Welcome, welcome one and all to the Late Show.

我是你們的主持人，史蒂芬·柯拜爾。

And tonight, tonight I want to take all that energy and I'm going to use it to offer another salute to the people of Minnesota who have stood up for each other in beautiful ways.

而今晚，今晚我要把所有這些能量，用來再次嚮明尼蘇達州人民致敬，他們以美麗的方式互相支持。

These people have beautifully stood up for each other in the midst of the violence and fear mongering of this administration.

在這個政府的暴力和恐嚇宣傳中，這些人民美麗地互相支持。

And today, Minnesota officials announced that Trump is withdrawing federal officers from Minnesota.

而今天，明尼蘇達州官員宣佈川普將撤離聯邦官員。

We don't know how many, we don't know when, we don't know how many, but

我們不知道有多少，不知道何時，不知道有多少，但是

I'm told we already have footage of one federal officer standing down.

我被告知我們已經有畫面顯示一名聯邦官員正在撤離。

I will never pass up an opportunity to show that footage.

我絕不會錯過展示那畫面的機會。

Apparently, Trump learned that violent masked goons are not crowd pleasers.

顯然，川普學到戴著面具的暴力暴徒並不受歡迎。

And he learned that from his most trusted advisor.

而他從他最信任的顧問那裡學到了這一點。

Reportedly over the weekend, working from the Oval Office, Trump watched as footage of the shooting of Alex Preddy played on repeat from Minneapolis as one insider described the situation.

據報導，週末川普在橢圓形辦公室裡，看著明尼阿波利斯關於亞歷克斯·普雷迪被槍擊的畫面不斷重播，一位內部人士如此描述當時的情況。

而美國總統知道他必須解決這件事。

And Trump knows better than anybody if you don't un quick enough, you could end up with an Eric.

川普比任何人都清楚，如果你不夠快解決，你可能會遇到一個艾瑞克。

I'm sorry, I'm sorry to use bad words like Eric.

抱歉，抱歉說出像艾瑞克這樣不好的詞。

His big move, his big move in beginning the unfining, sending in Trump's border czar and love child of Shrek and Mrs.

他大動作，他開始解決問題的大動作，派出了川普的邊境沙皇，以及史瑞克和薯頭太太的愛的結晶，湯姆·霍曼。

只是為您複習一下，雖然聽起來我不需要。

Just to refresh your memory, though, it sounds like I don't need to.

He was the architect of Trump's family separation policy.

他是川普家庭分離政策的建築師。

And in 2024, he allegedly accepted 50, $50,000 from an undercover FBI agent that was hidden in a bag from the Mediterranean fast casual restaurant Cava.

而且在2024年，他據稱從一名偽裝成FBI探員的人那裡收了五萬美元，這筆錢藏在地中海速食餐廳Cava的袋子裡。

So downside, terrorizing families and maybe taking bribes.

所以缺點是恐嚇家庭，還有可能收賄賂。

Now that Homan's in, the old guard is out.

現在霍曼進來了，老舊勢力就出去了。

Because reportedly, in response to the outrage over Alex Preddy's murder, the head border patrol thug in Minnesota, Greg Bevino, has lost his job as commander at large.

因為據報導，為了回應Alex Preddy被謀殺的憤怒，明尼蘇達州邊境巡邏隊的頭目、總指揮Greg Bevino丟了工作。

Another reminder, Greg Bevino has been accused of using racial profiling to round up Hispanic men, women and children, created an enforcement strategy where officers jump out of unmarked rental vans to ambush immigrant day laborers.

再提醒一次，Greg Bevino被指控使用種族定性來圍捕西班牙裔男性、女性和兒童，並制定了一項執法策略，讓探員從未標記的租賃貨車裡跳出來伏擊移民日工。

And he admitted to lying to justify deploying tear gas against protesters, as one source described his whole deal, he's a cowboy and it was a mess.

而且他承認為了部署催淚瓦斯對付抗議者而撒謊，正如一位消息人士形容他的全部作為，他就是個牛仔，而且一團糟。

Just like the Jon Bon Jovi song I'm a cowboy.

