Name: 性愛表現不完美又怎樣？豁出去享受才是王道！ (Permission to Be Bad in Bed)
Uploaded: 2026-03-04T16:42:35.000Z
Duration: 3 min 39 s

There's no shortage of advice on ways to have better sex.

關於如何讓 sex 更好，建議可不少。

Candles, massages, hotel rooms, certain kinds of cream.

像是 candles、massages、hotel rooms，還有某些 cream。

程度副詞

What's rarely considered are the particular benefits that can flow when two people candidly admit to one another that sex between them might be bad, that it might go really rather wrong, that one or other of them might have a dysfunction or lose interest or become debilitatingly shy or scared.

但很少人會想到，當兩個人坦承彼此的 sex 可能不好，可能會搞砸，或者其中一方有 dysfunction、失去 interest，甚至變得非常 shy 或 scared 時，這之間其實藏著特別的好處。

This seems, on the surface, like a direct route to disaster.

表面上看，這似乎是走向 disaster 的捷徑。

We must surely do our best to convey an atmosphere of resoluteness, confidence and experience.

我們當然要盡力營造出 resoluteness、confidence 和 experience 的氛圍。

We must lend our partner and ourselves courage by focusing on the upsides.

我們要透過專注於 upsides，給予 partner 和自己 courage。

We must intimate that sex would be wonderful so that it can stand any chance of actually being so.

我們要傳達 sex 會是 wonderful 的感覺，這樣才有 chance 真的變成那樣。

We cannot, evidently, talk of problems lest we bring them into being.

顯然，我們不能談論 problems，以免把它們招來。

But this is to misunderstand the psychology behind any kind of achievement, sexual or otherwise.

但這卻是誤解了任何成就背後的心理學，無論是 sexual 還是其他方面。

We are at our most free and resourceful, not when we need to guarantee a successful outcome, but

我們最自由、最有辦法的時候，不是在需要保證成功的時候，而是在

when we are in the luxurious position that the stakes are low, when the price of failure is minimized, when we know that nothing important will be lost if the results are, at the beginning, at least, mediocre.

當我們處在一個低風險的奢侈情境，失敗的代價降到最低，而且我們知道，即使一開始結果平庸，也沒有什麼重要的東西會失去的時候。

The privileged state we call play is a form of creativity in which, for a time, we're liberated from the pressure to impress.

我們稱之為「玩耍」的這種特權狀態，是一種創造形式，讓我們暫時擺脫了取悅他人的壓力。

We played so well as children because people don't expect children to be anything other than flawed and clumsy.

我們小時候玩得那麼好，是因為大家本來就不期待小孩有什麼成就，只覺得他們有缺陷、笨手笨腳。

It's a lack of expectations that sets the scene for our highest moments.

正是這種沒有預期的狀態，為我們最精彩的時刻鋪好了路。

Our best drawings may emerge when we aren't hampered by any need to draw well.

也許我們最好的畫作，是在我們不必擔心畫得好不好的時候出現的。

Our cleverest sentences can slip out when there isn't any requirement to sound clever.

我們最聰明的句子，可能是在沒有任何要聽起來很聰明的要求時脫口而出的。

We're at our funniest when we have no thought of amusing anyone.

當我們沒有想著要逗樂任何人時，我們是最有趣的。

Conversely, it's the very need for flawless outcomes that makes it less likely there will be any.

反過來說，正是對完美結果的需求，反而降低了出現任何結果的可能性。

We lose our hold on our genuine but fragile talents when we suspect that our witnesses will begin to shout, grow impatient, or ridicule us for being something less than stellar.

當我們懷疑旁觀者會開始大喊大叫、不耐煩，或是因為我們不夠出色而嘲笑我們時，我們就失去了對自己真實但脆弱的才能的掌握。

We need to optimize our chances of physical pleasure by making ourselves fully at home with the possibility of disastrous sex.

我們要透過讓自己完全接受 sex 發生 disaster 的可能性，來優化我們獲得生理快感的機會。

事情確實有可能會變得一團糟。

他們可能不會喜歡我們正在做的事。

Our bodies may do something very uncalled for.

我們的身體可能會做出一些非常出格的舉動。

There might be an odd atmosphere or mood, but we would survive.

可能會出現奇怪的氣氛或情緒，但我們都能撐過去。

We don't need to let the threat of disaster destroy the future.

我們不必讓 disaster 的威脅毀掉未來。

Terrible sex might occur and everyone would live.

糟糕的 sex 也可能發生，但大家都會沒事。

Therefore, one of the paradoxically most sexy things.

是以，最 sexy 的事情之一，反而可能是。

Sexy defined as pertaining to the achievement of good sex, to say to a potential partner on an early dinner date when it's clear where things are headed, would There is one thing I should mention.

sexy 的定義是與達成美好的 sex 有關，對一個潛在的 partner 在初次晚餐約會時，當一切都明朗化時說：「有件事我應該跟你說。」

To say this winningly with a smile, with self possession and a sound sense of the tragi comic nature of being human can suggest to the other person that what they have on their hands is someone uncommonly honest, brave, and

帶著贏家姿態、微笑、自信，並深刻理解身為人類的悲喜劇本質來說出這句話，可以讓對方覺得，他們遇到的是一個異常誠實、勇敢，而且

Sex might indeed not be brilliant at first, though it might well be.

Sex 一開始可能不是那麼完美，但也有可能非常棒。

But something as important will be guaranteed.

但這麼重要的事情，絕對會得到保證。

They will know we aren't prideful, defensive, or ignorant of our flaws, that we might be someone worth sticking with.

他們會知道我們並不驕傲、不防衛，也不會對自己的缺點一無所知，我們可能是個值得繼續交往的人。

It can be the greatest gift to lend someone we like permission to be bad in bed.

這可能是送給我們喜歡的人一份最棒的禮物，允許他們在床上表現不完美。