Name: 我們為什麼需要--以及如何--與單身和平相處 (Why - and how - we need to make our peace with being single)
Uploaded: 2025-09-03T18:07:03.000Z
Duration: 3 min 27 s

情態副詞

Among the many skills required to have a good relationship, one stands out above any other – the capacity to live without a relationship. Only those who have fully made their peace with the prospect of being single can have the calm, steadiness and courage to face down the problems in love with the necessary conviction, or outside of relationships, to endure the many months, even years or decades that it might take for the right person to appear.

在擁有一段良好關係所需的眾多技能中，有一項技能最為突出，那就是在沒有關係的情況下生活的能力。只有那些已經完全接受單身前景的人，才能擁有冷靜、堅定和勇氣，以必要的信念面對戀愛中的問題，或者在戀愛關係之外，忍受數月、甚至數年或數十年的時間，等待合適的人出現。

轉承詞

Only if we know we can survive alone can we ever have the confidence to ask for changes from a partner and be known to mean it. Our ultimatums can't be faked. Our partners have a sixth sense of how far they can push us before we walk away – and if we never can, if we dread solitude more than we do mistreatment, we can be toyed with without end. We must always be aware that we might need to get out, only in order to foster the conditions that mean we will never need to. We must be like a nation that every year practices a military drill, not because it knows it will be attacked, but in order to reduce the chances it ever will be. Even in the midst of the greatest cosiness, wise lovers know that they might yet need to make use of a metaphoric getaway bag that they keep under the bed.

只有當我們知道自己可以獨自生存時，我們才能有信心要求伴侶做出改變，並讓人知道我們是真心的。我們的最後通牒是裝不出來的。我們的伴侶有第六感，知道在我們離開之前他們能把我們逼到什麼程度--如果我們永遠做不到，如果我們對孤獨的恐懼超過對虐待的恐懼，我們就會被無休止地玩弄。我們必須時刻意識到，我們可能需要離開，只是為了創造條件，讓我們永遠不需要離開。我們必須像一個每年都要進行軍事演習的國家一樣，不是因為知道自己會受到攻擊，而是為了減少受到攻擊的機會。即使在最舒適的環境中，聰明的戀人們也知道，他們可能還需要使用放在

反身代名詞

Likewise, while dating, we must make our peace with ongoing singlehood in order to have the clarity to turn down person after person, date after date, who doesn't attract or interest us sufficiently. Only if we can bear our own company will we avoid having to persuade ourselves of the rightness of the wrong people, will we avoid letting the fear of dying alone spoil our lives. At the same time, we will never be able to make our peace with singlehood unless we move beyond one of the cardinal, sentimental rallying cries of our age, that being single might be fun, fulfilling or interesting. So long as we continue with such bromides, we will suffer far more than we need to. Not only will we be alone, we will feel ashamed at how awful it is to be so. We need to accept the truth unflinchingly. Being single is horrible, boring, frightening, dispiriting and alienating. Yet, our very best chance of accepting and dealing adequately with singlehood is not to keep harbouring any illusions about it. There is nothing interesting about having the whole bed to ourselves or about being able to play music loudly at 3am. The dating rigmarole is a fast route to mental exhaustion. But once we accept the bleakness, it will stop surprising or humiliating us at every turn. For all its awfulness, singlehood is always better than the alternative. A bad relationship with an immature, shapeshifting, unselfaware, borderline person. It's better to be crying, yet again, on the living room floor bemoaning our fate than trying to get a recalcitrant, cheating, vain partner to come on board and love us properly. At least, solitude doesn't rob us of a future. At least, at all moments, it contains the possibility of something better. We should hate being single very much. We should also know the extent to which enduring it soberly and steadily is the ultimate guarantor of the future we deserve.

同樣，在約會的時候，我們必須與持續的單身和平相處，這樣才能清醒地拒絕一個又一個的人，一次又一次的約會，拒絕那些對我們沒有足夠吸引力或興趣的人。只有我們能夠承受自己的陪伴，我們才能避免說服自己相信錯誤的人是正確的，我們才能避免讓孤獨終老的恐懼破壞我們的生活。與此同時，我們也永遠無法與單身和平相處，除非我們超越我們這個時代的一個主要的、感性的號召，即單身可能是有趣的、充實的或有意思的。只要我們還在繼續這樣的陳詞濫調，我們就會承受更多的痛苦。我們不僅會感到孤獨，還會為自己的孤獨感到羞恥。我們需要堅定不移地接受事