Name: 如何愛自己：戰勝自我厭惡的三個步驟！ (How to LOVE YOURSELF: three steps to overcoming self-hatred)
Uploaded: 2026-02-17T06:39:01.000Z
Duration: 10 min 17 s

I'm Dr. Orion Taraban and this is Psych Hacks Better Living Through Psychology.

我是 Orion Taraban 博士，這裡是 Psych Hacks Better Living Through Psychology。

反身代名詞

And the topic of today's short talk is how to love yourself.

今天這個簡短的談話主題是，如何愛自己。

程度副詞

Loving yourself is extremely important and this is because wherever you go, there you are.

愛自己非常重要，因為無論你走到哪裡，你都在那裡。

Everything that you experience, you experience within your consciousness.

你所經歷的一切，都是在你自己的意識裡體驗的。

It's not possible for you to experience anything outside of your consciousness.

你不可能在意識之外體驗任何事情。

It's and within that consciousness will be yourself.

Or more precisely, that consciousness is yourself.

或者更精確地說，那個意識就是你。

That self is sort of like a dye that saturates throughout a liquid.

那個「你」就像是染料，會滲透到液體裡的每一個角落。

It will color and flavor all the other contents in that solution.

它會為那個溶液裡的所有其他內容染色、賦予風味。

This means, for example, that if you are cruel and self loathing, even if the other contents of your consciousness are the most pleasant and delightful possible, that cruel self loathing self will permeate these other contents and spoil whatever goodness, pleasure or happiness you might otherwise have experienced.

這意味著，舉例來說，如果你殘酷又自我憎惡，即使你意識裡的其他內容再怎麼愉快美好，那個殘酷又自我憎惡的「你」也會滲透到其他內容裡，破壞你原本可能體驗到的任何美好、愉悅或幸福。

By the same token, a self that is clean and loved will make it much easier to experience even unpleasant, painful and difficult content with without suffering.

同樣地，一個乾淨且被愛的「你」，即使在體驗不愉快、痛苦或困難的內容時，也能更容易地去承受，而不會感到痛苦。

In this way, attending exclusively to your external circumstances without paying attention to your internal environment is likely to prove self defeating.

這樣一來，如果你只專注於外在環境，卻忽略了內在的感受，很可能會徒勞無功。

Consequently, we need to learn how to love ourselves so that wherever we go, we can be assured of good company.

是以，我們需要學會如何愛自己，這樣無論我們去到哪裡，都能確保有好的陪伴。

Now, if you are raised in a securely attached, loving family, this will likely be easier for you to do than if you were raised in a chaotic and conflict ridden environment.

現在，如果你是在一個安全依附、充滿愛的家庭中長大，這對你來說可能比在一個混亂、衝突不斷的環境中長大更容易做到。

However, no matter your circumstances, I'm here to give you three actionable things that you can start doing today in order to accelerate your progress in the direction of self love.

不過，無論你身處何種環境，我都要給你三個可行的建議，讓你今天就可以開始做，以加速你在自愛方面的進展。

First and foremost, make a commitment, starting now, not to speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to a close friend.

首先，從現在開始，承諾不要用你對待好友的方式來對待自己。

Though I've been a therapist for over 10 years, I am still shocked from time to time at just how negatively some people speak to themselves.

雖然我當治療師已經超過十年了，但有時候我還是會對某些人對待自己的負面方式感到震驚。

Every mistake they make is painfully amplified and everything they do well is grossly minimized by this horribly negative critical inner voice.

他們做的每一個錯誤都會被極度放大，而他們做好的每一件事卻會被這個極度負面、挑剔的內在聲音嚴重縮小。

So the first step to loving yourself is to stop speaking to yourself in that way.

所以，愛自己的第一步就是停止用那樣的方式對自己說話。

If you wouldn't say something out loud to someone that you cared about, then don't say it to yourself.

如果你不會對你在乎的人說出某些話，那也別對自己說。

Even if you don't care about yourself yet, you have to begin to act as if you did.

就算你現在還沒辦法愛自己，你還是得開始假裝你愛自己。

This is so important because if you denigrate someone over time, it's so much easier to hate them.

這點非常重要，因為如果你長期貶低一個人，要恨他就會變得容易得多。

This is like an initial step in all totalitarian regimes towards pogroms and genocide.

這就像所有極權政權在走向迫害和種族滅絕之前的第一步。

To justify the violence against a hated group, you must first denigrate them.

