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-[ Babbling ]
-[ Scat singing ]
-Alright. -[ Scat singing ]
-Alright, uh. Alright. Now, you wanna do one?
-Yes. -Go.
-♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
-♪ Ba ah ah ah ah oh ♪ -♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
Frannie, stop!
I don't like that one! -♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
-Frannie! -♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
-Frannie, stop! -[ Laughing ]
[ Laughter ]
-It's been -- It's been -- I know. It's great.
But, you guys, we've been quarantined for how long, now?
I need a haircut.
-♪ Da, da, da, da ♪ -I need a haircut.
I'm gonna get one this weekend.
-Frannie, stop!
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
-Frannie, stop!
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, let's start the show. [ Crickets chirping ]
Let's start the show. Crickets.
Let's start the show. -Okay.
-♪ We in the house ♪
♪ Come on! ♪
-Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests...
♪♪
...Dwayne Johnson...
♪♪
...Daveed Diggs;
musical guests The Head and the Heart;
and the legendary Roots crew.
It's "The Tonight Show At Home Edition."
-♪ We in the house, y'all ♪
-And, now, here's Jimmy.
-Welcome to the "Tonight Show At Home Edition," everybody.
Let's get to some news.
Happy Friday.
Guys, New York's stay-at-home order
was scheduled to end today,
but Governor Cuomo just extended it until June 13th.
For New Yorkers, it felt like
when a Zoom meeting is about to end
and then, someone asks a question.
"Oh, well, I --"
[ Whispering ] We're almost --
We're almost there.
That's right, New York's stay-at-home order
has been extended until June 13th.
Asked why June 13th, Cuomo said,
"'Cause there's no way we could stop crowds
from celebrating Flag Day on June 14th."
Mayor de Blasio said that New York City beaches
are just not ready to open.
But, if you wanna experience New York City beaches,
just throw your towel over some shattered beer bottles
and old cigarette butts
and then, let a bunch of pigeons
come over and eat your food.
I read that McCarran Airport in Las Vegas
now has vending machines with face masks
and hand sanitizer and other PPE products.
It'll be just like those Best Buy vending machines,
except people will use these.
[ New York accent ] Uh, honey, before we get on the flight,
do you have any monster cables to go in the HDMI port?
What?! Honey, g-give me
6,000 quarters.
Some TV news -- CBS announced
that they are airing a "Grease" sing-along in June.
You can tell TV networks are desperate for content
'cause, right after that,
CBS is airing a "Grease 2" sing-along.
I've never seen "Grease 2."
-No way.
-Never seen it.
-It's not "Grease" one.
-Nope. I just refuse to --
I just had so much fun with "Grease."
Leave it at that. -Some people love "Grease 2."
-Some people love "Grease 2," yeah, sure.
Some people like "Godfather III."
-True. -Yeah.
-Some do.
-I saw that Disney Theatrical Productions
announced that "Frozen" will not reopen on Broadway
after the pandemic.
That's probably a good call. After months of quarantine,
even kids are like, "Ah, let it go. Let it go."
I loved "Frozen"!
"Hygge"! -Yeah.
-Agh!
So many talented people in that play.
-Mm-hmm.
-Maybe we can get them to do "Hygge."
They were supposed to come on our show.
If you don't know the Broadway version of "Frozen," it's great.
But, there's a song on there called "Hygge"
that's really funny.
So, maybe we can get them to do that for, I don't know.
Anyway, we loved it.
Check this out -- Netflix is making a new movie
starring Mark Wahlberg as a "blue-collar 007."
I'm in.
The movie is one hour of him saving the world
[ Laughs ] and another where he just
smokes behind a home depot.
[ Laughs, snorts ]
That sounds exciting.
[ Boston accent ] Can I have a Samuel Adams?
Don't shake it or stir it!
Swimsuit companies are now coming out with trikinis,
which are two-piece bathing suits
and a matching face mask.
Take a look at this.
Interesting, interesting.
But, if you're a little more modest
and wanna be extra safe, then they have this one-piece.
[ Laughing ] I think that looks --
I think that looks great, and fashionable.
I read that, because of quarantine
and everyone staying home,
pants sales have rapidly declined.
That's right, nobody's buyin' pants.
I think the industry is just getting a little desperate.
Take a look at this commercial I just saw.
-What up, peeps?
You know what the dope new trend is that's straight fire?
That's right, pants!
Pa-pa-pants!
It's a new world, but pants are the OG
and so dope!
-That's totally dope!
-So, say, "Bye, Felicia," to pajamas
and straight-up chillax in all the lit styles,
like jeans. -Yasss!
-Corduroy. -Yolo!
-Chino. -Lit AF.
-And khaki.
-Jake from State Pants!
[ Sad trombone ] -Don't be a noob and buy shorts.
Pants are the GOAT.
-Aaaaaaah!
-Paid for by the National Pants Council.
-I'll buy 'em.
I'm in.
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pants!
Listen to this -- I read that grocery stores
are now facing a temporary mushroom shortage.
When he heard this, Mario was like --
[ As Mario ] This is no good.
Mushrooms are my Viagra.
And, finally, I heard about a woman in England
who closed her flower shop 'cause of the virus,
but moved 12,000 plants inside her house
to keep her business going.
Yep, 12,000 plants.
Or as Seth Rogen calls that,
a weekend.
Ah-ha-ha!
That's our monologue, right there.
It's time for "Thank You Notes," everybody.
[ Funk sting plays ]
Hey, guys, today is Friday.
That's usually when I send in my personal --
[ Laughs quietly ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] Today is Friday.
