Name: 說出你需求的關鍵！別再憋著了！ (The Importance of Expressing Our Needs)
Uploaded: 2026-01-21T16:57:45.000Z
Duration: 5 min 3 s

情態助動詞 B1

Just how much can go wrong in love because we fail to master a basic, sounding hugely important skill that would probably have been in place if our childhoods had given us the right experience.

很多時候，愛情裡會出錯，就是因為我們沒辦法掌握一項聽起來極其重要的基本技能，而這項技能如果我們童年時期有對的經驗，應該早就具備了。

程度副詞

That is the art of saying how we feel relatively close to when we actually feel it in a way that can be heard with gentleness and and self possession before our affections are irreparably affected.

那就是，在我們的情感受到無法挽回地影響之前，以一種能被溫柔地傾聽和自我掌控的方式，在我們實際感受到的時候，就去表達感受。

In a better arranged world, we would have been trained to speak up from an early age.

在一個更好的安排下的世界裡，我們從小就會被訓練要說出來。

Alongside lessons in physics and geography, we would have learnt in our emotional communication classes exactly how to speak about our most intimate needs without causing upset.

與物理和地理課程並行，我們會在情感溝通課裡學到，如何在不引起不快的情況下，談論我們最內心的需求。

The teacher would have told us to begin with a fundamental conviction our needs are legitimate.

老師會告訴我們，從一個基本的信念開始：我們需求的合理性。

For example, there isn't anything wrong with us for not liking garlic, or not wanting to go on exhausting country walks, or not being thrilled by horses.

舉例來說，我們不喜歡大蒜，或者不想去走令人疲憊的鄉間步道，或者對馬兒沒什麼興致，這都不是我們的錯。

At the same time, it isn't fair or kind to say nothing at all to other people.

同時，對別人什麼都不說，既不公平也不友善。

And then when we are at the end of our tether, to begin to shout our needs, to act out our rage, to blame them for not being able to read our minds, minds which we've never taken care to open up to them.

然後當我們走投無路時，才開始大聲說出我們的需求，爆發我們的怒氣，責怪他們無法讀懂我們的心思，而我們從未費心向他們敞開心扉。

It's incumbent on other people to listen, of course, but it's equally incumbent on us to speak.

當然，別人有責任傾聽，但同樣地，我們也有責任說出來。

We have to find our way to a poised manner of imparting difficult messages.

我們必須找到一種從容的方式來傳達困難的訊息。

There would, in this ideal school, be competitions playfully testing us on how to handle the most awkward messages in the most effective ways.

在這理想的學校裡，會有比賽來趣味性地考驗我們如何用最有效的方式處理最棘手的訊息。

There would be prizes for the victors and a marshalling of the best competitive spirit.

優勝者將有獎品，並會激發出最佳的競爭精神。

Examples of questions might you're frightened by your partner's religious convictions.

例如，你可能會害怕伴侶的宗教信仰。

Or you're uncomfortable by how close they are to their sister.

或者，你對他們和姊姊的親密感到不自在。

Or they think you adore their cooking, but you don't really.

或者，他們認為你很喜歡他們的烹飪，但你其實不喜歡。

To prepare for these competitions, there would be modules on the constituents of successfully phrased complaints.

為了準備這些比賽，會有關於如何有效表達抱怨的單元。

Or please know that I'm only speaking because of how much I care about you and about us, or my respect for you is boundless.

或者，請知道我說這些，是因為我有多在乎你、在乎我們，或是你對我的尊重是無限的。

State your position with a thorough conviction of your right to speak.

帶著你說話的權利，堅定地表達你的立場。

For example, there's an issue I have about sleep.

舉例來說，我對睡眠有個困擾。

Or for me, poetry has always been a business of or.

對我來說，詩歌一直都是一種「或」的藝術。

I know most people don't see eye to eye with me.

我知道大多數人跟我意見不合。

在這件事上，但給他們表達不同意見的空間。

They don't have to adopt exactly your position, they just have to acknowledge the differences with grace.

他們不必完全接受你的立場，只要優雅地承認差異就好。

You aren't looking for perfect alignment, only good enough understanding.

你不是在尋求完美的契合，只求足夠好的理解。

It's fine that we might not be on the same page, or I know you can't agree with me on this totally, but

我們意見不同也沒關係，我知道你無法完全同意我，但是

hopefully, fourthly, once we've done all this, it should work.

希望，第四點，當我們做完這一切後，應該會奏效。

And if it doesn't, if the other person gets furious or starts to blame us, we've done ourselves an enormous favor and we've actually caught a problem early, and

如果沒效，如果對方大發雷霆或開始怪罪我們，我們就幫了自己一個大忙，而且我們其實提早發現了一個問題，

we must, with sadness but also haste, remove ourselves from the situation and look elsewhere.

我們必須帶著悲傷但也要迅速地，從那個情況中抽離，另尋他處。

Someone who has no space for our politely worded complaints cannot, whatever qualities they may have, be a person for us.

即使有其他優點，一個對我們委婉抱怨沒有空間的人，也不會是適合我們的人。

So we might say something like it's been a pleasure to get to know you to this point, but

所以我們可以說，很高興認識你到現在，但

I don't think we'd be doing either of us a favour if if all this matters so much, it's because too many relationships founder on the basis that someone loses their tongue.

我想，如果這一切都這麼重要，那對我們倆都不是件好事，因為太多關係都因為有人說不出話而告吹。

There is a limit to how long we suffer in silence before love goes cold.

在愛意冷卻之前，我們沉默忍耐的極限在哪裡？

We can't keep having sex in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable before we go off sex entirely, or we can't keep going sailing until we despise them for making us tired and sunburnt.

我們不能再繼續以讓我們感到不舒服的方式發生性行為，不然我們會對性完全失去興趣，或者我們不能一直去航海，直到我們討厭他們讓我們又累又晒傷。

We need to catch problems while there is still some goodwill left.

我們必須在還有善意的時候及時發現問題。

It can seem sometimes as though the enemy of love is being difficult, that in order to be a good partner we shouldn't introduce too many discordant needs.

有時候，愛情的敵人似乎是「難搞」，為了成為好伴侶，我們不應該提出太多不協調的需求。

But with time, what we stand to realize is that it's not being able to speak one's needs that's the real enemy.

但隨著時間過去，我們會意識到，真正傷害感情的並不是無法說出自己的需求。

We are allowed to be as complicated as we are so long as we can explain to the other person how the world looks through our eyes.

我們可以像我們本來的樣子一樣複雜，只要我們能向對方解釋，透過我們的眼睛看出去的世界是什麼樣子。

We don't have to have so called normal sleeping patterns, or normal tastes in sex, or normal views about animals.

我們不必有所謂正常的睡眠模式，或正常的性愛喜好，或對動物的正常看法。

What we need is a skill at taking our partner into our world so they can understand that we are at once good people and and different people.

我們需要的是一種技能，能帶領伴侶進入我們的世界，讓他們明白我們同時是善良的人，也是不同的人。

We need a profound conviction that it's entirely possible to be ourselves and to be loved so long as we have spoken gently but clearly, and

我們需要一種深刻的信念，相信只要我們溫柔而清晰地表達自己，就能夠真實地做自己，同時也被愛著，

that we won't accept anything less of them or of ourselves.

而且我們不會接受伴侶或自己有任何不符合這個標準的表現。