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As you approach the monumental age of 30,
the awkward transitional period of your life becomes nothing more than a distant memory.
Until now, welcome to second puberty.
The stage of life when you actually become an adult.
You're going to begin to notice some changes.
Like hair where there wasn't here before.
In your nostril, on your back, and in your ears. Pretty much everywhere except your head,
the one place where it matters.
You'll see your body blossoming into womanhood.
Womanhood being the doughier, wrinklier version of girlhood.
Cellulite, stretch marks, smile lines. That's right, smile lines. You are being punished for joy.
The day-to-day stress of your adult life will lead you to seek out comfort foods.
Unfortunately, your new adult stomach can no longer handle delicious food,
so you can either deal with the overwhelming cravings or diarrhea.
So much diarrhea
That brings us to exercise. Not being fat is a ton of work now.
But with a strict regimen and a healthy diet,
you might be able to transform that very chubby body into a sort of chubby body.
And all it costs is your social life.
As a man, you might start to notice you don't craze sex the way you did when you were a teenager.
This is referred to as the ''dicks are assholes'' phenomenon.
You see, men reach their sexual peaks before women when their chances of getting laid are the lowest.
Then, their dicks slowly break over time.
Human sexuality is essentially one big, missed high five, but that's nothing compared to fertility.
Which dictates that a 15-year-old girl making a mistake on prom night has a better chance of getting pregnant
than a 40-year-old woman actively trying to conceive with their husband.
In fact, fertility starts to fall off year by year after 30.
So start thinking about that stuff now ladies.
But why bother worrying at all? You have no idea what you're doing,
and anyone who's ever giving you advice is a fallible human, who could be wrong about everything.
Better you just drink to forget.
Oh-ho! But hangovers are way worse now.
So, did I mention you can rent a car? uh... that's pretty cool.
Hey guys, it's Murph from college humor.
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什麼!「第二次」青春期來了? (How To Prepare For Second Puberty)

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Gisele Sung 發佈於 2017 年 9 月 5 日    Gisele Sung 翻譯    朱朱 審核
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