[ Laughter ]
Today is Friday and that's usually when I send out my --
-[ Blows raspberry ]
[ Laughter ]
-...my thank-you notes.
[ Fart ]
-[ Blows raspberry ]
-Anyway, so, I'm gonna send out
my weekly thank-you notes right now, okay?
Ready? Here we go.
Can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?
-Now? [ Piano plays poignant tune ]
-Yes. ♪♪
Thank you, Shanghai Disneyland,
for reopening this week.
It's a lotta fun, until Pinocchio
stands out front, saying, "It's totally safe in here,"
[ Laughing ] and his nose grows three feet.
Next one. -[ Laughs ]
-Thank you, people who got into the tiny house trend,
for 1,000% regretting that decision right now.
Good.
Go.
Thank you... -[ Babbling ]
-...shortages of meat and eggs,
for explaining McDonald's newest breakfast sandwich --
the McBread.
-Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo.
-[ Laughs ] -The music, please.
-Whoo-hoo!
♪♪ -Ready? -Whoo-hoo!
-Thank you, -[ Laughs ]
-Like this? -Yep. Tim Kaine,
for wearing a bandanna at a hearing
and looking like the leader of a motorcycle gang
called the Hell's Uncles.
-[ Babbling ]
-There are so many chairs here!
-Thank you, Uber buying Grubhub,
for being this week's second-most confusing phrase
for grandparents, after "Quibi, now Roku-compatible."
-[ Babbling ]
[ Laughs ]
-Go. -Ba ba!
Ba ba!
-[ Raising voice ] Thank you, travel books
on my bookshelf, for letting me know
the best tapas restaurant in Portugal
[ Laughing ] in 1997.
-[ Babbling ]
-Thank you, curbside pickup.
-Ready? -Yep.
Go.
Music, please. Can I --
Thank you, curbside pickup ♪♪
and drive-in movie theaters.
Now, all I need is to surf down a dinosaur tail
to re-create the opening of "The Flintstones."
[ Laughs ]
Go. -[ Blowing raspberries ]
Thank you, slow rollout,
for describing both the reopening of businesses
and how I get out of bed
over the course of four hours each day.
Go.
Music, please.
[ Raising voice ] Thank you, self-care,
for sounding much nicer than "Eating Cheetos in the bath."
There you go, everybody. That's our "Thank You Notes."
Thank you very much.
Thank you guys for really helping me out.
Now, it's time to go play now.
Thank you so much.
Hey, guys, we have a great show tonight.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is
[ Clapping ] on the show tonight.
"Titan Games"!
Dwayne Johnson in the house.
We also have Daveed Diggs, who talks
about the new "Hamilton" coming out on Disney+,
plus "Snowpiercer."
He's got a lot to talk about.
And also, music is The Head and the Heart.
Just a talented group.
I love those guys.
Out of Seattle, I believe.
Guys, today we have something to talk about --
walgreens.com/rednoseday.
I wrote this.
I was thinking about maybe faking
like one of the girls drew it, but they just didn't feel --
They drew wish.org for Dwayne
and I said, "Can't you just put some color into it?"
'Cause it was just pencil.
And so -- I don't know if you could see --
Winnie put blue pencil over the other pencil.
It's still pencil.
-It's Friday. -I understand,
but, still, it's like --
Anyways, I drew this --
walgreens.com/rednoseday.
-Looks like Winnie's. -It does, yeah, but I -- well.
[ Laughing ] She learns from the best, you know?
Red Nose Day. You know I love Red Nose Day.
Walgreens is continuing its tradition by,
if you make the purchase, you also get a digital red nose.
So, do that.
If you go to the website, it would help children in need.
It fight poverty in children
and Walgreens said that, the first $100,000 tonight,
they will match $100,000.
If you make a donation, tonight, to Red Nose Day
and get that digital red nose, they will match up to $100,000.
Thank you so much, Walgreens.
I do appreciate that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I noticed, a lot of times,
when people do these interviews on Zoom
and different things for shows,
there's one thing they all have in common
and I think you'll agree with me when you see this next video.
Check it out.
-♪ So, you're goin' on TV ♪
♪ And you wanna look smart ♪
♪ You can stand in front of walls ♪
♪ Or maybe some art ♪
♪ But that is not the vibe ♪
♪ That is not the right look ♪
♪ What you really need behind you ♪
♪ Is a shelf full of books ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Bill Gates ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Anderson Cooper ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Gloria Estefan ♪
♪ Point the camera at your head ♪
♪ But also those books ♪
♪ They make you look intelligent ♪
♪ They make you seem astute ♪
♪ You could be director ♪
♪ Of the Smart Guy Institute ♪
♪ No one is as sharp as you ♪
♪ You run 'em all in circles ♪
♪ You're basically an iTAN ♪
♪ With a dash of Steve Urkel ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Marco Rubio ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Michelle Obama ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Roger Goodell ♪
♪ Don't matter what you say ♪
♪ Just show us those books ♪
♪ So line up all your volumes ♪
♪ On the laws of Korea ♪
♪ When you gotta know something ♪
♪ You choose Wikipedia ♪
♪ These things are for show ♪
♪ You're no biblio lover ♪
♪ In this particular case ♪
♪ We judge a book by its cover ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Madeleine Albright ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Bernie Sanders ♪
♪ Show us your books ♪
♪ Jimmy Fallon ♪
♪ We're gonna make it through this ♪
♪ Just show us those books ♪
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The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Show Us Your Books)

7 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 7 月 3 日
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