Name: 別再勸單身人士結婚 | Peter McGraw | TED (Stop Telling Single People to Get Married | Peter McGraw | TED)
Uploaded: 2025-09-22T04:33:39.000Z
Duration: 11 min 17 s

Stop telling single people to get married.

反身代名詞

Twenty years ago, I threw myself a bachelor party as a new professor at CU Boulder.

20 年前，我作為中大博爾德分校的新教授，為自己舉辦了一場單身派對。

Backs were slapped, stories were shared, classes clinked.

大家拍打著後背，分享著故事，碰著杯。

My rationale, without a wedding in sight, why do married folks get to have all the fun?

我的理由是，婚禮還沒開始，為什麼已婚人士就可以盡情享受？

Unbeknownst to me, that night I joined a movement, the solo movement, where being single isn't just tolerated, it's celebrated.

不知不覺中，那天晚上我加入了一場運動--獨身運動，在這場運動中，單身不僅被容忍，還被讚美。

Not less than, not better, just a different path filled with opportunities to live remarkably.

不是比別人差，也不是比別人好，只是在不同的道路上充滿了非凡生活的機會。

In 1960, 90% of adults in the United States would go on to get married.

1960 年，美國 90% 的成年人將步入婚姻殿堂。

Today, 50% of adults in the U.S. are unmarried. 25% of millennials are projected to never marry.

如今，美國有 50% 的成年人未婚。預計 25% 的千禧一代將永遠不會結婚。

And don't get me started on what's happening with Gen Z.

Yet, we still live in a world built for two.

然而，我們仍然生活在一個為兩個人構建的世界裡。

Married people have access to over 1,000 legal advantages unavailable to singles.

已婚人士可享受 1,000 多項單身人士無法享受的法律優惠。

Singles invest heavily in marital milestones.

單身人士在婚姻的里程碑上投入巨大。

This made sense when everyone got married.

這在每個人結婚時都是合理的。

But for us lifelong singles, we have to buy our own crockpots.

但對於我們這些終身單身的人來說，我們必須自己買燉鍋。

And then there's Aunt Sally, who keeps asking, So, is there anyone special?

還有莎莉姨媽，她一直在問：那麼，有什麼特別的人嗎？

我們當中有多少人有一位莎莉阿姨？

Lately, a chorus of media voices have traded Aunt Sally's question for a prescription.

近來，媒體的聲音已經把莎莉阿姨的問題換成了藥方。

And it came out, of course, on Valentine's Day.

當然，它是在情人節那天問世的。

The Get Married advocates like to point to data that show that married people report higher life satisfaction than single people.

Get Married 的倡導者喜歡指出，有數據顯示，已婚人士的生活滿意度高於單身人士。

Your bonus, you get to save civilization.

Now, you might be wondering, and the answer is no, I'm not anti-marriage.

現在，你可能想知道，答案是否定的，我並不反對婚姻。

But I am against over-prescribing marriage based on correlational data that the Get Married crowd is a little too wedded to.

但我反對根據 "結婚 "一族有點過於固執的相關數據來過度規定婚姻。

Any serious scientist who looks at these data comes to the same conclusion.

任何認真研究這些數據的科學家都會得出同樣的結論。

That is, the people who get married are already slightly happier to begin with.

也就是說，結婚的人一開始就已經比較幸福了。

But there is a happiness effect in the data.

For 30k a pop, the average US wedding, at that cost, you can take 15 vacations without your in-laws.

美國婚禮的平均費用是 3 萬美元，按照這個價格，你可以在沒有姻親的情況下度假 15 次。

But here's the real puzzle, and it's one that the Get Married crowd can't answer, and that is this.

但真正的難題是，"結婚 "一族無法回答這個問題。

If getting married makes you happy, why is it that the happiest places on Earth feature the most people going solo?

如果結婚能讓人幸福，為什麼地球上最幸福的地方卻有最多的人單飛呢？

This is especially the case in Scandinavia.

斯堪的納維亞半島的情況尤其如此。

I say, rather than treating the rise of singles as a bug, let's treat it as a feature, a feature of progress, especially for women.

我想說，與其把單身的興起當作一個問題，不如把它當作一個特點，一個進步的特點，尤其是對女性而言。

The arranged marriage was invented 4,400 years ago in order to form business alliances during harsh agrarian times.

包辦婚姻發明於 4400 年前，目的是在嚴酷的農業時代結成商業聯盟。

Women were treated more like property than partners, with a husband receiving ownership from the father at the altar.

婦女被視為財產而非伴侶，丈夫在祭壇上從父親那裡獲得所有權。

Thankfully, today, marriage is more about love, and it's increasingly optional.

值得慶幸的是，如今的婚姻更注重愛情，而且越來越可有可無。

The story of the rise of singles is the story of the rise of women.

單身女性崛起的故事就是女性崛起的故事。

And it really got rolling with the invention of the spinning wheel.

隨著紡車的發明，這一切才真正開始。

The spinsters who used it could earn their own money and escape being owned by a husband or a father.

使用它的老處女可以自己掙錢，擺脫被丈夫或父親佔有的命運。

With the invention of birth control and greater access to education and economic opportunities, I do is becoming, do I?

隨著節育措施的發明以及教育和經濟機會的增加，"我願意 "變成了 "我願意"？

The spinsters of yesterday and the cat ladies of today are not old maids.

