Name: 當他比你健壯時？埃琳娜-加布裡埃爾 (When he's way fitter than you ??? Elena Gabrielle)
Uploaded: 2025-03-27T13:18:20.000Z
Duration: 14 min 53 s

現在進行式

So I'm trying at this gym, but when I go to the gym like I'm all about minimal effort, right?

所以我在這個健身房很努力，但當我去健身房的時候，就像我只想做最小的努力，對嗎？

情態助動詞 A2

Like the least amount of effort I can do just so that I can go to brunch with my friends in my active wear and say I went to the gym this morning.

就像我能做的最少的努力，只是為了能穿著運動裝和朋友們去吃早午餐，並說我今天早上去了健身房。

So I'm on all the machines where you sit down because you can still be on Instagram at the same time.

所以我在所有的機器上都能坐下來，因為你還能同時上 Instagram。

So I'm there and I'm like trying to do stuff.

所以我在那裡，就像在嘗試做一些事情。

Like I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

就像我不知道自己在做什麼一樣。

And then I feel this presence behind me, right?

然後我就感覺到身後有一個人，對嗎？

And there's like super jacked dude, like, you know, you know that guy at the gym with no neck?

還有一個超級大塊頭，就像你知道的 健身房裡那個沒脖子的傢伙？

是啊，大力水手，你認識他，對吧？

And he was so jacked and he came up behind me, right?

然後他就從我身後走過來，對吧？

And then he just taps me on the shoulder like He's like, hey You're doing it wrong Because I was also pre-menstrual and I was ready for a fight, right?

然後他就拍拍我的肩膀，好像在說，嘿，你這樣做是不對的，因為我當時也是月經前期，我已經準備好戰鬥了，對嗎？

Because I was gonna turn around to this guy and lecture him on the patriarchy, the Me Too movement, and how hard it is to be a woman in 2019.

因為我本打算轉過身去，對這傢伙大談父權制、"我也是 "運動，以及在 2019 年做女人有多難。

Like I was gonna go to town and I turn around and he was fucking massive.

就像我要去鎮上，一轉身，他就他媽變成了大塊頭。

But as I'm going up and I'm like looking at his biceps that are as big as my head and then I look into his eyes.

但當我站起來，看著他那和我腦袋一樣大的肱二頭肌時，我看著他的眼睛。

And I'm thinking like, yeah, I could lecture this guy on feminism, the patriarchy, Me Too movement, but I was horny.

我在想，是啊，我可以給這傢伙講講女權主義、父權制、"我也是 "運動，但我當時很飢渴。

So instead, I just looked up at him and said He was like, oh, and I was like, oh my god, we're gonna have great sex.

所以我就抬頭看著他說，他就像這樣，哦，我就像這樣，哦，我的上帝，我們會有很棒的性愛。

And now in my life, like that's all I want.

現在，在我的生活中，好像這就是我想要的一切。

我想要火熱、激情的性愛，對嗎？

I just want, you know the kind of sex where you have to change the sheets the next day?

我只想要，你知道那種第二天還得換床單的性愛？

The kind of sex where you question whether or not your arsehole and vagina are now connected as one.

在這種性愛中，你會懷疑自己的屁眼和陰道是否已經連為一體。

You know the sex that you think about three days later in a work meeting and your pussy's like Just riding that moist wave at work all day.

你知道三天後你在工作會議上想到的性愛，你的下體就像整天都在工作中徜徉在溼潤的浪潮中。

Your boss is like, we've got a flow chart.

你的老闆會說，我們有一個流程圖。

He's like, squitch, squitch, squitch, squitch all day.

他整天都在 "唧唧"、"唧唧"、"唧唧"、"唧唧"。

我和大力水手一起感受到了這一點。

I'm like, this is gonna be animalistic, like Neanderthal, Popeye.

我就想，這一定會很獸性，就像尼安德特人，大力水手。

So then we go out for dinner that night and we're sitting there.

那天晚上我們出去吃飯，就坐在那裡。

He orders poached chicken and poached broccoli, and I'm trying to eat all of the carbs.

他點了水煮雞肉和水煮西蘭花，而我想吃掉所有的碳水化合物。

And then he says to me, he goes, hey, um, I need to tell you something.

然後他對我說，嘿，我要告訴你一件事。

But also I was intrigued, so I asked him, uh, why are you dumb?

但我也很好奇，就問他，呃，你為什麼是啞巴？

He's like, you know, like when I started training, I like stopped eating carbs and you need carbs for brain development, but look at my muscles!

