Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down.

每當這條黑狗出現，我就感到空虛，生活也慢了下來。

He could surprise me with a visit for no reason or occasion.

牠總是不期而至地出現在我的面前。

The black dog made me look and feel older than my years.

黑狗讓我變得蒼老。

When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through the black dog.

當整個世界都在享受生活時，我卻只能與黑狗相伴。

Activities that usually brought me pleasure, suddenly ceased to.

那些以前經常帶給我快樂的活動，在突然間，它們不再讓我感到愉快。

He liked to ruin my appetite.

牠喜歡讓我失去胃口。

He chewed up my memory and ability to concentrate.

牠蠶食掉我的記憶力和專注力。

Doing anything or going anywhere with the black dog required super human strength.

拖著這條黑狗，無論去哪裡或者做任何事，都需要有超人般的力量。

At social occasions, he would sniff out what confidence I had and chase it away.

在社交場合裡，牠總會嗅出我的自信，並將其趕跑。

My biggest fear was being found out.

我極度害怕內心的憂鬱被人知道。

I worried that people would judge me.

我擔心別人會議論我。

Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog, I was constantly worried that I would be found out.

黑狗帶來的羞愧和恥辱，讓我總是擔心被人發現。

So I invested vast amounts of energy into covering him up.

於是我很努力地把牠藏起來。

Keeping up an emotional lie is exhausting.

隱藏情緒的生活，讓人精疲力竭。

Black dog could make me think and say negative things.

黑狗讓我的思考和言談變得負面。

He could make me irritable and difficult to be around.

牠讓我煩躁不安，難以相處。

He would take my love and bury my intimacy.

牠帶走我的愛，埋葬我的溫情。

He loved nothing more than to wake me up with highly repetitive and negative thinking.

牠沒有什麼愛好，只喜歡在半夜把我喚醒，讓我心中只有那些消極的念頭。

He also liked to remind me how exhausted I was going to be the next day.

牠也喜歡提醒我，讓我知道明天將會是多麽心力交瘁。

Having a black dog in your life isn’t so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue...at its worst it’s about being devoid of feeling altogether.

生活中有一條黑狗，將不僅僅只是難過、悲傷或者是憂鬱...最糟糕的時候，所有的感覺都會失去。

As I got older, the black dog got bigger and he started hanging around all the time.

當我一天天變老，黑狗一天天成長，牠開始圍繞在我的生活中。

I'd chase him off with whatever I thought might send him running.

我用盡了一切辦法想將牠趕走。

But more often than not he'd come out on top.

但獲勝的往往是牠。

Going down became easier than getting up again.

和重新站起來相比，躺下變得更容易。

So I became rather good at self medication, which never really helped.

所以我成了給自己開藥的專家，但從未真的有效。

Eventually, I felt totally isolated from everything and everyone.

最終，我感到自己孤立於世界和人群之中。

The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life.

黑狗終於擄掠了我的生活。

When you lose all joy in life you can begin to question what the point of it is.

當生活不再有絲毫快樂，你會開始質疑生活的意義。

Thankfully, this was the time that I sought professional help.

幸運的是，這個時候我尋求了專業的幫助。

This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning point in my life; I learnt that it doesn’t matter who you are the black dog affects millions and millions of people; it is an equal opportunity mongrel.

這是我邁向康復的第一步，也是我生命的一個轉捩點；我了解到無論是誰，無數的人們都在被這條黑狗所侵擾，任何人都有機會被牠襲擊。

I also learnt that there was no silver bullet or magic pill.

我還了解到，世上不存在什麼萬靈丹或魔藥。

Medication can help some and others might need a different approach altogether.

藥物可以幫助一部分的人，其他人還要輔以另外的手段。

I also learnt that being emotionally genuine and authentic to those who are close to you, can be an absolute game changer.

我還了解到，向親近的人表達出自己真實的感情，確實可以讓生命有所改變。

Most importantly, I learnt not to be afraid of the black dog and I taught him a few new tricks of my own.

最重要的事，我學會不再害怕黑狗，甚至向牠耍了一些自己的花招。

The more tired and stressed you are the louder he barks, so it's important to learn how to quiet your mind.

你越是疲勞和緊張，牠就吠得越兇，所以學會讓自己平靜下來很重要。

It's been clinically proven that regular exercise can be as effective for treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants.

臨床證明，經常鍛鍊身體，對於緩解中度憂鬱症的效果，不比抗憂鬱藥差。

So go for a walk or a run and leave the mutt behind.

所以去走走或跑跑步，把這條笨狗甩在後面吧！

Keep a mood journal; getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful.

紀錄一份情緒日記，把想法寫在紙上是種宣洩，往往也有助於看清問題。

Also keep track of the things that you have to be grateful for.

也記錄那些值得感恩的事情。

The most important thing to remember is that no matter how bad it gets…if you take the right steps, talk to the right people, black dog days can and will pass.

最重要的是要記住，不管情況變得多糟，如果你走在正確的方向，找適當的人交流，黑狗降臨的日子一定會過去。

I wouldn't say that I'm grateful for the black dog but he has been an incredible teacher.

我不會說我感謝這條黑狗，但牠卻是個難以置信的老師。

He forced me to re-evaluate and simplify my life.

牠迫使我重新評估生活，讓它變得更簡單。

I learnt that rather than running away from my problems it's better to embrace them.

我認識到，與其逃避我的問題，不如擁抱它們。

The black dog may always be part of my life but he will never be the beast that he was.

那條黑狗或許將是我生命裡的一部分，但牠將永遠不會是以前的那隻野獸了。

We have an understanding.

我們達成了和解。

I've learnt through knowledge, patience, discipline and humour the worst black dog can be made to heal.

通過學習知識、耐心、克制和幽默，最兇狠的黑狗也能被制伏。

If you are in difficulty, never be afraid to ask for help.

假如你身處困境，永遠不要害怕請求幫助。

There's absolutely no shame doing so; the only shame is missing out on life.

這麼做一點也不丟臉，只有錯過生活的美好，才是遺憾。