昨天的老處女和今天的貓女都不是老處女。

They're trailblazers, pioneers of independence.

他們是開拓者，是獨立的先鋒。

Urbanization, apartments, and the home appliances that were invented for housewives are spurring a huge increase in people living alone, especially in cities like Stockholm.

城市化、公寓和為家庭主婦發明的家用電器正在促使獨居人口大幅增加，尤其是在斯德哥爾摩這樣的城市。

Intrigued by these happy Scandinavians, I swapped out my Stetson for an Indiana Jones-style fedora and headed to Sweden, a global leader in gender equality.

我被這些快樂的斯堪的納維亞人所吸引，於是把我的斯泰森帽換成了印第安納-瓊斯式的棉帽，前往瑞典--全球性別平等的領導者。

And I found lots of one-bedroom apartments filled with singles, some by choice, some by chance, but living rich, interconnected, remarkable lives.

我發現許多一房間公寓裡住滿了單身男女，有些是出於自願，有些是出於偶然，但都過著豐富、相互聯繫、非凡的生活。

So let's dispense with the calls to get married.

所以，我們還是不要再呼籲結婚了。

They're either already preaching to the choir or shouting into the wind.

他們要麼已經在向唱詩班傳教，要麼已經在對著風呼喊。

They're looking for their person, sometimes waiting hopelessly.

他們在尋找自己的人，有時無望地等待著。

The just may singles are open to possibilities, the hopeless romantics.

可能單身的人對各種可能性持開放態度，是無可救藥的浪漫主義者。

But of single adults in the United States, half have other priorities.

但在美國的單身成年人中，有一半人有其他優先事項。

They're not looking for love or lust, whether for now or forever.

他們不追求愛情或慾望，無論是現在還是永遠。

And they're channeling their time and their energy and their attention into education, building businesses, creating art.

他們把時間、精力和注意力投入到教育、創業和藝術創作中。

For many singles, they live meaningful lives.

對於許多單身人士來說，他們的生活很有意義。

Singles give more time, they're more likely to care for elderly parents and disabled friends, more so than their non-single counterparts.

單身人士付出的時間更多，他們比非單身人士更有可能照顧年邁的父母和殘疾的朋友。

So what should we tell single people rather than get married?

那麼，我們應該對單身人士說什麼而不是結婚呢？

Let's start by expanding the concept of significant other.

讓我們從擴展重要他人的概念開始。

It originally included family and deep friendships, including family of choice.

它最初包括家庭和深厚的友誼，包括選擇的家庭。

Indeed, science shows that social connections broadly predict life satisfaction.

事實上，科學表明，社會關係廣泛地預示著生活的滿意度。

I've never put a ring on a finger, but I have significant others.

我從沒給別人戴過戒指，但我有重要的人。

They are my brothers and sisters in the solo community around the world.

他們是我在世界各地獨奏界的兄弟姐妹。

There's my brother from another mother, Darwin, who's taught me more about unconditional love than any lover has.

還有我的異母弟弟達爾文，他教會我的無條件的愛比任何情人都多。

And here tonight is my soul sister, Julie, who was at my bachelor party 20 years ago.

今晚在這裡的是我的知心姐姐，朱莉，20年前她參加過我的單身派對。

Next, let's advocate for policies that support a family of one.

接下來，讓我們倡導支持一個家庭的政策。

Sweden's social safety net is given to all citizens individually.

瑞典的社會安全網面向所有公民個人。

Universal health care, free or low-cost education, affordable child care and elder care, no spouse required.

全民醫療保健、免費或低價教育、負擔得起的兒童保育和老年人護理，無需配偶。

And lastly, let's elevate single living to be on par with married living.

最後，讓我們把單身生活提升到與已婚生活同等的地位。

Not better, not worse, just a different path filled with opportunities to live remarkably.

不是更好，也不是更壞，只是一條不同的道路，充滿了讓自己活得出彩的機會。

I always thought that there was something wrong with me for not wanting to get married.

我一直認為，我不想結婚是有問題的。

The prospect of it felt like I would be wearing an ill-fitting suit, or worse, a straight jacket.

一想到這一點，我就像穿上了一件不合身的西裝，或者更糟糕的是，穿上了一件緊身夾克。

But putting a ring on it is not going to solve my problems.

但戴上戒指並不能解決我的問題。

And as I was nursing a broken heart after one of my near misses, it hit me.

在一次險些失手後，當我正在護理一顆破碎的心時，我突然想到了這一點。

I have a wide and deep connected group of friends.

I feel wholehearted, and I hope you do, too.

我感到全心全意，希望你們也能如此。

In the end, there is no one remarkable life.

歸根結底，沒有一種生活是卓越的。

And no amount of pearl-clutching or calls to get married are going to drag us back to the good old days, which, to be honest, weren't that good to begin with.

再多的嘮叨和結婚的呼聲也無法讓我們回到過去的美好時光，老實說，過去的美好時光本來就不美好。

Someday, single living and married living will stand side by side, equal.

總有一天，單身生活和已婚生活將平等地並肩而立。

In the meantime, the solo movement has a big tent.

同時，獨奏運動也有一個大帳篷。

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別再勸單身人士結婚 | Peter McGraw | TED (Stop Telling Single People to Get Married | Peter McGraw | TED)

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subtle

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