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  • Infidelity is commonly interpreted as close to the greatest tragedy that could befall any relationship

    「不忠」普遍被認為是所有感情問題中最慘的悲劇

  • and as the natural, inevitable prelude to the break-up of a union.

    並且自然而然地,會導致分手

  • It is viewed in such dark terms because, under the philosophy of Romanticism

    之所以「不忠」被視為如此黑暗的事,是由於浪漫主義

  • which has dominated our understanding of love since the middle of the eighteenth century, sex is understood

    其理念從十八世紀中便主導了我們對愛的理解,那就是性愛

  • to be, not principally a physical act, but the summation and central symbol of love.

    不僅只是肉體行為,而是愛的總和與中心象徵

  • Before Romanticism, people had sex and fell in love but they did not always see these

    在浪漫主義以前,人們發生性關係並墜入愛河,但並不一定視

  • two acts as inextricably linked: one might love someone and not sleep with them.

    兩者為不可分離的緊密連結:可能會愛著一個人,但不跟他發生關係

  • Or sleep with them and not love them. It was this dislocation that Romanticism refused to countenance.

    或是跟他發生關係,卻不愛他。浪漫主義不接受這樣的錯位

  • Sex was simply the crowning moment of love, the superlative way of expressing one's devotion

    性愛就是愛最顛峰的時刻,是表達對另一人忠誠的最高表現

  • to someone, the ultimate proof of one's sincerity. What this philosophy unwittingly

    也是表達誠意最終極的方式。這個理念不知不覺地

  • accomplished was to turn infidelity from a problem into a catastrophe.

    將「不忠」從一個問題轉變成一個大災難。

  • Never again could sex be viewed as in any way divorced from intense emotion and a profound desire for

    性愛不再能與強烈的情感和對承諾的深刻慾望分離

  • commitment. It was no longer possible to say that sex meant 'nothing', in the sense

    你不再能說:「性愛不表示任何東西。」

  • of being a joyful, kind but emotionally-empty act devoid of any desire to care for or live

    只是個享受的過程,令人感激但並不包含任何情感,沒有任何關心或

  • with a new person in the long-term and in no way indicative of any drop in affection for the established partner.

    欲望與另一個人長期住在一起,並不代表降低對原配偶的情感

  • There are, of course, many cases where infidelity means

    當然,也有許多情況下「不忠」代表

  • exactly what Romanticism takes it to mean: contempt for one's relationship.

    浪漫主義所指的:對雙方感情的輕蔑

  • But in a great many other cases, it may mean something really rather different: a passing, surface

    但在許多其他情況下,「不忠」也代表了非常不同的意思:一種對色情刺激的短暫而膚淺的渴望

  • desire for erotic excitement that coexists with an ongoing, sincere commitment to one's life-partner.

    並且同時保持著對生命的伴侶持續而真誠的承諾

  • Our culture makes this thought close to impossible, and so getting 'over'

    我們的文化讓人們覺得這是不可能的,而「忘懷」不忠

  • an infidelityby which is meant, learning to see that the unfaithful act might not mean

    則是學習了解,不忠行為也許不是

  • what Romanticism tells us it meanshas become a challenge of heroic proportions and

    如浪漫主義所說的那樣。而能夠「忘懷」不忠的人也成了鳳毛麟角

  • most of the time, a brute impossibility. However much an unfaithful partner may patiently explain

    大多時候,根本就不可能發生。無論那外遇的伴侶多麽耐心地向你解釋

  • that it meant nothing, the idea seems entirely implausible. How could sex, the summation

    「性愛不代表什麼」,這種想法似乎根本難以置信。性愛,作為愛的總和,要如何

  • of love, ever mean anything less than pretty much everything? There may be one potential way out of the impasse:

    不代表什麼,當性愛本身就代表了全部一切?也許有一個打破僵局的可能性:

  • a frank examination of the recesses of one's own mind and perhaps,

    坦率地檢視一個人內心深處,也許是

  • an honest recall of certain moments of past personal experience.

    真誠的回想過去個人經驗中的某些特定時刻

  • What this brave investigation is likely to throw up is evidence that one is strangely capable of somethingin the

    這勇敢的調查可能會得到的是,一個人在某些情況下奇異地能做到

  • circumstancesreally rather surprising: caring deeply for someone

    這令人驚異的事:深刻地在意某個人的同時

  • and yet entertaining, or masterminding, a sexual scenario involving somebody else. However much the thought seems

    卻愉悅地策劃一個包含第三者的性愛場面。無論當我們從逐漸疏遠的伴侶口中

  • unbelievable when we hear it from the mouth of a straying partner, it does appear that

    聽到這個想法時覺得有多麽的不可思議,確實有可能

  • it is, in some ways, really rather possible to think of screwing one person and loving another.

    在某些方面,很可能在愛某個人同時想要和另一個人發生關係

  • The best way to recover after an infidelity may therefore be to ignore what

    從伴侶的「不忠」行為恢復,最好的方法便是忽略

  • Romanticism tells us that infidelity has to mean, and to consult instead a more reliable

    浪漫主義所告訴我們的「不忠」之意義,而是去諮詢更可靠的

  • source of information: what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea

    資訊來源:我們之前想到或生活中碰到「不忠」行為時

  • crossed through our minds or our lives. It is on this basis that we maywith considerable pain of course

    內心對此真正的看法。也只有這樣,在經過數不清的痛苦時刻

  • come one day to be able to forgive and even in a way understand and

    終於有一天能夠原諒並某種程度上能理解

  • accept the apologies of a repentant partner. It is on the basis of subjective experience

    和接受懺悔伴侶的道歉。基於不忠思想的

  • of unfaithful thoughts that we may redemptively enrich, complicate and soften what happens

    主觀經驗,當我們成為「不忠」行為的受害者時

  • when we end up as their victims.

    我們也許才能豐富、複雜化並弱化曾經發生過的事

  • At The School Of Life we believe in developing emotional intelligence.

    我們 School Of Life 相信發展情商的重要性

  • To that end we have also created a whole range of products to support that growth.

    我們也為此生產各種不同的商品來支持我們的目標

  • Find out more at the link on the screen now.

    點擊螢幕上的連結,看看更多影片

Infidelity is commonly interpreted as close to the greatest tragedy that could befall any relationship

「不忠」普遍被認為是所有感情問題中最慘的悲劇

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何謂「不忠」? (What Infidelity Means)

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    Priscilla 發佈於 2018 年 08 月 30 日
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