Name: 脫口秀演員如何酸川普求助伊朗 | Have I Got News For You (Comedians take swings at Trump’s plea for Iran help | Have I Got News For You)
Uploaded: 2026-03-22T16:36:55.000Z
Duration: 11 min 3 s

接下來是本週最重大的幾則新聞。

This is our best friend, and that is a map.

這位是我們的最好朋友，這是張地圖。

So I'm just gonna say this story is about how everyone hates us, and they're right.

所以我就直接說，這個故事是在講大家為什麼都討厭我們，而且他們是對的。

The story is Donald Trump goes to war with the world, and people abroad are not fake.

這個故事在講唐納·川普跟全世界開戰，而且外國人不是假貨。

If you could say something to President Trump and he was gonna hear you right now, what would it be?

如果你有機會跟川普總統說話，而且他現在聽得到，你會說什麼？

Now, as the war continues, President Trump seems perpetually surprised that Iran is actually fighting back during a war.

現在，隨著戰爭持續，川普總統似乎一直對伊朗在戰爭中實際反擊感到驚訝。

So now Trump, a man who seems to burn bridges while he's only halfway across the bridge, has finally realized, oh, dear, I need help from other countries.

所以現在川普，一個似乎在橋樑走一半時就燒毀橋樑的人，終於意識到，哦，天哪，我需要其他國家的幫助。

How's that getting help from other countries going?

跟其他國家尋求幫助的進展如何？

Apparently when you do stuff without asking people, they don't want to help you afterwards.

顯然，當你不問別人就做事時，他們事後就不想幫你了。

Here's Gannon Bash with how some of our allies responded.

這裡有 Gannon Bash 帶來的一些盟友的回應。

Germany, this war has nothing to do with NATO.

UK, we will not be drawn into the wider war.

英國，我們不會被捲入這場更廣泛的戰爭。

Australia, we will not be sending a ship to the Strait of Hormuz.

澳洲，我們不會派船前往荷姆茲海峽。

Japan, we are proceeding with consideration.

We are considering as Japanese for fuck you.

我們正以日本人的身分考慮，去你的。

When Trump met with the Japanese Prime Minister, Sanae Takeshi, what happened in the meeting?

當川普與日本首相岸田文雄見面時，會議上發生了什麼事？

He thought it would be a great idea to make a joke about bombing Pearl Harbor.

他覺得開個關於轟炸珍珠港的玩笑是個好主意。

Why didn't you tell US Allies in Europe and Asia, like Japan, about the war before attacking Iran?

為什麼在攻擊伊朗之前，沒有事先告知日本等歐亞盟友？

We didn't tell anybody about it because we wanted surprise.

我們沒有告訴任何人，因為我們想要出奇不意。

Who knows better about surprise than Japan?

還有誰比日本更懂什麼是出奇不意？

Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?

你為什麼沒告訴我珍珠港的事？

To be fair, he got some laughs in the room.

說句公道話，他讓房間裡的人笑了幾聲。

還有，親愛的，他講了那個笑話，ibam。

And then he goes, right, the ladies know what I'm talking about, right?

然後他說，對吧，女士們知道我在說什麼，對吧？

He made the attack without telling the other countries.

他在沒告知其他國家前就發動了攻擊。

Normally a war, you go, hey, I'm gonna go over there and punch him in the face, make sure you got my back.

通常打仗，你會說，嘿，我要過去揍他一拳，確保你們支持我。

But Trump instead punched people in the face and then came back and go, hey, I just punched him in the face.

但川普卻是先揍了人，然後回來跟你說，嘿，我剛才揍了他一拳。

We have the strongest military by far in the world, we don't need them.

我們擁有世界上最強大的軍隊，遠遠超越其他國家，我們不需要他們。

I'm almost doing it in some cases, not because we need him, but

在某些情況下我幾乎這麼做，不是因為我們需要他，而是

because I want to find out how they react.

因為我想知道他們會有什麼反應。

Oh, he's going through the stages of grief.

哦，他正在經歷悲傷的幾個階段。

It'll be, quote, very bad for the future of NATO if they don't help us.

他會說，引述，「如果他們不幫我們，對北約的未來會非常不利」。

Britain's former chief of the defense staff doesn't want NATO to get pulled into this war.

英國前國防參謀長不希望北約捲入這場戰爭。

NATO was created as a underlying four times defensive alliance.

It was not an alliance that was designed for one of the allies to go on a war of choice and then oblige everybody else to follow.

它不是一個設計來讓盟友之一發動選擇性戰爭，然後強迫其他人跟隨的聯盟。

那個紅色的東西是他的心率嗎？

He started a war that no one wants to help in and there's no clear way out of that war.

他發動了一場沒人想幫忙的戰爭，而且這場戰爭沒有明確的出路。

But Trump is a scrappy guy who's always overcome adversity and he's overcome adversity all by himself.

但川普是個打不死的小強，總是靠自己克服逆境。

唐納·川普是白手起家的人嗎？

The truth of the matter is that Donald Trump's sees himself as self made.

事實上，唐納·川普認為自己是白手起家的。

In 2015, he was asked this question at an election town hall.

在 2015 年，他在一場選舉的鎮民大會上被問到這個問題。

With the exception of your family, have you ever been told no, it has not been easy for me.

除了你的家人之外，有沒有人告訴過你，對我來說並不輕鬆？

你知道的，我從布魯克林開始。

My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.

The only thing he made himself was that color.

他唯一靠自己做出來的就是那個顏色。

From the very moment Donald Trump has started in business, there has always been somebody there to bail him out when he failed.

從唐納·川普開始做生意的那一刻起，每次他失敗時，總有人伸出援手。

In fact, Wikipedia has a whole category called businesses of Donald Trump that went bankrupt.

事實上，維基百科有一個專門的分類叫做「唐納·川普的失敗企業」。

What is your favorite failed Donald Trump business?

你最喜歡哪個失敗的唐納·川普企業？

我喜歡川普泰姬瑪哈賭場倒閉的那段。

Well, of all the things Trump businesses, there was this one.

嗯，在所有川普的企業裡，有這一個。

The Sharper Image is one of my favorite stores with fantastic products of all kinds.

Sharper Image 是我最喜歡的商店之一，有各種很棒的產品。

That's why I'm thrilled they agree with me.

這就是為什麼我很高興他們同意我的看法。

Trump steaks are the world's greatest steaks.

川普牛排是世界上最棒的牛排。

And I mean that in every sense of the word.

我是說真的，從各個層面來說。

The bigger question is, why are you buying a steak at an electronics store?

更大的問題是，你為什麼要在電子產品商店買牛排？

According to the former CEO of Sharper Image, quote, we literally sold almost no steaks in every sense of the word.

根據 Sharper Image 前執行長說，引用，我們真的從各個層面來說，幾乎沒賣出什麼牛排。

So the man who failed at casinos, failed at hotels, failed at stakes, has gotten us into a war that he promised he would never start.

所以這個在賭場失敗、在飯店失敗、在牛排失敗的人，卻讓我們捲入了他承諾絕不會發動的戰爭。

字幕列表影片播放

脫口秀演員如何酸川普求助伊朗 | Have I Got News For You (Comedians take swings at Trump’s plea for Iran help | Have I Got News For You)

apparently

deserve

straight

grief