Name: 【看脫口秀學英文】只有內向者才能理解的脫口秀喜劇 (Stand Up Comedy Only Introverts Will Understand. Paul Snyder)
Uploaded: 2025-02-11T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 10 min 50 s

Now, if you don't mind, also give me a round of applause, because I am a huge introvert, and I left the house for this today.

現在，如果你們不介意，也請給我熱烈的掌聲，因為我是一個非常內向的人，今天我離開家就是為了這個。

過去簡單式

我先做了 wordle，然後就進來了。

Sometimes I'll even ask by round of applause, you know, where the other introverts are in the room, and...

有時我甚至會鼓掌詢問，你知道，房間裡其他內向的人都在哪裡，然後......

And they are probably heading home right now.

他們現在可能正在回家的路上。

I know, I know, my people aren't going to applaud.

我知道，我知道，我的人民不會鼓掌。

They might give me like half a head nod, and then we're going to look right back at our shoes where it says, that is what my people do, but...

他們可能會向我點半下頭，然後我們再回頭看看我們的鞋子，上面寫著 "我的人民就是這樣做的，但是......"。

I feel like as an introvert and a comic, I have just the pleasure of sharing with the extroverts what the introverts have been talking about, you know?

我覺得作為一個內向的人和一個漫畫家，我很高興能與外向的人分享內向的人一直在談論的話題，你知道嗎？

Like, talking is kind of a strong word, I think, but I mean...

我覺得 "說話 "這個詞有點過了，但我的意思是......

我的意思是，我們有一個群發短信，好嗎？

But here's just something that I feel like I'd like to share with you guys, that most introverts can agree with, and that is that we... miss COVID, you guys.

但我想和你們分享一件事，大多數內向的人都會同意的，那就是我們......想念COVID，你們。

We stormed that beach, and then we went home for three years.

我們攻佔了海灘，然後回家待了三年。

Now one thing, as an introvert, I will tell you this.

現在，作為一個內向的人，我要告訴你一件事。

I try to treat everybody the way I want to be treated, you know?

我試著以我希望被對待的方式對待每個人，你知道嗎？

That wasn't the punchline yet, but we'll get to it.

這還不是笑點，但我們會說到的。

It doesn't even matter to me if you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or just a homeless person on the side of the road, you know?

對我來說，你是《財富》500 強公司的首席執行官，還是路邊無家可歸的流浪漢，都不重要，你知道嗎？

我不會跟你們中的任何一個說話。

Probably should have led with that, actually.

I really tried to spin that into a noble cause, but that didn't work.

我真的很想把這說成是一項崇高的事業，但沒有成功。

I think as an introvert, I'm pretty comfortable with most things about it, but there's one thing I do not like, and that is confrontation.

我覺得作為一個內向的人，我對大多數事情都很適應，但有一件事我不喜歡，那就是對抗。

I avoid confrontation at all costs, you know?

我不惜一切代價避免對抗，你知道嗎？

If there is somebody mad at me or who does not like me at work, I would rather go find a new job than ever have a conversation about it.

如果有人生我的氣，或者在工作中不喜歡我，我寧願去找一份新工作，也不願意去談這件事。

I'll be at the next job interview, and they'll ask me why I left that last job.

下次面試時，他們會問我為什麼離開上一份工作。

And I'll just be like, well, I accidentally reheated salmon in the microwave.

我會說，我不小心用微波爐加熱了三文魚。

There were some people that did not like that, I'll tell you that, and I am just here for a fresh start.

有些人不喜歡這樣，我可以告訴你，我只是來這裡重新開始。

Here's how much I know I don't like confrontation.

這就是我知道自己不喜歡對抗的原因。

I was dating a girl in college, and I didn't think things were going well.

我在大學裡和一個女孩約會，我覺得事情進展得並不順利。

I thought it would be best if we just went our own separate ways and saw other people.

我想我們最好還是分道揚鑣，去見其他人。

And she looked back at me and said, nah, I don't think so.

她回頭看著我說，不，我不這麼認為。

I'm going to be honest, I did not know that was an option.

老實說，我不知道還有這個選項。

That had never been an option when the roles were reversed.

當角色顛倒時，這從來都不是一個選項。

But because I don't like confrontation, I just went along with it.

但因為我不喜歡對抗，所以就順其自然了。

And earlier this year, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

今年年初，我們慶祝了結婚 25 週年。

Guys, I don't know why you're applauding.

夥計們，我不知道你們為什麼鼓掌。

I have been in a hostage situation that I cannot get out of.

I think there's probably plenty of times in the last 25 years where she's thought to herself, I probably should have let him break up with me.

我想在過去的 25 年裡，她可能有很多時候都在想，我也許應該讓他和我分手。

I know a lot of comers, they'll get up and talk about all the wonderful things they have done in life.

我知道很多來賓都會站起來，談論他們在生活中做過的所有美好的事情。

I do not have a lot of accomplishments to talk about.

I have still never seen an episode of Game of Thrones.

我至今還沒看過一集《權力的遊戲》。

Largely because I don't want to get caught using somebody's HBO Max password.

主要是因為我不想在使用別人的 HBO Max 密碼時被發現。

I don't need that kind of pressure in my life right now.

I went to private school, so I learned entitlement at a really young age.

我上的是私立學校，所以我很小就學會了權利。

I think maybe one of the edgiest things I've ever done.

我想，這也許是我做過的最前衛的事情之一。

I have finished every round of antibiotic I've ever been prescribed.

這就是我生活中最激動人心的事情。

My high schooler and I, though, we're the same size, so we can share clothes.

不過，我和我的高中生身材一樣，所以我們可以共用衣服。

Which I think is really awesome, because it saves us money.

我認為這真的很棒，因為它能為我們省錢。

It is just a lot more embarrassing for her.

Although I've had friends say, no, you are prison material.

雖然我有朋友說，不，你是坐牢的料。

And I don't know why they have to say that with such a big smile on their face.

我不知道他們為什麼要面帶微笑地說這些。

事實上，我不喜歡他們的語氣。

I think I should have better friends than that, you know?

我覺得我應該有更好的朋友，你知道嗎？

Although in 6th grade, some friends dared me to steal a candy bar with them from a gas station.

雖然在六年級時，一些朋友敢讓我和他們一起去加油站偷糖吃。

And I came running out of that gas station, clutching a package of Werther's Originals.

我從加油站跑出來，手裡攥著一包維特原味巧克力。

I am not smart enough to do crime, you guys.

我還沒聰明到去犯罪，你們這些傢伙。

My friends came out with Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and M&M's.

我的朋友們拿出了里斯花生醬杯和 M&M 巧克力。

And I went for the go-to candy of the 80 and over crowd.

而我則選擇了 80 歲以上人群最喜歡的糖果。