Name: 如何應對爛主管？ | Natalie Parker | TEDxParrish Street (How to handle a bad boss | Natalie Parker | TEDxParrish Street)
Uploaded: 2026-03-24T21:40:16.000Z
Duration: 11 min 44 s

I'm sorry your dad is sick, but who's going to do this work?

爸媽生病我很抱歉，但這份工作誰來做？

That's all it took to create a storm in my life that would change everything.

這短短十三個字，卻在我生命中掀起了足以改變一切的巨浪。

And just like a sailboat caught in a current, I got thrown off course by my manager's words because I was unanchored.

就像一艘在洋流中失控的帆船，因為我沒有定錨，就被主管的話沖離了航道。

You see, when we become unanchored at work, we typically have reactions that make us culprits in helping enable bad leadership, and

你看，當我們在工作上失去定錨時，我們的反應常會讓我們成為助長不良領導的幫凶，

You see, I was in a company that I loved.

你知道，我曾待在一間我非常熱愛的公司。

I spent 10 years there, and I was considered a high performer.

我在那裡待了十年，而且我被認為是個高績效者。

I had promotions and accolades to prove it.

我有晉升和讚譽來證明這一點。

But after one year with this leader, I was crashing out fast, chasing a line of success that just kept moving.

但跟這位主管共事一年後，我就快速地崩潰了，追逐著一條不斷移動的成功線。

And my colleagues and I, we trauma-bonded, trying to survive a leader whose cruelty was as predictable as the tide, suffocating us with micromanagement and then vanishing when we needed support.

而我跟我的同事們，我們創傷連結，努力在一位殘酷得像潮水一樣可預測的主管手下生存，他用微觀管理扼殺我們，卻在我們需要支持時消失無蹤。

You see, my dad had been sent to the emergency room.

你知道，我爸爸被送進了急診室。

My mom called me and told me, "I needed to get home to Jersey, three hours away." Our team was lean so that I knew my absence would be inconvenient, as emergencies usually are.

我媽媽打電話給我，告訴我：「我需要趕回紐澤西，那裡離這裡有三個小時的車程。」我們團隊人手不多，所以我知道我的缺席會很不方便，就像緊急情況通常會造成的不便一樣。

So I created a plan, and I shared it with my manager and my circumstance.

所以我擬定了一個計畫，並和我的主管以及我的情況分享了。

And her response, "I'm sorry your dad is sick, but

她的回應是：「我很抱歉你爸爸生病了，

who's going to do this work?" And just like that, I was caught in the perfect storm: a family crisis and a career under siege.

但誰來做這些工作？」就這樣，我陷入了完美的風暴：家庭危機和事業受威脅。

I'd come later to realize that I was facing a tsunami of epic proportions, and

後來我才意識到，我正面對一場史詩級的巨浪，

so many of people had faced it themselves, and it capsizes careers worldwide.

而且有這麼多人也曾面臨同樣的處境，這場巨浪顛覆了全球無數人的事業。

I said it because we've all had something suck the life out of us: mosquitoes, ticks, fleas, mother-in-laws.

我這麼說是因為我們都遇過讓人煩透了的東西：蚊子、蜱蟲、跳蚤、婆婆。

You know you have a bad boss because when you see the email with their name on it or you hear their voice, your body reacts.

你知道你遇到爛主管，是因為看到他們的名字出現在信件裡，或是聽到他們說話，你的身體就會有反應。

Your stomach gets tied into knots, and your palms get sweaty, and

你會覺得肚子打結，手心冒汗，

And the only thing you can think is, "Oh, dear God, what now?" I've heard it said that when we're unanchored, this is what happens.

你腦子裡只會想：「天啊，現在又要幹嘛？」我聽過有人說，當我們失去重心時，就會變成這樣。

After two and a half decades of leading HR and corporate talent management, I now consult CEOs, executives, and

在領導人資和企業人才管理超過二十五年後，我現在為執行長、高階主管提供顧問服務，

HR leaders and entrepreneurs on how to create good cultures.

關於如何打造良好企業文化，我會訪問人資主管和創業家。

我發現有三件事是絕對正確的。

We're all in at least one of these groups.

