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  • As you approach the monumental age of 30, the awkward transitional period of your life becomes nothing more than a distant memory.

    到了 30 歲這個里程碑時,你人生中尷尬的過渡時期已成為遙遠的記憶。

  • Until now, welcome to second puberty.

    直到現在,歡迎來到二次青春期!

  • The stage of life when you actually become an adult.

    在這個階段,你將真正成為成人。

  • You're going to begin to notice some changes.

    你會開始注意到自己的變化。

  • Like hair where there wasn't here before.

    像是過去沒有毛髮的地方長了毛。

  • In your nostril, on your back, and in your ears.

    鼻孔、背上、耳朵裡。

  • Pretty much everywhere except your head, the one place where it matters.

    幾乎到處都長,除了你的頭上之外,那個唯一重要的地方。

  • You'll see your body blossoming into womanhood.

    你會發現你的身體進入了女人階段。

  • Womanhood being the doughier, wrinklier version of girlhood.

    更肥軟、更多皺紋的少女。

  • Cellulite, stretch marks, smile lines.

    橘皮組織、皮膚擴張紋、魚尾紋。

  • That's right, smile lines. You are being punished for joy.

    沒錯,魚尾紋,你因為開心遭受懲罰。

  • The day-to-day stress of your adult life will lead you to seek out comfort foods.

    成年生活每天所要面對的壓力,會讓你想尋找食物慰藉。

  • Unfortunately, your new adult stomach can no longer handle delicious food,

    不幸的是,你的「成人胃」已經無法再承受美味的食物了。

  • so you can either deal with the overwhelming cravings or diarrhea.

    所以你只能試著控制自己強烈的慾望,或是吃完拉肚子。

  • So much diarrhea.

    超常腹瀉。

  • That brings us to exercise. Not being fat is a ton of work now.

    延伸到了運動,現在不讓自己變胖是件很費力的事了。

  • But with a strict regimen and a healthy diet, you might be able to transform that very chubby body into a sort of chubby body.

    但有了嚴格的健康管理和飲食,你可以從超胖變成有點胖。

  • And all it costs is your social life.

    代價就是你的社交生活。

  • As a man, you might start to notice you don't craze sex the way you did when you were a teenager.

    身為一個男人,你會發現,你不再像青少年時那樣熱衷於性了。

  • This is referred to as the "dicks are assholes" phenomenon.

    這被稱為「小老弟是個混蛋」現象。

  • You see, men reach their sexual peaks before women when their chances of getting laid are the lowest.

    男人的性慾比女人更早到達頂峰,但那時卻是他們最難有上床機會的時候。

  • Then, their dicks slowly break over time.

    然後,他們的小弟弟隨著時間慢慢不行了。

  • Human sexuality is essentially one big, missed high five, but that's nothing compared to fertility.

    兩性的性慾其實就像揮空的擊掌,很難達到平衡,但生育的情況比這個更糟。

  • Which dictates that a 15-year-old girl making a mistake on prom night has a better chance of getting pregnant

    意會著 15 歲女孩在舞會之夜不小心一次就中的機率,

  • than a 40-year-old woman actively trying to conceive with their husband.

    比那些 40 處積極想和丈夫生孩子的女人還高。

  • In fact, fertility starts to fall off year by year after 30.

    事實上,女人的生育能力在過了 30 歲後會一年比一年下降。

  • So start thinking about that stuff now ladies.

    所以女士們,現在就開始思考這件事吧。

  • But why bother worrying at all? You have no idea what you're doing.

    但何必煩惱呢?你根本不知道自己在幹嘛。

  • And anyone who's ever giving you advice is a fallible human, who could be wrong about everything.

    給你意見的人也可能是錯誤百出的人,他們說的每句話都可能是錯的。

  • Better you just drink to forget.

    不如喝一杯忘記這一切吧。

  • Oh-ho! But hangovers are way worse now.

    但現在的宿醉會比以前糟多了!

  • So... did I mention you can rent a car? Uh... that's pretty cool.

    我有提到你可以租車了嗎?那...蠻酷的哦。

  • Hey guys, it's Murph from College Humor.

    嗨,我是 College Humor 的 Murph。

  • Click here to subscribe, here to watch more videos.

    按這裡訂閱、按這裡看更多影片。

  • Or just say "click" out loud, and our automated system will subscribe for you.

    或者你可以大喊:「按!」,我們的系統就會自動幫你訂閱。

  • How does it work? computers!

    怎麼做到的?電腦啊!

As you approach the monumental age of 30, the awkward transitional period of your life becomes nothing more than a distant memory.

到了 30 歲這個里程碑時,你人生中尷尬的過渡時期已成為遙遠的記憶。

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 女人 性慾 青春期 階段 成人 身體

三十而不惑!歡迎來到人生的第二次青春期 (How To Prepare For Second Puberty)

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    Gisele Sung 發佈於 2022 年 04 月 06 日
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