I'd like to introduce you to these five chairs

我想給大家介紹一下這五把椅子。

because they are actually the real protagonists of my talk.

因為他們其實才是我演講的真正主角。

what behaviors and attitudes we bring into the world in every moment.

我們每時每刻都把什麼行為和態度帶入這個世界。

and the message is about

而資訊是關於

They have a special message to give to all of us,

他們要給我們大家一個特別的資訊。

Now, to show you what I mean,

現在，讓你看看我的意思。

I have a story to tell you from my personal life.

我有一個我個人生活中的故事要告訴你。

And I was trying to build a stronger relationship

而我正試圖建立一個更強大的關係

with a very important person,

與一個非常重要的人。

the daughter of my partner, 20-year-old daughter.

我伴侶的女兒，20歲的女兒。

To do that, I thought,

要做到這一點，我想。

"Let's have a great evening out, just the two girls together."

"讓我們度過一個美好的夜晚，就兩個女孩在一起。"

And I chose a special venue,

而我選擇了一個特殊的場地。

the Blue Note Jazz Club in Milan.

在米蘭的藍調爵士俱樂部。

That night, the Manhattan Transfer, which is my favorite jazz group,

當晚，曼哈頓轉移樂隊，這是我最喜歡的爵士樂隊。

were playing.

在玩。

So, we meet, atmosphere is fantastic.

所以，我們見面了，氣氛很好。

We are getting on very well,

我們相處得很好。

and I'm happy.

而我'很高興。

Being a baby boomer, loving the music,

作為一個嬰兒潮，喜歡音樂。

I thought, "Well, is she liking it as much as I am?"

我想，"好吧，她是不是和我一樣喜歡？"

So in that moment, I just turned to look at her to check.

所以在那一刻，我只是轉身看著她檢查。

And what did I see? I saw this.

我看到了什麼？我看到了這個

She was on her iPhone.

她在用她的iPhone。

Now, how to react?

現在，該如何應對？

I had some choices.

我有一些選擇。

First choice.

第一選擇。

Excuse me. What is she doing?

對不起，她在做什麼？她在做什麼？

She's on her iPhone.

她用的是iPhone。

I mean, I spent all this time and money

我的意思是，我花了所有的時間和金錢，

thinking of a fantastic evening, I bring her here, and what?

想著一個美妙的夜晚，我帶她來這裡，然後呢？

After two minutes I take my eyes off her,

兩分鐘後，我把目光從她身上移開。

and she's on her phone?

而她卻在打電話？

I mean, what is wrong with this generation?

我是說，這一代人怎麼了？

I mean, they got the attention span of a fruit fly,

我的意思是，他們有一個果蠅的注意力。

for God's sake.

看在上帝的份上。

(Sighing)

（嘆氣）

Choice number two.

選擇二：

This was a mistake.

這是個錯誤。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Why did I bring her here?

我為什麼要帶她來這裡？

I mean, she's bored; she's not interested; she doesn't like the music.

我的意思是，她'的無聊，她'的不感興趣，她不'喜歡的音樂。

What was I thinking? I mean: Why should she like the music?

我在想什麼？我的意思是..:她為什麼要喜歡這些音樂？

I mean, this is stuff for baby boomers.

我的意思是，這是嬰兒潮一代的東西。

She probably thinks she's spending the evening with a dinosaur.

她可能認為她'與恐龍共度良宵。

Oh, God!

哦，天啊！

Choice number three.

選擇三：

Hold your horses.

穩住你的馬。

Count to ten. Take a deep breath.

數到十深吸一口氣。

Don't jump to conclusions.

不要妄下結論。

You don't know what she is doing on her iPhone.

你不'知道她在用iPhone做什麼。

So just relax.Take it easy.

所以放輕鬆，別緊張

Have another drink.

再喝一杯吧

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Choice number four.

選擇四：

Now, you know, what's really important for me

現在，你知道，什麼是真正重要的我。

is that this evening together is special,

是，今晚在一起是特別的。

that she feels that after this evening, she can really open up to me;

她覺得經過今晚，她可以對我敞開心扉。

she can feel safe with me, and that -

她和我在一起有安全感，而且... ...

I'm always an open door for her, that's what's really important for me.

我'總是為她打開一扇門，這'才是對我真正重要的。

I just hope it's going to happen -

我只是希望它能發生--------。

I just hope.

我只是希望。

Choice number five.

選擇五：

What's important for her?

什麼對她來說很重要？

What's going on in her world right now?

她現在的世界裡發生了什麼？

What's important for her?

