Name: 如何成為一位超棒的伴侶！ (How to Be a Great Lover)
Uploaded: 2026-01-09T18:23:01.000Z
Duration: 4 min 45 s

The goal of becoming an ideal lover has a tendency to bring up certain stock images.

成為理想伴侶的目標，有時會引發一些既定的想像。

A slender physique, clear eyes, taut skin, a successful business, a confident manner.

苗條的身材、明亮的眼睛、緊緻的肌膚、成功的事業、自信的態度。

These have their advantages, no doubt, but

the true virtues of love might lie in a slightly different, slightly less heralded corner.

愛情的真正德行，或許藏在一個稍微不同、稍微不那麼被讚揚的角落。

An ideal lover might be endowed with with some of the following.

一個理想的伴侶，可能具備以下一些特質。

However pleasing accomplishments might be, what truly nurtures love is someone's relationship to their flaws.

無論成就多麼令人欣喜，真正滋養愛情的，是那個人如何看待自己的缺陷。

A basic and calm recognition that they may, somewhat surprisingly, have a great many of them.

一種基本而平靜的認可，他們可能，有點出乎意料地，有很多缺點。

他們並沒有完全理解所有事情。

No one who's properly explored and understood themselves can be convinced of their marvelousness for long.

沒有人真正探索和理解自己後，還能長期確信自己的奇妙之處。

An ideal lover doesn't need persuading of their fragilities.

一個理想的伴侶不需要說服就能理解自己的脆弱性。

They want our help to be able to bear and overcome them.

他們希望我們能幫助他們承受和克服這些。

They aren't defensive in the face of criticism.

They say sorry almost before we've spoken, such as their degree of self awareness.

他們幾乎在我們開口前就道歉了，這顯示了他們的自我認知程度。

They feel, at a base level, really very grateful that anyone would put up with them, which can make them very appealing indeed to be around.

他們骨子裡覺得，有人願意忍受他們，真的讓他們非常感激，這會讓他們非常討人喜歡。

We need people who have a good sense of how broken they are and can warn us about the problems before they've done too much damage.

我們需要的是能清楚認知自身缺陷，並在造成太大傷害前提醒我們問題所在的人。

In a way that can make us feel hopeful about change and unfrightened about the status quo.

用一種能讓我們對改變感到有希望，對現狀不感到害怕的方式。

The ideal lover knows the backstory to their anger and anxiety, self pity and indolence.

理想的伴侶瞭解他們憤怒、焦慮、自憐和懶惰的根源。

We don't have to stumble on their issues and then suffer from being told we're crazy or mean for mentioning or attempting to make sense of them.

我們不必在他們的爛攤子裡跌倒，然後因為提起或試圖理解這些而被告知我們瘋了或很刻薄。

They hand us early on, with grace, a fairly dense folder of their follies.

他們很早就優雅地交給我們一份厚厚的他們的愚蠢事蹟資料夾。

They aren't, of course, funny for laughter's sake.

當然，他們並不是為了搞笑而搞笑。

The best lovers are in essence laughing at themselves.

最好的伴侶本質上是在嘲笑自己。

They're inviting laughter about how ridiculous they are, how vain they can be, how conceited they feel.

他們邀請我們一起笑他們有多荒謬、有多虛榮、有多自以為是。

They laugh because they again said the wrong thing and because they try so hard but keep annoying us anyway.

他們笑，因為他們又說錯話了，也因為他們很努力，結果還是惹惱了我們。

They laugh so that we won't have to scream or cry quite so much.

他們笑，這樣我們就不必那麼大喊大叫或哭了。

The best lovers have a benevolent interpretation of motives.

最好的伴侶本質上會仁慈地詮釋動機。

They don't immediately believe that we are doing it on purpose to punish them or bring them down.

他們不會立刻相信我們是故意這樣做來懲罰他們或打擊他們。

They know that however maddening we are, we probably haven't set out on a single minded mission to to destroy their lives.

他們知道，不管我們多麼令人抓狂，我們大概都不是一心一意想毀了他們的生活。

They keep in mind the small, originally sincere and innocent child beneath the very complicated and sometimes no longer so charming adult that we are, they are quick to imagine that we might deep down still be dealing with a hurt from a careless parent or a humiliation at work, or might simply be very tired and in need of a hug.

他們會記得，在我們複雜、有時不再那麼迷人的成人之下，還有個原本真誠又無邪的小孩；他們很容易想像，我們內心深處可能還在處理來自疏忽父母的傷害，或是工作上的羞辱，又或者可能只是非常疲憊，需要一個擁抱。

Fifthly, intelligence ideal lovers don't need to know string theory or quantum mechanics.

第五，聰明。理想的伴侶不需要知道弦理論或量子力學。

They need a grasp of the key tenets of emotional intelligence.

他們需要掌握情商的關鍵原則。

How anger can mask hurt, how impatience may arise from anxiety.

憤怒如何掩飾受傷，不耐煩如何源於焦慮。

How those who are mean might be passing on a meanness done to them.

How there is almost always a childhood cause behind an adult snarl.

How people mistake figures in their present for ghosts in their pasts.

They know that the emotional mind is a very peculiar and counterintuitive organ crying out for gentle interpretation and curiosity.

Sixthly, oddity ideal lovers have room for our strangeness.

They're not overly attached to their or are normality.

第一點，他們知道，那些刻薄的人，可能只是在傳遞他們自己曾經遭受過的刻薄。

They know from spending sufficient time in their own mind that sex is very odd for everyone, that we're all more envious, anxious, petty, glorious and intelligent than we're meant to be.

第二點，成年人的咆哮，背後幾乎總是有童年的原因。

第三點，人們常常把現在的樣子，誤認為是過去的幽靈。

We love them even more for how we can feel about ourselves in their company.

他們知道，情緒的大腦是一個非常奇特且違反直覺的器官，它渴望溫柔的理解和好奇。

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如何成為一位超棒的伴侶！ (How to Be a Great Lover)

anxiety

ridiculous

decent

properly