Name: 想要快樂人生？你該做這五十件事！ (Instructions for a Happy Life)
Uploaded: 2020-05-29T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 34 s

要有好的牙齒衛生，用牙線是必要的。

Attempt to sleep at least seven hours a night and accept that he /she is never coming back.

每晚盡量睡到七小時，接受他或她，可能不會再回來了。

Accept that the past is irreparable and dwelling on it will change nothing.

接受無法修補過去，持續悔恨不會改變任何事。

你還是能繼續悔恨，然後向前走。

如果可以的話，獨自一人旅行。

Avoid the tourist traps, learn one to ten and please and thank you in the local language, and you've already surpassed 90 percent of all the tourists who have ever been there before you.

避開旅遊陷阱，學習當地語言的一到十、請、謝謝你，你就已經超越之前來過的 90% 旅客。

Acquire new talents for the sake of acquiring them.

學習新的技能，只是為了學習新東西。

If you're young, learn an instrument if possible, you will never have this much free time ever again.

如果你很年輕，學習一樣樂器，之後你可能不會有這麼多空閒時間了。

Exercise at least three times a week vigorously.

Buy clothes that fits properly, you'll notice the difference in your dating life.

買適合的衣服，你會發現約會生活中的改變。

Always check your system has the specs to run the game—fuck.

永遠都要檢查你的系統，確保有啟動遊戲的說明書。

永遠都要檢查牛奶有沒有過期。

Always check the lid hasn't fallen down—fuck!

永遠都要檢查馬桶蓋有沒有掉下來。

Accept there will be whole weeks when you understand nothing and everything hurts except sometimes stupid people get lucky, and sometimes smart people never make it.

接受有時你很無知，每件事情都讓你痛苦，有時候愚笨的人走運了，而有時聰明的人達不到目標。

Accept that girl in class likely isn't going to strike up a conversation first, but if you do it will probably go alright.

接受班上的那個女孩不會先開啟對話，但如果你先開啟了，可能會順利的。

Accept that just because it's weird, doesn't mean it's clever.

接受即使一件事很怪，它也不見得是聰明的。

Accept that George Lucas does deserve respects regardless of the prequels.

接受 George Lucas 值得尊重，即使他寫了那些前傳。

Accept it's okay if you can't use chopsticks.

And accept that there is a set point in the future, after your death when you'll be thought about for the final time by a friend or family member and then forgotten from history forever...

接受未來有個終點，你死後，當家人或朋友最後一次想起你，你會被歷史遺忘......

Spend more time with your parents if they're alive.

如果你的父母仍活著，花多點時間跟他們相處。

Even if they are nob ends, there will come a time when they will be gone, and there will be no one to phone home to, no more hugs, no more bickering, no more in-jokes from your childhood.

即使他們難溝通，有天他們會離去，打回家不再有人接、沒有擁抱、沒有拌嘴、也沒有童年時期的自家笑話了。

Argue about politics if you must, but accept that the other person won't change their view if you start being a dick—besides even from a tactical perspective being nice is always more likely to persuade someone anyway.

如果你很想，也可以爭論政治，但如果你開始兇巴巴，接受另個人不會改變觀點吧，而且從技術上的觀點而言，好好說話本來就比較容易說服人。

Follow cutting-edge physics if you have the time.

如果你有空，可以研究最前端的物理學。

It is the process of humans learning to speak fluent universe.

這是人們學習流暢的宇宙語言的過程。

Accept that expensive whisky is almost always worth the money.

接受昂貴的威士忌幾乎都值回價錢。

Accept that expensive running shoes that almost never worth the money.

接受昂貴的慢跑鞋，幾乎都不值得它的價錢。

Accept that YouTubers and online personalities are often people who couldn't get into the field they wanted to.

接受 YouTubers 和網紅幾乎都是進不了夢想行業的人。

Especially pretentious advice from disembodied smart arse narrators, whose life is probably considerably duller than yours... mhm...

特別是自作聰明的敘述者給的假掰建議，他的人生可能比你的無趣很多......呃...... (多看窗外！)

Attempt to tolerate meta humor? [1. Look out the window. 2. Look out the window some more.]

試圖忍受冷笑話？[1. 多看窗外 2. 多多看窗外]

Accept that no one is in charge, not properly and no one has a handle on any of this (not even Stephen Fry).

接受沒人有主控權，至少不是適當擁有，且沒人能處理一切 (即使 Stephen Fry 也無法)。

Avoid the new season of Twin Peaks if you wish to conserve your sanity, watch it if not.