什麼對她來說很重要？

I really would love to connect to her.

我真的很想和她聯繫。

What do I need to do that?

我需要做什麼？

(Sighing)

（嘆氣）

You know, I was having real problems trying to answer that question.

你知道，我在回答這個問題時遇到了真正的問題。

And in that moment, she turned to me and she said,

在那一刻，她轉過身來對我說。

"Louise, did you know that this is the only Blue Note

"露易絲，你知道嗎，這是唯一的Blue Note...

in the whole of Europe?

在整個歐洲？

And there's one in New York, and then there's two in Japan,

而且紐約有一個，然後日本有兩個。

but this is the only one here in Milan.

但這是米蘭這裡唯一的一個。

That's incredible; the Italians have got it."

這'太不可思議了，意大利人已經得到了它。"

And she said, "Oh, and I've looked up the Manhattan Transfer.

她說："哦，我'已經查到了曼哈頓轉機。

Do you know that they've been playing and singing together for 40 years?

你知道他們已經一起玩了40年，唱了40年嗎？

That's incredible!"

這'真是不可思議！"

And she said, "Also, look."

她說："還有，你看。"

She handed me her iPhone; she'd sent a message out on Facebook;

她把她的iPhone遞給我；她&#39；在Facebook上發了一條消息。

it said, "In the Blue Note in Milan,

它說，"在米蘭的藍色音符。

with the Manhattan transfer and Louise, the best!"

與曼哈頓的轉移和路易斯，最好的！"

Now, that was a close shave.

現在，這是一個近距離剃鬚。

I mean, I could've really spoiled that.

我的意思是，我可以'已經真的破壞了。

Because I could have sent her a disapproving look from this chair.

因為我可以在這把椅子上給她發一個不贊同的眼神。

And she could've started telling herself about me, things about me,

而她可能'已經開始告訴自己關於我的事情，關於我的事情。

like, Louise, she's controlling.

喜歡，路易斯，她的控制。

She's difficult.

她很難纏。

It's not easy to be around her.

在她身邊不容易。

And that was not my intention at all.

而我根本不是這個意思。

And in fact, she was completely engaged.

而事實上，她已經完全投入了。

She was there,

她在那裡。

multitasking in her digital way, but she was enhancing our reality.

以她的數字方式進行多任務處理，但她在增強我們的現實。

So, in milliseconds,

所以，以毫秒為組織、部門。

I could have destroyed that beautiful moment that we were creating together.

我本可以毀掉我們一起創造的美好時刻。

And this is what we are doing all the time,

而這也是我們一直在做的事情。

we are making choices about the behaviors that we bring into the world.

我們正在對我們帶入這個世界的行為做出選擇。

And the choices that we make have a direct impact

而我們所做的選擇會直接影響到我們的生活。

on the conversations that we have,

在我們的對話中。

the relationships that we form,

我們所形成的關係。

and the quality of our lives in general.

以及我們生活品質的總體情況。

So, what can we do at a practical level

那麼，在實際工作中，我們可以做些什麼呢？

to help us be more conscious about this?

以幫助我們更加清醒地認識到這一點?

Because they don't train us this in school.

因為他們在學校裡沒有訓練我們這些。

It's not on the school curriculum - how to behave well, really.

這'不在學校的課程中--如何表現好，真的。

So, what can we do?

那麼，我們能做什麼呢？

The idea of the five chairs came to me

我想到了五把椅子的想法

when I went and attended a nine-day course in nonviolent communication

當我去參加了一個為期九天的非暴力溝通課程時。

with its late founder, Marshall Rosenberg, an extraordinary man,

與其已故創始人馬歇爾-羅森伯格，一個非凡的人。

who did so much for world peace.

為世界和平作出巨大貢獻的人，

And after that, it sort of changed my life.

在那之後，它算是改變了我的生活。

After that, I decided that it was a message

之後，我決定，這是一個消息。

that I needed to get into our workplaces.

我需要進入我們的工作場所。

Workplaces where I spend most of my time

我花最多時間的工作場所

being a coach, a facilitator, and the trainer.

作為教練、促進者和培訓師。

And also, where we produce some of our most questionable behaviors,

也是我們產生一些最值得懷疑的行為的地方。

sometimes toxic behaviors.

有時有毒的行為。

So, the idea of the five chairs is to help us slow down

所以，五把椅子的想法是幫助我們放慢腳步。

how we are behaving in every moment of our lives

我們每時每刻的行為方式。

and to analyze what's going on.