就像Jon Bon Jovi的歌一樣，我是一個牛仔。

這就是我對你爸丟催淚瓦斯的原因。

但我也對你腦袋丟了催淚瓦斯。

The only downside to getting yanked from Minnesota is that yesterday we wrote this whole script about how Bavino, who's been called Little Napoleon, is short as hell.

唯一美中不足的是，我從明尼蘇達州被調走，因為昨天我們寫了整段腳本，說這個被稱為「小拿破崙」的Bavino，他本人矮得要命。

Now I'll never get to talk about how he looks like a little brother about to play paintball with the sixth graders.

現在我永遠沒機會說他看起來就像個要跟小六生去打漆彈的弟弟。

Or how he can barely see over the steering wheel or the fact that he got his coat off an American girl.

或是他根本看不到方向盤，還有他那件外套是從美國小女孩身上扒來的。

Now Bavino is on his way back to California where he is expected to retire or possibly go back to his former job.

現在Bavino要回到加州了，預計他會在那裡退休，或者可能回去做他以前的工作。

Being the guy that you have to be taller than to ride the log flume.

就是那個你得比他高才能搭雲霄飛車的傢伙。

It's not just Greg Bevino in trouble, cuz.

不只是葛瑞格·貝維諾有麻煩，老兄。

Yesterday, Trump held a late night crisis talk with Kristi Noem amid reports that her job is at serious risk.

昨天，川普在有報導指出她的職位有嚴重風險之際，與克莉絲蒂·諾姆舉行了深夜危機談話。

I'm guessing Trump is coming down hard on Noem because she handled the response to Alex Preddy's murder with all the grace of a drunk Mr.

我猜川普對諾姆嚴厲是因為她處理亞歷克斯·普雷迪謀殺案的反應，就像一個醉漢一樣笨拙。

Bean roller skating through a maternity ward.

Also, she has been one of Bovino's biggest backers at dhs.

另外，她一直是貝維諾在國土安全部最大的支持者之一。

And Noem has been the face of the administration's immigration crackdown.

而且諾姆一直是政府鎮壓移民的代表人物。

That face brought to you by Dr. Janus von Plumbenberg.

這張臉是普朗伯格醫生帶給大家的。

You know his slogan, I went to medical school on a boat.

你知道他的口號，我是在船上念醫學院的。

All this stress can't be good for the president's health.

所有這些壓力對總統的健康都不好。

Rumors have been swirling about all sorts of medical issues with him.

關於他各種健康問題的傳言一直在流傳。

So the White House recently agreed to a Trump interview with New York magazine titled, at St.

所以白宮最近同意了《紐約雜誌》對川普的專訪，標題是，在聖。

Miller's actual request, the Superhuman president.

米勒的實際要求下，超級人類總統。

Remember how he said it was going to release the Epstein files?

還記得他說要公開艾普斯坦的檔案嗎？

Unfortunately, the interview went sideways almost immediately when Trump said this about his father, Fred, at a certain age, about 86, 87, he started getting.

可惜的是，專訪幾乎立刻就失控了，川普談到他父親佛瑞德，大概86、87歲的時候，開始變得。

Trump pointed to his forehead and looked to his press secretary for the word that escaped him, to which she responded, alzheimer's.

川普指著自己的額頭，看向他的新聞祕書，尋找那個他想不起來的詞，她回答說，阿茲海默症。

And I'm certainly not saying Donald Trump has Alzheimer's, but I feel like he definitely has.

我當然不是說唐納·川普有阿茲海默症，但我感覺他絕對有。

He pressed Trump on whether he worries about his family's history of dementia.

他追問川普，是否擔心他家人的失智症病史。

Trump played it cool, saying, I don't think about it at all.

川普故作鎮定地說，我根本沒想過這件事。

因為他早就忘了問題是什麼了。

After he was done defending his questionable brain, he turned to his unrefrigerated hand.

