Name: Monique Marvez | 男人的三大超能力 | HA 喜劇節 (Monique Marvez | Men's Three Superpowers | HA Comedy Festival)
Uploaded: 2025-09-06T10:39:52.000Z
Duration: 7 min 53 s

to 不定詞

老拉美人都是好拉美人，對嗎？

I know I look like a middle-aged white woman with good credit, but I am 100% Latina from Miami, the capital of Cuba.

我知道我看起來像個信用良好的中年白人婦女，但我是來自古巴首都邁阿密的百分百拉丁裔。

And if anybody needs some help walking to their car, I'm your chick.

如果有人需要我幫他走到車上，我就是你的小妞。

Years ago, I did an event with Ricky Martin.

幾年前，我曾與瑞奇-馬丁合作過一次活動。

My mother was like, Mija, did you know back then?

我媽媽說，米佳，你當時知道嗎？

I mean, they pronounce it Menudo, but come on.

我是說，他們的發音是 "Menudo"，但得了吧。

I'm going to give you advice, because I've been married and divorced three times, and those who can't do, teach, okay?

我要給你建議，因為我結過三次婚，離過三次婚，不會做的人就教教他，好嗎？

Now, I want you to, first of all, memorize this face, because this is the face of pure joy, because I have figured some stuff out, okay?

現在，我希望你們，首先，記住這張臉，因為這是一張純粹喜悅的臉，因為我想明白了一些事情，好嗎？

They have superpowers, and we're going to steal them, master them, and use them against them.

他們有超能力，我們要竊取他們的超能力，掌握它們，並用它們來對付他們。

The first superpower that men have, okay, that are very hard for women, almost impossible, the thing that men can do is that they can genuinely not care.

男人擁有的第一種超能力，好吧，對女人來說非常困難，幾乎是不可能的，男人可以做到的事情就是他們可以真正地不在乎。

When you ask a man, how do you want me to decorate the house, you know what the man wants to say?

當你問一個男人 "你想讓我怎麼裝飾房子 "時，你知道他想說什麼嗎？

How about you quit moving shit around and spending money?

你能不能不要到處搬東西和花錢？

Who's this company we live our lives for that we're always preparing, these invisible terrorists, and as long as we're talking, stay out of my underwear drawer.

我們的生活是為了誰，我們一直在準備著，這些隱形的恐怖分子，只要我們還在說話，就別再靠近我的內衣抽屜。

It takes me a long time to get them that way.

我花了很長時間才把它們弄成這樣。

反正你想做什麼就做什麼，女人。

In fact, I'm going to clue you in, ladies.

事實上，我要告訴你們，女士們。

Because when you ask a man a question, when you ask him a question, you know what?

因為當你問一個人問題時，當你問他問題時，你知道嗎？

He's not even thinking of the answer to that question.

他根本沒想過這個問題的答案。

What can I say that will shut this shit down?

我該怎麼說才能讓這一切停止呢？

That's why we have problems in the workplace.

這就是我們在工作場所出現問題的原因。

Because there's always one woman who cares the most.

And you go home and you stamp your little foot and you look at your husband and you go, You won't believe what's going on at work.

回到家，你跺著小腳，看著你的丈夫說："你不會相信工作上發生了什麼。

Why are we talking about these lumpy bitches?

我們為什麼要談論這些疙疙瘩瘩的母狗？

Now I know one thing about men and that's that you guys like sex and you want more of it.

現在我知道了男人的一個特點，那就是你們喜歡性，而且想要更多。

We wish there was a pill that made women horny.

我們希望有一種藥丸能讓女人慾火焚身。

Well if there was a pill that made women horny, men would have to take the pill.

如果有一種藥丸能讓女人慾火焚身，那麼男人就得吃這種藥丸。

You would have to take it 20 minutes before your wife gets home from work.

你必須在妻子下班回家前 20 分鐘服用。

And she would come home and she'd say, you won't believe what's going on at work.

她回家後會說，你不會相信工作上發生了什麼。

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Monique Marvez | 男人的三大超能力 | HA 喜劇節 (Monique Marvez | Men's Three Superpowers | HA Comedy Festival)

pretend

genuinely

engage

wrap