Name: 特朗普的生日遊行飛彈和騾子｜洛杉磯保衛戰已耗資 1.34 億美元 (Trump's Birthday Parade: Missiles And Mules | The War Against Los Angeles Already Cost $134 Million)
Uploaded: 2025-06-17T15:46:25.000Z
Duration: 10 min 25 s

Ladies and gentlemen, everybody out there watching, welcome one and all to The Late Show.

女士們，先生們，在座的各位，歡迎來到《深夜秀》。

It has been, it has been, it has been an eventful week and it's only Tuesday, but you know what?

這一週真是多事之秋，現在才週二，但你知道嗎？

Hang in there, baby, because the weekend's coming and it's a big holiday weekend, Flag Day.

堅持住，寶貝，因為週末就要到了，這可是個大週末假期，國旗日。

Holiday we all definitely celebrate every year.

Drinking Flag Nog, kissing under the flaggle toe, hoping we get Flagmas presents when old St. Betsy Ross slides down the pole.

喝著旗幟酒，在旗幟腳趾下親吻，希望當老聖貝茜-羅斯從柱子上滑下來時，我們能得到旗幟聖誕禮物。

This Saturday, in honor of Flag Day and at the request of President Trump,

本週六，為紀念國旗日，並應特朗普總統的要求、

Washington, D.C. will host a big military parade featuring 7,500 soldiers, 28 Abrams tanks, 50 military helicopters, 28 striker armored vehicles, a display of rocket launchers and missiles, plus 34 horses, two mules and a dog.

華盛頓特區將舉行盛大的閱兵式，有 7500 名阿兵哥、28 輛艾布拉姆斯坦克、50 架軍用直升機、28 輛前鋒裝甲車、火箭發射器和飛彈展示，還有 34 匹馬、兩頭騾子和一條狗。

An unprecedented peacetime display of military hardware on American soil and all I can say is, not enough mules.

和平時期在美國領土上展示軍事裝備是史無前例的，而我只能說，騾子還不夠多。

Two, two mules, that's it for my tax dollars.

兩頭，兩頭騾子，這就是我的稅款。

You bring your whole family down to the parade?

How do you explain to your kids they already missed the mules?

如何向孩子們解釋他們已經錯過了騾子？

That's what everyone, people come for the mules.

For the record, the dog in there is named Doc Holiday and he is a member of the 1st Cavalry Division where he's used to help motivate the mules.

為了記錄在案，裡面的狗名叫多克-哈樂迪，是第一騎兵師的一員，用來幫助激勵騾子。

Oh my God, oh my God, these snowflake Gen Z mules.

哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝，這些雪花般的 Z 世代騾子。

在工作中，我需要我的狗來激勵我。

Officially, this is meant to be a celebration of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the US Army, but would you look at that?

官方的說法是，這是為了慶祝美國陸軍建軍 250 週年，但你會看嗎？

The parade just happens to be taking place on Trump's 79th birthday.

遊行恰好在特朗普 79 歲生日當天舉行。

Wow, a military parade in Washington and that's just for his 79th.

哇，在華盛頓舉行閱兵式，這還只是為了慶祝他的第 79 個生日。

For his 80th, he's gonna make the whole army go on a girl's trip to Nashville.

在他的八十大壽上，他要讓全軍去納什維爾參加女生旅行。

But Trump swears, swears, this isn't about him.

但特朗普發誓，發誓，這與他無關。

We're celebrating the Army on Flag Day and it's not my birthday, it is my birthday, but I'm not celebrating my birthday,

我們在國旗日慶祝軍隊，這不是我的生日，這是我的生日，但我不慶祝我的生日、

It happens to be the same day, so I take a little heat, but Flag Day is the appropriate date.

剛好是同一天，所以我有點生氣，但國旗日是個合適的日子。

I was born on May 13th and every year I have to remind people that the massive party and all the gifts are not for me, they're for International Hummus Day.

