Name: 川普吹噓伊朗談判的謊言！還把 ICE 弄進機場大亂鬥？ | The Daily Show (Trump Bulls**ts About Iran Negotiations & Throws ICE Into Airport Chaos Mix | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2026-03-30T00:34:35.000Z
Duration: 20 min 31 s

Welcome to "The Daily Show." My name is John Short.

歡迎來到「The Daily Show」，我是 John Short。

哇，我們今晚準備了很棒的節目給你們。

I know I said we got a great show for you tonight.

我知道我說過我們今晚準備了很棒的節目給你們。

Former national security adviser Jake Sullivan is going to be here tonight.

前國家安全顧問 Jake Sullivan 今晚會在這裡。

And like all people with a nuanced understanding of the complex geopolitics of the Middle East, he's not working in government anymore.

就像所有對中東複雜地緣政治有細膩理解的人一樣，他現在不在政府工作了。

But before we get to all that, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you had a pleasant weekend and got some rest.

但在我們開始之前，各位，希望你們週末過得很愉快，也好好休息了。

Because the dizzy and chaotic carnival ride that is Donald Trump's America continues to careen down Shit Show Hill.

因為 Donald Trump 的美國這個令人眼花撩亂又混亂的嘉年華，正持續朝著 Shit Show Hill 狂飆。

TSA 的隊伍比你實際的旅程還長。

The only thing giving me joy is looking forward to this season of "The Bachelorette." I mean, they've got a strong Mormon woman.

唯一讓我開心的就是期待這季的「The Bachelorette」。我是說，她們有個強勢的摩門教女性。

But luckily, in everything that is going wrong in our country, our intrepid leader is utterly unbothered.

但幸好，在我們國家裡所有出錯的事情中，我們無畏的領導人完全不受影響。

The world disintegrates around him, largely due to his actions.

世界在他周圍分崩離析，很大程度上是因為他的行為。

Yet he still managed to spend the weekend golfing a couple of times and partying at Mar-a-Lago.

但他還是能週末去打幾次高爾夫，在 Mar-a-Lago 玩樂。

I didn't know I was going to be here tonight.

I am not supposed to be prosecuting a war.

You know, I really think that the less fun we're all having, the better he seems to be doing.

說真的，我覺得我們越不開心，他好像就越順利。

他是靠我們的痛苦在運作的嗎？

Obviously, today is Monday, the only day of the work week.

顯然，今天是星期一，工作週的第一天。

It's time to focus and get down to the sobering business of wrapping up this war.

是時候專心致志，處理完這場戰爭的嚴肅事務了。

President Trump now arriving at Greece land for a bit of a detour on his stop.

川普總統現在抵達 Greece land，在他停靠的途中繞了一點路。

Elvis had two eighth-degree black belts in karate.

這就是這位男士出現時的樣子。

It's unbelievable how disconnected Donald Trump is from the chaos that he himself is causing the American people.

令人難以置信的是，Donald Trump 對他自己正在給美國人民造成的混亂毫無感覺。

But I'm glad you could have a nice time golfing and visiting Greece land while we're all freaking the out.

但我很高興你能在我們大家焦頭爛額的時候，還能開心地去打高爾夫、去 Greece land 玩。

President Trump issues a deadline to open the Strait of Hormuz by Monday night, where he says he'll, quote, "obliterate Iranian power plants." Iran isn't blinking, saying if power plants are attacked, Iran will target the power plants of regional countries.

川普總統發出最後通牒，要求在週一晚上前開放荷姆茲海峽，他說他將會，引述，「摧毀伊朗發電廠」。伊朗沒有退縮，表示如果發電廠遭到攻擊，伊朗將會攻擊區域國家的發電廠。

This escalates every day with no end in sight.

情況每天都在升級，而且看不到盡頭。

The countdown ticks towards Monday night.

如果我還在這裡，那一定意味著，嗯。

But lo and behold, today Trump removed the sword of Donald's klees that he himself had hung over our heads.

結果出乎意料，今天川普拿下了他自己掛在我們頭上的那把達賴喇嘛的劍。

The president just posting moments ago, he has now decided to, quote, "postpone any and all military strikes on Iranian power plants." The president claiming the US has been negotiating with Iran over the weekend, calling them in-depth, detailed, and

總統剛剛發布消息，他現在決定，引述，「延後對伊朗發電廠的所有軍事打擊」。總統聲稱美國這個週末一直在和伊朗協商，稱這些協商深入、詳細且

Well, I guess we're all going to have a little less action and a little more conversation.

嗯，我想我們大家都會少一點行動，多一點對話。

That's all we get due to budget constraints, unfortunately.

不幸的是，礙於預算限制，我們就只能這樣了。

And we've got to celebrate the wins, you know, in this war.

在這場戰爭中，我們得慶祝勝利。

Punch has been spotted canoodling with a female monkey.

Punch 被發現跟一隻母猴子調情。

There they are, hugging and kissing and affectionately playing with each other.

看，牠們抱在一起親親，親暱地玩耍。

It's really nice, although, um, hey, listen, girl, straight talk.

真的很不錯，雖然，嗯，嘿，聽著，女孩，說實話。

I know what you're thinking, but girl, you can't fix him.

我知道妳在想什麼，但女孩，妳救不了他。

You just Punch, seriously, if you're watching, I am happy for you.

你就 Punch，說真的，如果你在看，我為你高興。

You're a famous guy now, and you don't want to end up splitting your fortune in half.

你現在是個名人了，你不想最後把你的財產一分為二。

說吧，天啊，我真的必須說嗎？

But back to Iran, escalating tensions in the Middle East, I must applaud the president for stepping back from the cliff of escalation and engaging Iran in productive talks.

但回到伊朗，中東緊張局勢升級，我必須讚賞總統懸崖勒馬，與伊朗進行有建設性的會談。

Iran has responded at state media saying there are no talks.

伊朗透過國家媒體回應說沒有會談。

Well, now we're in the uncomfortable position of who to believe.

嗯，現在我們陷入了一個尷尬的境地，不知道該相信誰。

Normally, in this situation, I think we'd all be inclined to, in some measure, not trust the pronouncements coming from this theocratic and corrupt regime.

通常，在這種情況下，我認為我們都會傾向於，在某種程度上，不信任這個神權腐敗政權的聲明。

For clarity, I just want to it's not Iran.

為了清楚起見，我只想說，這不是伊朗。

So let's give our president the benefit of the doubt and just probe a little deeper.

所以，我們就給總統一個信任的機會，深入探究一下吧。

Sir, you say we're having talks with Iran.

先生，您說我們正在和伊朗進行會談。

The article really makes a huge difference here.

這篇文章在這裡真的造成了很大的差別。

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川普吹噓伊朗談判的謊言！還把 ICE 弄進機場大亂鬥？ | The Daily Show (Trump Bulls**ts About Iran Negotiations & Throws ICE Into Airport Chaos Mix | The Daily Show)

incredibly

situation

completely

chaos