Name: 【TED】莉迪婭．約克娜薇琪: 「格格不入」之美 (The beauty of being a misfit | Lidia Yuknavitch)
Uploaded: 2017-04-09T05:45:00.000Z
Duration: 12 min 59 s

So I know TED is about a lot of things that are big,

我知道TED上談論的大多是重要的大事，

to 不定詞

but I want to talk to you about something very small.

但是我想跟你們分享一件小小事。

非常小的事，只是單單的一個詞：

It's one of my favorite words, because it's so literal.

這是我最喜愛的詞， 因為它是如此地切和字面上的意思——

I mean, it's a person who sort of missed fitting in.

我的意思是，那意味著， 一個人錯過了融入群體的機會。

或是指一個人融入得非常糟糕。

我就是一個不折不扣的「異類」。

And I'm here for the other misfits in the room,

而為了其他異類，我站在這裡，

因為在異類中， 我永遠不是唯一一個。

我現在要和你們說一個異類的故事。

the dream of becoming a writer came right to my doorstep.

成為一位作家的夢想 近得彷彿就在我眼前。

實際上，它來到了我的郵箱中，

in the form of a letter that said I'd won a giant literary prize

一封信件表示 我獲得了一個知名文學獎項。

得獎的是我寫的一篇短篇故事。

The short story was about my life as a competitive swimmer

短篇故事的內容是關於我 作為優秀游泳選手的生活，

and a little bit about how grief and loss can make you insane.

另外還有那些關於傷痛和失去 是如何逼瘋人的。

The prize was a trip to New York City to meet big-time editors and agents

獲獎的獎勵是一趟旅程： 前往紐約會見一流的編輯，著作經紀人

So kind of it was the wannabe writer's dream, right?

這就是一個立志成為作家的人的 夢想，對吧？

You know what I did the day the letter came to my house?

但你知道我在拿到信的那天做了什麼嗎？

and I sat there in my underwear for an entire day,

I was thinking about all the ways I'd already screwed my life up.

我在想我一路是如何 把自己的人生搞砸的。

Who the hell was I to go to New York City

裝作是一名作家的我到底是誰？

I already had two epically failed marriages underneath my belt.

我已經經歷了兩段史詩般失敗的婚姻。

I'd flunked out of college not once but twice

我被大學退學不只一次， 而是兩次。

and maybe even a third time that I'm not going to tell you about.

或許還有第三次， 但我不打算告訴你們。

And I'd done an episode of rehab for drug use.

And I'd had two lovely staycations in jail.

我有兩段美好的居家休假—— 在監獄裡。

But the real reason, I think, I was a misfit,

但真正的理由， 我想，是因為我是個不適應環境的人。

is that my daughter died the day she was born,

and I hadn't figured out how to live with that story yet.

而我還不知道要如何面對這件事。

After my daughter died I also spent a long time homeless,

在我女兒去世後， 我有很長一段時間無家可歸，

in a kind of profound state of zombie grief and loss

沉溺在一種行屍走肉般的悲痛 和失去所有的沉重情緒中，

那是我們部分人會經歷的過程。

Maybe all of us, if you live long enough.

也許我們所有人都會經歷——如果你活得夠長。

You know, homeless people are some of our most heroic misfits,

你知道，無家可歸者是最英勇的異類，

因為他們和我們有著一樣的開始。

So you see, I'd missed fitting in to just about every category out there:

所以你可以發現，我幾乎無法良好地適應 在這當中所有的角色：

was really kind of like a small, sad stone in my throat.

一直都如此悲傷而渺小， 讓我感覺如鯁在喉。

It was pretty much in spite of myself that I got on that plane

Fellow misfits, I can almost see your heads glowing.

各位異類， 我幾乎可以看到你們頭上的光芒。

You got to choose the three famous writers you wanted to meet,

你得到機會， 可以選擇三位你最想會見的知名作家，

and these guys went and found them for you.

然後他們會為你找到那些作家。

You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel,

你被安置在格拉梅西公園酒店，

where you got to drink Scotch late in the night

在那裡你可以喝蘇格蘭威士忌 直到深夜，

和一群酷炫、聰明、愛出風頭的人一起，

And you got to pretend you were cool and smart and swank, too.

而你也要裝作自己很酷炫、聰明、愛出風頭。

And you got to meet a bunch of editors and authors and agents

接著，你要去會見許多編輯、作家與著作經紀人，

在非常、非常豪華別緻的午餐和晚餐廳中。

Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession: I stole three linen napkins --

我現在要來自首： 我偷了三條亞麻餐巾——

我還塞了一份菜單到我的褲子裡。

I just wanted some keepsakes so that when I got home,

我只是想要一些紀念品, 所以當我回家之後，

I could believe it had really happened to me.

我可以相信這一切 真的曾經發生在我身上過。

were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman and Peggy Phelan.

是卡羅爾．馬索、琳恩．提爾曼、佩姬．菲蘭。

These were not famous, best-selling authors,

but to me, they were women-writer titans.

但對我來說，她們是女性作家中的翹楚。

Carole Maso wrote the book that later became my art bible.

卡羅爾．馬索寫的書成為了我心目中的藝術聖經。

Lynne Tillman gave me permission to believe

that there was a chance my stories could be part of the world.

我的故事有機會成為這個世界的一部分。

that maybe my brains could be more important than my boobs.

或許我的大腦比我的胸部更重要。

but they were cutting a path through the mainstream

I like to think, kind of the way water cut the Grand Canyon.

我喜歡思考， 想要知道流水是如何切出大峽谷的。

和這三名超過五十歲的女作家相談——

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【TED】莉迪婭．約克娜薇琪: 「格格不入」之美 (The beauty of being a misfit | Lidia Yuknavitch)

pretend

fancy

failure

grief