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Being dropped.
It will happen to us all at some point.
So negotiating a pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.
A number of tips suggest themselves
Firstly, don't attempt to minimize what's happened.
Being brave has no place here.
Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals
You'll eventually boil yourself back into an appetite for life.
Secondly, believe them when they said it.
Don't imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provide any covert indications of future commitment.
Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn't quite have the courage to do so themselves.
Don't imagine that anyone can love on command
The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will
It isn't a question of them not trying hard enough
Remove morality from it
They will not being bad for not loving and nor you good for wanting them
You were both on the search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes
Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.
So don't turn this into a morality tale
They acted weirdly around the break-up
not because they were bad or indeed I'm sure, they just felt terribly guilty because they're nice
which doesn't though mean that they want you
Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don't want us
It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred
But this isn't romanticism.
It's an illness
The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us
and so admiring of those who don't
Think back to when you rejected people
You didn't hate them or regret them
The chief emotions are embarrassment and pity
Don't connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you
Don't accuse them of cowardice
Don't exaggerate their qualities.
Don't insist on their uniqueness
Don't offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind
Don't imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt
and don't defensively maintain that they had a fear of intimacy
Just try to laugh and have a few rounds of casual sex if that helps
But above all, don't keep thinking of the end of this relationship has tragically sad
The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning
would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong
And this wasn't, in the end, despite all the promising signs, that kind of relationship at all.
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【The School of Life】如何克服被拒絕 (How To Get Over Rejection)

33128 分類 收藏
VoiceTube 發佈於 2018 年 5 月 27 日    陳美瑩 翻譯    Tina Hsu 審核
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