Name: 如何不再成為期望的犧牲品 | 6 個實用步驟 | Linda Raynier (How to stop being a victim to your expectations | 6 practical steps | Linda Raynier)
Uploaded: 2025-07-18T18:19:24.000Z
Duration: 11 min 46 s

Hey there, it's Linda Rayner and welcome back to my channel.

大家好，我是琳達-雷納，歡迎回到我的頻道。

過去簡單式

So recently I came across an article on Forbes and it was titled Overcoming the Challenges of Being a Working Mom.

最近，我在《福布斯》上看到一篇文章，標題是《克服職場媽媽的挑戰》。

動名詞

And I thought this is super relevant because I'm doing this series dedicated to working moms, working moms who are trying to balance it all, having kids while also being super ambitious and career driven.

我覺得這非常有意義，因為我正在做的這個系列是專門為職場媽媽們準備的，這些職場媽媽們在努力平衡這一切，生兒育女的同時，還具有超強的野心和事業心。

So today I'm going to dive into this topic a little bit more and really explain to you what an expectation is and the impact that it can have on you and how to transmute it and turn it into something that is more positive, more free flowing, more in line with who you are.

是以，今天我將深入探討這個話題，向你解釋什麼是期望，期望會對你產生什麼影響，以及如何轉化期望，把它變成更積極、更自由、更符合你自己的東西。

And I'm actually going to share with you several practical steps on what you can do to start to switch your expectations to something that is more aligned with you.

事實上，我將與你分享幾個實用的步驟，告訴你如何開始轉換你的期望，使之與你更加一致。

Time after time that I speak to working moms and even being myself a working mom, I know exactly what it feels like to feel that mom guilt.

我一次又一次地與職場媽媽們交談，甚至我自己也是一位職場媽媽，我很清楚那種對母親的愧疚感是什麼感覺。

You're doing one thing, but your mind is focused on something else because you feel guilty that you're not doing that something else, even though the thing that you're doing is really important.

你在做一件事，但你的注意力卻集中在其他事情上，因為你為沒有做其他事情而感到內疚，儘管你正在做的事情真的很重要。

So for example, you're spending a lot of time working on a project for your job and at the same time you feel guilty because you're not using that time to spend with your children.

例如，你花了很多時間在工作項目上，同時又因為沒有利用這些時間陪伴孩子而感到內疚。

And so when you're, when you are spending time with your children, though, you're not being present because your mind is focused on what you have to do next based off of your to do list.

是以，當你和孩子們在一起的時候，你並不在場，因為你的心思都在你的待辦事項清單上接下來要做的事情上。

And so you feel guilty while you're spending time with your kids, even though you're spending time with them because you're not present.

是以，當你和孩子們在一起時，你會感到內疚，即使你和孩子們在一起是因為你不在場。

是以，在精力上，內疚感永遠不會結束。

We create expectations for ourselves because at the root of it all, we are trying to prove something to ourselves or to others.

我們之所以對自己抱有期望，根本原因在於我們想向自己或他人證明什麼。

我們正在努力證明自己的價值。

我們正在努力證明我們的價值。

Because if we say to ourselves, I have high expectations, I have high standards for how I want things to be done in my house, in my home, and in my work with my children, the way that I parent, I have very high expectations.

因為如果我們對自己說，我對自己有很高的期望，我對自己的房子、家庭、與孩子的相處、為人父母的方式有很高的標準，我對自己有很高的期望。

And you hold yourself to those high expectations.

What is, what it is that you're doing is that you've basically created a very rigid and strict box within which you're living.

你現在所做的是，你基本上創造了一個非常僵化和嚴格的生活框框。

I have to look like I have it all together.

我必須讓自己看起來一切都很好。

I have to look like I'm always happy and I have to look like I'm always positive.

我必須看起來總是很開心，我必須看起來總是很積極。

And so I hold myself to these expectations where I don't allow myself to express negative emotion.

是以，我對自己抱有期望，不允許自己表達負面情緒。

I don't allow myself to feel what I'm feeling.

我不允許自己去感受我的感受。

I strictly live by the standards that society has set on me and what I have set on myself based on what I've learned and seen and observed around me.

我嚴格遵守社會為我設定的標準，以及我根據所學、所見、所觀察到的周圍事物為自己設定的標準。

So my entire life is based off of me living through the eyes of others.

是以，我的整個生活都是通過別人的眼睛來觀察的。

And so when you think of it like that, you have to ask yourself, do I want to continue to live this way?

