Name: 36歲前都看不見！第一次看見自己… 這就是她的故事 (Blind Until 36 & Seeing Myself For The First Time | This Is That Story)
Uploaded: 2025-12-04T17:01:52.000Z
Duration: 6 min 32 s

過去簡單式

I had no idea what I looked like until just a few years ago.

幾年前我才真正知道自己長什麼樣子。

I was blind from birth until my 30s, and this is that story.

我從出生就一直看不見，直到三十幾歲，這就是我的故事。

So I was born with severe, severe, severe myopia.

我出生時就有非常嚴重的近視。

I could see incredible detail from the tip of my nose to my face.

我能看清楚鼻尖到臉部的細節。

But from the tip of my nose onward, I could see nothing.

但從鼻尖開始往外，我就什麼都看不見了。

All I could see was shape, color, floaters, flashers, sort of like a kaleidoscope.

我只能看到形狀、顏色、飛蚊症、閃光感，有點像萬花筒一樣。

I didn't come from a family that had money, and

I actually was abandoned by my parents as a child.

而且我在小時候被父母拋棄了。

So I ended up getting thrown into public school with sighted kids.

所以我最後就被送進了公立學校，跟有視力的小孩一起上學。

I did not get to go to the school for the blind, and I didn't learn braille.

我沒有去盲人學校，也沒有學過盲文。

I didn't have any accommodation other than maybe get up to the front of the room and try.

我沒有任何的輔助，只能盡量走到教室前面試著看。

So I would take a book and I would smash it against my face and I would read like this.

所以我會拿著書，然後把它往臉上砸，就這樣看書。

And I could see the paper fibers, I could see the ink, but

我可以看到紙纖維，可以看到墨水，但是

I would put together the letters into words and just go like this actually would have ink on the tip of my nose from smearing.

我會把字母拼成單字，然後就這樣，其實我的鼻尖上都會沾到墨水，因為我這樣塗抹。

I just look like the stereotypical giant glasses nerd on steroids.

我看起來就像是戴著超大眼鏡的書呆子，而且還加強版。

I was told that I was stupid, fat and ugly for my entire life by some of my family members, but

我被一些家人告知，我一輩子又笨又胖又醜，但是

also by most of the kids I went to school with because that's, I guess, what bullies do.

也包括我大部分的同學，因為我想，這就是霸凌者會做的事。

I couldn't see myself to really sort out that that was wrong.

我看不清楚，所以沒辦法真正分辨那是不是錯的。

So I was unable to really establish a sense of self.

所以我沒辦法真正建立自我認同。

And I took on this sense of self that other people told me I should have.

然後我就接受了別人告訴我應該有的自我認同。

I was getting bullied and beaten up so much at school, like I would just stand there, not be able to see anything.

我在學校被霸凌和毆打得很嚴重，就像我會站在那裡，什麼都看不清楚。

Next thing I know, I'd be on the floor and some boy would be kicking me in the side or spitting on me, something like that.

接著我就會倒在地上，然後有個男生踢我側腹或朝我吐口水，之類的。

And he just let this happen because I guess there's too many kids and there's not enough teachers, right?

而他就這樣讓事情發生，因為我想，學生太多了，老師不夠，對吧？

So I joined a karate school and the guy that owned the school ended up being like a second father to me.

所以我去學空手道，而學校的老闆後來就像我的第二個父親一樣。

I would just sit up there with him and read books or talk.

我會和他一起坐在那裡看書或哈拉。

And it was a place where I felt that I had a family.

那是一個我覺得自己有家人的地方。

So I ended up learning how to fight there.

所以我最後在那裡學會了打架。

So from, you know, if somebody grabbed my arm, I knew how to defend against it.

所以，你知道，如果有人抓住我的手臂，我就知道如何防禦。

And I started fighting semi professionally and tables started turning.

我開始半職業格鬥，情況開始好轉。

It gave me confidence that I did not have and a family that I didn't have as well.

這給了我自信，也給了我一個我原本沒有的家庭。

這是我生命中一個很重要的轉捩點。

Surgery existed to give me sight in the 90s.

九零年代已經有手術可以讓我重見光明瞭。

And I remember one did mention, if we replace the lens of your eye with an implant, just like cataract surgery, you'll be able to see.

