- Uh, yeah. - Okay, good.

- 呃，當然。 - 好，那就好。

Cause I just was wondering, can I just...

因為我想說，你不是...

Didn't you just get Lasik surgery?

你不是才剛做完眼睛雷射手術嗎？

I did, how do you know that?

對阿，但你怎麼知道？

No, I know, you got Lasik surgery, which is a major surgery.

眼睛雷射手術可說是個大手術。

It is, yeah, but, um...

對，但是你怎麼....

I did, but I don't, I don't even tell people that. - But you can see me perfect? I just want to make sure, yeah.

- 我從來沒有告訴過任何人欸！ - 所以你現在可以看得清楚嗎？ 我只是想確認一下。

No, it was great, I really can see very well.

手術很成功，我的視力真的變好了。

Do you take painkillers or anything when you do that stuff?

那手術的時候，你有吃止痛藥什麼的嗎？

Well, I mean, do they give you like laughing gas or something?

他們有幫妳麻醉之類的，對吧？

- They definitely give you some pretty hard-core pills after you have a laser in your eye. - Yeah.

- 在雷射手術後，他們一定是給妳藥效非常強的藥。- 對阿，是沒錯。

What is going on?

發生了什麼事？

I'm just saying, so post-surgery, you're a little loopy, you know.

那麼想必手術後，妳應該會有點神智不清。

You have things in your eyes, and...

妳會戴上護目鏡，還有...

What's happening right now?

現在，到底是什麼情況？

Your mom may or may not have videotaped you after surgery.

我想，妳媽可能有錄下妳手術後的一舉一動。

And she gave us the video.

然後，她給了我們那段影片。

For the television?

為了電視節目？

Wait, this is a world premiere.

大家注意，這可是全球首映。

You gotta check this out.

讓我們一起來看看這段影片。

This is Taylor Swift, post-surgery.

這是天后 Taylor Swift 雷射手術後的影片。

You were, like, freaking out over a banana.

妳似乎...因為一根香蕉而歇斯底里。

Anyway, here's Taylor at home after her Lasik surgery!

話不多說，讓我們來欣賞這段 Taylor 手術後在家休養的影片吧！

Video taken by her mom, take a look at this.

這段影片是由她的媽媽所拍攝，讓我們來看一下。

This is real.

這是百分之百真實的影片。

Okay, so, she found a snack.

好，她現在找到了點心。

That wasn't the one I wanted.

這根不是我想要的香蕉。

Stop, you can't cry.

停，妳不能哭。

That's not supposed to be what you're doing.

妳剛動完手術，不能哭。

- I tried to get this one. - Okay, I'm gonna get the other one for you.

- 我比較想要另外一根。- 好，妳放心，我會幫妳拿。

Okay.

好。

I wanted this one, but what do we do with this now?

我想要這根香蕉，但我剛拔下的這根要怎麼辦？

I'll eat it. I'll eat it.

我吃我吃。

- It's mine. - But it doesn't have a head.

- 這根給我。- 但這根香蕉沒有「頭」。

Honey, it's fine, I don't need a head.

親愛的，沒事好嗎，我不介意沒有頭的香蕉。

Okay, I'm crying, I'm fine.

好，我正在哭，但我很好。

Don't, you don't want to cry.

不行，妳不能哭。

That's not what you want to do.

妳不應該哭。

Sometimes it doesn't go your way.

有時候，事情總是不如預期。

Don't fall asleep eating a banana, okay?

妳不要邊睡覺邊吃香蕉，好嗎？

I'm not asleep.

我才沒有在睡覺。

My mind is alive!

我的頭腦是清醒的！

Okay.

好吧。

Don't be mad, don't be mad.

不要生氣，不要生氣。

Don't be mad at me, don't be mad at me.

不要對我發火。

I made some calls.

我只是打了幾通電話而已。

- Oh, my God! - I may have made some calls.

- 我的老天！- 我只是打了幾通電話。

-That's on television. - Me and your mom...

- 我不敢相信這段影片上電視了。- 我打給了妳媽媽...

You go, "This one doesn't have a head, what are we gonna do with it?"

妳一直說：「這根香蕉沒有『頭』，我們該拿它怎麼辦？」

- Me and your mom stayed in touch. - Wait！

- 其實，我和妳媽一直都有連絡。- 等一下！

She was kind enough to drive me there, but cruel enough to film it and give it to you?

我媽這麼好心載我去動手術，卻也如此殘忍把這段影片傳給你？

Yes, that's what, that's what a good mom does.

對，沒錯，這是身為一位優良母親會做的事。

I love you, Mom!

媽媽，我愛妳！

That's what a good mom does.

這是好媽媽會做的事。

I was, you notice the, I had these goggles on, which are really high fashion.

你看，我戴的那副護目鏡本來非常時髦。

But then they had to tape it to my head.

但他們偏要把它用膠帶黏在我頭上。

Yeah, and you're not allowed to cry.

