Name: 新聞夜 "非菜單"：今天養育男孩有什麼不同？ (NewsNight ‘Off Menu’: What’s different about raising boys today?)
Uploaded: 2025-06-20T16:48:26.000Z
Duration: 8 min 51 s

There is a really interesting New York Times story that was out this week about boys saying essentially boys have been behind in school, behind girls, and that that starts way earlier, I think, than people presume back in kindergarten.

本週，《紐約時報》發表了一篇非常有趣的關於男孩的報道，說男孩在學校裡基本上一直落後於女孩，而且我認為，這比人們推測的早在幼兒園就開始了。

現在進行式

It made me think about all the talk that we have about how men are feeling about this economy, about society and the fact that they feel behind and maybe it's starting way earlier and all of you guys have boys, right?

這讓我想到了我們經常談論的男性對經濟、社會的感受，以及他們感到落後的事實，也許這種感覺開始得更早，而且你們都有兒子，對吧？

Yeah, I've got four of them and I've lived through the kindergarten years with them in different ways.

是的，我有四個孩子，我用不同的方式和他們一起度過了幼兒園時光。

I had one that was going, two that were going through that period during the COVID shutdown.

在 COVID 關閉期間，我有一個要去，兩個要去。

My oldest, actually, we went through the kindergarten and first grade phase and discovered he had a learning difference and so that was obviously leading to some difficulties in the classroom at grades where you don't expect that much anxiety in the classroom.

實際上，我的大兒子在上幼兒園和一年級的時候，我們發現他有學習障礙，這顯然導致他在課堂上遇到了一些困難，而在這個年級，你並不指望他在課堂上會有那麼多焦慮。

So I've witnessed this, I've lived it, I've experienced it and I sometimes, my experience has been that schools don't often find the correct way to instruct individual kinds of students, whether they have a learning difference, whether they have, you know, whether it's just behavioral changes or differences between boys and girls, that schools are often trying to find a one-size-fits-all solution for groups of kids when those solutions may not be best for everybody and it's really then up to the parents to figure it out.

是以，我親眼目睹了這一切，我親身經歷了這一切，有時，我的經驗是，學校往往找不到正確的方法來指導不同類型的學生，無論他們是否有學習差異，無論他們是否有，你知道，無論是行為上的變化，還是男孩和女孩之間的差異，學校往往試圖為孩子們找到一個放之四海而皆準的解決方案，而這些解決方案可能並不是對每個人都是最好的，這就真的要由家長來解決了。

Well, let me, I completely agree with you and I have a 10-year-old.

我完全同意你的觀點，我也有一個 10 歲的孩子。

He is on the spectrum and what I have loved about the public school we're in is there is that individual attention.

他是個有譜系的孩子，我很喜歡我們所在的這所公立學校，因為那裡有對他的個別關注。

But no, but no, but what's interesting is even when he was young, like preschool.

但不，但不，但有趣的是，即使在他小的時候，比如學前班。

There was this mantra from teachers and, and just other parents, boys develop later than girls.

老師和其他家長都說，男孩比女孩發育得晚。

Oh, I mean, I see this with my friends all the time.

哦，我是說，我經常看到我的朋友們這樣。

And they use it to sort of explain like, well, girls are already more mature, boys are developmentally behind.

他們以此來解釋說，女孩已經更成熟了，男孩在發育上落後了。

And I think it's something we all just like buy and accept.

我想這是我們都喜歡購買和接受的東西。

And I'm not sure that that's like the best message.

我不確定這是不是最好的資訊。

Well, I, you know, I have a girl, I don't have a boy, but I will say like my daughter is very, like for her age, is very developed.

我有一個女兒，沒有男孩，但我想說的是，我的女兒在她這個年齡非常成熟。

And by compare, I have friends who have boys and they're not really on the same level.

說到比較，我有一些有男孩的朋友，他們其實並不在一個水平線上。

But, but the difference to me with that is like, maybe that's true, but maybe it is also true that kids, boys and girls in kindergarten and in preschool need to spend more time being kids.

但是，對我來說，不同之處在於，也許這是真的，但也許孩子們，不管是幼兒園還是學前班的男孩還是女孩，都需要花更多的時間做孩子。

And that, and that will, and by the time they get to a place where they need to be academic, they have learned to learn the way that they learn best when they're young, which is by playing.

這樣，到了他們需要學習的時候，他們已經學會了用他們年輕時最擅長的方式來學習，那就是玩。

There are a couple of things I would say about that.

關於這一點，我有幾句話要說。

And yeah, I have, I have one boy, Stokely, who is, I call him man, man.

是的，我有一個兒子，叫斯托克利，我叫他男子漢。

He's like, he's my best friend in the entire world, six and a half years old.

他是我在這個世界上最好的朋友，六歲半。

And I know that we all have that type of admiration.

我知道，我們都有這種欽佩之情。

So there are a few things that I would say.

One, culturally, as you pointed out, there's some, there are some stigmas in place that just aren't applicable in 2025 anymore.

其一，從文化上來說，正如你指出的，有一些汙名已經在 2025 年不適用了。

The way that boys deal with emotion and the way that boys will be boys, for example, that you hear that all the time, oh, boys will be boys or they develop slower.

例如，男孩處理情緒的方式，以及男孩會成為男孩的方式，你經常會聽到這樣的說法：哦，男孩會成為男孩，或者他們發育得比較慢。

I mean, we just have to break out of those norms.

我的意思是，我們必須打破這些常規。

And, and even more as, as someone who's raising a black boy in this country, you know, for me, it's, it's filling that house with love every single day.

而且，更重要的是，作為一個在這個國家養育了一個黑人男孩的人，你知道，對我來說，每天都要用愛來填滿這個家。

It's ensuring that he knows his value and self-worth.