為了合理化對一個被憎恨群體的暴力行為，你必須先貶低他們。

If the denigration does not occur, it's much harder to see the targets as inhuman and therefore much more difficult to justify the atrocious behavior.

如果沒有發生貶低行為，就比較難將目標視為非人，是以也更難合理化那些駭人聽聞的行為。

By the same token, self denigration justifies self hatred and self violence of all kinds.

同理，自我貶低會合理化自我憎惡和各種形式的自我暴力。

How do you respond to your critical inner voice when it invariably arises?

當你那個愛批評的內在聲音出現時，你會怎麼回應？

Well, as soon as you become aware that it is active, you implement the block and replace technique.

嗯，一旦你意識到它在活躍，你就會實施「阻擋與替換」技巧。

First you block it, hey, that's not true, or hey, we don't talk to ourselves that way anymore.

你先阻擋它，像是「嘿，這不是真的」，或是「嘿，我們不能再這樣跟自己說話了」。

And then you replace that thought with the least pathologizing interpretation of reality that still fits the facts of the case.

然後，你用最不病態化、但又能符合事實的詮釋來替換那個想法。

This could look something like no, it's not true that I'm a complete piece of shit, I just suffered a setback and I'm going to continue to work through this difficult moment.

這可能聽起來像：「不，我不是一無是處的爛人，我只是遇到挫折，我會繼續努力度過這個難關。」

或許是：「不，我不配得到愛。」

If one person isn't interested in a relationship with me, that doesn't mean someone else won't be.

如果有個人對我沒興趣，不代表另一個人也不會。

Now, before I go any further, if you're liking what you're hearing, please consider sending this video to someone who might benefit from its message.

好了，在我繼續之前，如果你喜歡聽到的內容，請考慮將這支影片分享給可能受益的朋友。

Because it's word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow.

因為正是這種口耳相傳的推薦，才能真正幫助頻道成長。

And you can also hit the super thanks button.

It's in those three little dots in the lower right hand corner beneath the video.

它就在影片下方右下角那三個小點點裡面。

And tip me in proportion to the value you feel you derived from this episode.

根據你覺得從這集節目中獲得的價值，給我一點小費。

Okay, so once you've made a commitment to stop talking to yourself in a way you wouldn't talk to somebody else that you cared about, the next step is to begin to talk positively to yourself.

好了，一旦你承諾停止用對待你關心的人的方式來對自己說話，下一步就是開始對自己說正面的話。

Basically, you want to speak to yourself like you're a supportive coach or a good friend, or for some of you, a loving parent.

基本上，你想要像一個支持你的教練、一個好朋友，或者對你們有些人來說，像一個充滿愛的父母一樣對自己說話。

This is likely going to feel really weird in the beginning, but

一開始這可能會讓你覺得很奇怪，但是

trust me, it's super necessary to the process.

相信我，這是整個過程非常必要的一步。

Just keep in mind that a supportive coach or a good friend isn't going to ignore your mistakes or fluff up your ego.

只要記住，支持你的教練或好朋友不會無視你的錯誤，也不會過度吹捧你。

They address what needs to be addressed and they praise what deserves to be praised.

他們會處理需要處理的事情，也會讚美值得讚美的地方。

What characterizes these roles is their unapologetic and unwavering support and commitment.

這些角色的特點是毫不動搖、堅定的支持和承諾。

Like, these folks will be in your corner until the end.

就像，這些人會一直支持你到底。

What I'm talking about here is the same degree of support and commitment for your own success and well being.

我在這裡說的是，對你自己的成功和福祉，也要有同樣程度的支持和承諾。

Well, it can actually be a little cheesy.

It could sound something like, hey, you worked really hard today.

可能聽起來像是，嘿，你今天真的很努力。

It Wasn't always easy, but you did your best and things seemed to turn out all right.

這並不總是很容易，但你盡力了，事情似乎也順利解決了。

Good job or hey, you were afraid to do that but you did it anyway.

幹得好，或者嘿，你本來很害怕做那件事，但你還是做了。

The idea here is to accurately reflect the good that you do in your day to day life.

這樣做的目的是要準確地反映出你在日常生活中做的好事。

Just like an engaged and supportive parent would.

就像一個投入且支持你的父母一樣。

Over time, this kind of self talk slowly develops into a sustainable self love.

隨著時間過去，這種自我對話會慢慢發展成可持續的自愛。

Notice again that we're not catering to our egos with hyperbolic positive language.

