Name: 殘酷的真相：為什麼你的前男友和別人很般配？ (The Cruel Truth: Why Your Ex Is Perfect for Someone Else)
Uploaded: 2025-08-20T18:02:17.000Z
Duration: 5 min 24 s

情態助動詞 B1

The reality of relationships is that many of the struggles we had with our now ex-partners, though they appeared circular and fruitless at the time, are likely to be precisely what will help them to become, in the future, ideal partners for someone else. It's the very difficulties we had, the arguments, blind spots and stalemates, that will prepare them for unions filled with insight, harmony and serenity next time around. Unbeknownst to us, we may for a long time have been in the business of helping someone else to be very happy. There will typically be few signs of our unwittingly selfless groundwork. The fraught closing stages of the relationship are unlikely to have seemed like an emotional finishing school or a forum for psychological maturation. There might have been a succession of seemingly sterile fights when we questioned why they spent so much time obsessing about their brother or expecting their mother to rescue them. There might have been a variety of tense conversations about certain of their friends or their approach to work. We might have been accused of being mean or overly critical. Perhaps there was a sulk that lasted twelve hours and a moment when they called us a blockhead and we told them we wished we had never met them – even though, or precisely because, we loved them so deeply.

人際關係的現實是，我們與現在的前伴侶之間的許多鬥爭，雖然在當時看來是循環往復、毫無結果的，但很可能正是幫助他們在未來成為別人理想伴侶的因素。正是我們曾經遇到的困難、爭吵、盲點和僵局，為他們下一次充滿洞察力、和諧與寧靜的結合做好了準備。在我們不知道的情況下，我們可能長期以來一直在幫助別人獲得幸福。通常情況下，很少有跡象表明我們在不知不覺中無私地打下了基礎。在這段關係充滿矛盾的收尾階段，我們不太可能把它看成是一所情感肄業學校或一個心理成熟的論壇。當我們質問他們為什麼花那麼多時間糾結於哥哥或期待媽媽來拯救他們時

程度副詞

We can be charitable towards these choppy moments. Relationships typically involve sincere attempts by both partners to raise the other's level of self-awareness and empathy. None of us are perfect and the arena in which these imperfections are first identified and grappled with is in the close-up conditions of love. The problem isn't our mutual educational intent but the terrible way in which it's generally carried out. We're on the whole very poor teachers and equally bad students. In the teaching role, we spot multiple things in our partners but are so worried that they won't understand and change that we almost guarantee that they won't ever do so. We address them in high-handed, urgent moods.

我們可以寬容地對待這些波瀾不驚的時刻。戀愛關係中，伴侶雙方通常都會真誠地嘗試提高對方的自我認知水準和同理心。我們中沒有人是完美的，而在愛情的特寫條件下，這些不完美最先被發現和解決。問題不在於我們彼此的教育意圖，而在於通常實施教育的糟糕方式。總的來說，我們是很差的老師，同樣也是很差的學生。在教學過程中，我們會發現伴侶身上的許多問題，但又擔心他們不會理解和改變，以至於我們幾乎保證他們永遠不會這樣做。我們以高壓、急迫的情緒對待他們。

We forget that no one has ever learned anything by being humiliated. We try to get them to see a vital point in the middle of the night or when we're both exhausted or on the way to the airport or doctor's appointment. We forget to deploy humour and reassurance.

我們忘了，從來沒有人因為被羞辱而學到過什麼。我們試圖在夜深人靜的時候，在我們都筋疲力盡的時候，在去機場或看醫生的路上，讓他們明白一個重要的道理。我們忘記了幽默和安慰。

We think it will help things if we spice up our lessons with phrases like, and everyone else knows this about you too or and you're exactly like your dad. And when we're in the student role, we're equally unimaginative, brittle and hasty. We swiftly resent the partner for spotting something complicated in our characters that we know deep down does need addressing and we disingenuously complain to our friends that our partners don't love us as we are, as though anyone should ever do such a thing. In fear, we regressively equate true love with boundless approval. We cannot allow that someone should both be deeply on our side and justly want to criticise us. Nevertheless, once the heat has gone out of the moment, once we've taken the decision to part and cried alone in our apartment over many weeks, some of the things we most wanted to get across to our partners and they to us will finally have a chance to be absorbed. When the other is no longer in the vicinity, when a point isn't being made with vehemence or insistence, it can become easier to think that yes, perhaps there might have been something to reflect on about one's relationship to a sibling or a parent, a friendship or a professional matter. Pride is no longer on the line, dignity is no longer ruffled. When the classroom has been blown up and the teacher dismissed, homework can finally begin. And so, months or years later, our erstwhile partner may arrive in a new relationship with the fault lines which we fought over with such agitation substantially healed. In their attractive outfit which we brought with them, gazing into the middle distance, they may casually remark, I had a few problems with my brother a while back but that's all sorted out now. Or they may, as they pour themselves a little more white wine, explain with uncommon sagacity that making time for personal life is very important to me now, however much I do enjoy my job. And the new partner will take delight in how extraordinarily grounded and poised their beloved appears to be in so many ways.

我們認為，如果在課堂上用 "別人也都知道你的這些事 "或 "你和你爸爸一模一樣 "之類的話來點綴課堂，就會起到事半功倍的效果。而當我們扮演學生角色時，我們也同樣缺乏想象力、生硬而草率。我們很快就會怨恨伴侶，因為他發現了我們性格中的某些複雜之處，而我們內心深處也知道這些問題確實需要解決，我們會虛偽地向朋友抱怨伴侶不愛我們，好像誰都不應該做這樣的事。在恐懼中，我們倒退地將真愛等同於無限的認可。我們不允許有人既深深地站在我們這邊，又理直氣壯地要責備我們。然而，一旦我們的激情褪去，一旦我們決定分開，並在公寓裡獨自

It could sound like the grounds for bitterness were it not for one redemptive detail. The process is likely to be two ways. With any luck, we too will eventually meet someone who appears, entirely naturally, to have a deep understanding of themselves, a mature way of relating to their flaws and a deft way of sailing over the complexities of their character. They will apologise before we even thought of saying anything. They will seem miraculously open to feedback over certain topics and their insight into the complexities of their pasts will awe us. We'll think that this is the way they were born. No one will know and everyone will feel, after so many tears with their tricky ex, hugely blessed.

如果不是一個救贖性的細節，這聽起來可能會讓人感到憤懣。這個過程可能是雙向的。如果運氣好的話，我們最終也會遇到這樣的人，他們似乎完全是自然而然地對自己有了深刻的瞭解，對自己的缺點有了成熟的認識，對自己複雜的性格有了巧妙的駕馭。他們會在我們想說什麼之前就道歉。他們對某些話題的反饋會顯得奇蹟般地開放，他們對自己過去複雜經歷的洞察力會讓我們敬畏。我們會認為這就是他們與生俱來的性格。沒有人會知道，每個人在與棘手的前男友流過無數次眼淚之後，都會感到無比幸福。