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  • As you approach the monumental age of 30,

    當你到了 30 歲的里程碑

  • the awkward transitional period of your life becomes nothing more than a distant memory.

    這個尷尬的過渡時期成為一個遙遠的記憶

  • Until now, welcome to second puberty.

    直到現在,歡迎來到二次青春期

  • The stage of life when you actually become an adult.

    在這個人生階段,你真正成為一個成人

  • You're going to begin to notice some changes.

    你會開始注意到自己的變化

  • Like hair where there wasn't here before.

    像是在過去沒有毛髮的地方長毛

  • In your nostril, on your back, and in your ears. Pretty much everywhere except your head,

    在鼻孔、背上、耳朵裡。幾乎到處都長,除了你的頭之外

  • the one place where it matters.

    那個唯一重要的地方

  • You'll see your body blossoming into womanhood.

    你會發現你的身體進入女人階段

  • Womanhood being the doughier, wrinklier version of girlhood.

    一個更肥軟、更多皺紋版的少女階段

  • Cellulite, stretch marks, smile lines. That's right, smile lines. You are being punished for joy.

    橘皮組織、妊娠紋、笑紋。沒錯,笑紋,你因喜悅而遭受懲罰

  • The day-to-day stress of your adult life will lead you to seek out comfort foods.

    成年人生活所要面對每天的壓力會讓你想要尋找一些食物的慰藉

  • Unfortunately, your new adult stomach can no longer handle delicious food,

    很不幸的,你的「成人胃」已經無法再接受美味的食物了,

  • so you can either deal with the overwhelming cravings or diarrhea.

    所以你只能試著控制自己強烈的慾望,或是你可以選擇吃了後拉肚子

  • So much diarrhea

    超多的腹瀉

  • That brings us to exercise. Not being fat is a ton of work now.

    這逼迫我們運動,現在不讓自己變胖是很費力的一件事

  • But with a strict regimen and a healthy diet,

    當有了嚴格的管理和健康的飲食

  • you might be able to transform that very chubby body into a sort of chubby body.

    你可以讓現在非常胖的身體變成有點胖的身體

  • And all it costs is your social life.

    代價就是你的社交生活

  • As a man, you might start to notice you don't craze sex the way you did when you were a teenager.

    身為一個男人,你會發現,你不再像青少年時期一樣對性那麼狂熱

  • This is referred to as the ''dicks are assholes'' phenomenon.

    這被稱為「小老弟是混蛋」現象

  • You see, men reach their sexual peaks before women when their chances of getting laid are the lowest.

    你可以看到,男人比女人早到達性慾的頂峰,但那時卻是他們上床機會最低的時候

  • Then, their dicks slowly break over time.

    然後,他們的小弟弟隨著時間慢慢不行了

  • Human sexuality is essentially one big, missed high five, but that's nothing compared to fertility.

    人類的性慾其實很難達到兩性之間的平衡,但沒有比生育更重要的事

  • Which dictates that a 15-year-old girl making a mistake on prom night has a better chance of getting pregnant

    調查發現,15 歲的女孩在舞會之夜不小心懷孕的機率

  • than a 40-year-old woman actively trying to conceive with their husband.

    比那些 40 歲才和丈夫努力生孩子的女人還高

  • In fact, fertility starts to fall off year by year after 30.

    事實上,女人的生育能力在過了 30 歲後一年比一年下降

  • So start thinking about that stuff now ladies.

    所以女士們,現在就開始想想這件事吧

  • But why bother worrying at all? You have no idea what you're doing,

    但何必煩惱呢?你不清楚自己正在做什麼

  • and anyone who's ever giving you advice is a fallible human, who could be wrong about everything.

    而每個給你意見的人也都會犯錯,可能每件事都做錯啊

  • Better you just drink to forget.

    不如喝一杯來忘記這一切吧

  • Oh-ho! But hangovers are way worse now.

    噢...但現在宿醉比以前糟多了

  • So, did I mention you can rent a car? uh... that's pretty cool.

    我有提到你可以租車嗎?那蠻酷的哦

  • Hey guys, it's Murph from college humor.

    嗨各位,我是 college humor 的 Murph

  • Click here to subscribe, here to watch more videos,

    按這裡訂閱,按這裡看更多影片,

  • or just say "click" out loud and our automated system will subscribe for you

    或你只要大聲的說:「按!」,我們的系統就會自動幫你訂閱

  • How does it work? computers!

    這是怎麼做到的?電腦啊!

As you approach the monumental age of 30,

當你到了 30 歲的里程碑

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 女人 性慾 青春期 階段 成人 身體

什麼!「第二次」青春期來了? (How To Prepare For Second Puberty)

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    Gisele Sung 發佈於 2017 年 09 月 04 日
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