
Duration: 3 min 43 s

The words "kith" and "kin" are some of the oldest in the English language,

「Kith」和「Kin」這兩個詞是英語中最古老的單字之一，

appearing somewhere between 400 and 800 AD.

大約出現在西元 400 到 800 年間。

情態副詞

They are now also hugely unfamiliar and odd-sounding, but their meaning is simple.

如今它們聽起來非常陌生且古怪，但其含義其實很簡單。

"Kin" refers to close blood or marriage relatives.

「Kin」（親屬）指的是血親或姻親。

There's the link to the German word "Kind."

這與德語單字「Kind」（孩子）有所關聯。

Your husband or wife, your children, your parents.

And "kith" refers to the community at large:

而「Kith」（親友）指的則是更廣泛的社群：

neighbors, colleagues, the village, the city, the people you pass in the street,

鄰居、同事、村莊、城市，以及你在街上擦身而過的人，

and friends you make at work or through hobbies.

或是透過工作和興趣結交的朋友。

If we think about the love we're interested in nowadays,

如果我們思考現代人所追求的愛情，

那絕大多數都屬於對「Kin」（親屬）的愛。

it's with one very special person who will understand us totally, with whom our souls will fuse—

對象通常是一個能完全理解我們、與我們靈魂融合的特別的人——

a best friend, angel, co-parent, therapist, sex mate, and companion all rolled into one.

集摯友、天使、共同教養者、治療師、性伴侶和靈魂伴侶於一身。

Someone who will exhaust our imaginations,

someone who will render everyone else redundant.

並讓其他所有人都顯得可有可無的人。

The dream is intense, but the search for this sort of love is also notoriously troubled.

這場夢境固然熱烈，但尋找這種愛的過程也是出了名的艱辛。

It's hugely unlikely, statistically, that we will ever feel as close to our kin—

從統計學上來看，我們極難與所謂的「親屬」——

to our families and lovers—as we would like.

也就是家人與愛人——達到我們渴望的那種親密程度。

Mother is cold, father is distant, our partner doesn't understand.

母親很冷漠，父親很疏離，伴侶無法理解我們。

We've dated 200 people in the last four years,

and we're no closer to finding the bond we crave.

卻依然沒有接近那種夢寐以求的連結。

反倒讓我們的神經系統精疲力竭。

A huge amount of blame is sprayed around to account for the loneliness and scratchiness.

為了釋放孤獨與焦慮，我們四處噴灑責難。

「一定是我自己有什麼問題。」

或者是我們的依附類型出了偏差。

也可能是我們用錯了約會軟體。

We have an unresolved trauma from childhood.

或是童年時期有尚未解開的創傷。

All this may be true, but eventually, this blame-seeking is in danger of missing the point.

這一切或許都是真的，但到頭來，這種「找戰犯」的行為很可能會失焦。

Whatever the reasons, love between kin seems to be very, very hard.

不論原因為何，「親屬」之間的愛似乎總是極其困難。

Almost, we might say at certain moments, impossible.

我們甚至可以說，在某些時刻，它是近乎不可能的。

Families can't deliver, and nor can lovers.

家庭無法完全給予，愛人亦然。

Nothing in our social or political system encourages us to question our expectations

而在我們的社會或政治體系中，沒有任何機制鼓勵我們質疑這種期待，

The fantasy of the nuclear family and the romantic couple are hardwired into our calendars.

核心家庭與浪漫情侶的幻想，已深深植根於我們的行事曆中。

We celebrate Valentine's Day and Mother's and Father's Day,

我們慶祝情人節、母親節和父親節，

but there is no "Neighbor Day," there is no "Community Day."

卻沒有所謂的「鄰居節」或「社群節」。

對「親友」（Kith）的愛，毫無光環可言。

And here, we are done an immense disservice.

在這一點上，我們遭受了巨大的虧待。

Our longing for love can't and mustn't be stopped.

我們對愛的渴望不能也不應停止。

But it might, given the circumstances, at times be redirected.

但在特定環境下，它有時可以被重新引導。

We've got so much love to give and would at points be so much better advised to offer it to our kith rather than to our kin.

我們有如此充沛的愛可以給予，有時將它奉獻給「親友」而非「親屬」，反倒是更明智的建議。

That is, to friends, to the people we've met through our work and on our travels,

也就是給予朋友、在工作或旅途中遇見的人，

and to the strangers we chat to at the community hall.

以及在社區中心閒聊的陌生人。

It's a different form of love, of course.

當然，這是一種不同形式的愛。

But it may be all the more joyful for that.

但也正因如此，它或許更加令人喜悅。

It's a love free of jealousy, exclusivity, and punishing hope.

這是一種免於嫉妒、排他性與那種折磨人的奢望的愛。

but it may be the future of love properly understood.

但它或許才是被正確理解後的愛的未來。

我們曾如此努力地試圖愛我們的親屬。

Before despairing of love, we should open our eyes to a possibility to which our era blinds us:

在對愛絕望之前，我們應該睜開雙眼，看見那種被當代所忽視的可能性：

The quiet, glorious comforts of the love of kith.

那就是對「親友」（Kith）之愛，所帶來的安靜而輝煌的慰藉。