我是 5 月 13 日出生的，每年我都要提醒大家，大型派對和所有禮物都不是為我準備的，而是為國際鷹嘴豆泥日準備的。

鷹嘴豆泥，不是我，是鷹嘴豆泥。

Hummus wanted the electric motorbike from Can-Am Motorbikes that could be sent straight to the Ed Sullivan Theater and hummus's wife would never know.

Hummus 想要一輛 Can-Am Motorbikes 電動摩托車，可以直接送到埃德-蘇利文劇院，而 Hummus 的妻子永遠不會知道。

So, if you're keeping track, if you're keeping track, the running tally of reasons for Trump's big boom boom parade are Flag Day, 250th Army anniversary, and also for some reason, winning World War II 80 years ago.

是以，如果你有留意的話，特朗普大閱兵的理由流水賬是國旗日、建軍250週年紀念日，還有80年前贏得二戰的原因。

We're the only country that didn't celebrate their victory and we're the one that won the war, okay?

我們是唯一一個沒有慶祝他們勝利的國家，我們才是贏得戰爭的國家，好嗎？

If it wasn't for us, that war, you would be speaking German right now, okay?

如果不是因為我們，不是因為那場戰爭，你現在就會說德語了，好嗎？

We won the war and you might be speaking Japanese too.

我們贏得了戰爭，你可能也會說日語。

I mean, you might be speaking a combination of both.

我的意思是，你說的可能是兩者的結合。

No, it's so true, it's so true, a combination.

不，是真的，是真的，是一種組合。

You'd be speaking Deutschpanese, you would.

You'd all be saying, you'd all be saying,

Domo arigato, Mr. Lederhosen, for folding my schnitzel into a beautiful origami crane.

謝謝你，萊德霍森先生，把我的炸肉排折成了一隻美麗的摺紙鶴。

Oh, actually, according to the Secretary of the Army, there's another reason for the parade.

哦，實際上，根據陸軍部長的說法，閱兵還有另一個原因。

It's to offer a chance to tell the public about the Army.

這是一個向公眾介紹軍隊的機會。

Well, thank goodness, because without this parade, the American people would have no awareness of any of our military branches, unless they watch before a football game, during a football game, the football game post-show, or if they live in Los Angeles, California.

謝天謝地，因為如果沒有這次閱兵，美國人民就不會知道我們的任何一個軍種，除非他們在橄欖球賽前、橄欖球賽中、橄欖球賽後觀看，或者如果他們住在加利福尼亞州的洛杉磯。

Because this, this is day four, day four of Donald Trump's war on anyone who didn't vote for him.

因為這已經是第四天了，是唐納德-特朗普向沒有投票給他的人開戰的第四天。

We taped this at about six o'clock, so I don't know for a full-blown civil war yet, but if, just in case our country has split into two opposing forces, I call shirts.

我們是在六點鐘左右錄製的，所以我還不知道是否會爆發全面內戰，但如果萬一我們的國家分裂成了兩股對立勢力，我就穿襯衫。

Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown LA to quell what historians will remember as the battle of that video of a burning Waymo car they kept showing on cable news.

特朗普已派遣數千名阿兵哥進入洛杉磯市中心，以平息歷史學家們將記住的那場戰鬥，即有線電視新聞中不斷播放的 Waymo 汽車燃燒視頻。

Now, there has been some rock throwing by protesters at ICE vehicles, but MAGA Twitter has reported many more shocking incidents, like this video, which claimed to show protesters firing from the ground at a National Guard jet.

現在，抗議者向 ICE 的車輛投擲了一些石塊，但 MAGA Twitter 報道了更多令人震驚的事件，比如這段視頻，聲稱抗議者從地面向國民警衛隊的飛機開火。

Only one problem, the footage from a video game called Arma 3.

只有一個問題，這些鏡頭來自一款名為《Arma 3》的視頻遊戲。

Okay, they also, they also posted disturbing footage of an Italian immigrant running around murdering turtles.

