has had on Hollywood.

在好萊塢的影響力無遠弗屆

And yet, no one knows her name.

然而，一般大眾卻不知道她的名字

She is a celebrity for celebrities.

她是名人中的名人

I mean, I wouldn't trust anybody else.

我是指，我不會信任除了她以外的其他人

Before Anita, the industry was a dead fish.

在 Anita 之前，這個產業是一灘死水

A lifeless, stinking husk.

是個了無生趣又發臭的空殼

It's what the French would call shit.

就是法國人會稱作屎的東西

People think that posing is just about standing.

人們認為擺姿勢就只是站那麼一回事

But they don't truly see.

但他們並非真正懂

Have you ever really looked at celebrities on the red carpet?

你有曾看過紅毯上的名人們嗎？

They stand the way no normal human would.

他們的站姿是一般人不會做的

Yet they make it look natural.

但名人們讓這些姿勢看起來相當自然

That's my work.

那就是我的工作

My name is Anita Taiton,

我是 Anita Taiton

and I'm a luxury class body arrangement designer.

我是個豪華等級的肢體安排設計師

Or, in the common tongue, a pose coach.

或者一般被稱為——姿勢教練

Anita is the pose coach around town.

Anita 是各處的姿勢教練

I mean, before she turned up, Hollywood was a mess.

我是說，在她出現前，好萊塢根本一團亂

People didn't know where to look, how to walk.

人們不知道該看哪邊、怎麼走路

They were acting like real people.

他們就像真人一樣擺弄

It was awful.

真是糟透了

She changed everything.

她改變了所有事

Every pose is carefully crafted to mask flaws

每個姿勢被仔細地調整來遮掩缺陷

and accentuate strengths, or, as I like to call them,

還有強調力道，或是我稱作的

reverse flaws.

反轉缺點

For instance, the truss turkey.

舉例來講，被捆著的火雞

Tucks the elbows to accentuate the breasts.

壓入手肘來強調胸型

The crossed angles elongates the legs.

交叉的角度來延伸腿型

Paired with the supplicant, it increases vulnerability.

和乞求者成對，便增加了弱點

The Jennifer Lawrence, aka falling down the stairs.

Jennifer Lawrence 眾所皆知從樓梯上跌落

This makes you seem more approachable, yes?

這個姿勢讓你看起來更親人，是吧？

Let's move on to the more casual poses.

接著我們換到更隨意的姿勢

Pushing a stroller while using your iPhone.

當使用 iPhone 時，推著一個手推車

The discreetly leaving a restaurant wearing scarf and sunglasses.

離開餐踢時，聰明地戴上圍巾、墨鏡

Or I don't want you to take a picture of me,

或是我不想要你拍我的相片

but I will be sure to display my fingers

但我必定會擺出我的手指

so you get a good look at my face.

這樣你就能拍到我好看的臉

Today I have a very special client coming in for a new pose.

今天，我有位特別的客戶來學新的姿勢

Anita, how are you?

Anita，你過得好嗎？

Kris, Khloe.

Kris, Khloe

How are you, darling?

你過得如何，親愛的？

So good to see you.

見到妳真棒

Khloe Kardashian is so scrutinized, so photographed

Khloe Kardashian 非常精於觀察、非常會擺拍

that she already makes unnatural poses look natural.

所以她已經將不自然的姿勢擺得很自然

And they said she didn't have any talent.

然後他們說她完全沒有天份

So for this challenge,

所以這項挑戰

I have designed my greatest pose ever.

我將設計出我有史以來最棒的姿勢

I've known Anita since we were children.

我從小就聽過 Anita 了

Even then you could tell she was drawn to posing.

你甚至能夠說她就是生來擺 pose 的

But then again, she comes from a long line of pose coaches.

但在此之前，她出身於姿勢教練世家

Her ancestors designed poses for King Tut,

她的祖先甚至曾幫法老王圖坦卡門設計姿勢

Napolean, and even God.

還有拿破崙、甚至是上帝

But all of those will look like garbage compared

但那些相比起 Anita 的新作

to her newest pose.

看起來只是垃圾

Today, I have something that's going to make you

今天，我有秘密法寶將讓你成為

the talk of the Oscars.

奧斯卡的佳話

Are you sure?

你確定嗎？

Oh, trust me.

噢，相信我

The Oscars are my Oscars.

這屆奧斯卡就是我的奧斯卡

I'm so excited.

我迫不及待了

Yes.

來吧

I'm a little nervous because the pose is really difficult,

我有點緊張，因為這個姿勢真的無敵難

and plus I'm not even nominated for an Oscar.

再加上我壓根沒有被提名過奧斯卡

After this pose, she will be.

學完這套姿勢，她會進入奧斯卡的

It combines all the most difficult elements of the classic poses.

它結合了所有經典姿勢的困難的元素

The Jolie leg, the lean back, the kickback,

Jolie 的腿、傾斜的背、還有抬腿

the teapot handle, the teapot spout,

水壺式的提把跟噴口

the butt poke, the adopted baby.

挺出臀部、抱著領養的孩子

All at the same time.

全部一次做到

Yes, having a baby is a pose.

沒錯，懷孕是個姿勢

It's perfect for people who don't know what to do with their hands.

對雙手完全不曉得該怎麼擺放的人，這超完美的

This is it.

大功告成

But will this break the internet?

但這樣會引起話題嗎？

Oh, it'll break the world.

噢，這將引爆全世界

And probably also your arms.

也許還有你的手臂

Hi, it's Mike Trapp from College Humor.

嗨，我是 College Humor 的 Mike Trapp

If you want to subscribe, click here.

若你想要追蹤，按這邊

If you want to watch more videos, click here.

如果你想要看更多影片，點這裡

And if you want to investigate the spooky old

還有即使你媽警告過你不要去

McCreery house even though your mom warned

你仍想到最毛骨悚然的鬼屋 McCreery house 一探究竟的話

you not to, turn to page 87.

就繼續看下去吧