對，而且你還不能哭。

- And just, oh, the whole thing was so funny. - But I was crying, I think, over a banana.

- 噢，這一切真的太好笑了。- 但，我還是為了...一根香蕉哭了。

- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my God.

- 難以置信。- 我也是。

Anyways, tell your mom thanks again for that.

請幫我向你媽再次說聲謝謝。

She's the best.

她人最好了。

You know what, I'm gonna tell her something.

你知道嗎，我回去要好好跟她談談。

Let's talk "Saturday Night Live."

現在，我們來聊聊「週六夜現場」。

You're on "SNL."

妳又登上了「週六夜現場」的演出！

You're great on "Saturday Night Live."

妳表現得真的很好。

And you're good at live.

就算是現場直播，妳的表現仍毫不遜色。

Last time I saw you was at the "Time 100."

上次我見到妳是在《時代》：百大人物。

I'm sorry, I can't think about anything else.

抱歉，我現在還是沒有辦法去想其他事

- I had like, okay, I had like... - Dude, it's my favorite, we watched it in the office like 20 times today.

- 我就像... - 我超愛這段影片，我們今天在辦公室裡看了大概有二十次吧。

I'm like, "Oh, my God."

看得當下真的就是...天啊，我到底看了什麼。

This is not real, I can't believe we have this footage.

我不敢相信我們竟然取得了這段獨家影片。

You're like, going like, "But this is the wrong one, I wanted the other..."

妳一直說：「這不是我要的香蕉，我要另外一根...」

You're like, "What do we do with this banana?"

「我們該拿這根香蕉怎麼辦？」

And she's like, "I'll take care of it."

然後，妳媽就說她會負責吃掉那根香蕉。

- You go, "But this doesn't have a..." - But its head is gone!

- 妳接著又回答：「但是這根香蕉沒有...」- 但它沒有「頭」！

It doesn't have a head, oh, my gosh.

對沒錯，妳說「它是個無頭香蕉」，我要笑瘋了。

It just was so cute, It made me laugh.

這段影片真的很可愛又爆笑。

Well, okay, so, I was at a party, like, a couple months ago, and I had like two and a half mojitos.

幾個月前我去參加了一場派對，然後我只不過是喝了兩杯再多一點點的雞尾酒。

And then the next day, drunk, #DrunkTaylor was like number-one trending on Twitter.

隔天早上，我就發現 #DrunkTaylor 變成推特第一的熱門話題。

Yeah, I saw that.

我知道那件事。

Because, you know, I go, like, from zero to legitimately thinking I'm a wizard within like two drinks.

喝了兩杯雞尾酒後，我就一直認為自己是位巫師。

- I'm a wizard, yeah. - Like, really thinking like...

- 想像自己是位巫師。- 我以為...

You were fun, though.

但妳很搞笑。

You were dancing around doing...dancing to your songs.

妳跟著音樂隨便搖擺跳舞...

Yeah, but thinking about the fact that that went as far as it did, and then we've got this happening...

那個酒醉事件好不容易隨著時間過去了，然後現在又突然冒出這件事...

- This would be, this is Lasik... - that you've done this now.

- 這會變成雷射事件。- 都是你造成的。

This is Lasik lover, #LasikLover.

這是雷射愛好者事件 #LasikLover。

- #LasikLover, um, "SNL" - I can't even be mad.

- #LasikLover 太好笑了，說到「週六夜現場」...- 說真的，我不生氣。

I'm just impressed that you infiltrated my family.

我只是很驚訝你驚然有辦法買通我的家人。

I don't even know how you did that.

我完全不知道你是怎麼做到的。

Nobody has my mom's number, like, how did...

沒有人知道我媽的手機號碼，你到底是怎麼...

Yeah, I asked for your mom's number.

對，我問了你媽的手機號碼。

But, yeah, we've been friends for years.

我們已經是多年好友。

Oh, well, you know, news to me.

喔，好吧，我還真的是第一次聽說。

This is great.

這真是件好事。

What songs are you doing on "SNL"?

所以，妳打算在「週六夜現場」表演哪首歌？

Can you say? Have you said?

妳可以說嗎，妳有對外公開過嗎？

- Yeah, I'm fine with saying. - You can?

- 可以啊，可以說沒關係。- 真的可以嗎？

- I mean, I'll tell, well, you know, we gotta be a little cryptic, just 'cause it's fun.

- 可以啊，我們只是為了讓一切更有趣才會這樣神秘兮兮。

- But I'll probably do "Lover." - Want to point at them?

- 我會唱 "Lover"。- 妳可以指出來是哪首嗎？

I'll do "Lover," but in a way that I haven't performed it before, which ...

我會以一個全新的方式去詮釋這首歌。

And then I'm gonna do a song that I have never performed before at all, live.

到時候，我還會現場表演一首全新歌曲。

Wow! That's a scoop!

這可是獨家大新聞！

I'll take that scoop.

我取得了這項獨家新聞。

Taylor Swift, everybody.

再次感謝 Taylor Swift。