我們至少都屬於這三種人其中一種。

You either have or had a boss that sucks.

你曾經有，或是現在就有一個很爛的主管。

Or you're one of the few unicorns that's never had a bad boss, but

或者，你是那極少數從來沒有遇過爛主管的幸運兒，

但你卻知道這會造成多大的傷害。

And those 13 words damaged and disoriented me.

那短短的十三個字，讓我身心受創、迷失方向。

And that's what's happening to people worldwide.

這就是全世界許多人正在經歷的。

When we're unanchored at work, we get damaged and disoriented.

當我們在工作中失去重心時，就會身心受創、迷失方向。

You see, according to Gallup, 7 out of 10 of us in this room are some kind of disengaged.

你看，根據蓋洛普的調查，我們這裡有十分之七的人都有些心不在焉。

And 50% of people, they leave companies because of the managers, not the company.

而有百分之五十的人離職，是因為主管，而不是公司。

And when Forbes asked managers, "Who needs leadership training?" nearly 100% of the leaders said that other leaders needed leadership training, kind of like a bad boyfriend.

《富比士》雜誌問經理們：「誰需要領導力訓練？」將近百分之百的領導者都說，是其他領導者需要領導力訓練，有點像那種糟糕的男友。

"Girl, it's you, not me." Now, while we're staggered by the numbers, what not usually staggers me is our response to it.

「寶貝，是你，不是我。」現在，雖然這些數字讓我們咋舌，但通常讓我咋舌的，是我們對此的反應。

Let somebody talk to you about having a bad boss, and you say, "Okay, so what?

讓別人跟你說他們有個爛主管，你就會說：「好吧，那又怎樣？

We've been there." Our silent acceptance of bad leadership is a problem.

我們都經歷過。」我們對爛領導的默默接受，就是個問題。

We've subconsciously accepted it and become so good at managing it, we haven't even stopped to think that we are the ones keeping it alive.

我們潛意識裡接受了它，並且變得非常擅長應對，以至於我們甚至沒有停下來想，是我們讓它活了下來。

According to his book—and this really is the title—Derry Harvey wrote a book called How Come Every Time I Get Stabbed in the Back My Fingerprints Are on the Knife.

根據他的書——書名就是這樣——Derry Harvey 寫了一本叫做《為什麼每次我被捅刀，刀上都有我的指紋》的書。

He gears up the idea that our greatest career wounds often have our fingerprints on the weapons.

他提出了這個想法，就是我們職涯中最嚴重的創傷，常常是我們自己留下的指紋。

Have you ever been stabbed emotionally at work?

你曾經在工作上被情感上捅過刀嗎？

Perhaps stabbed by the boss who asks you for your opinion but doesn't really want it?

也許是被那個問你的意見，但其實根本不想聽的長官捅的？

Or by the boss who consistently and incessantly procrastinates that causes you more work at 4:59?

或是那個不斷拖延，害你在快到五點時，讓你做更多事的長官？

Or what about a leader whose toxic positivity creates a culture that makes us all feel like we have to walk around like this?

或者是一位長官，他那種有毒的正能量，創造了一種讓我們都覺得必須這樣做的文化？

Our culture is a culture of mandatory happiness.

我們的文化是一種強迫快樂的文化。

When bad bosses happen to us, we typically take to our favorite modes of communication: to complain, to commiserate, or condemn.

當我們遇到爛長官時，我們通常會用我們最喜歡的溝通方式：抱怨、同情，或譴責。

And that's where our fingerprints get put on the weapons.

這就是我們的指紋沾到刀上的地方。

Every time we're silent to our own or someone else's suffering, we give a subtle fingerprint of permission to bad bossery.

每一次我們對自己或他人的痛苦保持沉默，我們就給了爛長官文化一個隱形的許可指紋。

I think it's time we actively reject the notion that bad leadership is something that we have to endure like the weather.

我覺得是時候我們主動拒絕那種，爛領導是我們必須像天氣一樣忍受的觀唸了。

而且我覺得是時候我們放下憤怒了。

It's an acronym: Assess, Negotiate, Consult, Heed, Observe, and Resolve.

