All the talk about a doomsday is a big hoax.

Hello, I'm Robert Foster, your faithful host,

streaming another episode on the frequency of Juice News

infused with a healthy dose of sanity.

Good morning, viewers, tune in, gather round as we delve

into a Rap News update for the year 2012.

We report that the world wide ebb and flow of history is now plain and evident:

Occupations have stormed fortress Walls, with-in-tents and taken up residence;

leaks and revelations have led to revolutions, a deluge of ferment.

Ladies and gentlemen, if 2011 was a prelude, a portent

of things to come, then it's dramatically clear we're in for a massive year.

And to interpret these interesting times, we have General Baxter here.

But we'll start with our resident expert, Terrence Moonseed.

Terrence, what does this year mean as you see it?

- Oh, Boy! 2012 on the News Feed

You'd better listen up, Robert, cause I got a lot of phenomenal knowledge and I wanna be dropping it,

finally the news is choosing to report truth on a proper topic! You'll never stop me from hollering

Brace yourselves, cos I'm getting ready to send in the requisite academic medicine, heaven-sent

querulent evidence, never settling when I'm grabbing a hammer and smashing the Nephilim

This is the time for humanity's ascension

The fifth sunset in line with precession and the Mayans' calendar prediction

on December 21, this world will rise in unison,

from its prison into the fifth dimension and the highest of wisdom

But as we'll see, it's the catalyst for a whole catalog of catastrophes

calamities, as we reach the Terrencendental McKennical singularity

- What will all this mean for the fate of humanity?

- It means the fiends that seek to deceive and keep us weak'll reach a state of apogee

And it means that people cease the capacity for endless atrophy

that as a planet we rise from apathy and challenge the Draconian powers-that-be

- Who are they? - Aliens, parasites, they're among us, keeping us trapped in captivity

- General, your say? - Now, I don't know what planet he's inhabiting

but what the hippy is saying is accurate; forget the wacky analogy

Look around at the world, and you'll see it's already actually happening

right here on Earth, where human slaves are trying to rise

to take on the great elite,and take to the streets world-wide

against corporate entities which have taken on human form

- Protesting in New York, Portland, Spain, Greece and distant Melbourne

- Tent monster morons, homos, drummers, drug addicted freaks

- They say they're protesting to demand justice, and dignity

- Seriously? I read in The New York Times quite the contrary

they lack clear demands, they just want to live for free and get sympathy

in fact the only clear demand they've ever made

is for some pepper spray in the effing face.

Then they bitch and complain.

But it's just a food product, essentially. I take it daily,

with my favourite drink: Bloody Mili-tary

- hmm. perhaps speaking directly with the protesters would be wiser,

so we now cross live to Liberty Plaza; hello?

- Hello, fellow citizens of the world wide web.

We're Livestreaming Global Revolution direct in hi-tech

- The precariat is revolting, what can we expect to happen next?

- Let me get on the human megaphone, yo, mic check - Mic check

- the ninety nine percent - ninety nine percent

- have one demand to present - present

- expressed clear - expressed clear

the regime of alien corporations ends here.

- Are you the leader? - No. We are a movement of free thinkers,

without hierarchical structure - we're a movement of free thinkers--

- Shut up!

- I've got to ask if you're for free information, why the mask?

- because I am but an idea, whose time has arrived at last

and you can shoot a person, but ideas are bulletproof

- huh! prove it's true!

- As you wish...

We are Anonymous.

We are legion.

We do not forgive.

We do not... umm.. what was it?

I know it... We do not forgive, we do not...

- Forget! - oh, yeah.

Expect us.

- General? Terrence? Could this be the global shift that will avert apocalypse?

- Nonsense. - Although, I admit, I'm pro #Occupying policies

- Wait, I expected you to say that #Occupy should cease...

- Cease?! We've been #Occupying for centuries, on land, sky and seas

We #Occupied North America, #Australia and #Hawai'i

and if you've forgotten, it's 'cause we also #OccupyHistory

our buddies have #OccupiedTerritories; we've #OccupiedAfghanistan and Iraq

and this year's plan is to hashtag #OccupyIran

- Pah, wars and invasions, that's what people are #Occupying against!

- If you've benefitted from #Occupation, then you're in the 1%

But why stop there? 2012 is a time of attainment

First we'll #OccupytheElection and the next President's brainstem

And as soon as Earth is spent, we'll #OccupytheMoon, with spaceships

Then #Mars, and then we'll brutally #OccupyUranus

- Heinous! The only planet we actually have to worry about is Nibiru!

- Nibiwho? - Nibiru! The Planet X of fear and doom

it's due to smash right into our system -Oh!

- causing mass extinction - Whoah!

- bi-polar shifting - So, is this fact or Science Fiction?

- No! it's Zachariah Sitchin who decrypted Sumerian myths

and showed that we were cloned to mine gold by alien illuminati

- We are the slaves of aliens? - Yes! The Annunaki!

And they're coming soon!

- No, we're coming and we'll #OccupyNibiru, too!

- I'm confused... are we the aliens? And if that's true,

are we due to spread peace or war throughout the Milky Way?

- We'll bring love and light.

- We'll bring pepper spray.

- Well, dear viewers it's probable

that getting consensus on this issue is impossible

therefore we went to call on the honourable, venerable, Great Oracle

O Prophet, Seer, All-Knowing Chomsky

thank you for manifesting here.

- No problem.

We seek your sage advice and better wisdom

for instance, how can we stop terrorism?

- There's a simple method.

- What is it? - Just stop participating in it.

- So which in your opinion is the most significant threat to world peace?

- Our ignorance.

- I see, and how can we defeat this at last?

- Turn off your TVs for a start

- The media at large do seem to paralyse

hypnotically, divide, distract, and atomise

and cause us to be brainwashed and servile

Your thoughts?

- That's not controversial.

- Well, we should thank you, O Oracle

for guiding and leading us.

- Not at all, Robert

but I'm no oracle or leader

I'm just a linguistics teacher

- Alas, the time has arrived to end this episode; much is left to be known

but we'll strive to analyse events as 2012 unfolds:

Will we see Aliens, popular awakening, mass insurrection?

divine intervention or, who knows... maybe even a true democratic election?

We'd settle for any one of them! For this grand human experiment

seems to be sleepwalking towards a social, ecological and existential reckoning

and with GM seeds in the soil, droids deployed, peak oil threatening,

This year's headline: will we avoid the precipice, or dive off the edge of it

Whatever your preference, creed, conspiracy or party membership

Our fate could depend on what we want "2012" to represent

this date that we've subconsciously identified

as our collective, self-imposed deadline for correcting our way of life.

With so much energy aligned on this point in time,

with all that we are, and could be, potentially on the line

Could this be our final meeting point, prior to the rising or turning of the tide?

the clock is already ticking, see you next time--

on the other side.