Name: 為什麼你現在應該結婚？！💍 (Why You Should Get Married Now)
Uploaded: 2026-02-11T17:15:19.000Z
Duration: 5 min 16 s

情態副詞

One of the things about our world that would most surprise a magically returned pre modern ancestor of ours is how long we take to assess and settle on a spouse.

如果我們史前的祖先突然回到現代，最讓他們驚訝的大概就是我們花這麼長時間來評估和決定要跟誰共度一生。

程度副詞

In almost all societies that have ever existed, the period between first laying eyes on a prospective partner and the moment of committing to them was extremely short.

縱觀幾乎所有存在過的社會，從第一次見到潛在伴侶到決定廝守終身，這段時間都非常短。

在蘇美爾，只有一次見面機會。

In classical Athens, young men and women might meet three times before arrangements were settled.

在古希臘雅典，年輕男女可能會見三次面後才定下婚約。

In the Inca Empire, one might never even have been in the spouse's presence until the wedding.

在印加帝國，有些人甚至在婚禮前都沒見過自己的配偶。

It's typical to date someone non exclusively for six months, then to commit to seeing them singly for a year and a half, then perhaps to move in and further test the waters for four or five years before either finally getting engaged or else discovering that after all, one wasn't quite suited.

通常會非排他性地約會六個月，然後承諾單獨約會一年半，接著可能同居並試探四五年，最後才訂婚，或者發現其實並不合適。

Perhaps because of slightly different attitudes around politics, or some clashes over interior design or entertainment preferences.

也許是因為對政治的態度有點不同，或是室內設計或娛樂偏好上的一些爭議。

At the heart of the dispute between the pre modern attitude and ours is a contrasting notion of what is required to make a relationship succeed.

前現代的態度和我們的態度之間爭議的核心，在於對一段關係要如何才能成功，有著對比的概念。

We implicitly believe it's about compatibility.

我們心照不宣地認為，這關乎契合度。

They firmly believed it was about commitment.

Underpinning our modern romantic approach to love is a tightly held notion that the most important ingredient in any functioning relationship is innate congruence, a pre existing sympathy of souls that will lend us a feeling that we've met someone before, perhaps in a past life.

我們現代浪漫愛情觀的基礎，是一種根深蒂固的觀念，認為任何一段成功關係最重要的要素是天生的契合，一種預先存在的靈魂共鳴，這會讓我們覺得好像以前遇過這個人，也許是在前世。

We believe we will need to encounter a lot of people and try them out over extended periods, because this and only this, will help us to see whether we've correctly alighted on a soulmate.

我們相信，我們需要遇到很多人，並在很長一段時間內去嘗試，因為只有這樣，才能幫助我們看出是否正確地找到了靈魂伴侶。

It can take 180 breakfasts with someone to assess if we really have a sympathetic communication style.

我們可能需要和一個人共進 180 次早餐，才能評估我們是否真的有心靈相通的溝通方式。

We might need 23 mini breaks to properly judge a person's approach to packing and timekeeping.

我們可能需要 23 次小型假期，才能好好判斷一個人對打包行李和時間觀唸的態度。

Only after sleeping with 76 different individuals might one determine whether we're fully satisfied with sex with a particular example.

只有和 76 位不同的人發生關係後，才可能確定我們是否對與特定對象的性行為感到完全滿意。

They believed that alignments were to be formed, not found.

他們相信，關係是要去建立的，而不是去尋找的。

What was for them principally important for the success of any relationship was the desire to make it succeed.

對他們來說，一段關係能否成功的關鍵，在於想要讓它成功的意願。

Commitment came first, any inbuilt compatibility a distant second.

承諾擺在第一位，任何天生的契合度都排在後面。

The choice was somewhat secondary to the desire to be, so long as the rough details were correct, right Gender, age and so on.

選擇某人是其次，重點在於想在一起的意願，只要大致條件符合，像是對的性別、年齡等等。

The rest could and would be sorted out in time through willpower and dedication.

剩下的，都可以也都會隨著時間，透過意志力和奉獻來解決。

Intention, far more than any innate and possibly fictitious twinship of the soul would mean that after an argument, partners would come back together to resume their dialogue.

意願，遠比任何天生、或許是虛構的靈魂伴侶來得重要，這意味著爭吵過後，伴侶會回到彼此身邊，繼續對話。

Or that they would put aside certain of their spontaneous wishes for the sake of the couple, or would make effort after effort to grasp how the world might look through the other's eyes.

或者，他們會為了伴侶而放下某些隨性的願望，或是付出努力去理解對方眼中的世界。

In the ancestral view, compatibility was an achievement of love.

在祖先的觀念裡，契合度是愛的成就。

It was not and could never be its precondition.

它不是，也永遠不可能是愛的先決條件。

We don't have to follow historical precedents in every detail to be at least partially inspired by them.

我們不一定要在所有細節上都遵循歷史先例，但至少可以從中獲得一些啟發。

We can recognize that a wish to actually be married might, in the end, be one of the determining factors that in how successful any marriage can be.

我們可以認知到，真正想結婚的意願，最終可能會是影響婚姻成功與否的決定性因素之一。

So long as we and our partner are aligned on this point, the many differences that will naturally emerge between us may not have to be insuperable.

只要我們和伴侶在這個問題上想法一致，我們之間自然會出現的許多差異就不一定無法克服。

In the pre modern expectation that trouble is natural and legitimate, we discover a more bearable method of interpreting discord.

在「麻煩是自然且正當的」這種前現代的觀念中，我們發現了一種更能忍受的解釋爭議的方式。

Working at differences is what constitutes a relationship between.

處理差異，這才構成了人與人之間的關係。

It may not need to be seen as a stern obstacle that has to be overcome before one can ever take place.

這不一定需要被看作是一個必須克服的嚴峻障礙，才能讓關係發生。

我們遇到的每個人都會有點不對勁。

Our ancestors knew this better than we do.

我們的祖先比我們更瞭解這一點。

Everyone will fail to understand us intuitively.

每個人都會無法直覺地理解我們。

Everyone will have a range of very unfortunate tastes.

每個人都會有一系列非常不幸的品味。

We don't need to be the same person separated at birth.

我們不必是從同一天出生的、被分開的兩個人。

We don't need to be in spiritual synchronicity.

All we really need is to want very, very much to be together with someone.

我們真正需要的，只是非常、非常渴望和某人在一起。

It might not, with this in mind after all, be so crazy to go on three dates with someone and then, without too much fanfare, set in motion plans for marriage.

考量到這一點，和一個人約會三次，然後不聲不響地開始籌備婚禮，或許也沒那麼瘋狂。

Once we understand that it's the idea of commitment that counts, the details can be managed.

一旦我們明白承諾才是重點，細節都可以處理。

We may have exaggerated the importance of finding the right person and very much underestimated the power of wanting to make a relationship, any relationship, work.

我們可能誇大了找到對的人的重要性，卻大大低估了讓一段關係，任何一段關係，能夠成功的渴望的力量。