It will happen to us all at some point.

這是在每個人的一生中，都會遇到的事情。

So, negotiating a pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.

所以說，學會怎麼與自己的悲傷共存是一門生活藝術。

A number of tips suggest themselves.

這裡有幾個技巧。

Firstly, don't attempt to minimize what's happened.

第一點：不要刻意淡化已經發生的事情。

Being brave has no place here.

勇氣在這時行不通的。

Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths, and indulgent meals.

給悲傷充分的空間、時間，大量聆聽悲傷歌曲、洗熱水澡，並放縱大吃，

You'll eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life.

你終究會無聊到再度對生活燃起希望。

Secondly, believe them when they said it.

第二點：相信他們所說的。

Don't imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provide any covert indications of future commitment.

不要認為他們過去的甜言蜜語是任何對未來承諾的暗示。

Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn't quite have the courage to do so themselves.

當他們不忍心消滅你們所有希望時，你必須自己讓這些剩餘的希望消失殆盡。

Don't imagine that anyone can love on command.

不要認為任何人可以被命令去愛人。

The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will.

被吸引與否不是意志力所能控制的。

It isn't a question of them not trying hard enough.

不是因為他們不夠努力。

Remove morality from it.

不要執著於道德觀上。

They were not being bad for not loving, and nor were you good for wanting them.

他們不該因為不愛你就變成壞人，你也不該因為愛他們就自以為是做好事。

You were both on the search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes.

你們彼此都在尋求幸福感，只是它帶領著你們走上了不同且相斥的道路。

Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.

我們的心靈意識像是艘小船，漂在難以意識到、生心理的巨浪上。

So don't turn this into a morality tale.

所以不要把這變成一齣道德劇。

They acted weirdly around the breakup, not because they were bad or indeed unsure, they just felt terribly guilty because they're nice, which doesn't, though, mean that they want you.

他們在分手前後行徑古怪不是因為他們心存壞心或遲疑，他們只是因為人好所以感到罪惡，但這不代表他們還想要你。

Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don't want us.

我們許多人都傾向認為那些不想要我們的人特別好。

It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred.

這會助長我們的自我厭惡感。

But this isn't romanticism.

但這並不是浪漫主義。

It's an illness.

而是一種病。

The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us and so admiring of those who don't.

真正的挑戰是不要對喜歡自己的人反感，並停止愛慕那些不喜歡我們的人。

Think back to when you rejected people: You didn't hate or regret them.

回想你拒絕他人的時候：你並不是討厭他們或是後悔認識他們。

The chief emotions are embarrassment and pity.

主要的情緒是尷尬和憐憫。

Don't connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you.

不要把被拒絕這件事與你對於自身感到害怕和厭惡的原因扯在一起。

Don't accuse them of cowardice.

不要指責他們膽小。

Don't exaggerate their qualities.

不必過度放大他們的特質。

Don't insist on their uniqueness.

不必堅持認為他們很特別。

Don't offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind.

不要以性當作期盼他們回心轉意的籌碼。

Don't imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt, and don't defensively maintain that they had a fear of intimacy.

不要想像人們會因為同情或是愧疚而重新愛上一個人，也不要防備地斷言是他們害怕親密關係。

Just try to laugh and have a few rounds of casual sex, if that helps.

你只需要試著大笑，或者，如果有幫助的話，來幾段不扯上感情的性關係。

But above all, don't keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad.

但最重要的是，不要一直把這段關係的結束想得有多悲慘。

The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning, would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong.

唯一好的關係、唯一值得哀悼的關係，是當兩個人都渴望擁有彼此時。

And this wasn't, in the end, despite all the promising signs, that kind of relationship at all.

而這段關係，就算曾有過充滿希望的跡象，到頭來依然不是那種感情關係。