他說，我開始訓練時就不吃碳水化合物了，大腦發育需要碳水化合物，但看看我的肌肉！

So the date was really, it was really dry, and I'm not, and I'm thinking like, I really want to have sex with this guy.

所以這次約會真的很枯燥，我沒有，我在想，我真的很想和這個人做愛。

And then my jet lag started to kick in and I was like, oh, this is not gonna happen.

然後時差開始影響我，我就想，哦，這是不可能的。

And I was thinking like, maybe, maybe I'll just have like a couple of glasses of wine.

我在想，也許，也許我就喝幾杯酒。

Just a couple of glasses of wine, a couple of glasses, and that will help stave off the jet lag, but also help bring my IQ level down to his, right?

只要幾杯酒，幾杯酒，就能幫我擺脫時差的困擾，還能讓我的智商降到他的水準，不是嗎？

Because alcohol kills brain cells, Norway.

因為酒精會殺死腦細胞，挪威。

But the thing that you've got to realise about me at this point in my life is that I'd been nearly two years sober.

但你必須意識到，在我人生的這個階段，我已經戒酒近兩年了。

And normally that gets a round of applause, but here in Norway, you're like, what the fuck is wrong with me?

這通常會得到熱烈的掌聲，但在挪威，你會想，我他媽是怎麼了？

Without alcohol, you wouldn't have a population, okay?

沒有酒精，就沒有人口，明白嗎？

So I'm there, I order two glasses of wine, and I'm about to sip this glass of wine, and I haven't had alcohol in nearly two years.

於是，我在那裡點了兩杯酒，正要啜飲這杯酒，而我已經近兩年沒有喝酒了。

Now, I don't know if anyone here has been without alcohol for...

現在，我不知道在座的各位是否已經有一段時間沒有喝酒了...

Just remember when you were nine, and you took your first sip of alcohol.

還記得你九歲那年喝下第一口酒的情景嗎？

So I go to take this sip, and I'm like...

I was like, what is, what is that magical feeling?

我當時想，那種神奇的感覺是什麼？

And then this thing started to rise within me, and I was like, what?

然後，我的內心開始升騰起一種東西，我就想，什麼？

And then it moved straight down south, and my pussy was like, I'm ready!

然後它直接向南移動，我的下體就像，我準備好了！

因為我的陰道就是奧普拉，而且...

我和大力水手在一起的時候就有這種感覺。

So then he invites me back to his place, but he does it in the weirdest way possible.

然後他邀請我回他家，但他的方式很奇怪。

He goes, hey, you want to come back to my place for some protein shakes?

他說："嘿，你想去我家喝蛋白奶昔嗎？

And I'm thinking, like, oh, definitely euphemism, probably organic, right?

我在想，哦，肯定是委婉語，可能是有機語，對吧？

So we go back to his place, and then as he starts making protein shakes, I'm like, oh, yeah, he's dumb, that's right, and he starts making these protein shakes, and they didn't, like, they looked, like, they weren't like a nice chocolate brown.

於是我們回到他家，當他開始做蛋白奶昔時，我就想，哦，是啊，他是個啞巴，沒錯，他開始做這些蛋白奶昔，它們看起來不像，不像，不像漂亮的巧克力色。

And because he's an Instagram influencer, he had a line of protein shakes that he was trying, and so I'm there, and I'm trying to do that thing, like, mmm, yummy!

因為他是 Instagram 的影響者，所以他在嘗試一系列的蛋白質奶昔，所以我就在那裡，我試著做那件事，就像，嗯，好吃！

He's like, hey, I'm just gonna go have a quick shower, you know, make yourself at home.

他就說，嘿，我去洗個澡，你就當在自己家一樣。

My laptop's open over there, Spotify's open, put some music on, and I'll be out in a sec.

我的筆記本電腦在那邊打開著，Spotify 也打開著，放點音樂，我馬上就出去。

So he goes into the shower, and I'm like, fuck.

所以他去洗澡，我想，他媽的。

Now I have to choose music for sexy time.

現在，我必須為性感時間選擇音樂。

It's almost the same level of stress as when I'm in the supermarket here, and I have to pack my bags before the next dickhead comes along.

這種壓力和我在超市裡的壓力差不多，我必須在下一個蠢貨出現之前收拾好行李。

And, because you don't want to fuck it up.

You don't want to put on a play mix, and as you're coming, let it go, let it go, comes on.

你不會想在播放混音時，突然出現 "算了吧，算了吧"。

Why I'm listening to Frozen is my business, okay?

我為什麼要聽《冰雪奇緣》是我自己的事，好嗎？

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當他比你健壯時？埃琳娜-加布裡埃爾 (When he's way fitter than you ??? Elena Gabrielle)

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