這是一個縮寫：評估、協商、諮詢、傾聽、觀察，以及解決。

I believe this framework is going to help us all move from accomplice to advocate and from complicit to courageous.

我相信這個架構會幫助我們所有人，從幫凶變成倡導者，從共犯變成勇敢者。

First, I want you to assess the situation without your emotions because they typically hijack the way you see life.

首先，我希望你評估情況時，不要帶入情緒，因為情緒通常會劫持你看待生活的方式。

Next, I want you to negotiate your goals: long-term and near-term, personal and professional.

接下來，我希望你協商你的目標：長期的和短期的，個人的和專業的。

The journey of 1,000 miles starts with one step.

Plan the step, but remember, the goal is the journey.

計畫好這一步，但請記住，目標就是這段旅程。

接下來，我希望你留意你的觸發點。

Author Gabby Bernstein says that we need to know our triggers and plan ways around them and routines to help us not get triggered.

作者 Gabby Bernstein 說，我們需要知道自己的觸發點，並規劃繞過它們的方法和幫助我們不被觸發的例行公事。

Managers and people are oddly predictable.

管理者和人們的行為出奇地可預測。

When we know the patterns of people, we can plan better.

當我們知道人們的模式時，我們就能更好地規劃。

Figure out the pattern so that you can plan around your leader's issues or at least try to lessen the impact.

找出模式，這樣你就可以規劃應對你領導者的問題，或者至少試圖減輕影響。

Resolve that their definition of success may be unachievable or unattainable, but yours doesn't have to be.

下定決心，他們的成功定義可能無法實現或難以企及，但你的不必如此。

I didn't have an anchor that day, so I did what most of us would do.

那天我沒有依靠，所以我做了我們大多數人會做的事。

I grabbed a life preserver, and I saved myself.

我抓了救生圈，然後救了自己。

Instead, I went into silent compliance and completed a 13-hour day based on all the new tasks that were given to me.

相反，我默默地順從，並完成了基於所有新任務的 13 小時工作。

And the last thing I did was to fill out leave paperwork so that I could be home with my family and protect my job.

最後我做了填寫請假單，這樣我就可以和家人在一起並保住我的工作。

And it's a decision that I don't regret because it allowed me to be with my dad when he took his last breath two months later.

這是一個我從不後悔的決定，因為它讓我在兩個月後爸爸嚥下最後一口氣時能陪在他身邊。

But what if I had an anchor instead of a life preserver?

但如果我有一個錨而不是救生圈呢？

Perhaps I would have assessed that her priorities were her priorities, and

也許我會評估她的優先事項是她的優先事項，

而我的家庭緊急狀況是我的優先事項，

I would not have been mad that they happened at the same time.

我也不會因為它們同時發生而生氣。

Perhaps I would have negotiated to understand what her immediate needs were, but

也許我會協商，瞭解她眼前的需求是什麼，

I would have invited her to help me solve the problem of how to get homework quickly.

但我會邀請她來幫我解決如何快速完成功課的問題。

I would have counseled with leaders who invited me to figure out how to have the conflict in a productive way rather than settle for silent compliance.

我會和那些邀請我以有建設性的方式化解衝突的領導者們諮商，而不是滿足於沉默的服從。

Perhaps then I would have heeded my trigger.

也許那時候我才會注意到我的觸發點。

I wanted approval from my leader, and I wanted to have a good relationship.

我想要獲得領導的認可，而且我想要維持良好的關係。

But if I had observed her patterns, I would have realized what I had been ignoring for months.

但如果我觀察了她的模式，我就會意識到我幾個月來一直在忽略什麼。

Our relationship was as transactional as an ATM machine.

我們的關係就像提款機一樣功利。

And I would have resolved not to allow myself to pick between my job and my family.

而且我會下定決心，不讓自己需要在工作和家庭之間做選擇。

When we're caught in the current of powerful, terrible leadership, dropping an anchor is exactly what we need.

當我們被強大、糟糕的領導力洪流捲走時，拋錨正是我們需要的。

And my anchor, it would have sounded like this: "I understand the work that you have for me is important to you, and

而我的錨，聽起來會是這樣：「我明白您交辦給我的工作對您很重要，

而我的家人對我來說也很重要。」