I'll tell you something that happened to me.

我告訴你一件發生在我身上的事。

A friend of mine was going through a really rough patch in her life.

我的一位朋友正經歷著人生中最艱難的時刻。

Her marriage was struggling, her career was struggling, she was unhappy.

她的婚姻舉步維艱，她的事業舉步維艱，她很不快樂。

Like just none of the boxes were getting checked.

就像所有的選項都沒有被選中一樣。

And she knows what I do, I mean we've been friends for forever.

她知道我做什麼，我們是老朋友了。

And she asked a favor, can you help me?

她想請你幫個忙，你能幫我嗎？

You know, of course, of course, I said.

你知道，當然，當然，我說。

And every week we had a standing 90 minute meeting.

每週，我們都要舉行 90 分鐘的例會。

Where she'd come over and she would tell me what's going on.

她會過來告訴我發生了什麼。

And I would give her some advice and I'd point out some patterns.

我會給她一些建議，指出一些模式。

And she'd feel fantastic, she would leave on a high and she'd feel amazing for like two days.

她會感覺棒極了，她會興高采烈地離開，她會有兩天的時間感覺棒極了。

And then it would go right back again, and she'd come back the following week.

然後又會回去，下週她又會回來。

And this went on for months, two days, three days, and then back down again.

這種情況持續了幾個月，兩天，三天，然後又下降。

And then it occurred to me, like I remember my own work, in leaders eat last.

然後我突然想到，就像我記得自己的作品一樣，在上司吃最後一餐的時候。

I talk about Alcoholics Anonymous, where they have 12 steps to help an alcoholic beat this disease.

我談到了匿名嗜酒者協會，他們有 12 個步驟來幫助酗酒者戰勝這種疾病。

Alcoholics Anonymous knows that if you master 11 of the 12 steps, you're you're going to probably slide back and succumb to the disease.

匿名戒酒協會知道，如果你掌握了 12 個步驟中的 11 個步驟，你很可能會倒退並屈服於疾病。

The 12th step is to help another alcoholic.

第 12 步是幫助另一個酗酒者。

It's service.

是服務。

And so I remembered my own work and I decided to do a little, I decided to change things up, right?

於是我想起了自己的作品，決定做一點改變，對吧？

And so I said to her, look, I love that you come and see me every week and I love helping you every week, but you know, I struggle with things too, and I don't have anybody to talk to.

於是我對她說，聽著，我很高興你每週都來看我，我也很高興每週都能幫助你，但你知道，我也在為一些事情掙扎，我沒有人可以傾訴。

Would you be willing to help me?

你願意幫我嗎？

Maybe we can split the time.

也許我們可以把時間分開。

And she said, of course, yes.

她說，當然可以。

And what started to happen is, every week we got together, and I would and was genuine, I wasn't faking it, like I would unload and tell her what I was going through and what I was struggling with.

開始發生的事情是，我們每週都會聚在一起，我會很真誠，我沒有裝腔作勢，就像我會卸下包袱，告訴她我所經歷的一切，我所掙扎的一切。

And it ended up that we wouldn't split the time, it ended up that she would, we'd spend 90 minutes talking about my stuff, right?

最後我們沒有分出時間，而是她會 我們花90分鐘討論我的東西，對嗎？

And she was the advice giver, and she was the one looking for the patterns.

她是建議的提供者，也是尋找模式的人。

And she would leave on a high, and that high would stay until the following week.

她會興高采烈地離開，這種興高采烈會一直持續到下一週。

It was only when we reversed the scenario, where that she was had the opportunity to take care of someone she loved, that she was able to find the solutions to her own challenges.

只有當我們顛倒情景，讓她有機會照顧她所愛的人時，她才能找到解決自己所面臨挑戰的辦法。

And I'm a great believer that that we have to remember we're social animals, we need each other.

我堅信，我們必須記住，我們是社會動物，我們需要彼此。

And this is the great paradox of being human.

這就是人類最大的悖論。

At every moment of every day, we are both individuals and members of groups.

每時每刻，我們既是個人，也是團體的成員。

And you know, folks like Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

比如馬斯洛，馬斯洛的需求層次理論。

Maslow made him a huge mistake in that hierarchy.

馬斯洛在這一層次結構中犯了一個巨大的錯誤。

Which is his his baseline, our basic need is food and shelter, right?

這是他的底線，我們的基本需求是食物和住所，對嗎？

I've never heard of anyone dying by suicide because they were hungry.

我從未聽說過有人因為飢餓而自殺身亡。

I've heard of people dying by suicide because they were lonely.

我聽說過有人因為孤獨而自殺身亡。

Right, and yet social relationships in in Miles Love's hierarchy is number three.

沒錯，但在邁爾斯-洛夫的層次理論中，社會關係排在第三位。

But that can't, that doesn't sound right.

但這不可能，這聽起來不對。

It seems like there's something more important to human beings than just food and shelter.

對人類來說，除了食物和住所，似乎還有更重要的東西。

And then the top of the peak is self actualization, which sounds the most selfish thing in the world.

然後頂峰是自我實現，這聽起來是世界上最自私的事情。

Like, I am so self actualized that I would literally sit on top of a pyramid and look down at all of you unactualized people.

就像，我是如此的自我實現，以至於我真的願意坐在金字塔頂上，俯視你們這些未實現的人。

Because that's my goal, to be self actualized.

因為這就是我的目標，實現自我。

He's half right.

他說對了一半。

The mistake that Maslow made, he's the only thought of us as individuals.

馬斯洛犯的錯誤是，他只把我們當成個體。

And as individuals, yes, I need food and shelter first.

作為個人，是的，我首先需要食物和住所。

But as a member of a group, I need friends, and I need love.

但作為團體的一員，我需要朋友，需要愛。

And self actualization is not the thing I'm actually in pursuit of as a member of a group, it's shared actualization that I'm looking for.

而自我實現並不是我作為團體成員的真正追求，我追求的是共同的實現。

And unfortunately, for various reasons, which we don't have to go down that rabbit hole, the past 30, 40 years, especially in the West.

不幸的是，由於種種原因，我們不必再去鑽牛角尖，在過去的三四十年裡，尤其是在西方。

We have doubled down on individualism.

我們加倍奉行個人主義。

We have doubled down on my own career, we've doubled down on how do I find love?

我們加倍努力於我自己的事業，我們加倍努力於我如何找到愛情？

How do I find happiness?

我怎樣才能找到幸福？

We've doubled down on selfishness.

我們加倍地自私自利。

And it worked for a while, it worked when the economy was really good.

在經濟形勢好的時候，這招還管用過一段時間。

Like in the 80s and 90s and 2000s, it's awesome, selfishness was great because it worked.

就像在上世紀 80 年代、90 年代和 2000 年代一樣，自私自利很了不起，因為它行得通。

But now, in a complicated, messy world, where the economy isn't great, and everything's not roses.

但現在，在這個複雜、混亂的世界裡，經濟並不景氣，一切都不是那麼美好。

All that self interest is now not working.

所有的自我利益現在都不起作用了。

Except we haven't been practicing and developing the skills of taking care of each other.

只是我們沒有練習和培養互相照顧的技能。

And that's what we need now more than ever.

而這正是我們現在比以往任何時候都更需要的。