stopped thinking about my hair.

I don't know if you have, but you

know when something's your thing,

and you think everybody must be thinking about it?

But anyway, my hair--

I told you a story about my hair, the coloring of it

and everything, last spring.

I'm not going to recap the whole thing.

But long story short, my hair was long,

and then it was short, and then it fell out and umm..

right of my head, like it was breaking off out of my head.

And as I said back then, it started with the same sentence

that all bad hair stories start with, which

is "I tried out a new person."

And you know that story, right?

So when she colored my hair, it turned a lot of colors

except for blond, which is the one I was going for.

And it was bad.

It was like really, really bad.

And my hairdresser said I needed to shave it really short,

so that the color was completely out of it,

and I would grow new virgin hair.

And since I wasn't working over the summer, that's what I did.

I--It was like I was a talk show host part of the year,

and then in the summer I was like a Marine.

00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:10,111 And I really planned on coloring it again, because I got--

it was like you know--

I'd never seen my natural color.

I'd been coloring my hair for so long.

And it was really, really short.

And I knew that I had to grow it out.

And I was going to color it.

But then I got used to it.

And I was like, oh, it's my natural color,

and that's what I should do.

And Portia liked it.

And a lot of people liked it.

And it was the first time, like I

said, that I had seen my natural color.

This is what it looked like.

It was that short.

And that is my natural color.

So I was going to keep it that way.

But then Mary, who's right over here--

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah.

She called to give me her opinion, which was

that I should go back to blond.

And everybody knows Mary, because you

remember how I talked about her rash all last year.

[LAUGHTER]

And I guess the rash was contagious,

because I made a rash decision after I

agreed to go back to blond.

So then my virgin hair was touched

for the very first time.

And--

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So anybody who gets their hair colored knows it's a hassle.

And that's why I didn't want to do it again.

So I go to get it colored, sit in the chair for two and 1/2

hours, and the color wasn't right.

So then I go back the next day, another two and 1/2 hours.

I mean, first of all, I've not cut my hair since you saw that.

This is some--June 29th I cut it.

This is how long it's grown.

I have not had a haircut.

And so I don't know how five hours to color this.

Some punk-ass kid can tag an entire overpass in six minutes,

and I'm five hours to do this.

Anyway, I don't know how we're still coloring our hair the way

we did in the '50s, too.

We have--each hair gets its own individual little foil wrapped

like a tiny little baked potato, that we sit there angled in all

these ways to get their little foils on there.

And then we sit under a heater till we're crispy.

And if we're lucky, it stays on our head.

Anyway, it was such an ordeal, I was making a joke,

I should just wear a wig, and then umm--

because it's easier.

Oh, I should?

OK.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah.

Well, I went wig shopping.

And I brought my writer Lauren to pay.

And here's what happened at the wig shop.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) I can't keep on losing you.

Lauren, we're in a wig shop.

But you are here with me, because your wig is--

Oh.

I can't--

OK.

That's amazing.

All right.

If you--

It's good.

--have something that's that natural, and yet

when you pull it, it doesn't come out,

that's what I'm looking for.

I think a little came out.

Well.

(SINGING) How many mistakes do it

take till you leave when I'm left with my hand on my face?

Are you getting that one?

I'm trying it for the first time.

Is that real hair?

No, this is synthetic.

Synthetic.

And what is it made of, like, guitar strings?

Wow.

That feels almost like your wig.

Wow.

How are you?

Welcome to wig heaven.

Wig heaven.

I'm wiggin' out, man, just being here.

That's a good name for a shop, too, Wiggin' Out.

I think there is a Wiggin' Out.

And what about Getting Wiggy With It or Hair We Are.

Oh, that's good.

Is that good?

Yeah, that's good.

What would this be used for?

To enhance your ponytail.

Ooh.

Uh-huh.

This is my mother, by the way.

Oh, god.

Yeah, that looks--

How's that?

That enhances it.

Is that good?

That really enhances it.

Oh, wow.

What's your name?

Lenya.

Lenya.

We're wig shopping for me really.

I'll be honest with you, Lenaya.

What's your name?

Lenya.

That's right.

So what do we want to look like?

I want to look like me.

There may actually be a wig called the Ellen.

Oh.

What?

Yeah.

If I had known I had my own wig, why would I

be doing this the whole time?

So much easier.

I wear a wig every day.

And I know--

Is that a wig?

Yeah, this is a wig.

That's fantastic, Lenaya.

Is that right?

Lenya.

It's OK.

[BLEEP] You know what?

I meet so many people, Lenaya.

00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:12,670 We can get a wig that's very close.

Is there a name for this one?

Yes, they all have names.

Do you have one named Kristen?

Because then it would be Kristen Wig.

That's funny.

That's very good.

And we do have a Kristen.

Really?

Yeah.

00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:27,497 [LAUGHTER]

Yes.

Natural?

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

Anybody watching "Bachelor in Paradise"

right now knows that this is John Paul Jones.

Don't insult my intelligence.

We can leave.

I think we're done.

I think we're done.

I think we need to fix this.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What's wrong with this?

You have the wig cap all the way down here, so we can see it.

And I think it's on backwards.

So I can show you how to wear these.

Don't you dare.

I know what I'm doing.

Let's take our ears out.

This is the best thing for my ears that's ever happened.

My ears stick out.

Watch what happens if I do that.

They're cute ears.

No, they're big ears.

But you know what?

Obama has big ears, too, and look at him.

I know.

He's smart as a whip.

There you go.

Hm.

Yeah, that's better.

So we can cut this a lot shorter, right, to your hair--

All right.

--and get it like a 613 blond.

OK.

00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,210 I cut my own hair all the time.

00:06:39,611 --> 00:06:42,545 Do you like it?

I really do.

I do.

All right.

Blow on my face.

All right.

00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:51,790 Not my lips.

00:06:55,359 --> 00:06:55,984 [MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) I call my girl because I got a problem.

Do I have a big head?

God, do you.

You need to buy a double-wide.

Is this Charo?

Yes.

That's Charo.

That's Charo.

Cuchi-cuchi coo.

Everyone remembers Charo, right?

Everyone remembers Charo.

00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:21,810 What about-- I've never looked gayer.

00:07:24,474 --> 00:07:26,340 All right, this is closer.

Where's the Ellen?

Did you find the Ellen wig?

Which one?

Well, how many Ellen wigs are there?

There's two.

There's a few.

Those are not the Ellens.

Ellen who?

Yeah, exactly.

Ellen Burstyn?

You should try it.

Kenya.

Try this one.

These are Ellen?

This is insulting.

OK.

That's exactly what your hair looked like.

00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,090 Which is the Marx brother?

Harpo.

Harpo.

Yeah.

It's very curly.

Harpo.

[HORN HONKING]

00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,150 What's your name again?

Let's see.

I like that.

You like this?

I really do.

Mother, what do you think?

That looks great.

I think that looks great.

Let's try this one.

This is fuller, and it's the length you want.

That's like a Tracee Ellis Ross wig.

She would wear that.

A lot of actresses wear wigs.

Yeah.

Oprah does.

You know that.

Yeah.

Gayle does.

Stedman does.

John Travolta does.

Justin Timberlake wears wigs.

Justin Timberlake?

He does.

Bruno Mars wears wigs.