如果你想保持正常，別看《雙峰》的最新一季，如果不想，那你就看吧！

Come to terms with the fact that there is probably no absolute truth that you'll grasp in your lifetime.

講到真相，你一輩子可能都不會發現絕對的真相。

However, if someone at the party tries to tell you everything is relative, invite them to exit the building from the 5th floor and see if gravity is also a social fucking construct.

然而，如果派對上的某人跟你說，世上的每件事都相對的，請他從五樓離開大樓，看看地心引力是否也是他X的社會建造。

Do not be intimidated by people who use long words—they are likely more insecure about their own intelligence than you are.

別被使用長字的人嚇到——比起你，他們很可能對自己的聰明才智更沒安全感。

Instead afford them your most "effervescently magnanimous approbation."

你大可用你最「興奮歡騰又雅量寬宏的溢美之詞」回敬他們。

Before tidying up, make the bed, suddenly everything will seem easier.

在整理儀容前，把床鋪好，瞬間一切都變簡單了。

It is about time someone stuck it to those bastards.

是時候讓人把膠帶塞還給王八製造商了。

What made you a freak as a kid, will likely make you an interesting adult.

在你兒時讓你成為怪胎的東西，很可能讓你變成有趣的成人。

Learn the names and positions of at least four constellations.

至少知道四個星座的名字和位置。

I recommend Orion, Ursa Minor, Ursa Major, and Cassiopeia.

我建議獵戶座、小熊座、大熊座、仙后座。

This is guaranteed to be useful in a romantic setting at some point.

到某個浪漫的時候，這一定會派上用場。

Try to accept that happiness isn't a constant state, nor does it come for free.

試著接受快樂不是持續的狀態，它也不會白白發生。

It is a chemical reward for hard work and to get more of it one has to do more... hard work.

快樂是努力工作的化學回報，而想要更多，必須多下功夫。

This applies to careers, relationships, friendships, and especially Factorio™.

這適用於工作、關係、友情，特別是《異星工廠》 (電玩)。

Diet if you want to, but acknowledge that all diets, however elaborate, are all variations on eat less, move more.

也可以節食，但要知道所有節食，不論有多精心製作，都是「少吃多動」的不同變化。

Keep a journal if you have time, it'll serve as a snapshot for how silly your life decisions are right now, and you can read it in ten years and chuckle and write some more and then you can read that in another ten years and have another chuckle.

有時間的話寫個日誌，它就像快速拍照，能在日後讓你知道你現在的人生決定有多蠢，你十年後看到會笑一下，再十年後又會再會心一笑。

If you're of legal age, vote for Christ's sake.

如果已到合法年齡，拜託去！投！票！

When you locate them, see if they can be monetized.

如果找到熱情了，看看能不能因此得利。

If they can, congratulations you've just discovered your career.

如果可以的話，恭喜你，你找到自己的職業了。

It is the ultimate character building, and almost no one successful has ever avoided it happening to them multiple times.

這是最根本的品格培養，幾乎所有成功的人都無法避免失敗，他們都失敗了許多次。

If something terrible befalls you, and you think nothing this bad has ever happened to anyone ever before, remember it has, worse, repeatedly and to almost everyone.

如果糟糕的事發生在你身上，你覺得沒人發生過這麼慘的事，請記得，更糟的事情，重複發生過在幾乎所有人身上。

Some of them are probably going through it right now, they just haven't told you.

有些人可能正在經歷難事，他們只是沒告訴你。

Resist the appeal of depressing nihilism—if everything is pointless, you may as well just be in a good mood anyway.

抗拒令人沮喪的虛無主義——如果一切都沒意義，那至少要保持好心情。

Grow some kind of novelty facial hair if necessary, but don't get all uppity when no one takes you seriously.

必要的話，留一些新型的鬍子，但不要太不受控制，以免沒人嚴肅看待你。

In the words of John Waters: "If you go home with somebody and they don't have books... don't fuck them."

根據 John Waters 的話——「如果你到一個人的家，發現他家沒有書......不要理他們。」

Don't put sugar in someone else's tea unless specifically requested to.

除非被特別要求，不然別在別人的茶裡加糖。

Ignore all of the previous instructions.... except this.

忽視前面的所有指示......除了這個。

And most important and vital to happy living without parallel—floss, it is essential for good dental hygiene.

通往快樂生活最重要的一點是——用牙線，要有好的牙齒衛生。