並分析出什麼'的情況。

So, what I would like to do

所以，我想做的是

is look at the chairs more closely and explain them.

是再仔細看看椅子，解釋一下。

The red chair.

紅椅子。

This is the jackal chair.

這是豺狼椅。

I mean, jackals are incredibly clever, incredibly opportunistic animals.

我是說，豺狼是非常聰明的，非常有機會的動物。

They always on the lookout to attack.

他們總是在尋找攻擊。

And in fact, this chair here is the chair where we misbehave the most.

而事實上，這裡的這把椅子是我們行為最不檢點的地方。

In this chair we love to blame, to complain, to punish, to gossip;

在這把椅子上，我們喜歡指責、抱怨、懲罰、流言蜚語。

but our supreme game in this chair is to judge.

但我們在這把椅子上的最高遊戲是判斷。

And if you don't believe me, I invite you to go on a mental diet;

如果你不相信我，我請你去吃精神食糧。

I invite you to spend one hour with some human beings

我邀請你和一些人類共度一個小時的時間。

and see if you can do it without one single judgment

看你能不能做到一語中的

going through your mind.

在你的腦海裡。

I mean, watch ourselves.

我是說，小心我們自己。

Somebody walks in the door, we go: bzzzzzzzzz,

有人進門，我們就會：嗞嗞嗞。

I like, don't like, not really interested.

我喜歡，不喜歡，不是很感興趣。

And we don't know anything about them at all.

而我們根本不知道他們的任何事情。

So, this chair here

所以，這張椅子在這裡

is a judging chair.

是評審席。

There's actually another game that I love in this chair,

其實在這把椅子上還有一個我喜歡的遊戲。

it's the "I'm right" game.

它'是 "我'是對的 "遊戲。

And I used to do that all time, all the time

我以前總是這樣做，所有的時間，所有的時間

until my brother gave me some feedback.

直到我哥哥給我一些反饋。

I used to do it with my mother because my mother likes to exaggerate.

我曾經和我媽媽一起做，因為我媽媽喜歡誇張。

So she would say something like,

所以她會說這樣的話。

"Oh yes, there were 30 people at the family gathering."

"哦，是的，家庭聚會上有30個人。"

And my job was to correct her.

而我的工作就是糾正她。

I'm saying, "No, Mom, they weren't 30, they were 13."

我說，"不，媽媽，他們不是30歲，他們是13歲。"

So, I was the policewoman of the situation.

所以，我是當時的女警。

My brother touched me on the arm,

弟弟摸了摸我的胳膊。

and he said, "It doesn't matter," to which I reacted,

他說："這不'沒關係。"我這才反應過來。

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Of course, it matters. She's wrong.

"什麼叫不重要&#39；？當然，這很重要。她'錯了。

And she needs to be corrected for her own good."

而且為了她好，需要糾正她。"

He touched me on the arm again, and he said,

他又摸了摸我的胳膊，他說。

"Do you want to be in a relationship with your mother,

"你想不想和你媽談戀愛。

or do you want to be right?"

還是你想對？"

Big lesson.

大課。

From then on,

從那時起。

I always looked upon my mother's exaggeration as a form of abundance.

我一直把母親'的誇張看成是一種富足。

So, here in this chair, what we tend to do

所以，在這把椅子上，我們傾向於做的是

is we tend to see what is wrong with other people

是我們趨向於看到別人的問題所在

rather than what is right.

而不是正確的事情。

Mother Teresa reminds us,

特蕾莎修女提醒我們：

"The more we judge people, the less time we have to love them."

"我們對人的評價越多，我們愛他們的時間就越少。"

The next chair is the hedgehog chair,

下一把椅子是刺蝟椅。

the yellow chair.

黃椅子。

Now, the hedgehog -

現在，刺蝟 -

When we behave like hedgehogs, we feel very vulnerable,

當我們的行為像刺蝟一樣時，我們會感到非常脆弱。

and we curl up, we protect ourselves against what we feel is an evil world.

我們蜷縮起來，我們保護自己，抵禦我們覺得是一個邪惡的世界。

And what we do is we mercilessly judge ourselves in this chair.

而我們所做的就是在這把椅子上無情地評判自己。

So we turn this chair, the red chair, on ourselves.

所以我們把這把椅子，紅色的椅子，轉到自己身上。

And we say things like, "I'm not intelligent enough.

我們會說："我'不夠聰明 "這樣的話。

I cannot do this. Nobody believes in me."

我不能這樣做。沒有人相信我。"

And we have certain fears,

而且我們有一定的恐懼。

we have fears of being rejected, fears of disappointing, fears of failing.

