Name: 曖昧不清！有另一半還能與異性當好朋友嗎？ (Can you have OPPOSITE SEX friendships while in a healthy relationship?)
Uploaded: 2019-06-19T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 3 min 5 s

頻率副詞

People always ask, how do you feel about close friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship?

人們總是在問，你對已經在感情關係中還有異性摯友的人有什麼想法？

And when I say very skeptical, it depends on the dynamic.

我說感到懷疑的意思是指要看他們的友情是什麼樣子的。

Because I have a lot of close friends a lot of close female friends, but we don't speak every single day.

因為我有很多很親近的女性朋友，但我們不會每天講電話。

Like, it's genuinely like a brother-sister type relationship.

很單純的像是兄弟姐妹的感情。

If I had a girlfriend or I had somebody in my life, they would meet them, like, it would be a very transparent situation.

我如果有女朋友或生命中重要的人，他們就會彼此見面，關係很透明。

But you got people who have these opposite sex friends.

And they want to keep them away from their partner.

然後他們會隔絕他們的朋友跟他們另一半。

Alright, if that's your friend they got to be my friend too.

如果他是你朋友的話，他也要是我的朋友。

And I'm not saying my friend, like, we got to hang out and talk on the phone.

不是說是朋友就代表要一起出去或講電話。

But you better be able to walk in my house and show me respect.

但你最好可以來我家然後給我該有的尊重。

打招呼，拳頭撞拳頭，什麼的。

There has to be some kind of rapport there.

If there's not, then yes, I do believe it there' something going on there.

如果沒有的話，我就覺得事情不對勁。

Why are you hiding this person from your partner?

你為什麼要把這個人藏起來呢？

So, I think, again, it depends on the dynamic.

Also, how often do you speak to this person and interact with them?

還有，你有多常跟這個人講話、互動。

Like, I think it's very dangerous to where, we want to...

像是，我覺得有時候很危險，我們要...

When we hold on so dearly to our friends as our best friends.

當我們緊抓著朋友，把他們當最好的朋友。

We neglect making our partner our best friend and when we lack that with our partner, we hurt the relationship.

我們會忽略掉把我們的另一半當最好的朋友，當我們沒有這麼做時，我們的感情就會受到傷害。

The partner has to be best friend number one.

另一半必須是第一位最好的朋友。

It doesn't mean you can't have other good friends, best friends or whatever.

不代表你就不能有其他好友或最好的朋友。

But there has to be a best friend number one.

And I guarantee you if your partner is your best friend, you will naturally gravitate more to them than your friends.

我跟你保證，如果你的另一半是你最好的朋友，你自然而然就會比較注意你的另一半，而不是你的其他朋友。

But what people are doing is, they're using their friends as buffers.

但有些人，他們會用朋友作為他們的緩衝區。

What I mean by that is, you're in this BS relationship with someone, that you don't have a genuine connection with.

我的意思是，你在這個糟糕的感情裡面並沒有與另一半有真正的連結。

But you tolerate it, because you get what you need from your friends.

但你忍受它，因為你可以從朋友得到你想要的。

Your best friends fulfill you emotionally to where you can deal with your BS relationship.

你最好的朋友滿足你需要的感情支柱，讓你能夠面對你糟糕的感情。

You may not be maliciously, consciously, doing that.

你可能沒有意識到你正在這麼做。

But subconsciously that is what's happening.

但在潛意識中，就是這個樣子。

You will not last in your relationship another few days.

你的感情就不能再繼續個幾天了。

Because now their weaknesses, their flaws, their things that hurt you are going to be magnified.

因為他們的弱點、缺點、傷害你的點全部會被放大。

But you can ignore that when you can run to your friend.

但當你有朋友的時候，你可以忽略那些並跑去找朋友。

It is a form of detachment from your relationship, so in that case, it is unhealthy.

那是一個遠離你的感情狀況的一種方式，如果是這樣的話，那並不健康。

So, I think we have to evaluate each situation.

所以，我們必須分析每個狀況。

It doesn't mean that there aren't genuine friendships out there of the opposite sex that people have while in a relationship, but I would argue that a lot of people...

並不代表說有另一半的人就和異性之間完全沒有純友誼存在，但我相信很多人...

There are some things wrong in those situations that need to be corrected.

這種情況中有很多錯誤的事情需要被改正。

Doesn't mean you got to stop being friends all together, but there's something you need to change, and boundaries have to be set.

不代表說你就要完全斷交，但有一些事情你必須改變，界線必須畫清楚。

And you gotta have boundaries in your relationship with your friends once you are romantically involved with somebody.

當你在一場戀愛關係時，朋友的界線要畫清楚。