Name: 如何辨識「假朋友」？ (如何辨識「假朋友」？► 你只需要問一個簡單的問題 - Vanessa Van Edwards（中英字幕）)
Uploaded: 2025-04-16T00:44:57.000Z
Duration: 3 min 28 s

to 不定詞

We all understand that we want to get rid of toxic people.

我們都明白，我們想要擺脫有毒的人。

The real danger, I think, is ambivalent relationships.

我認為，真正的危險在於矛盾的關係。

So these ambivalent relationships are the people where either you don't know how you stand with them, so you don't know if they like you or not, and they're also the people where you don't know if you really enjoy hanging out with them or not.

是以，這些矛盾關係的人，要麼你不知道你和他們的關係如何，所以你不知道他們是否喜歡你，要麼你不知道你是否真的喜歡和他們在一起。

And I think those are the ones that take the more energy.

我認為這些都是需要花費更多精力的。

And the reason for this is because if you have a toxic person, boundaries are easy.

之所以這樣說，是因為如果你有一個有毒的人，那麼界限就很容易劃分。

They ask you to go out to lunch and you're like, no thanks, right?

他們請你出去吃午飯，你會說，不用了，謝謝，對嗎？

Whereas if an ambivalent person asks you out to lunch or asks you to their birthday party or, you know, asks you to work on something, it takes this mental energy where you have this thing where you're like, ugh, like, will it be good?

而如果一個矛盾的人請你出去吃午飯，或者請你參加他們的生日派對，或者，你知道，請你去做某件事情，這就需要你有這樣的心理能量，你會想，唉，這樣好嗎？

Would I rather eat alone at my desk or would I rather have lunch with this person?

我是願意一個人在辦公桌前吃飯，還是願意和這個人共進午餐？

And when it's not always easy, that's an incredible drain on our emotional energy.

而當這一切並不總是那麼容易的時候，我們的情感能量就會受到極大的消耗。

And if you're an introvert or an ambivert, an ambivert is someone who kind of splits between extroversion and introversion, your energy is finite and our mental space is finite.

如果你是一個內向型或者是一個混合型的人，一個混合型的人是一種在外向型和內向型之間分裂的人，你的能量是有限的，我們的精神空間也是有限的。

And this is something that I did not realize until much more recently.

I thought that mental space was sort of endless, right?

我以為精神空間是無窮無盡的，對嗎？

But actually we only have a certain amount of mental time every day.

但實際上，我們每天只有一定的精神時間。

And if we are dedicating that to trying to figure out if someone likes us or not, which is a very important thing, we all like to be liked whether we admit it or not, that I think is a waste of mental energy.

如果我們把時間都花在揣摩別人是否喜歡我們（這是一件非常重要的事情，不管我們承不承認，我們都喜歡被人喜歡）上，我認為這是在浪費腦力。

Why would we want to spend it towards that?

我們為什麼要把錢花在這上面？

That's why I think ambivalent people are more dangerous.

Because I'm, like, thinking back to the people that managed to become frenemies in my own life.

因為我在回想那些在我生命中成為死敵的人。

It's kind of scary how long it took me to be able to put that label on them, to like sort of wake up to the fact that either they always were or the relationship had evolved to that.

我花了很長時間才給他們貼上這樣的標籤，讓他們清醒地認識到，要麼他們一直都是這樣，要麼他們的關係已經發展到了這個地步，這有點可怕。

Are you ever doubting that they're really happy for you?

你是否懷疑過他們真的為你感到高興？

Like, there are these people who make these very passive-aggressive comments where you're like, was that nice or was that mean?

比如，有些人會發表一些消極攻擊性的評論，讓你覺得他們是好心還是刻薄？

If you're ever questioning that, that means they are not truly happy for you.

如果你曾經質疑過這一點，那就說明他們並沒有真正為你感到高興。

Or if you have a piece of really good news, a really true good friend will mirror and match that excitement with you.

或者，如果你有一個非常好的消息，一個真正的好朋友也會和你一樣興奮。

Someone who's not as happy for you will come in with dream killer questions.

不那麼為你高興的人會帶著夢想殺手的問題來找你。

Dream killer questions are when they question your success, they doubt the success, they think of all the negatives.

夢想殺手的問題是他們質疑你的成功，他們懷疑你的成功，他們想到所有的負面因素。

I have dream killers in my life and I call them when I need someone to poke holes in a business idea.

我的生活中也有夢想殺手，當我需要有人來戳穿我的商業構想時，我就會打電話給他們。

Like I'll pitch them because they're a great practice.

就像我會把它們投出去，因為它們是很好的練習。

But I know that they are not the people that I go to when I have something I'm truly excited about.

但我知道，當我遇到真正讓我興奮的事情時，我不會去找他們。

I think that that's the only question you have to ask yourself and it might be an inconvenient truth.

我認為這是你唯一要問自己的問題，而且這可能是一個不方便的事實。

Like try to think of all the times in the last six months that you've seen them and shared something.

比如試著想一想，在過去的六個月裡，你見過他們多少次，分享過多少東西。

Did you feel like they were as happy as you were about your happiness?

你覺得他們和你一樣為你的幸福感到高興嗎？

字幕列表影片播放

如何辨識「假朋友」？ (如何辨識「假朋友」？► 你只需要問一個簡單的問題 - Vanessa Van Edwards（中英字幕）)

sort

incredible

obvious

mental