I'm about, I'm about to go out for my interview with Jimmy Fallon.

我現在要去 Jimmy Fallon 的訪問了。

I'll call you back after I comb my hair.

等我梳完頭髮後會再回電給你。

Talk to you in three hours!

我們三個小時後聊！

Wow, I look fantastic!

哇！我看起來也太棒了吧！

No!

不！

"WE" look fantastic and I mean really fantastic.

「我們」看起來很棒，而我是說真的超棒。

Alright, me, we've gotten a big interview with Jimmy Fallon coming up.

好的，我自己，我們等等有一個跟 Jimmy Fallon 的重要訪問。

But let's be honest, Fallon's [is] a lightweight.

但老實說，Fallon 那個人根本是個小咖。

No way he deserves to interview me.

他才配不上訪問我呢！

The only one qualified to interview me, is me.

只有一個人有資格訪問我，就是我自己。

Me interviewing me!

我來訪問我自己！

That's what I call a great idea!

這才是我說的好主意！

Of course it's a great idea!

當然這會是一個好主意啊！

We thought of it.

這可是我們想出來的。

Okay, interview time.

好的，訪問時間。

Question one, are you ready for the Republican debate next week?

第一個問題，你準備好參加下禮拜的共和黨候選人辯論會了嗎？

You know the truth is, I'm always ready.

你知道的，事實是，我永遠都是準備好的。

It's really gonna be a big debate.

那是真的很大的辯論。

But I'm ALWAYS ready.

但我「總是」準備好了。

It's not just big, it's HUGE! Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge! Huge!

那不只是大而已，是超大！超大、超大、超大、超大、超大、超大、超大！超大！

Next question.

下個問題。

How are you gonna create jobs in this country?

你要如何在我們國家創造更多工作？

I'm just gonna do it!

我做就是了！

Right, right, but how?

好，好，不過要怎麼做？

By doing it, it just happens.

就做啊，然後就會發生了。

Just by doing it!

做就對了！

GENIUS!

天才！

You and, therefore, me are geniuses.

你，也就是我，根本就是天才。

Next question, you said that you'd get Mexico to build a wall at the border.

下個問題，你說會讓墨西哥在美墨邊界建一座牆。

How do you plan to do that?

你計畫要怎麼達成這件事？

Well, since I'm you.

好的，既然我是你。

Why don't you tell me?

為什麼不由你來告訴我呢？

How am I gonna get Mexico to build a wall?

你說我應該如何讓墨西哥築起一道牆嗎？

EASY!

簡單！

I'll challenge them to the biggest game of Jenga ever.

我會向他們挑戰史上最大的疊疊樂遊戲。

I'll make them set up the board.

我會讓他們先把木板一個個疊起來。

And when they finish, I'll say "I don't wanna play anymore."

然後當他們疊好了，我會說：「我突然一點也不想玩了。」

You wanna know something?

你想知道一件事嗎？

That's GENIUS!

那太天才了！

I knew it was.

我早就知道這很天才。

Next question, you recently said, and I quote: "Hedge fund people make a lot of money, and they pay very little tax. I wanna lower taxes for the middle class."

下個問題，你最近說了一句名言：「那些避險基金人賺了超多錢，而且根本沒繳多少稅。我想要降低中產階級的稅賦。」

How else do you plan to help the economy?

你還會怎麼幫助到整體經濟？

Look, I'm really rich.

聽著，我超有錢的。

I know how to run a business and I know this—our country is gonna be well off with me.

我知道如何做生意，而且我知道我們的國家跟著我會變更好。

So here's what I'll do.

所以這是我會做的。

First, we have to cut government spending.

首先，我們必須砍掉政府支出。

It's out of control, totally out of control.

政府的支出已經失控了，完全失控了。

Then we've gotta lower corporate taxes.

接著我們要降低公司稅金。

It's become impossible to do business in this country.

現在，在美國幾乎不可能經營生意。

We've got companies shipping thousands of jobs overseas.

現在我們有許多的公司都把成千上萬的工作機會送到國外去。

That's gotta end, and it's going to end, remember that.

這必須結束，而且將會結束，記得。

It's going to end.

這將會結束！

I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

我很抱歉，我剛剛沒有專心聽你說什麼。

I was too busy staring at my beautiful reflection.

我剛剛忙著看我鏡子裡美麗的樣子。

I'm like a Greek god that just took a bath in a pumpkin-spiced latte.

我就像一個剛剛在南瓜口味的拿鐵裡泡澡的希臘神。

Okay, one last question and be honest.

好的，最後一個問題並請誠實回答。

If you win, is your vice president gonna be Gary Busey?

如果你贏了，你的副總統會是 Gary Busey 嗎？

Look, I love Gary, he's fantastic.

聽著，我很愛 Gary，他真的很棒。

But more of a Supreme Court justice in my opinion.

但是對我來說他比較像是最高法院的法官而已。

Vice president's [is] a very serious job, so I'm probably going to go with somebody else, I would say maybe, Kanye West.

副總統是一個很嚴肅的工作，所以我大概會選其他人，可能是饒舌歌手 Kanye West 吧。

Smart move!

太聰明了！

Alright, guess it's time to go out and talk to that dopey goofball Jimmy Fallon.

好啦，我猜現在我們應該出去外面去跟那個蠢蛋 Jimmy Fallon 談話了。

And give him the biggest ratings his pathetic show has ever seen.

我們來給他這個可悲的秀一次他從沒看過的最高收視吧！

How do you think it's gonna go?

你覺得這會怎麼樣呢？

It's gonna be really classy.

我覺得會很有品味。

It's gonna be really fantastic.

肯定會很棒。

It's gonna be HUGE!

一定會驚天動地！

Start the music!

放音樂！