Name: 明明有人愛你，你卻感覺不到？問題可能不在你，而在「神經系統」！(Why Self-Love Has Nothing to Do with Confidence)
Uploaded: 2026-01-29T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 6 min 37 s

情態副詞

If you've ever been in a relationship where someone clearly cares about you,

如果你曾經在一段關係裡，對方明明很在乎你，

but you still don't feel connected, you're not alone.

但你卻仍然感覺不到連結，那你並不孤單。

情態助動詞 B1

You might hear loving words, receive reassurance, or even be physically close to someone,

你可能聽得到甜蜜的話、得到安撫，甚至和對方有肢體上的親近，

and yet something inside you stays distant.

但內心深處卻始終保持著距離。

And that can be deeply confusing, especially when you want to feel close.

而這會讓人非常困惑，尤其當你其實很想靠近對方的時候。

A lot of people assume that means low self-esteem, emotional unavailability,

很多人會以為，這代表你自尊低、情感封閉，

But what I want to show you today is that very often, this isn't a mindset problem at all.

但我今天想讓你知道的是：很多時候，這根本不是心態的問題。

and today we're talking about the self-love circuit:

今天我們要談的是「自我愛的迴路」：

how your brain and nervous system create internal conditions that make connection possible in the first place.

你的大腦與神經系統，是如何創造出讓連結得以發生的內在條件。

In the last video, we talked about why some people struggle to feel love even when love is present.

在上一支影片裡，我們談到為什麼有些人即使愛就在身邊，仍然感覺不到愛。

We framed that as a signal detection problem.

我們把它理解為一種「訊號偵測」的問題。

Love may be offered, but the brain isn't registering it as safe or trustworthy.

愛可能被提供了，但大腦並沒有把它判定為安全或值得信任。

We're talking about what actually allows love to be received.

我們要談的是：究竟是什麼，讓愛能夠被真正接收。

Because connection doesn't start with another person.

因為連結並不是從另一個人開始的。

它是從我們自己的神經系統內部開始的。

When most people hear the term self-love, they think about confidence, affirmation,

大多數人聽到「自我愛」這個詞時，會想到自信、正向肯定、

self-esteem, or maybe treating yourself well.

And while those things can be helpful, that's not what I mean here.

而這些確實有幫助，但我這裡說的不是那個意思。

Self-love, at the brain level, isn't about liking yourself more; it's about internal safety.

在大腦的層面，自我愛不是「更喜歡自己」；而是「內在的安全感」。

It's whether your nervous system feels settled enough to allow closeness with yourself or someone else.

也就是你的神經系統是否足夠安定，能允許你和自己或他人產生親密。

Connection isn't just relational; it's physiological.

連結不只是人際關係的問題，它也是生理狀態的問題。

You don't experience connection simply because someone else is present or caring.

你並不是因為對方在場或關心你，就自然會感覺到連結。

You experience it because your nervous system is in a receptive state.

你會感覺到連結，是因為你的神經系統處在「可以接收」的狀態。

And if not, connection won't land, no matter how much you want it to.

如果不是，就算你再怎麼想要連結，它也不會真正進到你心裡。

Your brain is constantly scanning for safety or threat,

你的大腦一直都在掃描：安全，還是威脅。

and this happens automatically beyond your conscious awareness.

而這個過程會在你意識不到的情況下自動發生。

even subtle relational threat, the system shifts into protection mode.

即使只是很細微的人際威脅，系統也會切換到防衛模式。

threat doesn't have to be something extreme or external.

威脅不一定是很極端或來自外界的事情。

Threat can look like harsh internal criticism, emotional suppression,

威脅可能長得像：嚴厲的自我批判、壓抑情緒、

constantly monitoring how you're coming across,

一直監控自己在別人眼中表現得如何，

or even feeling like you have to perform to prove yourself just to be acceptable.

甚至覺得自己必須「表現得很好」，才能證明自己值得被接受。

If your inner world is filled with judgment or vigilance,

如果你的內在世界充滿評判與警戒，

your brain gets the message that even being with yourself isn't safe.

你的大腦就會接收到一個訊息：連和自己相處都不安全。

而如果你在自己內在都不安全，

closeness with others will feel like a risk that your system just isn't willing to take.

