The quote may be famous, but we here Wellcast disagree.

也許這是句名言，但我們今天在Wellcast否決這句話。

The ability to pluck up the courage to sincerely apologize is one of the most important skills you learn in life and especially becomes handy with the people you love.

鼓起勇氣真誠道歉是你在人生中學習到最重要的技巧之一，而且與另一半相處時隨時派得上用場。

Of course ,apologizing can be terrifying.

當然，道歉會很可怕。

It's the kind of thing you build up into a huge deal

像準備面對某個重大事件

the kind of thing you lose sleep over and perhaps continue to put it off

可能令你輾轉反側，又不斷拖延

We all do . And this week we took a viewer suggestion from SpiloSpud

我們都會如此。這週我們選擇觀眾SpiloSpud給的建議

We're gonna walk you through that difficult awkward sweaty moment when you

我們要帶你走過這些困難、尷尬、冒冷汗的時刻

have to take a deep breath and say I'm sorry. It turns out people who were able to bite the bullet and apologize

當你必須深呼吸，開口說對不起。研究發現，能夠咬緊牙根道歉的人

are emotionally healthier than those who can't . A study done at Grant mcewan

在情緒上比做不到的人健康。一個在Grant mcewan大學的研究發現

University and then found that people with low self esteem

比較沒有自信的人們

feel worse after conflict and are less likely

在爭執過後會感覺更差，而且更不願意去道歉

to apologize for it. On the other hand, there's a strong correlation between strong self-esteem and the ability to apologize . Here's one more thing

相反地，自信心強的人反而更勇於道歉

a University of Illinois study found that people who apologized

另一項伊利諾大學的研究發現，相較於不願道歉的人

tend to fare better financially than those who don't

願意道歉的人似乎擁有比較高的收入

Are you still putting it off? Alright! But just remember what William Shakespeare said

你還在遲遲不道歉嗎？好吧！只要記得莎士比亞說過

Cowards die many times before their deaths

懦夫未死，已死千回

What old Will means here is putting off an apology

這裡的意思是不斷拖延道歉

is a lot more painful than actually apologizing

遠比直接道歉痛苦的多

Let's get to our four steps, pause and print this worksheet

咱們來說明道歉的四步驟吧！等等，先到watchwellcast.com把工作表印下來

at watchwellcast dot com. Step 1:Assess the situation. Making this apology is gonna be like climbing a mountain

第一步：評估現況。道歉就像是要爬一座高山

you wanna survey the trend and watch out for any big rocks and boulders that are

你必須觀察山脈走向，還要小心那些巨石岩塊

going to be especially hard to get over

那些超級難跨越的阻礙

so first on your wellcast worksheet, simply write down the whole story of what ever happened. For example

所以第一，在你的紙上，寫下整件事情的經過，比方說，

I came home late one evening after an exhausting day of work and my roommate was eating my doritos.

我某晚因為工作太累而非常疲倦地回家，卻發現室友正在吃我的多利多滋

I completely blew up at her, she then proceeded to weep for two hours

我對她大發雷霆，她後來哭了兩小時

Step 2 write out your game plan

第二步，寫下你的作戰計劃

and stick to it. We're big fans at scripting out what we're going to say beforehand here at wellcast

然後實行它。我們很喜歡在Wellcast開錄前，把要講的東西先寫下來

it takes a little bit of the nerves away from actually, you know, doing the thing.

這可以稍微降低實際道歉時的緊張感

So on your well cast worksheet try writing out a practice apology speech

所以在你的筆記紙上，試著寫下你練習用的道歉詞

make sure you hit the following points when you're giving your apology

確保你有遵照以下的要點來道歉

Acknowledge what you did wrong and take responsibility for it

承認你做錯了，並且勇於承擔責任

Hey I shouldn't have flipped out, all right , that was a completely unfair and ridiculous response to you eating my Doritos. Say a genuine I'm sorry, and don't tamper with any buts

嘿！我不應該大怒的，對於你吃掉我的多力多滋，我那荒謬的反應對你來說很不公平。說一句真誠的道歉，不要再後面加上「但是」

this means none of this: I am sorry that you felt that way

意思就是以下這些不可行：我很抱歉讓你感受不好

or hey I'm sorry but you really need to respect my snack food. Hey, don't go overboard though

或是我很抱歉但你真的應該要尊重我的點心。嘿，但也不要太過火

you shouldn't have to apologize for your whole existence

你不需要為你的整個存在道歉

just be specific to the actual incident. Don't try to rationalize your actions

只要著墨在實際發生的意外上就好了。不要合理化你的行為

but don't be afraid of explaining your emotions at the time

也不要害怕解釋你當時的情緒

be honest, have you been really stressed out lately?

要誠實，你最近壓力大嗎？

have you for some reason developed a very emotional attachment to toritoes?

你不知為何對多力多滋有特殊情感嗎?

okay, as long as you're not using these reasons as justification for your actions

好的，只要你不要用這些理由去合理化你的行為

honesty can't hurt. Step 3: An apology should be a conversation

誠實應該都無傷大雅。第三步：道歉必須彼此交流

not a monologue. Yeah yeah yeah okay

而不是你一個人在唱獨角戲。好好好～

I know I just told you to write down a script but that can only take you so far

我知道我剛才告訴過你將要講的事物寫下來，但是那張紙只能幫到這裡

after you say what you've prepared, allow them to express their feelings

當你說完你應該說的話，允許對方去表達他們的感受

and actually listen.

而且確實的聆聽

Step 4: Make amends

步驟四：彌補過錯

So technically the hard parts over right? You've actually broken the ice and said what you wanted to say

技術上來說最困難的那部分已經過了對吧？你破了冰，也說了你想要說的話

they've responded but you don't wanna fall into that category of talking the talk and not walking the walk

他們也回應了，但是你不想變成“說得到做不到”的那種人

so at the end of your worksheet write down several ways that you're going to

所以在最後，你可以在紙張上寫下一些方法

make an effort to change your actions for the better

關於你打算如何付出努力，來改善你的行為

okay let's recap wellcasters .Today you learn four steps to getting up the courage to

好的wellcaster我們來複習吧！今天你學到了要鼓起勇氣

actually give a sincere apology you learn to assess the situation like a mountaineer

給予一個真誠的道歉，你學到要先評估現況，像個登山者一樣

write down your apology beforehand, engage in a fruitful conversation with the person to whom you're apologizing

先寫下你的道歉，然後和你要道歉的人進行有成效的對話

and you learn how to try to keep yourself from making the same mistake again.

最後也學會如何不再犯相同錯誤