確保他知道自己的價值和自我價值。

But it's also understanding that, yeah, I mean, culturally there are a lot of black men in particular who do not allow boys to show emotion.

但也要明白，是的，我的意思是，在文化上，有很多黑人男性尤其不允許男孩表現出情感。

So allowing Stokely to do that, but all of that ties into what you're talking about.

所以允許斯托克利這樣做，但所有這些都與你所說的有關。

And so I think we have to do a better job, Democrats, Republicans, white, black, whatever, of allowing these young boys to men and we are failing at that.

是以，我認為我們必須做得更好，無論是民主黨人、共和黨人、白人、黑人還是其他什麼人，都要讓這些年輕男孩成為男人，而我們在這方面做得很失敗。

But the individual, to Scott's point, the individual part is so important because boys will be boys.

但個人，就斯科特的觀點而言，個人部分非常重要，因為男孩就是男孩。

My boy doesn't want a rough house like the other boys because of his learning differences and neurodivergence.

我的孩子不想像其他孩子一樣過粗暴的家，因為他有學習差異和神經分裂。

He doesn't interpret that as friendly play.

And so I think all the stereotypes around how boys are and girls are, should be challenged so that we're talking about, well, that's how this kid is.

是以，我認為所有關於男孩和女孩的陳規定型觀念都應該受到挑戰，這樣我們才會談論，這個孩子就是這樣的。

Well, this is getting pushed all the way up the educational spectrum.

嗯，這個問題在教育領域一直被推而廣之。

So, you know, you get to the university level.

所以，你知道，你要達到大學水準。

There are more girls than boys in American universities.

This was a conversation around HBCUs at places like Howard University, way more girls than boys.

這是在霍華德大學等哈佛商學院裡的對話，女生比男生多得多。

And by the time you get to college, you have way more college women than men.

到了大學，女大學生比男大學生多得多。

如果我不這樣做，那就是我的失職。

My son goes to a public school and we dare not mention where it is because Scott, Essie, John and Abby, we all live in this, you know, crazy environment where you should not say where your kid goes to school.

我的兒子在一所公立學校上學，我們不敢提學校在哪裡，因為斯科特、埃西、約翰和艾比，我們都生活在這樣一個瘋狂的環境中，你知道，你不應該說你的孩子在哪裡上學。

We find ourselves proverbially stepping in the gap for particularly me, other parents who are not there for other, you know, there are a lot of children in my community that don't have a father figure.

我們發現自己成語般的介入了其他父母的生活，尤其是我，你知道，在我的社區裡有很多孩子沒有父親的身影。

And so you find yourself leaning into that.

是以，你會發現自己在向這方面靠攏。

And so when you talk about things like that, that's not taboo to say that's not something we should not talk about.

是以，當你談論這樣的事情時，這並不是什麼禁忌，我們不應該談論這樣的事情。

There are a lot of men, black men in particular, for various reasons, culturally, who are not in the home.

有很多男人，尤其是黑人男人，由於文化上的各種原因，不在家裡。

And you have to be willing to talk about that and tackle that.

你必須願意談論並解決這個問題。

And so I find myself having that discussion of how I lean into being there because, yeah, individualism matters, but there are also these cultural issues that matter too.

是以，我發現自己在討論如何融入那裡，因為，是的，個人主義很重要，但這些文化問題也很重要。

And this is also an issue very close to my heart as the father of a boy who goes to public school in New York City, in Harlem.

作為一個在紐約市哈萊姆區公立學校上學的男孩的父親，這也是我非常關心的一個問題。

I think this is how it is on most levels of society.

我認為社會的大多數層面都是如此。

在某種程度上，男人控制了一切。

I found this story interesting because I just thought, well, the girls are ahead.

我覺得這個故事很有趣，因為我只是想，好吧，女孩們領先了。

And people are freaking out because it's supposed to be boys.

人們嚇壞了，因為它應該是男孩。

But we have to acknowledge that boys don't develop and grow and learn the same way that girls do.

但我們必須承認，男孩的發育、成長和學習方式與女孩不同。

And as we become more empathetic and more understanding of children and the brain, we can go ahead and try alternative forms of learning because young men need love.

隨著我們對兒童和大腦有了更多的同情和理解，我們可以繼續嘗試其他的學習方式，因為年輕人需要愛。

And if we want an America where adult men can give love, we need to give extra love to boys right now.

如果我們想讓美國的成年男子能夠給予愛，我們現在就需要給予男孩更多的愛。

If we don't, they're going to get cast aside and the Internet will raise them.

如果我們不這樣做，他們就會被丟到一邊，互聯網就會把他們養大。

That's such a good point because, I mean, you talked, Bakari, about stereotypes.

這是個很好的觀點，因為，我是說，巴卡里，你談到了刻板印象。

But I do think we have to acknowledge that it's more than stereotypes.

但我認為，我們必須承認，這不僅僅是刻板印象。

We understand that men's brains and women's brains develop differently at different stages, especially in their early 20s.

我們知道，男性和女性的大腦在不同階段，尤其是在 20 歲出頭的時候，會有不同的發育。

Boys just need more time for their brains to fully develop.

男孩只是需要更多的時間讓大腦充分發育。

And I think the question then becomes, what are we as a society doing?

我認為問題就在於，作為一個社會，我們在做什麼？

Are we then taking that reality and then saying, well, that means that you're just going to be behind forever?

我們是否要接受這一現實，然後說，好吧，這意味著你將永遠落後？

我認為這才是真正的問題所在。

So one thing that if I had any advice for parents is that if someone in your educational journey ever tells you, well, you know what?

所以，如果我對家長們有什麼建議的話，那就是，如果有人在你的教育之旅中告訴你，好吧，你知道嗎？