Name: 為什麼愛自己跟自信毫無關係？！ (Why Self-Love Has Nothing to Do with Confidence)
Uploaded: 2026-01-29T02:32:02.000Z
Duration: 6 min 37 s
Description: 【看影片學英語】數萬部 YouTube 影片，搭配英漢字典即點即查，輕鬆掌握單字發音與用法，長久累積看電影不必再看字幕。

情態副詞

If you've ever been in a relationship where someone clearly cares about you, but

如果你曾經遇過一段關係，對方明明很關心你，

you still don't feel connected, you're not alone.

但你還是覺得無法連結，你不是一個人。

情態助動詞 B1

You might hear loving words, receive reassurance, or even be physically close to someone.

你可能會聽到愛的言語、得到保證，甚至跟對方很親近。

And yet something inside you stays distant.

And that can be deeply confusing, especially when you want to feel close.

這會讓人非常困惑，尤其當你渴望親近的時候。

A lot of people assume that means low self esteem, emotional unavailability, or some kind of personal flaw.

很多人會認為這代表自尊心低落、情感上無法連結，或是某種個人缺陷。

But what I want to show you today is that very often this isn't a mindset problem at all.

但我今天想告訴你的是，很多時候這根本不是心態問題。

我是 Tracey Marks，一位精神科醫生。

And today we're talking about the self love circuit.

How your brain and nervous system create internal conditions that make connection possible in the first place.

你的大腦和神經系統如何創造出能讓連結成為可能的內部條件。

In the last video, we talked about why some people struggle to feel love even when love is present.

上一支影片我們聊到，為什麼有些人即使有愛存在，卻難以感受到愛。

We frame that as a signal detection problem.

我們將那視為一個訊號偵測問題。

Love may be offered, but the brain isn't registering as safe or trustworthy.

愛可能被提供，但大腦卻沒有將其視為安全或值得信任。

We're talking about what actually allows love to be received.

我們要談談什麼才能真正讓愛被接受。

Because connection doesn't start with another person.

因為連結並不是從另一個人開始的。

When most people hear the term self love, they think about confidence, affirmation, self esteem, or maybe treating yourself well.

大多數人聽到「自愛」，會想到自信、肯定、自尊，或是好好對待自己。

And while those things can be helpful, that's not what I mean here.

雖然這些東西有幫助，但這不是我說的意思。

Self love at the brain level isn't about liking yourself more, it's about internal safety.

大腦層級的自愛，不是讓你更喜歡自己，而是關於內部安全。

It's whether your nervous system feels settled enough to allow closeness with yourself or someone else.

而是你的神經系統是否覺得夠穩定，能讓你跟自己或別人親近。

Connection isn't just relational, it's physiological.

連結不只是關係上的，它也是生理上的。

You don't experience connection simply because someone else is present or caring.

你不是因為有另一個人存在或關心你，就體驗到連結。

You experience it because your nervous system is in a receptive state.

你體驗到連結，是因為你的神經系統處於接受狀態。

And if not, connection won't land no matter how much you want it to.

如果不是，不管你多想，連結都不會發生。

Your brain is constantly scanning for safety or threat.

你的大腦一直在掃描安全或威脅。

And this happens automatically beyond your conscious awareness you're not deciding to do it.

這會自動發生，在你意識覺察之外，你不是決定要這麼做。

And when the brain perceives, receives threat, even subtle relational threat, the system shifts into protection mode.

當大腦感知到威脅，接收到威脅，即使是微妙的關係上的威脅，系統就會進入保護模式。

Threat doesn't have to be something extreme or external.

威脅不一定是極端或外在的事物。

Threat can look like harsh internal criticism, emotional suppression, constantly monitoring how you're coming across, or even feeling like you have to perform to prove yourself just to be acceptable.

威脅可能看起來像是嚴厲的內在批評、情緒壓抑、不斷監控自己的言行舉止，甚至感覺需要表現來證明自己才能被接受。

If your inner world is filled with judgment or vigilance, you, your brain gets the message that even being with yourself isn't safe.

如果你的內在世界充滿評判或警覺性，你的大腦就會收到訊息，認為即使是跟自己在一起也不安全。

And if you're not safe within yourself, closeness with others will feel like a risk that your system just isn't Willing to take connection is state dependent.

如果你無法在自己內在感到安全，與他人親近就會感覺像是一個你的系統不願冒的風險，連結是狀態依賴的。

And that means you can't feel love when your system is braced for danger.

這意味著當你的系統準備好應對危險時，你就無法感受到愛。

When your nervous system detects threat, your heart rate shifts, your muscles tense, your attention narrows.

當你的神經系統偵測到威脅時，你的心跳會改變，肌肉會緊繃，注意力會變窄。

And then in this state, closeness doesn't feel comforting, it feels dangerous.