在他為自己堪憂的大腦辯護完畢後，他轉向了放在常溫的手。

Trump's been saying the bruise is from shaking so many hands and during the interview, he added a fun new twist, blaming women's fingernails and rings, including one particularly nasty slice that came from a botched high five with Attorney General Pam Bondi, that is.

川普一直說，那個瘀傷是握手太多造成的，在這次訪問中，他還加了個有趣的說法，怪罪女人的指甲和戒指，包括一次和總檢察長 Pam Bondi 的擊掌失誤造成的特別嚴重的劃傷，就是這樣。

There's only one possible reason someone's hands should leave you with cuts.

一個人手部會留下傷口，只有一個可能的原因。

I was high fiving this troubled young man named Edward.

我當時正在跟一個名叫 Edward 的麻煩年輕人擊掌。

Real quiet fellow, crazy hair, pale face, lives up on a hill, makes beautiful topiary art.

是個很安靜的傢伙，頭髮很亂，臉色蒼白，住在山上，做著美麗的樹籬藝術。

I can see, I can see why Winona Ryder just loves the fellow.

我懂了，我懂了為什麼薇諾娜·瑞德會這麼喜歡他。

Trump and his gaggle of sycophants really tried to talk up his physical fitness.

川普和他的巴結奉承者們真的試圖吹捧他的身體狀況。

For example, his former doctor, now Congressman Ronny Jackson, told a story about seeing the President on a treadmill, saying Trump was wearing gym shorts and a T shirt and he looked like an athlete.

舉例來說，他以前的醫生，現在的國會議員 Ronny Jackson，講了一個看到總統在跑步機上的故事，說川普穿著運動短褲和 T 恤，看起來像個運動員。

off the record, have you ever wondered what it would look like if you watched a Clydesdale decompose in a Hefty bag?

私下裡，你是否曾想過，如果看著一匹大種馬在垃圾袋裡腐爛會是什麼樣子？

Now, one thing, one thing paints a picture.

現在，有一件事，有一件事描繪了一幅畫面。

One thing that makes it hard to believe the story that Donald Trump is the fittest man ever to live is that he keeps falling asleep in public.

有一件事讓川普是有史以來最健康的人這個說法難以置信，那就是他老是在公眾場合睡著。

But Caroline Levitt had an answer for that, too.

但 Caroline Levitt 對此也有說法。

When the President rests his eyes, he's actually, quote, actively listening.

總統閉眼休息時，他其實，引述，正在積極聆聽。

Just like that herbal tea mascot, the Actively Listening Bear.

就像那個草本茶吉祥物，積極聆聽熊一樣。

He's totally alert and definitely, He's definitely going to remember to put out that fire.

他完全清醒，而且絕對，他絕對會記得撲滅那場火。

He's also facing a lawsuit claiming it's illegal for him to build his big, beautiful ballroom.

他還面臨一項訴訟，聲稱他建造他那宏偉美麗的宴會廳是非法的。

So this weekend, he posted all of the structural steel windows, doors, AC heating equipment, marble stone, precast concrete, bulletproof windows, glass, anti drone roofing, and

所以這個週末，他訂購了所有的結構鋼窗、門、空調暖氣設備、大理石、預鑄混凝土、防彈窗、玻璃、反無人機屋頂，以及

much more has been ordered or is ready to be.

更多東西已經訂購或準備就緒。

And there is no practical or reasonable way to go back.

而且沒有任何實際或合理的方式可以回頭了。

Adding stoppage of construction at this late date when so much has already been ordered and done would be devastating to the White House, our country and all concerned.

在已經訂購和完成這麼多事情的此時，停止施工將對白宮、我們的國家以及所有相關人員造成毀滅性的打擊。

再見，牛！ | 諾埃姆是川普 ICE 混亂的門面 | 總統的墮落 | 「梅蘭妮亞」災難 (Bye Bye, Bovino | Noem Is The Face Of Trump's ICE Mess | Presidential Decay | The "Melania" Disaster)

devastating

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