我們有被拒絕的恐懼，有失望的恐懼，有失敗的恐懼。

And we also play the victim.

而我們也在扮演受害者。

So it's, "Nobody cares for me, nobody loves me."

所以，它'的，"沒有人關心我，沒有人愛我。"

But in fact,

但其實。

when I use this in companies, and I ask managers, and I say,

當我在公司用這個，我問經理，我說。

"Where do you spend the most of your time?"

"你最常在哪裡度過？"

Hardly anybody comes and sits here.

很少有人來這裡坐坐。

Because it's quite difficult to admit our weaknesses sometimes.

因為有時候承認自己的弱點是相當困難的'。

We need a lot of courage.

我們需要很大的勇氣。

And yet, we all suffer from self-doubt.

然而，我們都有自我懷疑的毛病。

But it's really, what do we do without self-doubt?

但這'真的是，如果沒有自我懷疑，我們該怎麼辦？

Do we give up and give in?

我們要不要放棄和讓步？

Or do we say no?

還是我們說不？

I want to find the resources and grow.

我想找到資源，成長。

And Krishnamurti says something wonderful,

而克里希那穆提說了一些精彩的話。

he says, "The highest form of intelligence

他說："智慧的最高形式

is the ability to observe ourselves without judging."

是觀察我們自己而不去判斷的能力。"

So, next chair.

那麼，下一把椅子。

This is the meerkat chair.

這是貓鼬的椅子。

I don't know if you've ever seen a meerkat.

我不知道你是否見過狐獴。

They are not many in Italy, but they are incredible.

在意大利，它們並不多，但它們是不可思議的。

When they are on sentinel duty,

當他們在執行哨兵任務時。

they can stay for one hour just like this:

他們可以像這樣呆一個小時。

one hour moving their head and only their head.

一個小時動他們的頭，只動他們的頭。

Incredibly vigilant.

不可思議的警惕性。

And when we are in this chair, this is what we do.

而當我們坐在這把椅子上時，這就是我們要做的。

We're mindful; we're very aware;

我們'很注意；我們'很清楚。

we are observant; we stop; we pause.

我們是觀察者，我們停下來，我們暫停。

We take a deep breath, and we're conscious.

我們深吸一口氣，我們'意識到了。

This is the WAIT chair. W-A-I-T.

這是WAIT椅子。W -A -I -T。

What am I thinking? What am I telling myself?

我在想什麼？我在告訴自己什麼？

So here we become very curious.

所以在這裡我們就變得非常好奇。

If somebody is angry, instead of saying, "For God sake: grow up, will you?"

如果有人生氣，與其說："看在上帝的份上：長大了，好嗎？"

We think, "I wonder why that person is angry?"

我們會想："不知道那個人為什麼生氣？"

And we feel interested.

而且我們覺得有興趣。

So this chair here is ...

所以這把椅子是...

When I think of Nietzsche,

當我想到尼采的時候。

this is such an important quote for this chair.

這對這把椅子來說是很重要的一句話。

He says, "You have your way; I have my way.

他說："你有你的辦法，我有我的辦法。

As for the right way and the only way, it does not exist."

至於正確的方法和唯一的方法，它是不存在的。"

So here we have a choice.

所以在這裡，我們有一個選擇。

The red pill or the blue pill?

紅藥丸還是藍藥丸？

It's the sliding door chair.

這是'的滑門椅。

And in this moment when we make the right choice,

而在我們做出正確選擇的這一刻。

we move into this successful living.

我們進入這個成功的生活。

Next chair.

下一任主席。

Here we go into the world of detect.

在這裡，我們進入檢測的世界。

Now, why detect?

現在，為什麼要檢測？

Detect because we become detective of ourselves,

檢測，因為我們成為自己的偵探。

like Sherlock Holmes of ourselves.

就像我們自己的福爾摩斯一樣。

We take a magnifying glass, and we look at our behaviors.

我們拿著放大鏡，審視自己的行為。

It's a beautiful chair because we become self-aware.

它'是一把美麗的椅子，因為我們變得有自我意識。

We know who we are. We know what we want.

我們知道我們是誰。我們知道我們想要什麼。

We know where we're going. We're not afraid to speak our truth.

我們知道我們要去哪裡。我們不怕說出我們的真相。

But we also create our boundaries.

但我們也創造了我們的邊界。

We look after ourselves in this chair.

我們在這把椅子上照顧自己。

But we're very very powerful.

但我們'非常非常強大。

We don't give our power away.