Name: 《爆笑晚間秀》居家購物：被取消的清倉大拍賣！feat. 保羅·路德 (Late Show Home Shopping: Canceled Clearance Sale! with Paul Rudd)
Uploaded: 2025-12-16T17:06:28.000Z
Duration: 8 min

Give it up for Louis Cato and the band, everybody.

大家掌聲鼓勵 Louis Cato 和樂團！

Look, I don't want to shock anybody, but the late show has been canceled.

各位，我不想嚇到大家，但《The Late Show》被取消了。

And knowing the show will be ending in May really makes me thoughtful.

知道節目將在五月結束，真的讓我思緒萬千。

As I look around at the historic Ed Sullivan theater and I can't help but think to myself, I bet I could sell a lot of this stuff.

當我環顧這歷史悠久的 Ed Sullivan 劇院，我不禁想，我打賭我能賣掉這裡的很多東西。

And rather than let the wonderful props and artifacts we've collected end up in the junk heap of the Smithsonian, we're going to sell them off on air and donate the proceeds to charity, Thankfully.

與其讓這些我們收集的精彩道具和文物最終進入 Smithsonian 的垃圾堆，我們將在節目中拍賣它們，並將所得捐給慈善機構，謝天謝地。

When it comes to selling stuff on tv, the good people at the home shopping industry have shown us how to do it.

關於在電視上賣東西，家庭購物產業的好人們已經教了我們怎麼做。

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a glorious array of exclusive products.

今晚，各位，我們有琳瑯滿目的獨家商品。

And every single one of these priceless items could be yours for a price.

而且這些無價之寶中的每一件，都有機會成為你的。

Because everything we show you tonight is up for sale through an auction on our website, colbertlateshow.com eBay.

因為我們今晚展示的一切，都將透過我們網站 colbertlateshow.com eBay 的拍賣來出售。

All proceeds will go to World Central Kitchen, a charitable organization.

所有收益將捐給 World Central Kitchen，一個慈善組織。

Yes, World Central Kitchen, a wonderful that either feeds people during crisis or is building a giant kitchen at the center of the earth.

對，World Central Kitchen，一個很棒的組織，他們會在危機時餵飽人們，或是在地心建造一個巨大的廚房。

Joining me tonight as always, my co host, Paul Rudd, everybody.

今晚和我一起的，一如往常，是我的共同主持人，Paul Rudd，大家掌聲鼓勵。

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.

That's great because anywhere else I'd look stupid wearing this sweater.

太好了，因為不然我穿這件毛衣會看起來很蠢。

Now let's take a look at these amazing items.

現在讓我們來看看這些超棒的物品。

Friends up first own a piece of late night history with a signed script of the very first episode of the Late Show.

首先，這位朋友擁有一份「深夜秀」第一集的簽名劇本，這可是深夜秀歷史的一部份喔。

This is a genuine authentic radio replica of the actual script that was printed and distributed to every member of the staff on September 8, 2015.

這是一個貨真價實的廣播劇本複製品，是 2015 年 9 月 8 日發送給所有工作人員的實際劇本。

Now, Paul, how much would you pay for an exciting product like this?

那，Paul，像這樣一個令人興奮的商品，你會出多少錢呢？

Well, look, this is a beautiful decorative item that could be an amazing holiday gift.

嗯，你看，這是一個很棒的裝飾品，可以當作很棒的節日禮物。

或者在緊急的時候，也可以當衛生紙用。

So I'm gonna guess, I don't know, $50 billion.

所以我猜，我不知道，五百億美金。

But today we are starting the bidding at just $50, ladies and gentlemen.

但今天我們的起標價只要五塊錢，各位女士們先生們。

Steve, Steve, let me stop you right there.

Steve，Steve，讓我先打斷你一下。

And to sweeten it even more, I'm going to throw in this, An original theatrical poster for Ant man and the Quantumania, signed by none other than the star of the movie Evangeline Lilly.

為了讓它更划算，我還要再送你這個，《蟻人與黃蜂女：量子狂潮》的原版電影海報，由電影明星 Evangeline Lilly 親筆簽名。

And that's not all, because if you act now, I will throw in this poster for another classic film.

這還不是全部，因為如果你現在就行動，我還會加送這張經典電影的海報。

The porn parody of Ant man and the Quantumania called Ass man and the Nymphomania.

蟻人與量子領域的A片惡搞版，叫做「肛門人與妖精狂想曲」。

接下來，是個令人驚豔的物品。

I am offering the actual aviator sunglasses I wore when I did my impression of President Joe Biden.

我要送出我模仿美國總統喬·拜登時，戴過的飛行員太陽眼鏡。

It's an exciting item because, as you might remember, the glasses were my whole impression.

這可是個很棒的收藏品，因為你可能還記得，那副眼鏡就是我模仿的全部。

It is a must have for any fan of Steven's.

史蒂芬的拜登模仿秀是給誰看的？

It's a must have for any fan of Steven's Biden impression.

這是史蒂芬拜登模仿秀粉絲的必備品。

And since it's possible that none of those exist, I will be throwing in this signed copy of People magazine featuring me as the sexiest man alive for the year 2021.

而且因為這些可能都不存在，我會附贈這本簽名版的《People》雜誌，上面有我被選為2021年全球最性感男人的報導。

It's an honor I'm told I received because they thought every other man had died of color.

聽說我收到這份殊榮是因為他們覺得其他男人都死於色盲。

Paul, what would you pay for something like that?

Paul，你願意出多少錢買這種東西？

Oh, well, if you're asking me to just come up with a number off the top of my head.

喔，如果你是問我隨口說個數字的話。

All right, Next, we have a big ticket item.

好的，接下來，我們有個大獎。

We have two tickets to the final taping of the Late Show.

我們有兩張《深夜秀》最後錄影的門票。

Paul, how much would you pay for this beautiful opportunity?

Paul，你會為這個美好的機會出多少錢？

It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to be here for the final show.

這是此生僅有一次能參與最後一集的機會。

Which detail about working with this amazing staff and crew will make me start openly weeping on national television?

跟這些超棒的團隊一起工作，有什麼細節會讓我當場在電視上哭出來？

It's perfect if you love the Late show or if you hate it and you just want to watch Stephen cry and lose his job.

如果你喜歡《The Late Show》，或者你討厭它，只想看 Stephen 哭著丟掉工作，這個都很適合。

Up last, we have our signature piece that is so gorgeous it literally cannot be described.

最後登場的是我們的招牌單品，美到無法形容。

It's the desk I used during my 152 Covid shows taped in the tiny room on the 8th floor of this very building.

這是我在這棟樓八樓的小房間裡，錄製 152 集 COVID 節目時用的書桌。

You could own this beautiful desk that was painstakingly carved from a single piece of desk.

你可以擁有這張由一整塊書桌精心雕刻而成的美麗書桌。

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《爆笑晚間秀》居家購物：被取消的清倉大拍賣！feat. 保羅·路德 (Late Show Home Shopping: Canceled Clearance Sale! with Paul Rudd)

literally

stuff

authentic

incredible