是以，當你這樣想的時候，你必須問自己，我還想繼續這樣生活嗎？

Do I want to continue to box myself in and live from a very limited place?

我想繼續把自己封閉起來，在一個非常有限的地方生活嗎？

那麼，我們該如何擺脫困境呢？

I'm going to share with you six practical steps on how you can go from someone who has very rigid, strict expectations for yourself to then someone who can live your life with more peace, more ease, more freedom.

我將與你分享六個切實可行的步驟，告訴你如何從一個對自己抱有非常刻板、嚴格期望的人，轉變為一個能讓自己的生活更平靜、更輕鬆、更自由的人。

Not saying it's going to remove all the problems in your life, but it's going to loosen things up, massage things up quite a bit for you that you're not going to feel as much pressure and overwhelm.

這並不是說它會消除你生活中的所有問題，但它會讓你的生活鬆弛下來，為你的生活按摩一番，讓你不再感到那麼大的壓力和不堪重負。

Step number one, become aware of the expectations by writing them down.

第一步，通過寫下來，意識到自己的期望。

You know, if you know me, you know that I am a huge advocate of journaling and I truly believe that journaling is a meditative practice in itself.

如果你瞭解我，你就會知道我是日記的忠實擁護者，我真的相信寫日記本身就是一種冥想練習。

Before I even talk about the journal, actually, take time for yourself to be with yourself, to connect with yourself.

其實，在我談日記之前，先花點時間和自己在一起，與自己溝通。

Take that time today after watching this video.

今天看完這段視頻後，請花點時間。

Step two, go into a quiet centered space within yourself and ask yourself, what are the expectations that I've created for myself?

第二步，進入一個安靜的、以自己為中心的空間，問問自己，我對自己的期望是什麼？

They might be something as simple as I expect to make home cooked meals for my family every single night.

它們可能很簡單，比如我希望每晚都能為家人做家常菜。

I have to tell you in this modern day and age, with the time constraints, with busy work schedules, everybody's schedules, it might not always work out that you can make a home cooked meal.

我必須告訴你，在當今這個時代，時間緊迫，工作繁忙，每個人的日程安排都很緊張，你不一定能做一頓家常菜。

Now there, I'm sure moms out there that can make a home cooked meal each and every day and there's no issues for them because that is in line with what makes them feel truly fulfilled and happy.

現在，我相信有的媽媽每天都能做一頓家常菜，這對她們來說沒有任何問題，因為這才是讓她們真正感到充實和幸福的事情。

But if it's bringing you stress, if it's bringing you anxiety, if it's bringing tension into your everyday energy, then that needs to be looked at a little bit more closely.

但是，如果它給你帶來壓力，如果它給你帶來焦慮，如果它給你的日常能量帶來緊張，那就需要仔細研究一下了。

So what are the expectations that you hold onto?

Step number three, ask yourself, what feelings am I trying to achieve by meeting these expectations?

第三步，問問自己，通過滿足這些期望，我想獲得什麼樣的感受？

Am I trying to feel as though I'm a good mom, as though I'm worthy?

我是不是想讓自己覺得自己是個好媽媽，覺得自己有價值？

Am I trying to achieve a feeling of self worth?

我是在努力實現自我價值感嗎？

I'm nothing if I don't make a home cooked meal for my children.

如果不給孩子們做一頓家常飯，我就什麼都不是。

That's the opposite of what it feels like to be going towards a goal that's open ended, that's intentional, but fluid and free.

這與朝著一個開放的、有意的、流動的、自由的目標前進的感覺恰恰相反。

You're putting this strict law on yourself that it has to be this way and if it's not, then this is what it means about me.

你給自己制定了一條嚴格的法律，要求自己必須這樣，如果不是這樣，那就說明我是這樣的人。

You're tying your self worth to these expectations.

你把自我價值與這些期望聯繫在一起。

那麼，再問自己一次，為什麼？

What am I trying to gain by having these expectations?

Step four, deeply forgive your adult self.

第四步，深深原諒成年的自己。

What I mean by that is you want to start through the process of unraveling and start to understand how you got to be where you are today, where you've developed these really strict boundaries and expectations for yourself.

我的意思是，你想通過這個過程，開始瞭解你是如何走到今天這一步的，你是如何為自己制定了這些非常嚴格的界限和期望的。

I'm not talking about boundaries with other people.

I'm talking about boundaries in the way that you're living.

I can only live my life according to the lines in this box.

