Name: 拯救他人的魅力 (The Appeal of Rescuing Other People)
Uploaded: 2025-07-18T18:13:15.000Z
Duration: 3 min 33 s

情態助動詞 B1

We might assume that our greatest longing in relationships would be to be looked after by someone, an exceptionally kind person who could listen to us, nurture us, assist us and make us feel comforted and seen.

我們可能會認為，在人際關係中，我們最大的渴望就是得到某個人的照顧，一個特別善良的人，能夠傾聽我們的心聲，培養我們，幫助我們，讓我們感到安慰和被看見。

程度副詞

But this is to ignore just how strong there is in some of us a diametrically opposed aspiration, a wish to find someone who is in a lot of pain and trouble, who is confused and sad, unhappy and overwhelmed and who therefore cannot possibly do very much for us, but who we, on the other hand, have every opportunity to hold, appease, calm and heal.

但是，這就忽視了我們中的一些人有多麼強烈的一種截然相反的願望，那就是希望找到這樣一個人：他身陷痛苦和麻煩之中，他困惑、悲傷、不快樂、不知所措，是以不可能為我們做什麼，而我們卻有一切機會去擁抱他、安撫他、平息他、治癒他。

情態副詞

For this group among us, troubles aren't just nuisances to be managed, they lie at the core of what we positively desire to find in others.

對於我們中的這部分人來說，麻煩並不僅僅是需要處理的麻煩，而是我們積極渴望在他人身上發現的核心。

We feel our hearts tighten when we learn that someone had a difficult childhood or is isolated and adrift or has been bullied at work or made to feel worthless in a past relationship.

當我們瞭解到某人的童年經歷坎坷，或與世隔絕、漂泊不定，或在工作中受到欺凌，或在過去的戀情中覺得自己一無是處時，我們會感到心頭一緊。

These are not merely regrettable incidentals, they lie at the centre of our feelings of love.

這些不僅僅是令人遺憾的偶然事件，而是我們愛的情感的核心。

For us to be this way, there tends to have been a certain sort of childhood.

Something has happened to us early on which means that giving assistance has become decisively easier than receiving it.

我們很早就發生了一些事情，這意味著給予援助比接受援助要容易得多。

We might say that everyone, at the start, longs to receive love.

我們可以說，每個人一開始都渴望得到愛。

But when it has not been especially forthcoming, one way to handle its absence is to turn into a compulsive caregiver, to offer others what we wish could have been offered to us, to turn our deficiency into a bounty, to locate the needy part of us in someone else and then heal it in them as an alternative to addressing it in ourselves.

但是，當它不在我們身邊的時候，處理它缺失的一種方法就是變成一個強迫性的照顧者，把我們希望別人提供給我們的東西提供給別人，把我們的不足變成一種恩惠，在別人身上找到我們需要的部分，然後在他們身上治癒它，以此替代在我們自己身上解決它。

When we have had to forego our wish to be nurtured and understood, maybe because mum was elsewhere or dad low in spirits, we might have begun by looking after our teddy bear, then moved on to our friends and eventually, in adulthood, discovered our greater satisfaction in salving the woes of our lovers.

當我們不得不放棄被撫育和理解的願望時，也許是因為媽媽不在身邊，或者是爸爸情緒低落，我們可能會從照顧泰迪熊開始，然後轉向朋友，最終在成年後，發現為夫妻分憂解難更能讓我們感到滿足。

We may now be rendered hugely uncomfortable whenever the tables turn, even for a moment.

現在，每當局勢逆轉，哪怕只是一瞬間，我們都會感到非常不舒服。

If a lover said, tonight it's going to be all about you, we might flinch.

如果戀人說，今晚一切都以你為中心，我們可能會退縮。

To hear, I want to put you at the centre of my world could bring on panic.

如果聽到 "我想把你放在我世界的中心"，可能會讓人驚慌失措。

It's not that such care isn't fundamentally wanted, it's that it was never experienced and so has grown alien and frightening, a reminder of a wound we haven't been strong enough to contemplate, rage at and move on from.

我們並不是從根本上不希望得到這種關愛，而是因為我們從未體驗過這種關愛，所以它變得陌生而可怕，提醒著我們還沒有足夠的力量去思考、憤怒和擺脫傷痛。

The way out of our cul-de-sac is to start to notice how scared we are.

走出死衚衕的方法就是開始注意到我們有多害怕。

We may have justified our behaviour by thinking of ourselves principally as selfless, but we are something more complicated and more interesting, terrified.

我們可能認為自己是無私的，從而為自己的行為辯解，但我們是更復雜、更有趣、更可怕的東西。

We aren't just without reciprocity, we are manically intolerant of it.

我們不僅沒有互惠，而且還對互惠極度不寬容。

And yet, as we still stand to discover, sometimes the real generosity is to let a lover do to us what a parent did not at the start.

然而，正如我們仍將發現的那樣，有時真正的慷慨是讓夫妻對我們做父母當初沒有做的事。

It's to stop occupying the powerful position of the rescuer and learn, at points, to take the risk of being at another's mercy.

這就是停止佔據拯救者的強勢地位，學會在某些時候冒著任人擺佈的風險。

It's to experience, as if for the first time, how much we need someone else.

這是第一次體驗到，我們是多麼需要別人。

Real maturity may be as much about a capacity to receive as to give.

真正的成熟可能是一種接受能力，也可能是一種給予能力。