好吧，他們還發布了一個意大利移民到處殺害海龜的令人不安的鏡頭。

Authorities also warn he could be high on mushrooms.

當局還警告說，他可能嗑了蘑菇。

那麼，我們是如何到達這裡的呢？

Well, remember how Trump promised to round up all the violent gang members and Hannibal Lectors roaming our streets like during the campaign?

還記得特朗普在競選期間承諾要圍捕所有暴力幫派成員和在街頭遊蕩的漢尼拔-萊克特嗎？

Turns out there aren't that many of them.

And Stephen Miller wants to report much more than one million undocumented immigrants per year.

斯蒂芬-米勒希望每年報告的無證移民人數遠遠超過一百萬。

So, a few weeks back, he screamed at ICE agents, what do you mean you're going after criminals?

幾周前，他對移民和海關執法局的探員大喊："你們在追捕罪犯，這是什麼意思？

Those 7-Eleven workers are dangerous because they have access to biological weapons like the roller hot dog.

那些 7-Eleven 的工人很危險，因為他們可以接觸到像滾筒熱狗這樣的生物武器。

That is just a fly merry-go-round is what that is.

這只是一個蒼蠅旋轉木馬而已。

然後，按照斯蒂芬-米勒的命令、

ICE went to Los Angeles and started just rounding up people at workplaces, which of course led to protests that the mayor described as 100 people, 27 people were arrested.

移民及海關執法局（ICE）前往洛杉磯，開始在工作場所圍捕民眾，這當然導致了抗議活動，據市長描述，有 100 人参加了抗議活動，27 人被捕。

Soon after, without agreement from state leaders,

不久之後，在沒有得到州上司同意的情況下、

I mean, Trump's just getting revenge on Tinseltown.

我的意思是，特朗普只是在報復金賽爾鎮。

He never won an Emmy for The Apprentice and he was snubbed, he was snubbed in the 1993 Oscars for his performance in Home Alone 2.

他從未因《學徒》獲得過艾美獎，也曾因在《家有兒女 2》中的表演而在 1993 年的奧斯卡頒獎典禮上被冷落。

Yep, they gave it to Pacino for scent of a woman, okay?

是的，他們給了帕西諾一個女人的氣味，好嗎？

A woman, I've smelled thousands of women and I'm not even blind, okay?

一個女人，我聞過成千上萬的女人，我甚至不是瞎子，好嗎？

呼啊，呼啊，呼啊，呼啊，尼啊。

Okay, so that's the National Guard, right?

好吧，那就是國民警衛隊，對嗎？

California didn't ask for them, but those are the troops you send in to help with the crisis within the United States.

加利福尼亞州並沒有要求派遣這些部隊，但這些部隊是你們派來幫助解決美國國內危機的。

No, you don't call active duty Marines, but yesterday on Pete Hegseth's orders, the Pentagon deployed 700 Marines to Los Angeles.

不，你不能調用現役海軍陸戰隊，但昨天根據皮特-黑格塞斯的命令，五角大樓在洛杉磯部署了700名海軍陸戰隊員。

Marines are not supposed to use force against civilians in the U.S.

在美國，海軍陸戰隊不應該對平民使用武力。

because the Constitution says don't do that.

Plus, it's not easy to deploy to Los Angeles.

另外，要部署到洛杉磯並不容易。

Because, because this is unprecedented, there are no clear rules of engagement.

因為，因為這是史無前例的，所以沒有明確的交戰規則。

So each Marine will receive a card explaining what they can and cannot do.

是以，每名陸戰隊員都會收到一張卡片，說明他們能做什麼，不能做什麼。

All right, stay where you are, protester.

Let's see, my card says, my card says, hold on, it's right there.

讓我看看，我的名片上寫著，我的名片上寫著，等等，就在那兒。

4147620438734223 when expiration 928, security code 664, oh wait, no, don't use that.

4147620438734223 過期日期 928，安全碼 664，哦，等等，不，別用那個。