我只能按照這個盒子裡的線條生活。

Start to understand that, that that's partially what you're doing and start to forgive yourself.

開始理解這一點，理解你的部分行為，並開始原諒自己。

Start to go deeper within yourself and understand the intention that you had behind all these expectations.

開始深入自己的內心，瞭解所有這些期望背後的初衷。

Ask yourself, do I need to hold on to this particular expectation or can I shift it to something else?

問問自己，我是否需要堅持這種特定的期望，還是可以將其轉移到其他方面？

Step five, switch the energy of these expectations to the energy of goals and intentions.

第五步，將這些期望的能量轉換為目標和意圖的能量。

You intend for something to happen, but if it doesn't happen, so be it.

你希望某件事情發生，但如果它沒有發生，那就隨它去吧。

It was your intention, but if it doesn't happen that way, you're not going to value yourself according to the result.

這是你的初衷，但如果事情並非如此，你就不會根據結果來評價自己。

It's just like when you're applying for a job, you might apply to five different jobs and if you intend, your intention is to get a good job offer, you'll likely get a good job offer eventually at some point in time if you do all the right steps.

這就像你在申請工作時，你可能會申請五份不同的工作，如果你的初衷是想獲得一份好工作，那麼只要你做對了所有的步驟，你最終很可能會在某個時間點獲得一份好工作。

If your expectation, however, is to get one particular job out of the group of five with a specific company in a specific role with a specific team, that's the expectation.

然而，如果你的期望是在五人小組中找到一份特定的工作，在特定的公司、特定的團隊中擔任特定的角色，這就是你的期望。

You can only set it as a goal, but if it doesn't happen, it has nothing to do with you and your self worth.

你只能把它作為一個目標，但如果它沒有實現，就與你和你的自我價值無關。

I know there are a lot of steps here, but you're going to take the time and you're going to do this.

我知道這裡有很多步驟，但你要花時間去做。

I mean, I don't want to say it's lifelong, but it's going to be an ongoing process of unraveling your expectations.

我的意思是，我不想說這是終生的，但這將是一個不斷打破你的期望的過程。

Step six, write down the positives of the day at the end of the day.

第六步，在一天結束時寫下一天中的積極因素。

So before you go to bed, grab your journal and write down, what are the things that I was able to do today?

所以，在睡覺前，拿起日記本，寫下 "我今天做了哪些事情？

What were the goals that I had or that I intended to be able to accomplish that I was actually able to do?

我有哪些目標，或者我打算實現哪些目標，而我實際上能夠做到嗎？

Write those down, both personal and professional.

把這些寫下來，包括個人的和專業的。

You led a group meeting at work, a team meeting at work, check.

你在工作中上司小組會議，在工作中上司團隊會議，檢查。

You were able to prepare your kids' lunches, check.

你能為孩子們準備午餐，對了。

Things that you were able to achieve in that day, because you need to feed yourself with that positive energy.

因為你需要用這種正能量來養活自己。

You need to feed yourself with recognition and acknowledgement.

你需要用認可和肯定來餵養自己。

A lot of the time we have the expectations that we set on ourselves because we're actually looking for acknowledgement from others that we're able to achieve that expectation.

很多時候，我們之所以對自己抱有這樣的期望，實際上是希望得到他人的認可，證明我們能夠實現這一期望。

And then finally, step seven is to rinse and repeat this process over and over and over again.

最後，第七步是沖洗，一遍又一遍地重複這個過程。

So follow all the steps that I just described each and every time you find yourself caught up in the overwhelm, the tension, the exhaustion, the anxiety of trying to just go through your everyday life.

所以，每當你發現自己陷入不知所措、緊張、疲憊、焦慮的日常生活中時，請按照我剛才描述的所有步驟去做。

You have to reevaluate what am I expecting from myself that is causing so much pressure and tension.

你必須重新評估我對自己的期望是什麼，是什麼造成了這麼大的壓力和緊張。

I really hope that this was helpful for you.

And in return for sharing all of these practical steps, I would love to hear from you in the comments down below.

作為分享所有這些實用步驟的回報，我很樂意在下面的評論中聽到您的意見。

What expectations do you currently set on yourself right now?

And what are you struggling with when it comes to your expectations?

當談到你的期望時，你在為什麼而掙扎？

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如何不再成為期望的犧牲品 | 6 個實用步驟 | Linda Raynier (How to stop being a victim to your expectations | 6 practical steps | Linda Raynier)

anxiety

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struggle

process