那和別人的親近就會像是一種風險，你的系統自然不願意承擔。

and that means you can't feel love when your system is braced for danger.

也就是說：當你的系統緊繃、準備迎戰時，你就無法感覺到愛。

When your nervous system detects threat, your heart rate shifts,

當神經系統偵測到威脅時，你的心率會改變，

your muscles tense, your attention narrows.

肌肉會緊繃，注意力會變得狹窄。

And then, in this state, closeness doesn't feel comforting; it feels dangerous.

而在這種狀態下，親近不會讓你感到安慰，反而會像是危險。

一個擁抱可能會讓你覺得窒息。

一句稱讚可能會讓你覺得可疑。

When your internal system is in alarm mode, that gate closes.

當你的內在系統處於警報狀態時，那道門就會關起來。

Love might be right in front of you, but it can't get through.

愛也許就在你面前，但它進不來。

And this is why reassurance from a partner doesn't stick,

這也就是為什麼伴侶的安撫無法留下來，

why praise feels hollow, or why you can hear "I love you" and feel almost nothing.

為什麼讚美聽起來很空，或為什麼你聽到「我愛你」卻幾乎沒感覺。

So this brings us to an important distinction:

所以，這帶出一個很重要的區別：

Many people exhaust themselves chasing connection—

很多人會把自己累到筋疲力盡，拼命追求連結——

always reaching out, always proving their worth—

不斷主動、不斷證明自己值得——

while their nervous system stays locked in protection mode.

但神經系統卻始終鎖在防衛模式裡。

Being able to receive it is an internal capacity,

能夠接收愛，是一種內在能力，

Self-love is what allows you to be in a relationship with yourself without activating your own defenses.

自我愛，是讓你能和自己相處、而不啟動防衛的能力。

And that's the foundation everything else is built on.

So how do you actually strengthen the circuit?

那麼，你要怎麼真正強化這個迴路呢？

The next time someone gives you a compliment, shows affection, or tries to comfort you, pay attention to your body.

下次有人稱讚你、對你表達喜愛或安慰你時，請注意你的身體反應。

你會不會在心裡立刻否定對方的話？

Do you feel the urge to deflect, explain it away, or pull back?

你會不會想轉移話題、解釋掉，或退縮？

You're just building awareness of the pattern.

你只是建立對這個模式的覺察。

That awareness is what creates space for something to shift.

而覺察，會創造出改變的空間。

The second practice is regulation before interpretation.

第二個練習是：先調節，再解讀。

So many people try to analyze their relationships while their nervous system is activated.

很多人會在神經系統被啟動的狀態下分析關係。

And when you do that, everything looks more threatening than it actually is.

而在那種狀態下，一切都會看起來比實際更有威脅。

所以相反地，先讓身體冷靜下來。

找到一個片刻的安靜，再來評估。

This prevents you from misreading safe signals through a threat-based lens.

這能避免你用「威脅視角」去誤讀其實安全的訊號。

The third practice is learning to receive instead of prove.

第三個練習是：學會接收，而不是證明。

Notice if you're working hard to earn connection—

注意你是否正在努力「換取」連結——

constantly trying to prove that you're worth loving.

You might feel like you're not doing enough,

or that you'll be forgotten if you stop performing.

或擔心一旦不再表現，就會被遺忘。

But when you stop chasing, you finally get to see who shows up.

但當你停止追逐，你才終於能看清：到底誰會留下來。

And you get to experience what it feels like when love arrives without you having to work for it.

你也才能體驗：當愛不需要你努力爭取時，它來到你身邊是什麼感覺。

this isn't about forcing yourself to accept things that feel genuinely wrong.

這並不是要你強迫自己接受那些明顯不對勁的事情。

If a relationship is harmful or a situation is unsafe,

如果一段關係是有害的，或情境是不安全的，

your nervous system might be accurately protecting you.

你的神經系統可能正在準確地保護你。

字幕列表影片播放

明明有人愛你，你卻感覺不到？問題可能不在你，而在「神經系統」！(Why Self-Love Has Nothing to Do with Confidence)

constantly

perceive

mindset

subtle