Name: 唐納德-特朗普還活著 | 白宮窗外 | 玫瑰園中的憤怒 (Donald Trump Is Alive | Out The White House Window | Rage In The Rose Garden)
Uploaded: 2025-09-05T00:54:30.000Z
Duration: 11 min 26 s

Ladies and gentlemen, 11, 11, 11, there you go.

女士們先生們，11、11、11，開始了。

But I want you to know, OK, take this job seriously.

但我想讓你知道，好吧，認真對待這份工作。

And while we were gone, I still closely followed all the news that was on any cocktail napkin.

我們離開後，我仍然密切關注雞尾酒餐巾紙上的所有新聞。

This just in, my drinking club has a book problem.

最新消息，我的飲酒俱樂部出現了書荒。

When I came back, when I came back in the office, I was shocked to learn that this weekend, the biggest story was frenzied social media rumors speculating whether Donald Trump had died.

當我回到辦公室時，我震驚地發現，這個週末，最大的新聞就是社交媒體上關於唐納德-特朗普是否已經去世的瘋狂傳言。

For the record, Donald Trump is very much alive, OK?

聲明一下，唐納德-特朗普還活著，好嗎？

不，我們喜歡我們的總統活著。

And this whole crazy rumor started simply because Trump had zero events on his schedule Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday.

而這整個瘋狂傳言的起因僅僅是因為特朗普在週三、週四或週五的日程表上沒有安排任何活動。

And one of the only signs that he might still be around was music in the Rose Garden, which the White House confirmed was the president's music.

唯一能表明他可能還在的跡象就是玫瑰園裡的音樂，白宮證實那是總統的音樂。

Which I got to say, is not the strongest proof of life.

我得說，這並不是生命的最有力證明。

是的，護士，我看到了那條平線。

But the patient is clearly alive because his iPhone is playing Papa Loves Mambo.

但病人顯然還活著，因為他的 iPhone 正在播放《爸爸愛曼波》。

Anyway, but because he was out of public view, and because when he is in public view, ew, the internet went crazy.

總之，因為他不在公眾視線內，而當他出現在公眾視線內時，網絡就瘋狂了。

And Trump dead were among the top searches on Google, while the top search on Bing was, as always, where find Google?

在谷歌的熱門搜索中，"特朗普之死 "名列前茅，而在必應的熱門搜索中，"谷歌在哪裡？

Adding to all this terrible, morbid speculation, on Thursday, Vice President J.D.

除了這些可怕的病態猜測之外，本週四，美國副總統J.D.

萬斯接受了《今日美國》的採訪。

And here's how he answered the question, are you ready to assume the role of commander in chief if needed?

他是這樣回答這個問題的：你準備好在必要時擔任總司令了嗎？

The president is in incredibly good health.

總統的健康狀況好得令人難以置信。

And while most of the people who work around the president of the United States are younger than he is, I think that we find that he actually is the last person who goes to sleep.

雖然在美國總統身邊工作的大多數人都比他年輕，但我認為，我們發現他實際上是最後一個睡覺的人。

He's the last person making phone calls at night.

他是最後一個在晚上打電話的人。

The president doesn't sleep and is on the phone all night.

Proof that he is completely healthy or runs a phone sex line.

證明他是完全健康的，還是經營性愛電話熱線的。

I'm wearing my baseball hat with my name on it.

And compression socks for my bloated cankles.

還有為我臃腫的腳踝準備的彈力襪。

Oh, they're so plump with fluid right now.

哦，它們現在是如此豐滿多液。

你想聽它們汩汩流淌的聲音嗎？

On Saturday, the rumors took another hit when this footage was released at the White House entrance.

週六，白宮入口處的這段錄像被曝光後，傳言再次受到打擊。

Yes, that blurry faraway shot of a lumbering hominid is definitely Donald Trump.

沒錯，遠處那張模糊的伐木類人猿的照片肯定就是唐納德-特朗普。

For more proof, the White House also released a photo of Trump swimming in a Scottish loch.

為了進一步證明這一點，白宮還公佈了一張特朗普在蘇格蘭湖中游泳的照片。

On Sunday, Trump finally buried all speculation by posting simply, good night.

週日，特朗普終於埋葬了所有的猜測，只是簡單地發了一句 "晚安"。

Just a totally normal 79-year-old man saying, good night to the internet.

只是一個完全正常的 79 歲老人在對互聯網說 "晚安"。

It's like that famous children's book, good night.

就像那本著名的兒童讀物《晚安》。

Good night to the website where I watch the sex.

There's nothing mysterious going on at the White House.

Including this completely normal video from the weekend where someone drops multiple heavy black mystery bags out an upper story window.

包括週末這段完全正常的視頻，視頻中有人將多個沉重的黑色神祕袋子扔出了樓上的窗戶。

But today, the administration cleared up exactly what was going on there.

但今天，政府澄清了到底發生了什麼。

The White House official told reporters it was a contractor doing regular maintenance while the president was gone.

白宮官員告訴記者，這是承包商在總統不在時進行的例行維護。

Yes, exactly, perfectly normal in every administration.

是的，完全正確，在每屆政府中都非常正常。

When the president's not there, randos are let in to throw trash bags out the windows.

總統不在的時候，就會讓流浪漢進來向窗外扔垃圾袋。

Maybe they're doing renovations or something like that, is what I thought until Trump was asked about it at a press conference today.

也許他們正在裝修或做類似的事情，我是這麼想的，直到特朗普在今天的新聞發佈會上被問及此事。

Here's what he said about the video of garbage bags clearly being dropped out of a window.

以下是他對垃圾袋明顯被扔出窗外的視頻的評論。

不，那可能是人工智能生成的。

One of the problems we have with AI, it's both good and bad.

我們在人工智能方面遇到的一個問題是，它有好有壞。

If something happens really bad, just blame AI.

如果發生了非常糟糕的事情，就把責任推給人工智能。

Which means something really bad happened?

這意味著發生了非常糟糕的事情？

While we were away in August, Trump did have a little fun in the sun, this time by siccing the military on American citizens.

八月份我們不在的時候，特朗普確實在陽光下玩了一把，這一次他對美國公民動用了軍隊。

Now, under the pretense of rising crime, Trump deployed the National Guard to Washington, DC, even though violent crime in DC is now at a 30-year low.

現在，特朗普以犯罪率上升為藉口，向華盛頓特區部署了國民警衛隊，儘管華盛頓特區的暴力犯罪率已降至 30 年來的最低點。

自 1995 年以來，這一數字從未如此之低。

And remember back then, as we learned from Coolio, we spent most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise.

記得那時，就像我們從 Coolio 身上學到的那樣，我們大部分時間都生活在黑幫的天堂裡。

The National Guard doesn't seem to be doing much law enforcement.

Instead, they've been performing sanitation and landscaping duties.

相反，他們一直在從事衛生和景觀美化工作。

All right, soldier, uh, you've been put on leave.

好吧，阿兵哥，呃，你被放假了。

字幕列表影片播放

唐納德-特朗普還活著 | 白宮窗外 | 玫瑰園中的憤怒 (Donald Trump Is Alive | Out The White House Window | Rage In The Rose Garden)

nasty

completely

blame

fluid