我記得有人提到，如果我們用植入物來置換你的眼球水晶體，就像白內障手術一樣，你就能看見了。

And at the time, I think it was something like $40,000.

當時，我記得大概是四萬塊美金。

And they were just like, yeah, we're not going to recommend that to you because it's just too expensive and insurance doesn't cover it.

他們就說，嗯，我們不建議你做這個，因為實在太貴了，保險也不給付。

So what happened was, in 2014, I developed actual cataracts.

所以後來，在2014年，我真的出現了白內障。

And then they were like, well, the insurance is going to cover it, but

然後他們就說，嗯，保險會給付，但是

So that's going to be about $10,000 extra.

And I said something about it on Facebook, and

我在Facebook上提了一下這件事，

in three hours, people that knew me had donated over $10,000.

結果不到三小時，認識我的人就捐了超過一萬美金。

And the laser divides your eye into a checkerboard shape, and

然後雷射會把你的眼睛抽成棋盤格的樣子，

then they implant and inject a lens that unfurls into your eye.

接著他們會植入並注射一顆鏡片，它會在你的眼睛裡展開。

The whole process took from January 2016 until about November 2016.

整個過程從 2016 年一月一直到大約 2016 年十一月。

It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done.

So I remember when I woke up from surgery, it wasn't like a big bang thing, right?

所以我記得我從手術醒來的時候，不是那種「砰」的一聲就好的感覺，對吧？

Where you just wake up and, like, I can see perfectly.

就是你醒來然後，哇，我看得好清楚。

When I was able to see people, it was like too much information.

當我看清楚人們的時候，資訊量實在太大了。

I developed really bad anxiety because it's like, if you've ever seen any of those sci fi shows where some normal person gets psychic powers and then they have a nervous breakdown and start screaming, that's what happened to me.

我變得非常焦慮，因為就像，如果你看過那種科幻影集，裡面一個普通人突然有了心靈感應的能力，然後就精神崩潰開始尖叫，我當時就是那樣。

They're not going to say, oh, be prepared.

他們不會說，喔，請做好準備。

這可能會讓你需要看心理醫生。

I get along really well with transgender people because they get the idea of dramatic rebirth that you can't ignore, and

我跟跨性別者相處得很好，因為他們理解那種無法忽視的戲劇性重生，而且

you have to deal emotionally and mentally.

I would say the hardest years of my life were the two years after my surgery.

我會說我人生中最艱難的兩年，是我手術後的兩年。

So I went into this salad bar place right after surgery, and

所以我手術後就去了一家沙拉吧，然後

And I walked in, and I saw a person next to me.

And it's that awkward thing where somebody is so close to you that you want.

然後就是那種尷尬的情況，有人離你這麼近，讓你想要。

And then I'm like, looking, did anybody see me say hi to myself?

然後我就想，有人看到我跟自己打招呼嗎？

The reflection in the mirror, and I'm like, no.

鏡子裡的倒影，我就想，沒有。

然後我就想，天啊，那是本人。

I probably looked like a person that was losing her grip on reality, but

我看起來可能像一個快要失控的人，但是

And even sometimes at night now, I will look at myself in the mirror and be like, is that me?

即使是現在晚上，有時候我照鏡子，我會想，那是我嗎？

And if I'm not paying attention, I can revert to the person that I was told I was before I got the surgery.

如果我不注意，我可能會變回手術前別人說的那個我。

Because I feel like everybody is programmed at a young age with their identity.

因為我覺得每個人從小就被植入了他們的身份認同。

I'm actually really happy and grateful for it because I was able to get through it, and

我其實真的很開心也很感激，因為我撐過去了，而且

And the main thing that I want to do is I want to make a difference on the planet.

而我最想做的，就是想讓這個世界變得更好。

For people that feel that maybe their disability or their situation is a lost cause, it's not like your disability is where your superpower is.

對於那些覺得自己的身心障礙或處境已經無可救藥的人，你們的身心障礙並不是你們的超能力。

And even before I had my eye surgery, my disability was where my superpower is, because I looked at myself closer and I was able to realize how strong I was.

甚至在我接受眼部手術之前，我的身心障礙就是我的超能力，因為我更深入地認識自己，也才發現自己有多堅強。