然後在這個狀態下，親近感不會讓你感到舒適，反而會讓你感到危險。

A hug might feel suffocating, A compliment might feel suspicious.

擁抱可能會讓你感到窒息，讚美可能會讓你感到懷疑。

When your internal system is in alarm mode, that gate closes.

當你的內部系統處於警報模式時，那扇門就會關閉。

Love might be right in front of you, but it can't get through.

愛可能就在你眼前，但它就是進不來。

And this is why reassurance from a partner doesn't stick.

這就是為什麼伴侶的保證無法奏效。

Why praise feels hollow, or why you can hear I love you and feel almost nothing.

為什麼讚美感覺空虛，或者為什麼你聽到「我愛你」卻幾乎沒感覺。

So this brings us to an important distinction.

所以這讓我們來做一個重要的區分。

看看「尋求愛」和「接受愛」。

Many people exhaust themselves chasing connection.

Always reaching out, always proving their worth.

一直向外尋求，一直證明自己的價值。

While their nervous system stays locked in protection mode.

但他們的神經系統卻一直處於保護模式。

Being able to receive it is an internal capacity.

而能夠接受愛，則是一種內在的能力。

Self love is what allows you to be in a relationship with yourself without activating your own defenses.

自愛能讓你與自己建立關係，而不會啟動自己的防禦機制。

And that's the foundation everything else is built on.

So how do you actually strengthen the circuit?

那我們要怎麼實際強化這個自愛迴路呢？

The first is an internal check in the next time someone gives you a compliment or shows affection, or tries to comfort you, pay attention to your body.

下次有人稱讚你、對你示好，或是想安慰你時，請先做個內在檢查，留意你的身體。

你會不會在心裡否定對方說的話？

Do you feel the urge to deflect, explain in a way, or pull back?

你會不會想迴避、找藉口解釋，或是退縮？

You're just building awareness of the pattern.

你只是在建立對這種模式的覺察。

That awareness is what creates something, space for something to shift.

那份覺察會創造一些東西，為轉變創造空間。

The second practice is regulation before interpretation.

第二個練習是：先調節，再詮釋。

So many people try to analyze their relationships while their nervous system is activated.

很多人在神經系統被啟動的時候，就想分析他們的關係。

And when you do that, everything looks more threatening than it actually is.

當你這樣做的時候，一切看起來都會比實際情況更具威脅性。

所以，先讓你的身體平靜下來。

找一個靜止的時刻，然後再評估。

This prevents you from misreading safe signals through a threat based lens.

這能避免你用威脅的視角誤讀安全的訊號。

The third practice is learning to receive instead of prove.

第三個練習是：學習接受，而不是證明。

Notice if you're working hard to earn connection.

Constantly trying to prove that you're worth loving.

You might feel like you're not doing enough or that you'll be forgotten if you stop performing.

你可能會覺得自己做得不夠，或者如果停止表現就會被遺忘。

But when you stop chasing, you finally get to see who shows up.

但當你停止追逐，你終於能看到誰會出現。

And you get to experience what it feels like when love arrives without you having to work for it.

你也能體驗到愛在無需努力爭取的情況下到來的感覺。

This isn't about forcing, forcing yourself to accept things that feel genuinely wrong.

這不是要強迫自己接受那些感覺上真的不對勁的事情。

If a relationship is harmful or a situation is unsafe, your nervous system might be accurately protecting you.

如果一段關係有害，或情況不安全，你的神經系統可能正在準確地保護你。

What we're working on here is something different.

我們在這裡要做的，是不同的事情。

Noticing when your system reflexively rejects safety, when love is real but you still can't let it in.

注意你的系統在何時會反射性地拒絕安全，在愛是真實的但你仍然無法接受時。

Once you can see that pattern, you can start to interrupt it and change how you respond.

一旦你能看到這個模式，你就可以開始打斷它，並改變你的回應方式。

Once this internal foundation of safety exists, the brain becomes more receptive to connection.

一旦這個內在的安全基礎建立起來，大腦就會更進入接受連結的狀態。

And that's when practices like gratitude can actually strengthen connection, amplifying what's already there rather than bypassing pain.

這時候，像感恩這樣的練習才能真正加強連結，放大已有的美好，而不是繞過痛苦。

In the next video, we'll look at how gratitude changes what the brain notices and reinforces once safety is already present.

在下一支影片，我們會看看當安全感已經存在時，感恩是如何改變大腦所注意和強化的一切。

Building the circuit takes practice, not just insight.

建立這個自愛迴路需要練習，而不只是領悟。

You're not broken for struggling with connection.

你並不是因為難以建立連結而有問題。

Your brain may just be waiting for safety.

你的大腦可能只是在等待安全感。

If this video helped you understand something about yourself, subscribe so you don't miss the next one in the series.

如果這支影片幫助你更瞭解自己，請訂閱，這樣才不會錯過這個系列接下來的影片。