再注意一下，我們不是用誇張的正面語言來迎合我們的自尊心。

All this does is reinforce the fragile narcissistic self that is the steward of the wounded self loathing self.

這只會加強那個脆弱的自戀型自我，而它是那個受傷的自我憎惡自我的管理者。

In reality, these two are two sides of the same coin, which means that strengthening one with will actually only serve to strengthen the other.

事實上，這兩者是一體兩面，這意味著用意志力去加強其中一個，實際上只會加強另一個。

We're interested in grounding our self worth in something real and active, not something illusory and reactive.

我們有興趣將我們的自我價值建立在真實且積極的事物上，而不是虛幻且被動的事物上。

So resist the urge to assuage your pain with love food that may taste sweet but is ultimately not nutritious.

所以，抵抗那種用聽起來甜美但最終沒有營養的「愛食」來撫慰你痛苦的衝動。

Now, if you stop the negative self talk and you begin to speak positively to yourself in the sense of providing accurate reflections on the good that you do throughout the day, then you're actually pretty far along the road towards loving yourself.

現在，如果你停止負面的自我對話，並開始以提供你一天中優良事蹟的準確反映的方式來肯定自己，那麼你其實已經離愛自己不遠了。

The third thing that you can do to accelerate this process is to act in a way that you would find easier to love in someone else.

第三件你可以做來加速這個過程的事，就是以一種你會覺得對別人來說更容易愛的方式去行動。

My first video on this channel was entitled be the person you can love.

我這個頻道的第一支影片叫做「成為你愛得起的那個人」。

The production values have improved since then, but the message is as good as ever.

雖然製作水準從那時候進步了很多，但訊息還是一樣好。

How are you going to love yourself if you continue to act in unlovable ways?

如果你繼續做出不可愛的行為，你要怎麼愛自己呢？

Like, it's much easier to love other people when they're lovable, isn't it?

就像，別人可愛的時候，我們比較容易愛他們，對吧？

While it's theoretically possible to love anyone, some people are much, much harder to love than others.

雖然理論上可以愛任何人，但有些人就是比其他人難愛得多。

This could be because they are critical or unpredictable or unreliable or untrustworthy or or touchy or demanding, etc.

這可能是因為他們很挑剔、難預測、不可靠、不值得信任，或者很敏感、要求很高等等。

These people are like the double black diamonds of interpersonal relationships.

這些人就像人際關係中的雙黑鑽等級。

On the other hand, it's easy to love people who are supportive and even tempered and reliable and trustworthy and easygoing and appreciative, etc.

另一方面，那些支持你、脾氣好、可靠、值得信賴、隨和又懂得感恩的人，跟他們相處起來就容易多了。

And if it's easier to love people with those qualities, you are not the exception.

如果愛這些特質的人比較容易，那麼你也不是例外。

Develop those qualities in yourself and it will also be easier to love yourself.

在你身上培養這些特質，也會讓你更容易愛自己。

And of course, the less you criticize yourself and the more you accurately acknowledge the good that you do, the easier it will be to develop these qualities, which creates a virtuous cycle.

當然，你越少批評自己，越能準確地肯定自己做對的事，就越容易培養出這些特質，這就會形成一個良性循環。

And like all virtuous cycles, this can be hard to get going.

就像所有良性循環一樣，一開始可能很難啟動。

You may have to put in a lot of effort for longer than you anticipated before you see any appreciable movement.

你可能需要比預期花更多時間和力氣，才能看到明顯的進展。

It's kind of like moving this enormous rock.

這有點像在移動一顆巨大的石頭。

You may have to expend an enormous effort to get it to budge an inch, but

你可能需要花費巨大的力氣才能讓它移動一英吋，但

once that rock starts to move, momentum begins to kick in and further efforts see increasingly better results.

一旦這顆石頭開始移動，慣性就會開始發揮作用，後續的努力會看到越來越好的成果。

So if you follow these steps, it still might take a while before you begin to love yourself.

所以，如果你照著這些步驟做，你可能還是需要一段時間才能開始愛自己。

However, if it might take a while, then you may as well get started, especially given the fact that it will never be easier than it is today.

不過，既然可能需要一段時間，那不如就開始吧，特別是考慮到今天永遠是最容易的時機。

And if you've gotten this far, you might as well like this episode and subscribe to this channel.

如果你都看到這裡了，不如就幫這個影片按個讚，然後訂閱這個頻道吧。

You may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as usual.

你也可以考慮成為頻道會員，享有優先回覆留言或預約付費諮詢等特別福利。